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TheWillToThrive -> RE: How do you know? (12/11/2013 9:37:39 PM)
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Excellent thread and excellent input from everyone. I have some personal experience with this very topic, perhaps my views will be helpful to someone.
lloyd, I can understand how and why you are questioning your own dominance "label" as I have had that same question in the past. The answer is simple. You are what you are. You don't need to fit into anyone's cookie cutter image of a dominant male. You state you are a dominant in your profile and so you obviously believe you are dominant. You can be a introverted dom or an extroverted dom. Hell, they even have split those up into two more categories, introverted extrovert and extroverted introvert. They could even split those up into even more categories if they wished. Categories are useful but its easy to let them cloud your judgement based on what you have already learned or experienced. No label will EVER perfectly describe everyone that belongs to the category. It is only a basic categorization and while its useful it should always be used with caution.
Putting a label on someone is like placing a orange colored tab on a few similar folders in a stack of manila folders. It helps us to quickly asses a basic knowledge of the folder and its contents. The problems start when you equate all of those orange tabbed folders as equal. They are similar, but unique to themselves.
Confidence can be found with experience and is not a dominant specific trait. Being able to let others lead doesn't mean you are not a leader. It means you do not have to be in control feel secure. If someone was doing a fine job leading would you try to muscle in just for the sake of being in charge? If you had to take leadership of a situation in order to prevent catastrophe, would you? I think I know the answer to these questions but I won't speak for you.
Do not let past bad experiences keep you from having new good ones. We ALL feel insecure at times, being dominant doesn't mean we are unfeeling. You are right there is a fine line between being confident and being an ass! I ride that line often and while I don't aim to cross over it, it just happens sometimes. There is no need to fear it or even regret it. We are not built to be perfect.
If you fear crossing the line you are diminishing yourself. Be free and be happy with who you are. It can be very challenging to change your mindset to this but let me tell you the rewards FAR exceed the effort required. If you walk along life's road fearing stepping on toes the whole way your not going to get as far and your not going to be as happy. A few smashed toes along the way isn't going to make you a bad guy, its going to make you human.
Dominance can be a situational response or a natural response. Just because you do not have a alpha male personality doesn't mean you are any less dominant than an alpha. Outward dominance is often a persona, not a state of being. Who you are when that outward persona is taken away, imo, is your true nature.
It sounds to me like you got in contact with your true nature and you liked it. Enjoy your journey! And remember that fear is your friend not your enemy. Fear is like ego. Both are valuable tools but if you let them rule over you, you become the tool.
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