Homework assignment's (Full Version)

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pet1964 -> Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:02:47 PM)

My new Sir has given me two tasks the first being why we are to have safe words, and why we are to call them, i never was allowed before to have one because the so called "dom" was more of a user/abuser than anything else. Sir gave me a wake up call on why we do have safe words and even though i have them i was too proud to call it because i had always been told that to use a safe word was to disappoint your Master, when it was all said and done i was sobbing.

My second task being why topping from the bottom is a very bad idea, i had just gotten a pink bottom for this and apparently without thinking did it again, i think it's because i was allowed to say just about anything in my past relationships and got away with it, and Sir is a oh HELL NO kind of Dom.

Any help or comments would be appreciated, thank you in advance if you wish you can email me directly at [contact info removed by Moderator] if you just put homework in the subject line it would be great!

thank you

pet



DarkSteven -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:06:08 PM)

Sounds like your Dom is a good one, and is making you think about these things.

pet, I'd like to hear your thoughts on these subjects.



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:17:30 PM)

He is the first "Real Dom" and yes i went there i said "Real Dom" because until now all i've had were wannabe's and users and abusers so to have a Real Dom who wants to teach a 49 year old woman how to be a good submissive, Yes He is a wonderful man and a wonderful Dom i am going to do whatever i can do to learn from Him to grow into the submissive He wants me to be.



directiveerror -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:19:50 PM)

hun, it doesn't sound like you are "topping from the bottom". that is something that is done on purpose, not just your dom not liking what you said. you KNOW when you are doing it because you are doing for a reason, to get a specific result... and in those cases your dom(unless very good at these specific games) has no clue, and if he did he wouldnt ask he would try to turn it around. he's just doing the dommy thing and trying to get you to be "mindful" of what you are saying, he doesn't actually think you are trying to dom him(topping from the bottom means the bottom is topping, not that she said something that pissed off her top).



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:24:42 PM)

Thank you so much for your explanation because i was having some issue trying to figure out what i was doing wrong,, and what you said makes perfect sense,, you shed so much light on what is going on you have no idea,, and yes he does want me to be more mindful of what i say,., so you hit that one right on the head!!




DarkSteven -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:25:15 PM)

As I said, I want to hear your thoughts. If you just take what we write and feed it back to him, you won't be doing the thinking about it that he wants.



OsideGirl -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:27:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pet1964

He is the first "Real Dom" and yes i went there i said "Real Dom" because until now all i've had were wannabe's and users and abusers so to have a Real Dom who wants to teach a 49 year old woman how to be a good submissive, Yes He is a wonderful man and a wonderful Dom i am going to do whatever i can do to learn from Him to grow into the submissive He wants me to be.


In instance # 1, he went past where you were comfortable to teach you a lesson that's the equivalent of "If you wanna cry, I'll give you something to cry about"

In instance #2, he dealt with rebellion by using physical force.

Now, he's giving homework assignments where you're asking complete strangers on the internet for answers rather than having an adult discussion.

I wouldn't call any of that good leadership. I wouldn't consider him a "real Dom".



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:35:02 PM)

**laffing**

i thought you wanted my thoughts on the things you have in your signature line!!!
ROFL!!

my bad!!

well,,, the first thing that got my arse into trouble had to do with a comment on where to put a specific body part,, lol
trying to be politically correct here without getting graphic or into our detailed conversations butt anyways He took it to mean i was telling Him what to do and how and that was not what i meant, i was being playful at the time,
last night it was a comment about Him having me wear a bikini and going to a local BDsM club and i said "yeah right.. not!" lots of sarcasm,, because i am well over the bikini weight, and He again took it to mean that i wouldn't do as asked, but it was more an uhmm seriously?? kind of comment,,
i would never on purpose try to top from the bottom and i think that He knows that, but i think that He knows this i think He's just trying to enlighten me on the correct way a sub should speak with and to her Dom.



directiveerror -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:37:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

As I said, I want to hear your thoughts. If you just take what we write and feed it back to him, you won't be doing the thinking about it that he wants.



darksteven is right here.

it would be a really good idea for you to think about these subjects, not just these but look at all the information about bdsm you have been given. and try to rethink them without using anything that you've been told. as in: what would you have thought if you knew nothing about it? if no one ever told you anything was 'right' or 'wrong', think first about that and then afterwards how it applies to your current relationship.



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:41:53 PM)

i chose to ask here because some of you may be nice and give me good feedback, then again some may cast stones where they don't belong being cast, it was my fault i didn't call the safe word because i could have, he kept asking me what it was and i still wouldn't because i was told by so many that to do so was wrong, so what he did was wake me up, and i learned a lesson the hard way that's the way i learn the best, the last man i was with would grab me by the throat and back me against a wall and scream at me until he felt he got his point across,, i would much rather have my nipple pinched than be treated like that any day so say what you will I still call Him a REAL DOM
and it doesn't matter what you have to say or what you think because you are not involved with him, so you really don't matter.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:51:51 PM)

I'll offer an opinion on the first; safe words and their usage:

I have had to give a few ladies a "stern talking-to" because they refused to use their safe word for much the same reason you gave; not wanting to disappoint.

It may be because I'm not really a sadist but, the conversation usually goes something like this:

Sweetheart, I gave you a safe word because there's a fine line between pleasurable discomfort and pain and I never want to cross that line. I have no desire to be your abuser. I want to be your man.

Once I gave you that safe word, it was yours to use as YOU saw fit.

Think of it this way: if you gave me a sweater and I never wore it, how would you feel?

So, not using a safe word (for me) is a bigger disappointment than using it.






pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:52:21 PM)

Sir,
That is exactly what my Sir is doing with me, He's trying to erase all the bad things i was told/taught and teach me the right way or His way of living this lifestyle, so that i am exactly what He is looking for, He said yesterday, was i a perfect sub, no, was i a perfect sub to teach YES!!! (huge smiles) that right there made my day because it showed me that Sir wants to teach me the right way/ his way of how to live this lifestyle. Those few words from my Sir made me ecstatic which is why i am here trying to see what other people think about the subjects that Sir wants me to research, i am not a dumb subbie who would just spout out things that i learn from others, but the information i do get that is helpful leads me into the right direction of learning what it is that Sir wants me to understand.
Like calling out ones safe word doesn't disappoint Him, but it does give Him some idea of what i can and can not handle, that's all He wanted me to understand in His demonstration yesterday,,, lesson learned trust me!!! LOL



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 5:55:00 PM)

WOW,,

That was extremely deep and very easy to grasp, thank you!

lol much easier than the tittie twisting i got, but the message the same.

ROFL



OsideGirl -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:04:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr



Sweetheart, I gave you a safe word because there's a fine line between pleasurable discomfort and pain and I never want to cross that line. I have no desire to be your abuser. I want to be your man.

Once I gave you that safe word, it was yours to use as YOU saw fit.

Think of it this way: if you gave me a sweater and I never wore it, how would you feel?

So, not using a safe word (for me) is a bigger disappointment than using it.






But, see Michael, that's the adult conversation (which is what I would have expected from you) vs the "I'm gonna hit you until I make you say it" routine. Discussing expectations, disappointments and approaching it like adults tends to have much better results.



angelikaJ -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:09:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pet1964

He is the first "Real Dom" and yes i went there i said "Real Dom" because until now all i've had were wannabe's and users and abusers so to have a Real Dom who wants to teach a 49 year old woman how to be a good submissive, Yes He is a wonderful man and a wonderful Dom i am going to do whatever i can do to learn from Him to grow into the submissive He wants me to be.


Hi, I figure if you have been subjected to the whims of bad guys (users and abusers) before then I should gently point out the obvious: your people picker is malfunctioning.

I am not entirely certain how you are defining a "Real Dom".
Why are you surprised that you have found someone to teach you?

It has nothing to do with your being a 49 year old woman, or at least it shouldn't.

At this point what I am seeing is someone who doesn't know you well enough and is punishing you over misunderstandings.
I can't judge whether your Sir is a real dom or not, but that seems to be a troubling trend.
If you don't understand exactly how he defines topping from the bottom, then you can't really be expected to avoid doing it.

As for safe words: I have them and I use them.
The very first instruction [my] Master gave me was "you never give up the right to say "No." .

He will not play without safe words.
And you should know that I am not His submissive, I am His slave.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:13:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pet1964
i am not a dumb subbie

Something to be aware of. By far the most foolish, crazy, idiotic things I've seen posted here have been by sub women in their 40s and 50s. I think it's an extremely dangerous age, especially for women just entering their first-ever consensual BDSM relationship. I'm not saying you are doing anything stupid yourself, but this does appear to be your first-ever consensual BDSM relationship, so you fall into the category. Maturity doesn't always provide wisdom. Sometimes it provides a desperate urge to "have one last chance" to feel loving feelings.

Please be careful, and love yourself at least as much as you love the man in your life.



OsideGirl -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:15:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ



Hi, I figure if you have been subjected to the whims of bad guys (users and abusers) before then I should gently point out the obvious: your people picker is malfunctioning.
Agreed. The "he's better than the last asshole" comment was telling.


quote:

I am not entirely certain how you are defining a "Real Dom".
I always dare anyone to define "real" or "true", but someone that has virtually no experience declaring what is real or true is even more questionable.


quote:

Why are you surprised that you have found someone to teach you?
Agreed. Since every Dominant teaches something. I think it would be better to question what he's teaching.

quote:

At this point what I am seeing is someone who doesn't know you well enough and is punishing you over misunderstandings.
I can't judge whether your Sir is a real dom or not, but that seems to be a troubling trend.
If you don't understand exactly how he defines topping from the bottom, then you can't really be expected to avoid doing it.
Which goes right back to dealing to the issue with force vs an adult conversation.

quote:

As for safe words: I have them and I use them.
The very first instruction [my] Master gave me was "you never give up the right to say "No." .

He will not play without safe words.
And you should know that I am not His submissive, I am His slave.

Same here. Master would be more unhappy if I allowed his toy (me) to be broken out of my own pride.



angelikaJ -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:21:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl




quote:

As for safe words: I have them and I use them.
The very first instruction [my] Master gave me was "you never give up the right to say "No." .

He will not play without safe words.
And you should know that I am not His submissive, I am His slave.

Same here. Master would be more unhappy if I allowed his toy (me) to be broken out of my own pride.



Before we began playing, He expressed to me in very clear terms that He had to know I was willing to use them, or play would not happen.
He had to be able to trust in my ability to do that.



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:24:15 PM)

You are correct my people picker was seriously malfuckued up!
It's no longer i feel this is a good fit for me because He's not going to let me get away with any of the bull shyt i did with any of the other ones.
i guess i feel surprised because no ones bothered to try and teach me before and Sir wants me to learn, not just D/s things but more positive things in my own life as well, He wants me to have a better more positive outlook on things in my life not always being the negative nelly i am used to being.
And as far as the topping from the bottom thing i think that "directiveerror" hit it directly on the head He want's me to just be more mindful of what i say, and that's a good thing for me because i can be pretty blunt and it's gotten me into trouble a bunch of times, so i will be more in tune with what i say,, and it will be all good.
As far as Him "punishing me" ehhhhh,,,, i think the tears were more an outlet of things built up that had nothing to do with what He did, but that's a whole other conversation, for those that are going to sit and judge me because i let Him "punish" me so be it,, i was ok with what was going on and that's what matters.



pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/1/2013 6:25:48 PM)

Thank you, but i do, and i will!



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