RE: Homework assignment's

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petitespot -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 2:54:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pet1964 OK listen UP... I'LL say it again... IF IT WASN'T clear enough before,,, I was RECOUPING as IN TAKING LOTS OF PAIN MEDICATION they took my debit card out of my wallet and stole from me, I CAN'T PROVE it wasn't me over the phone signing up for the electric. or direct tv and all you have to do is swipe a card at walmart and they don't ask for ID in all the stores, I did give her the $500 to cover her drivers license because they have 2 kids that have to eat and in order to feed them someone had to work so she needed her license. I did the Christian thing and paid for it, because I have a heart, sometimes too good of a heart, but I can sleep at night if they can, i won't know, and don't care! I DIDN'T GIVE HIM THE POWER OVER MY MONEY I AM NOT STUPID HE STOLE THAT BUT BECAUSE SHE'S FEMALE AND THEY ALSO HAD MY SSN THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO, THEY HAD THAT BECAUSE THEY TOOK IT OUT OF MY WALLET. IT WAS NOT GIVEN TO THEM. You also apparently have a lot of anger issues. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole. You refuse to acknowledge your role in any failures in your past and present relationships.

LittleForDaddy31 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 3:01:27 AM)
Oh lawdy! How come it's the Christians who talk about what good hearts they have, and then completely negate the sentiment in the same sentence... Some kind of gift...

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 3:21:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleForDaddy31 Oh lawdy! How come it's the Christians who talk about what good hearts they have, and then completely negate the sentiment in the same sentence... Some kind of gift... Naw that's not a fair statement. People of all creeds and beliefs show those types of behaviours, it's not a Christian thing, it's a 'some folks' thing.

angelikaJ -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 5:15:03 AM)
It sounds like you are very eager to please and really crave "belongingness". Here's the thing though: you really don't seem to know you have the right to self-protect. The reason why I say this is that in the past you played with people who would not use safe words... and you went along with that. I am wondering if you are operating with the mindset that you are lucky IF anyone is willing to be with you. You have the right to decide what kind of relationship you want, but with that right comes the responsibility of not settling for less. It sounds like in the past you were desperate and out of desperation, did a lot of settling. For this to work you need to know that you have value. And it really doesn't sound like (to me) you do. It is hard to pick good people to be partners when you don't think you deserve to have them. That is something you might want to think about.

kalikshama -> RE: Homework assignments (12/2/2013 6:20:45 AM)
Let me try again. Your friend has bad credit and: A. The electric company would require a hefty deposit before allowing him to open a new account so you put the account in your name and he promises to pay the bill every month or B. Your friend's credit is SO bad that the electric company won't touch him with a 10 foot pole so you put the account in your name and he promises to pay the bill every month. He doesn't pay the bill and when y'all break up you are stuck with a $1,500 bill. What has this taught you?

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 6:47:50 AM)
No I don't but when the man you are supposed to trust steals from you how would you feel when you get home from a rehab facility to find that they did all this to you? Would you be happy about it? or maybe a little angry?? Yes I am angry at what they have done to me, and I don't think you would be happy either if you were in the same exact circumstances, it's very hard to explain here without going into all the great details which are a bit fuzzy because of the medications I was on at the time, I had three surgeries in a 9 month period all major surgeries, which meant they could have as much fun with my debit card as they could while I was incapacitated so try not to pass judgement on what you don't know. I take full blame for the $500 check I wrote out for the drivers license yep I did that,, it was a loan, I didn't know about all the other stuff until I got back in NC and the bill collectors started calling me to ask why I didn't pay the bills.

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:03:52 AM)
I am not negating anything, it was supposed to be a loan over 9 months ago, i live on $820 a month, they took advantage of my good heart, i think they could have at least tried to make an effort to repay the loan, what they stole from me, is done, i can't prove it wasn't me over the phone because her and i sound alike, so there's not much i can do with that except eat that and take lesson learned, but a loan for $500 to get her drivers license so she could go to work to feed their kids, yeah i didn't mind giving them a loan, that was before i found out they stole my debit card and used it to get the electric turned back on after they didn't pay the bill in their name, and the same with direct tv in my name while i was in rehab after a major back surgery. Yes I did the Christian thing because it was right to do, and yeah i might do it again depending on the circumstances.. but that said, i did it so she could go to work that was the motivation behind that loan.

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:05:27 AM)
it wasn't a gift, and thank You again Athena!

OsideGirl -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:33:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders I DO have a punishment dynamic, so you'll get no judgment from me about your decision to use one. I would like to know a little bit more about these punishments you received for 'topping from the bottom'. Actually, no one said anything against a punishment dynamic. Punishment is "You've done X wrong, so I'm now going to do Y". It's expectations covered before transgression. That's not what she described.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:42:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Punishment is "You've done X wrong, so I'm now going to do Y". It's expectations covered before transgression. That's not what she described. I've swatted women for putting themselves down before. It sounds to me as though that's what happened here. Inability to take a compliment, or a habit of spontaneously insulting herself. My attitude is that if someone else said that about you, I'd defend you, so I am not going to accept it if you say it either. It seemed like a potentially supportive and loving act. I did that on a first date one time, with a vanilla-ish woman. She looked at me open-mouthed, clearly shocked, for a couple seconds, then started wiggling her hips and saying, "Ooh, daddy." A really sexy moment. So I recommend smacking ass in a supportive way, not a misogynistic way. The babes seem to like it.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:53:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pet1964 I am not negating anything, it was supposed to be a loan over 9 months ago, i live on $820 a month, they took advantage of my good heart, i think they could have at least tried to make an effort to repay the loan, what they stole from me, is done, i can't prove it wasn't me over the phone because her and i sound alike, so there's not much i can do with that except eat that and take lesson learned, but a loan for $500 to get her drivers license so she could go to work to feed their kids, yeah i didn't mind giving them a loan, that was before i found out they stole my debit card and used it to get the electric turned back on after they didn't pay the bill in their name, and the same with direct tv in my name while i was in rehab after a major back surgery. Yes I did the Christian thing because it was right to do, and yeah i might do it again depending on the circumstances.. but that said, i did it so she could go to work that was the motivation behind that loan. You seem very hung up on the idea you could do nothing about it. Unless you all lived together, there was plenty of proof, and even without the proof, you call and report it. As for the $500 loan, you have recourse through the courts. But you obviously would rather call what you did the "Christian Thing" and do nothing (and really Christianity has nothing to do with it). As for your current situation, I have no idea how long you have been together to even begin to comment on your question, except for a couple of things. First, I agree with Oside (one very smart, intuitive lady), and two, if this relationship is less than two months old, there should be a lot more talking about expectations as opposed to "homework." Has he given you any indication how what will happen if he doesn't agree with what you think?

angelikaJ -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 8:58:23 AM)
So, your sole prior experience in any form of D/s-BDSM is the one before your current "Sir"? Here's the thing, better than the asshole is not a very high bar. I understand about punishment dynamics. I am in one. But to be punished for something when you don't understand why it is wrong because you don't have a clear understanding of "the rules" doesn't sound reasonable and using pain to reinforce the undefined is ineffective. Sooner or later you will get the gist of the dos and don'ts but in the meantime you are going to become so afraid of fucking up that your relationship will probably become a fear based one rather than his becoming someone you trust to provide leadership. Topping from the bottom is not something that has a universal definition. It sounds like you have a smart mouth and tend to be bratty when you feel stressed. I know that bratting is not something [my] Master is tolerant of, and the rule "Don't be bratty" is perhaps easier to understand. But if you truly don't know the rules then how are you supposed to know when you have broken them.

kalikshama -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 9:19:35 AM)
quote: so there's not much i can do with that except eat that and take lesson learned I'm not clear that you HAVE learned a lesson. For example, here are lessons I learned: People have terrible credit for a reason. If their credit is terrible and I observe them continuing to make unwise financial decisions, I should not be surprised when they stiff me for the last month's rent. IOW, people who have stiffed their creditors and have not changed are also likely to stiff me. So, unless their life circumstances have changed, if your friends have bad credit because they did not and have not paid their bills: 1. Do not put their bills in your name. 2. Do not give them your SSN. 3. Do not leave your debit/credit cards lying around. 4. Read your bank/credit card statements monthly. 5. Do not loan them money.

kalikshama -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 9:20:38 AM)
The Scorpion and the Frog The Scorpion and the Frog is an animal fable about a scorpion asking a frog to carry him across a river. The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature. The fable is used to illustrate the position that the natural behaviour of some creatures is inevitable, no matter how they are treated and no matter what the consequences.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 9:35:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders I DO have a punishment dynamic, so you'll get no judgment from me about your decision to use one. I would like to know a little bit more about these punishments you received for 'topping from the bottom'. Actually, no one said anything against a punishment dynamic. Punishment is "You've done X wrong, so I'm now going to do Y". It's expectations covered before transgression. That's not what she described. I know what you're saying. I didn't mean to suggest other people were objecting to the punishment dynamic. Rather, I was trying to prevent the OP saying that, by making it clear at the beginning of my post that I'm speaking from a punishment dynamic, so any negative reactions I have aren't just because I think punishments are wrong in general. I totally agree that punishment SHOULD come after clearly defined expectations, but the OP was considering this a punishment so it made sense to use her terms for easier communication.

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 9:37:01 AM)
angelikaJ, I'd like to thank you for giving me something to chew on, really to think about, i've never felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone to care about or be with. As far as the safewords were concerned that was after i was already moved into the house and living with them see i went for a weekend and decided to stay for a week,, a week turned into two,, and so on,, no play happened right away mind you this was all getting to know one another etc,, they put on a good front. I fell for the kids, my daughter is grown they have two younger kids, so it was really nice to be with kids again. The wife and i became friends,, neither are bi so that was a plus and she is not lifestyle so that's why i was there, supposed to be just for him which turned into laundry for the entire family because it didn't make sense to just do his laundry and then watch him do the rest of the family laundry on Sat or Sun, that just sounded dumb. I am learning that I have rights and that I have safe words for a reason and I will use them!!! Every day goes by I learn something new so that means that the process continues, and i appreciate the valuable comments that You've given me to chew on and to mull over, thank you again.

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignments (12/2/2013 9:42:01 AM)
LET ME try again, I did NOT put it in my name, they got into my wallet, took my debit card and my SSN which is on my medicare card acted as if they were me and got the electric turned on, it taught me that when someone is in a rehabilitation facility they should take the risk of having their things stolen there rather than leaving it at home with people they thought they could trust .

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 9:57:10 AM)
BINGO... bratty mouth is exactly what i have and is what He will change and i agree with it whole hardheartedly!! I've had this issue all my life so it's going to be a challenge for us both and He knows this about me and is up for the challenge. He's not trying to make this a fear based relationship, i have probably not exactly said things the correct way for all of you to understand me but that's my fault. I am sorry for the misunderstanding all that is on me because i can not put my feelings and thoughts down in a clear way to make it so that others understand it. Bratty is NOT something that my Sir will put up with and negativity is another, so between the two i have my work cut out for me,, lol thanks for your comments and help understanding myself because hell i don't understand me at times!!!

pet1964 -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 10:06:36 AM)
Did YOU read any of the post where I said they took my stuff when I was in a rehabilitation facility after a spinal surgery?? You really seem to be harping on the fact that I didn't learn anything, well yes in fact I did,,, Like I said in another post,,, " it taught me that when someone is in a rehabilitation facility they should take the risk of having their things stolen there rather than leaving it at home with people they thought they could trust " I didn't do credit checks on these people before I got involved with them, they seemed stable when I got there, they seemed loving and caring.. just like normal every day people! lesson learned, so please stop harping on it! Sheesh!

angelikaJ -> RE: Homework assignment's (12/2/2013 10:07:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pet1964 angelikaJ, I'd like to thank you for giving me something to chew on, really to think about, i've never felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone to care about or be with. As far as the safewords were concerned that was after i was already moved into the house and living with them see i went for a weekend and decided to stay for a week,, a week turned into two,, and so on,, no play happened right away mind you this was all getting to know one another etc,, they put on a good front. I fell for the kids, my daughter is grown they have two younger kids, so it was really nice to be with kids again. The wife and i became friends,, neither are bi so that was a plus and she is not lifestyle so that's why i was there, supposed to be just for him which turned into laundry for the entire family because it didn't make sense to just do his laundry and then watch him do the rest of the family laundry on Sat or Sun, that just sounded dumb. I am learning that I have rights and that I have safe words for a reason and I will use them!!! Every day goes by I learn something new so that means that the process continues, and i appreciate the valuable comments that You've given me to chew on and to mull over, thank you again. This: knowing you are good enough and that you have worth and value is an inside job. Having a patient dominant is a plus but really, it has to come from within. To have what you have never had, you MUST do what you have never done. So, while being with someone who won't tolerate the negative is a start, I suggest a therapist. If you could have changed your thinking all on your own you would have by now. How can you fix something when you don't have the tools to do it... ? A good counselor can teach you the tools.

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