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RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/4/2013 8:04:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, geez. I just looked at your profile. You live in Denver!

We've gt a thriving community here. PM me for a list of munches and play parties.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/6/2013 12:01:05 PM   
bestkptsecret303


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/26/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the advice! I have set up two coffee dates this weekend and I'm very excited to see what may happen. It's nice to know I'm not violating any major internet faux pas by skipping the webcam.

My profile image is a bit risque. This is a fair point. It may encourage the wrong kind of attention. I chose it because it's one of the few pictures I like, and I think it shows my figure well without showing my face. However, as proud as I am of that photo shoot, I may change it in the near future. I was hoping it would help me stand out, but I'm realizing that may be counterintuitive to what I'm actually seeking on this site.
I focused on my breasts in the original post, but I am more concerned about showing my face. I've promised my SO that I will be discreet in the quest for a play partner. Discretion is a lovely thing.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/6/2013 12:03:07 PM   
bestkptsecret303


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/26/2013
Status: offline 		DarkSteven, thank you for the invitation. I look forward to PMing.

(in reply to bestkptsecret303)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/6/2013 2:21:15 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestkptsecret303
I was hoping it would help me stand out,

Oh honey. Do you have any idea how many pictures of naked women there are on the internet?

That said, the proof is in the pudding. If you like the guys you meet this weekend -- even if you decide not to see them again -- then your profile is fine. If you're sitting in the coffee shop thinking "WTF am I doing spending time with this person," then you should probably tweak something. Good luck and have fun.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to bestkptsecret303)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/6/2013 3:56:14 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestkptsecret303

Thank you all for the advice! I have set up two coffee dates this weekend and I'm very excited to see what may happen. It's nice to know I'm not violating any major internet faux pas by skipping the webcam.

My profile image is a bit risque. This is a fair point. It may encourage the wrong kind of attention. I chose it because it's one of the few pictures I like, and I think it shows my figure well without showing my face. However, as proud as I am of that photo shoot, I may change it in the near future. I was hoping it would help me stand out, but I'm realizing that may be counterintuitive to what I'm actually seeking on this site.
I focused on my breasts in the original post, but I am more concerned about showing my face. I've promised my SO that I will be discreet in the quest for a play partner. Discretion is a lovely thing.


I am glad you posted this post. I was thinking this entire time, she is kidding, right!

If your avatar is you, why be shocked that people want more of what you are marketing about yourself?

I have great tits too. But never showed them in pics or cam because pretty is pretty, I prefer to market my brain as well.

But if you only seek a play partner, then it may not matter.

(in reply to bestkptsecret303)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/6/2013 7:30:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If you are only looking for someone to play with and not have a relationship with then I don't see the big deal about the nude pic. I mean you're looking to "hook up" just like people go to a nightclub and dress to impress....risque. I'm sure if it wasn't illegal many would walk around nude for that one night of a hook up.

But if in some other chance you are looking for more than a play partner, then yeah the nude pic is doing you no favors at all.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 8:55:10 AM   
WorldsWorstMan


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline 		I like the lack of privacy someone must feel when they open up a cam to the world.. But, its not my main focus. Its just one of those things you can do. I would rather have one girl in my van than ten on a cam.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 10:52:05 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I don't see a problem with saying hi via a webcam - some people are a little shy at first about giving out their phone number to a stranger, because they're worried you'll stalk them or something. But I wouldn't do more than a non-sexy chat that way with someone I didn't know, and there's nothing wrong with not even wanting to do that.

(in reply to bestkptsecret303)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 4:08:29 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I would rather have one girl in my van than ten on a cam

Words of wisdom from the worlds worst man

(And a nifty rhyme to boot!)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 4:08:08 PM   
Texasdarkangel


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2013
Status: offline 		I appreciate all the responses here and understand both sides. With that said, I must agree wit iaminigo. For me, speaking with someone on cam gives you a sense of who they are in real person. Ease of conversation, sense of humor, their mannerisms and little quirks. With IM and text, you can't always detect intent, voice inflection, intent as clearly as you can cam.

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 5:37:25 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		I think how people come across depends on the person. I went to visit family in CA for over 2 weeks, longest ever away from my partner, so we skyped . He and I actually met online, and man if one of our first contacts was skype, I don't know if I'd be sitting a few feet away from him right now almost 5 years later. We both wrote good letters, were sarcastic about how much we hated phones and how voice to voice was just a thing before meeting. We were ok with things like online chat, and texting.

5 years later skyping our hilarious can crash any party and get everyone to love us selves were awkward as all get out.

Personally I hate cam.

Also, nothing is real until you're face to face without an internet connection in the way.

I personally like making meets in places I don't mind being, and I keep the window for them to show small. I found people who flake out hilarious.

When I lived in the heart of the city there was a shop in which I had actually helped run for years. Trucking the two blocks out there with my laptop to hang out with my friends was no hardship whether or not anyone showed.

I went out of the way if things seemed like that had a lot of potential. Drove across town in the snow for the one.

I also have this odd thing that when online relationships work there is one of those weird 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon things going on, though usually for me it's been no more than 3. My current partner and I were a breath away from meeting dozens of times. We went to the same university, had a lot of the same mutual friends, and even lost the exact same friend in each of our divorces. The world is so small.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to Texasdarkangel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/10/2013 9:20:06 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
Maybe it is my age, but I have never been asked to cam to prove my existence... I would say flat out state that you will not do it and offer to meet face to face... Have never understood the whole cam thing instead of actually MEETING.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/11/2013 2:26:18 PM   
picsfromsluts


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2013
Status: offline 		Cam for camming sake. Meet for meeting sake, this isn't rocket science. You guys ever internet date before? Ok cupid? POF? Why in the world would this site have been the first place you've tried to do it. Those sites encourage you to set up a date then you meet. That's plenty of proof that you exist.

Camming is for a completely different purpose. Someone in this thread likened it to conferencing, that's one use for it. If people are telling you they want you to go on cam to prove you are real then one of two things is happening. The most likely explanation around here is that they really are that pathetic that they feel they need to lie in order to so much as see another human being. Or the other explanation is that the person feels they need to lie to you in order to see you.

But it's true that if they want to cam and don't know you they aren't interested in meeting. If they are interested in meeting they'd set up a time to meet or accept your invitation to meet.

The rest of the advice in this thread is terrible.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/11/2013 2:57:55 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I use my webcam at least 3 times a week. I talk to friends and family, skype with my sponsor, use it in my classes. I've done therapy on cam, interviewed people (for work stuff), taught lessons, been interviewed for a job in another country, attended birthday parties on cam. The cam is my friend. I've become a cam ham. In fact, I've started making videos because I realized that I give good face. Plus, it turns out that I have great timing, I'm not afraid to look / be silly, and I want to share my real life with people I care about. I cammed riding a bus through Gangnam so a friend of mine could see what I saw while we talked on the phone. I've helped people choose clothes for a party on cam, oh! I even watched a rock concert via cam... while one of my good friends watched the same rock concert on cam and we skyped... so we had the concert cam, her watching it, me watching it, she and I on skype with each other. That was a doozie! One might say a doozy of floozies! <giggle>

But cam to prove I am who I am? Thanks no. I'll be at the coffee shop near (subway stop name), exit 1 at 5 p.m. Sunday. I will have a book with me and a cup of tea. You want to verify I am who I say I am? Feel free to meet me at the coffee shop. I'll have good company whether you are there or not. And then I'll leave later and go dancing at the salsa club. If I like you, I'll invite you to join me.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to picsfromsluts)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/11/2013 11:27:51 PM   
TheWillToThrive


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/8/2013
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I find this topic interesting and a bit aggravating. I have used a webcam once to talk with family that lives across country. It was great being able to see who I was speaking with and see how my nieces and nephews had grown. Lesson one, if you use a webcam don't use a cheap one.

What I find interesting is how strongly people love it or hate it. If I was asked to prove identity on a cam I would have no issue with it. If the person on the other end was an asshat I would be thankful I found out before devoting more time and resources into them. If you get naked and someone records it, well you were the idiot in that case weren't you? Perhaps you shouldn't get naked with strangers?

I personally don't see the appeal to cybering but that is another topic all together. If you don't want to use a webcam don't. IMO a webcam is a tool. What harm is there in flipping on the cam to say "Hi, I am really me and those pictures aren't of my neighbor"? If you are asked to get naked you just ruled out a moron in a few minutes, that seems efficient to me. If he records you turning off your cam after he ask you to show him your fun parts what is the harm? He just made a rejection film of himself. What exactly do you risk by verifying? Wouldn't meeting that asshat in real life be more dangerous than finding out before hand?

I really don't understand the thought process here, just as I don't understand the thought process of people listing what stupid things not to send them a message about. If you tell a fake not to message you asking for nudes the idiot is going to still be an idiot, just later on after you have wasted time talking to them. I see it everywhere on this site, don't message me this, don't ask for nude pics, don't don't don't... What is the point? Do sane real people need to be told not to do these things? NO. You are basically saying OK fakes message me just like this so I don't know your a creep!

Seriously? I love it when I get a message from a obvious fake. I hit block and its done, I have narrowed down the pool. It is a lot less time consuming than getting message after message of what sounds sane and rational and them BOOM you've wasted time and effort for a fake, scammer, or weirdo.

To each their own, even though this thought process puzzles me.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/12/2013 8:16:35 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWillToThrive
I really don't understand the thought process here, just as I don't understand the thought process of people listing what stupid things not to send them a message about. If you tell a fake not to message you asking for nudes the idiot is going to still be an idiot, just later on after you have wasted time talking to them. I see it everywhere on this site, don't message me this, don't ask for nude pics, don't don't don't... What is the point? Do sane real people need to be told not to do these things? NO. You are basically saying OK fakes message me just like this so I don't know your a creep!

Seriously? I love it when I get a message from a obvious fake. I hit block and its done, I have narrowed down the pool. It is a lot less time consuming than getting message after message of what sounds sane and rational and them BOOM you've wasted time and effort for a fake, scammer, or weirdo.

To each their own, even though this thought process puzzles me.

That's a great attitude and I think you'll do well here. Regarding the "thought process," men and women have a very different experience with their inbox. For a lot of women, the inbox is almost an enemy. I was dating a woman for a while, who I met here, and she said that she didn't even want to open her mailbox, because it was too depressing.

Also, I don't think everyone with poor social skills is "fake." A lot of people, both male and female, are introduced to kink through porn and erotic literature. That stuff is super fake, of course, and gives people false expectations of what they'll find online. It doesn't mean the people with those preconceptions are fantasy-only wankers. It just means they are uninformed.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TheWillToThrive)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/12/2013 3:00:36 PM   
TheWillToThrive


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/8/2013
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
That's a great attitude and I think you'll do well here. Regarding the "thought process," men and women have a very different experience with their inbox. For a lot of women, the inbox is almost an enemy. I was dating a woman for a while, who I met here, and she said that she didn't even want to open her mailbox, because it was too depressing.

Also, I don't think everyone with poor social skills is "fake." A lot of people, both male and female, are introduced to kink through porn and erotic literature. That stuff is super fake, of course, and gives people false expectations of what they'll find online. It doesn't mean the people with those preconceptions are fantasy-only wankers. It just means they are uninformed.


I realize women face different challenges than men on this site. Having a inbox full of various kinds of bs would be a ton of work and I can see how it would be disheartening as well. I still find it difficult to believe that they are helping themselves by listing things that they don't want read. By taking on the responsibility to teach all of the uninformed they are also taking additional effort to deal with the more realistic sounding undesirables. Perhaps I am not giving the undesirables enough credit, most of them probably hone their abilities quicker than the average newcomer.

You make a good point. It would be nice if the people who were clueless simply said so. It would differentiate them from the undesirables and I am sure they would find people considerably more welcoming and helpful. Speaking of that, thank you for welcoming me.



< Message edited by TheWillToThrive -- 12/12/2013 3:01:03 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/12/2013 3:46:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWillToThrive
I realize women face different challenges than men on this site. Having a inbox full of various kinds of bs would be a ton of work and I can see how it would be disheartening as well. I still find it difficult to believe that they are helping themselves by listing things that they don't want read. By taking on the responsibility to teach all of the uninformed they are also taking additional effort to deal with the more realistic sounding undesirables. Perhaps I am not giving the undesirables enough credit, most of them probably hone their abilities quicker than the average newcomer.

You make a good point. It would be nice if the people who were clueless simply said so. It would differentiate them from the undesirables and I am sure they would find people considerably more welcoming and helpful. Speaking of that, thank you for welcoming me.

Just for the other angle of this, I'll explain exactly why I do it. My profile is pretty clear. Unless I already know somebody, it is a person from the forums, or someone local, I say outright not to expect a pleasant response. When somebody doesn't fit into one of those three categories, I delete the email unread. When I list the stuff that I won't read, it literally means that I don't read it. Simple.

Yes, welcome to the forums.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheWillToThrive)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/12/2013 6:29:25 PM   
TheWillToThrive


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/8/2013
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Just for the other angle of this, I'll explain exactly why I do it. My profile is pretty clear. Unless I already know somebody, it is a person from the forums, or someone local, I say outright not to expect a pleasant response. When somebody doesn't fit into one of those three categories, I delete the email unread. When I list the stuff that I won't read, it literally means that I don't read it. Simple.

Yes, welcome to the forums.



Thanks for the welcome LadyPact. I need to clarify my position on this. What you have said in your profile makes complete sense and is not what I'm talking about. I mean when people say things like, do not ask for nude pics or do not try to act like you own me right off the bat. These things serve no purpose in helping anyone to find a partner that they will deem compatible. If someone contacts you and would have done those things but didn't because of your warning, it is counterproductive. You are talking with someone who is exactly who you don't want to talk with, except you don't know it from the start. If a person was going to do those things it seems obvious to me that within a few correspondence they are going to be asking for or demanding them anyway.

From my perspective these uneducated or fake people are clogging up the system. It can take a long time to receive a reply from someone who has to go through hundreds of emails and responded to the ones that would have been deleted unread if they hadn't had a warning. I am sure we all miss out on good people who give up after dealing with a certain amount of this bs. I realize that its a free site and this will never go away. It just seems to me that some people are making it easier for the wrong kind of people to waste their time.



< Message edited by TheWillToThrive -- 12/12/2013 6:30:04 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: to cam or not to cam... - 12/12/2013 11:05:19 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Some people do want to talk on the phone or on Skype before meeting as a way of getting more comfortable and/or seeing if they feel like it's "worth it" to meet. It's always at least a tiny bit risky to meet someone, since they could really be a psycho, or it could just be waste of time and money to get dinner with someone that's a bad match.

(in reply to picsfromsluts)
Profile   Post #: 40
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