How do you not get labeled a "creeper"

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How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 8:37:01 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

Ok i am an older submissive who is just thinking about becoming active in my local community.
i have never been to a munch or a play party and until i get to know people i am a bit shy, those who know me would call BS on that statement but then again they know me and i am comfortable with my friends.
i am more likely to stand back and watch a scene being played out and form my questions and thoughts well before i speak or ask questions because i hate looking foolish or ignorant.
But from all i have read that is the fast track to the label "creeper".
So how do i avoid that?

Post #: 1

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 8:41:15 AM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with going to a munch or play party and just observing. It happens all the time.
Just use common sense and good manners. DONT speak loudly if you are watching a scene. It is rude.
DONT touch anything that is not yours. This goes for toys. And people.
Be polite.
There should be nothing "creepy" about that. Unless there is something you are not sharing, you should be fine.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

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Post #: 2

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 8:57:59 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
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No there is nothing i am not sharing.
It is just fear from reading some stuff on some of the sites i go to. i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last play party and really do not want to get that label.
As i said i am older and i am no model by any stretch of the imagination though i do not consider myself ugly i don't scare babies or small children lol.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 8:59:20 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
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Oh and i forgot to say that i would never touch anything not mine unless invited to as You said that is just rude.

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 9:06:32 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I agree with Blonderfluff.

Keep in mind, most munches are just friendly gatherings and the nearest you get to play is some very subtle D/s that won't be visible to the naked eye.

I always say to those new to clubbing, watch and learn. People really don't mind you watching providing you are not in their space and you aren't interrupting or disturbing their scene. People who play in clubs are often on the exhibitionist side of things and they enjoy the energy from the voyeurs.

If you really enjoy a scene, when its clearly over and they are both sat back down, there is nothing wrong with complimenting the dominant or both of them (never just the sub) for such a 'wonderful' scene.

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

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Post #: 5

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 9:14:10 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last

You couldn't be the creepy old guy at any of the parties we attend. You are way too young. We have people in their 60s and 70s at our parties. Your age is quite normal and would not be considered old at any event we attend.

To avoid being thought of as creepy, talk to people, be friendly. Get involved in the conversations that are happening away from the scenes. If you just stand there and stare at others' scenes without talking to anyone, well yes, you might be thought of as creepy. If you act normal and make an effort to get to know people then you won't seem creepy.

_____________________________

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 9:22:52 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

No there is nothing i am not sharing.
It is just fear from reading some stuff on some of the sites i go to. i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last play party and really do not want to get that label.
As i said i am older and i am no model by any stretch of the imagination though i do not consider myself ugly i don't scare babies or small children lol.

The guy who always has his hand down his pants or openly gets his cock out is the creep but people like this get shown up for what they are. Nobody likes them, they are always on their own because like flashers, they are creepy loners.

I was once doing CBT on a guy and I crouched down because I had him tied to a St Andrews. Something shuffled to my left and as I turned my head I was met with a man's full frontal, 'wanna suck on this darlin'? he asked!! I won't tell you what I did but he threatened to have me up on a charge

Now he was a creep! and so was the man who ejaculated that hard whilst I was involved in a scene with my fem sub, that it went on my shoe. That kind of creep quickly gets escorted and banned from clubs.

The sub males who constantly try and get in your space with 'Mistress, Mistress can I have your undivided attention?' are creeps and so are the male subs who massage your feet, with permission of course, and then suddenly start slavering on them or attempt to move their hands up your leg.

You get lots of male subs in clubs just watching the room. Watching the room really isn't creepy. Watch how the subs interact with the dominants. Watch the successful subs. What is it they are doing that's different from the sub who is continuously rejected?

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 9:25:07 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

Thanks to all of you i guess it is just kind of scary for me getting out there.
Like i said i am shy until i get to know people.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 9:39:20 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

As a male Dom, I ask women to play. I assume that male subs ask as well.

You gotta ask, and sometimes the askees feel creep vibes. Part of life, unfortunately.

One beautiful think you can do - I saw one male sub noiselessly get a glass of water for a woman who'd just been whipped and silently gave it to her right after her scene ended.

Basically, the more you interact with people without asking them to play, the less creeperish you will appear.

And it's not easy to be creeperish at a munch.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 9

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 10:35:37 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I would also suggest that you write to the person who runs the munch. Find out if they have people who will meet for coffee one on one with newbies before a munch. We've done it. That way when you go to the munch you will have someone there you know. You have someone to sit beside and talk with you.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:10:26 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I would also suggest that you write to the person who runs the munch. Find out if they have people who will meet for coffee one on one with newbies before a munch. We've done it. That way when you go to the munch you will have someone there you know. You have someone to sit beside and talk with you.

I was going to suggest this too. You should be able to find members of your local community on fetlife. I get shy too, but it's not so bad if there's one person who knows you're a bit unsure who can tell you people's names, or show you around a club.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:21:56 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I second the suggestions above.

I'm like this too:

quote:

until i get to know people i am a bit shy, those who know me would call BS on that statement but then again they know me and i am comfortable with my friends.

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:25:36 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

FR~

I would have thought the answer was pretty straight-forward.

BDSM/kink or not - just observe social norms and don't do anything stupid.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:37:08 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

1) Don't wear an old rain coat.
2) Don't walk around with both hands deep in your pants pockets.
3) Don't carry a bag of candy.
4) If you drive a white van, don't tell anyone.

That should do it. As everyone pretty much said, you'll do fine.

_____________________________

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Post #: 14

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:47:54 AM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

1) Don't wear an old rain coat.
2) Don't walk around with both hands deep in your pants pockets.
3) Don't carry a bag of candy.
4) If you drive a white van, don't tell anyone.

That should do it. As everyone pretty much said, you'll do fine.

Oh good lord i do have a white van but it s only used when my chevy breaks down or i need the room for camping gear.
As far as exposing myself in front of others while i might do so as part of a scene ( i am unsure of this) i would never do so just for the hell of it.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 1:57:29 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

So how do i avoid that?

Don't be creepy.

Really, it's that fucking simple.

Be a gentleman. Introduce yourself.
Shake hands.Keep your eyes above the horizon line. Matter of fact, look them, especially the hers ,in the eyes.
Don't leer or devour them with your eyes.
Treat em like peeps and not pieces of meat. Show interest in their lives. Ask questions. Ask follow up questions. Chat.
Don't talk about sex.
Show some respect and consideration
(And no, not the online wannabe fin-domme type)
Be a decent freaking human being.
Treat others the way you would like them to treat you and, if you had one, yours.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 2:18:32 PM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

When I first started going to munches, I had just emerged from a major health problem and a long period of isolation brought on by that health problem, so my self-esteem was thoroughly in the toilet. On top of that, I am a loner and an introvert as well. So interacting with new people scared the living crap out of me. That being said, I also knew I needed to establish social ties to break my isolation. The first couple of munches, I actually didn't say much. But when I did have something to add to the conversation, I spoke up and showed that I have a functioning brain and even a sense of humor. Don't be afraid to go just to introduce yourself. Also, don't be afraid to admit that your nervous because everybody was nervous their first time.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 2:47:42 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

A couple of do's and don'ts from the perspective of a younger female who has been in and around the public scene for awhile at this point:

1. Try to not be a wallflower. Introduce yourself, initiate conversation, be yourself. Unfortunately due to there being a lot of creepers who tend towards being wallflowers at many munches and dungeons we all get a little wary of older single guy in the background. Whether or not it is intended it comes off as voyeuristic.

2. Do not play at protocol in any way shape or form unless you are with someone and it is consented part of your relationship. Just as everyone warns doms to not be domly with all subs, the same goes for submissives. Don't be meek, don't defer to others, instead be an equal.

3. Confidence and being well rounded go a long way.

4. Get comfortable with your own kinks and the kinks of others. Dungeons have lots of naked or mostly naked people doing some hot shit, and some which people may find disturbing. If you really want to stay out of creeper territory don't be the dude wide eyed walking around with an erection all night. I've seen these dudes and what does them in the most is their own discomfort. While not many tend to talk to the guy at the party who just goes ahead and wanks off openly in the dungeon, there is some respect there.

And seriously, wandering eyes will not get you far. Just because a chick has her bits out at a party does not make it ok to focus there. Once again what does folks in is their own discomfort.

5. Dress appropriately. For munches be causal. If you go to a play party alone go fully clothed. If you want to blend at a dungeon party all black tends to be fine. Don't show up in a gimp suit, or with a leash, or any of that nonsense. It is a rare male submissive that can pull this kind of thing off. And even if they pull it off enough to get some pick up play, they don't tend to get enough respect for long standing relationships.

6. Spend times lots of time in the social areas. For extra non creeper points make friends.

7. Do not interrupt a scene in progress, and this includes afterwards. A little bit of watching is cool, intense staring is not, it's actually disruptive to the scene. A male sub thing that has occasionally happened to be is offering to help in some way after a scene. Don't do that.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 4:05:47 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

Again thank you all for the advice

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 4:08:04 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

don't hit on girls half your age unless you find through word of mouth that that girl likes much older men. Otherwise you will just be seen as the old creepy man or at the very least, a guy going through his midlife crisis.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 20

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