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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 4:16:25 PM

sheisreeds

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Oh and you totally reminded me!

I forgot to add that you want your age to at least be one standard deviation away from the mean, not the outlier.

Dudes like that inspired one of the local groups to make this video.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 7:39:45 PM

DesFIP

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Another thing you can do is volunteer. Pick up the empty water bottles and take them to the recycling box. Help carry out a new case of water or set up food that people bring. This way you'll get to know the other volunteers.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/15/2013 11:06:05 PM

orgasmdenial12

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Focus on talking to people and making friends rather than watching scenes. When your friends play or invite you to play, then it's more acceptable to watch without being thought of as creepy. If you just go to a play party and watch and don't talk to anyone, then yes, you might well be thought of as creepy (whatever your age). Perhaps stick to munches until you get to know people that you can go to a play party with, thus avoiding being the one standing around with no-one to talk to.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 1:53:18 AM

LadyPact

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You got really good advice from everyone. There was only one thing that I didn't see in there that might also be helpful.

The one thing that will get a person a 'creeper' type label very quickly are those who are not good at picking up social cues. Be very conscientious of when it's time to be friendly and initiate conversation and those times where it is apparent that the time has come to talk to somebody else. The art of mingling can be very useful. So can be the ability to notice when the conversation has lulled, it's time to thank the other person for their time in talking, and move on to the next. This can be the difference between being a pleasant guy to talk to and the dude who hangs on too long and won't let people alone.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 2:26:52 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You got really good advice from everyone. There was only one thing that I didn't see in there that might also be helpful.

The one thing that will get a person a 'creeper' type label very quickly are those who are not good at picking up social cues. Be very conscientious of when it's time to be friendly and initiate conversation and those times where it is apparent that the time has come to talk to somebody else. The art of mingling can be very useful. So can be the ability to notice when the conversation has lulled, it's time to thank the other person for their time in talking, and move on to the next. This can be the difference between being a pleasant guy to talk to and the dude who hangs on too long and won't let people alone.

This is a really, really good point. I suspect that quite often people who are considered creepy actually just have weak social skills.

I know you're shy, OP, but would you say you're good at picking up social cues? Can you tell if someone is feeling bored or uncomfortable? Are you a good judge of personal space? Can you distinguish between times when people are just making polite small talk, and when they are genuinely interested in getting to know you?

If you can, and you react accordingly, you're unlikely to be thought of as creepy. If you struggle with those things, it might be a good idea to confide in someone ahead of time who can help you mingle by keeping the conversation going and/or finding an excuse to move you away if things aren't going well. Social skills take practice but it's very difficult to learn them without someone there giving you a nudge and explaining things. Can you remember a recent time when you sensed someone wanted to end the conversation? If this never seems to happen to you, chances are you are missing some cues.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 5:23:00 AM

shadowborn61

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While my social skills are rusty and i have never been one to mingle a lot i can tell when it is time to move on or if the other person isn't very interested in talking. But having said that i am still a little awkward around others being shy and fearing that others will not be interested in talking has always been my burden even throughout school.
Hell i could never even get up the nerve to ask a girl out back in High School so i am nervous about meeting new people to say the least.
My wife who is also in the lifestyle is as shy or more so than i but only in groups of people otherwise she is one of the most confident people i know.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 12:50:14 PM

MariaB

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I'm surprised that some people have said, just standing around and watching a scenes may be seen as creepy. Perhaps that's so in America but in the UK you are going to get lots of stray male subs watching scenes whatever BDSM/Fet club you go to. I've never heard anyone complain about that, so long as they don't get in another persons space.

LadyPact, I smiled when I read your post because it reminded me of a very well known character on the London scene. He's always impeccably dressed in a generals uniform and he is in everyone's space the entire night. He has aspergers so doesn't know when to walk away but he doesn't get offended when you tell him, 'off you go now' or 'ok its time to stop staring at me'. Everyone who is a regular club goer in London know and like this guy because they know about his condition and how to handle him. He does though, get some serious ticking off by people who just see him as ignorant.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 2:11:40 PM

orgasmdenial12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
in the UK you are going to get lots of stray male subs watching scenes whatever BDSM/Fet club you go to.

That hasn't been my experience. The only time that did happen was at Lash in Manchester, where they have the play area curtained off with a sort of camouflage net and then groups of people stand on the other side and watch. Both my Dom and I found that intensely creepy, but we had the last laugh when our play got quite s&m and all the fet kids ran away in horror :-D

There's often one or two men or women watching a scene, but I've never noticed any numbers of male subs lingering to watch. Perhaps it's a question of what clubs I go to. I tend to pick clubs where people play a lot, rather than ones where only one or two people play and everyone else watches. This seems to result in less people watching, imo.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/16/2013 2:39:41 PM

MariaB

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Perhaps I should of said London clubs and not UK clubs and in the London clubs the play is very energetic and very busy. Its rare I have ventured north apart from Birmingham. I did once go to the old Swamp where they had the dungeon cordoned off and a spectator pit and that gave me the creeps too but only because people stood around being snide about the scenes and talking loudly.

I also think male subs tend to stand around fem Dommes in action and not so much male Doms with fem subs.

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RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" - 12/20/2013 9:23:51 AM

HipPoindexter

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i feel ya, bro. youngsters are like wild animals. they can smell fear and all they wanna do is strip you bare and eat you alive...actually that sounds hot. excuse me a moment, won't you?

better.

for real though, don't take yourself seriously and keep in mind that when you're a stranger nobody else is taking you seriously either. if you're with a younger crowd, there probably will be people who automatically think of you as "that creepy old dude." youth is reckless, youth is cruel :( what you need to do is comport yourself with poise and with respect and behave in a way you can be proud of. as long as *you* know you're not a creep, over a little time other people will also recognize that.

the people who said you should find out if there is any way to meet with a smaller group beforehand also gave some great advice. that can be a big help.

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