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Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:11:49 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

This question was spawned from another thread about whether or not people should "settle" (whatever that means...lol).

I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?

There are times when you talk to someone and that connection is formed and you just "know" you were meant to spend a significant amount of time with a person, that intuitive sense that there is something very deep there. Is this how you know you have met the "One"? If there is only "one" soul mate then how would you "know" when you met them? What if you were mistaken and they were just in your life temporarily?

Or do you think there are many "ones" that we can encounter in our lives? Do you think that all of our lovers, whether we spend a lifetime with them, or just a couple of years, have something to offer us that we needed to have at that point?Perhaps just a lesson for us? Does waiting a long long time to meet someone make finding them that much more "the one" for us?

I have looked a long long time before I found WIIWD, so even though I found someone only after a couple of years looking in "the lifestyle", I still have had many years alone with myself...lol.. so I have done my time in being "alone and looking", and my situation is not a lifetime commitment yet either, just working toward that. I do think there have been several "ones" for me that fit where I was at the time....I am interested in what others think.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:18:38 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?

Nope. Since I am not looking forever, I don't bother with the 'I am waiting for my one to come along" In addition to this, since I am only a masochist, I don't need any emotional feelings to have someone beat me with a flogger or cane. AND, since pain for me is not sexual in nature, I don't need to be sexually attracted. It's nice to be, but it's not a necessity.
As long as I know the person well enough, have seen their play style first hand, and respect them enough, that's all I need for my fix :)

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:28:13 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

There's a difference between finding a good match, and simply deciding to assign some romantic dreck to the idea.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:32:56 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I do not believe in the concept of "the one" but neither do I believe in settling for less than what you need or want in a life partner.

Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:33:09 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I think the 'one' concept is a potentialy dangerous thing, in any kind of relationship not simply in D/s, M/s and BDSM ones. It leads too many into the mindset of "This must be my ONE, therefore no matter how unhappy I am, no matter how much I maybe abused, how mistreated or ignored I am, I have to put up with it as I will NEVER find anything better", or even worse, "This is my ONE therefore this is what I must deserve regardless of how bad it gets"

Sure some people find one person, it works and they live a lifetime together.... if they had not met that person they may have met another or several others and it is just as likely to have been better as it is to have been worse, the only guarentee is that it would have been diffrent.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:34:07 AM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

I think that we all have more than one potential life partner/soul mate and I agree with your experience of there being someone who is the right one for a particular time in one's life, but not forever.

Right now I am experiencing that--leaving a Dom (my first) because of a move I need to make for schooling. We knew going in that it was just for a 'season' and there are no regrets, and he's even helping me look for someone in my new location and remaining a guide and confidant. So it's obviously been a good and wonderful thing, although it's bittersweet having to let go and move on, but I am open to finding a more enduring relationship when I settle in my new locale. Whether it will be a long term, life mate, who can say, but even if it's not, I don't think it's necessarily a failure if there's mutual respect and something is learned from the experience.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:40:46 AM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
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first off what is WIIWD and secent I think that there isnt just one person out there for you, think about it what about those that are widowd, they found the one and they died and then many find another one that they love, if there was only ONE person out there for everyone people who were widowed would be alone forever.

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 7

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:45:52 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Just because this relationship was for a season will not erase the fondness you have for this person or what they meant to you. I think you have a very positive attitude!

I think RavenMuse is so right too, that sometimes people can become trapped by their romanticism, because they stated over and over again they had found "their one" and now they have made a bed with those words and feel they have to lie in that bed. It is sad and I have been in this situation before when I was much younger. What started out as the "one" becomes "settling" for less than you deserve because everyone deserves to be safe in their relationships.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 8

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:45:52 AM

APerfectParadox

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

There are times when you talk to someone and that connection is formed and you just "know" you were meant to spend a significant amount of time with a person, that intuitive sense that there is something very deep there. Is this how you know you have met the "One"? If there is only "one" soul mate then how would you "know" when you met them? What if you were mistaken and they were just in your life temporarily?

Or do you think there are many "ones" that we can encounter in our lives? Do you think that all of our lovers, whether we spend a lifetime with them, or just a couple of years, have something to offer us that we needed to have at that point?Perhaps just a lesson for us? Does waiting a long long time to meet someone make finding them that much more "the one" for us?

Years ago i met the only man i have ever been truly in love with .I knew from the the start that it would be a deep connection and he was first last and always my friend for the next several years , we were ven engaged at one point . We understood each other better than we understood ourselves and loed each other unconditionally. Still eventually we came to a place in our journey together where our paths seperated .

“True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.”

I will always love him ,although we have both moved on. I have loved others, to a lesser degree. Ones that came into my life touched me briefly and while i am grateul for what i shared with them .. i do not miss them or think of them like i do Adam .
I hop e to find another partner that i can share that same level of emotional intimacy with again . Only then would I consider making a long term commitment. If i do not .. at least i had it once. I do intend to enjoy those who cross my path along the way for what ever time we have in any case..

i think there ARE several ones . The trick is finding them , recognising them when you do and being in the right place in your life to be open to all that they have to offer ....

< Message edited by APerfectParadox -- 7/4/2006 11:54:01 AM >

_____________________________

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:47:17 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Great question, Julia. As for soul mates, yes I believe in soul mates, and yes I had a soul mate. That was my husband. But what we had was destroyed and as much as he continues to beckon me home, I will never go back. However, I believe, sadly enough, our souls will always be connected. Our souls intertwined, but our minds could not. Soul mate does not mean "ultimate life partner" in my eyes.

I do not know that he is another "soul mate" per se, but I know Master has touched my soul more deeply than anyone. I am connected to him, as though I were an appendage. He touched me the moment we spoke, and I felt his power, and I was compelled to follow. Because of our differing spiritual beliefs, I am not prone to say he is my soul mate. But I believe we do have a connection that goes beyond the physical.

I think we have connections with people in our lives and some of those connections go as deep as the soul. So maybe what I'm saying here is I believe in the concept of soul mate, but I do not believe there is only one.

Hmmm....

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:47:58 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?
[clipped]
Or do you think there are many "ones" that we can encounter in our lives? Do you think that all of our lovers, whether we spend a lifetime with them, or just a couple of years, have something to offer us that we needed to have at that point?Perhaps just a lesson for us? Does waiting a long long time to meet someone make finding them that much more "the one" for us?

When I worked as a midwife, one of the reasons that obstetricians gave for saying that midwifery was dangerous was that a birth could only be called "normal" -after- it was over -- that until all the risks had been surmounted successfully, there was no such thing as a "normal" birth.

I feel much the same way about the whole concept of "soul mate". I think it is possible that there exist in the world some people who mesh together much better than others, and who fulfill something exceptional in their counterpart. I believe that people who have died after 70 years of successful marriage may, indeed, have been soul-mates... but I don't believe that one can predict up front whether or not an individual is going to be one's "soul mate", nor do I think that it can be determined while a relationship is ongoing, without setting up unfair expectations concerning the other person(s).

I also believe that there is not just ONE soul-mate... that anyone who touches our spirit and brings joy to our lives has the potential to be a soul-mate... even if there are rocky times that have to be faced together.

I've been blessed with TWO soul-mates in my life so far. LEB and PDB were incredible people, who filled my life with challenge, joy, hope, fury, trust, angst, and made me want to live every day fully. They're both dead now, and I can honestly say that they made my soul stronger, smarter, more loving, and brighter than it was when they came into my life. SRB may be a soulmate, but I won't know until our relationship ends. I hope that is many years in the future, and until then, I'll just cherish each day that she's with me for whatever it brings us.

My philosophy on relationships is to cherish each and every one -- even the ones that teach in harsh ways rather than gentle. Every relationship, large or small, that we are in changes and shapes us. Sometimes, it is unhealthy to have a relationship continue, like it is unhealthy to drink a gallon of wine. It may taste wonderful at first, but too much is like poison. Relationships can be this way, too, and it's crucial to know when to let go of the addiction of the relationship, and move on to grow and heal in other ways. Sometimes, we'll find multiple individuals at the same time who each seem to have a way of enhancing our lives -- and whose lives -we- enhance as well. What is the rationale of cutting away something that is nourishing, just because you already have one? To me, that is like cutting away all of the tomato flowers on the bush just because you have one bloom -- it is a waste of potential. To me, I would prefer to encourage as many flowers to bloom as possible, cherish and care for each of them, and enjoy and share a bounty of fruits when it comes time to harvest the wonders of the relationship.

People come and people go in our lives. The only constant is ourselves. If we are comfortable and HONEST with ourselves, we will make choices that will nourish us, and choices that will be healthy and nourishing for everyone we enter into a relationship with. There is no greater capacity in us than our capacity for love. Like our capacity of mind, we waste much of the bounty given to us. I do not believe in waste -- I accept and cherish every gift the Universe has offered me, from tomatoes to beloveds to amazing friends.

ZWD

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 7/4/2006 11:50:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:51:24 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

Though I don't believe in the concept of the one, I will share a private girly story.

The day I met Master, the moment I met him, there was this electric current that went straight through me into my tummy where this heat pooled and my whole body suddenly felt more aware, as if I'd been sleeping all my life and wow I was suddenly awake and alive and on fire. It's hard to describe it's like a glowing light hit me in the stomach and grew there. And every time I am near Master it is the same thing, for a while I waited for it to go away. to falter but it doesn't, in fact it seems to grow, now I know this will sound insane but through nurturing that feeling, I feel like I've opened up myself, my tummy to him and a Cord has formed connecting us. I never ever said anything to Master about it because I felt silly, but one day a year or so after our first meeting, he told me that the day we met, he felt as if a bolt of light hit him and sunk into his stomach, he said he feels something connecting his stomach to mine. When he told me this I told him how I'd felt and since we try to nurture it.

Will it be this way for everyone? Hell no. Am I mildly insane? Maybe. But that's how it was for us

~dancer

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 12

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:53:23 AM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

Simply because someone is a soulmate it doesn't necessarily mean they are the one. For example there is a submissive out in the world that I've found to be My soulmate. However being a Cuckoldress and poly he will never be the ONE for Me. The alpha perhaps within the household but there would never be One. So as complicated as it may seem while I may find My soulmate(s) out there, I don't believe in there being only one for Me. I'm sure this hasn't helped clarify in any way at all has it? Sorry, just My opinion.

oops and I seem to have replied to someone other than the OP. Not quite awake and haven't had My am caffeine as yet. Damn nicotine withdrawls.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 7/4/2006 11:57:20 AM >

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 13

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:53:26 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

i believe that we all have a soulmate out there somewhere, however i don't believe that we will necessarily end up with or even ever meet our soulmate. i also don't believe in "looking" for love...that's one reason why i never understood the whole dating thing, turning love and fate into a job search. i believe one should just live one's life, and if it is meant to be, it will be. my Master and i are soulmates...we found one another completely by accident, and neither of us was looking for a relationship of any kind. yet, because we let things just take their course, here we are. how do i know he is my soulmate? i can't explain it, i just know. in my wildest and most elaborate fantasies, i cannot picture someone more perfect for me, and i cannot fathom a life without him.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 11:57:34 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

No, I don't honestly believe that. There is more than one woman for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:01:34 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Not settling means that I won't accept a person who does not meet my needs and expectations. That doesn't mean I believe there's only one person out there who can meet them, it just means I've met a lot of people that haven't! It's not so difficult, really. I'm one of those people for whom this doesn't work out side a loving relationship, so he has to love me. He has to be honest and monogamous, kind and generous. He has to be intelligent. He has to love children. Then comes being dominant. That's not really asking so much. I don't know that will make him my soul mate, I'm not sure I believe in them, really.

I don't expect to know right away whether a person is the "one" for me. I expect to learn through building a relationship whether he is. If it seems we should go our separate ways, then we do. If not, I hope to keep building. There's no other way to know.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 16

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:02:31 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
No, I don't honestly believe that. There is more than one woman for me.

Hopefully at the same time?

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 17

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:02:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Great responses from everyone...

desertdancer, you simply are a woman in love...smiles

I know that when I first started talking to my Daddy a few months ago I was bound and determined I was going to "play the field", talk to many dominants, try to find one that was worth pursuing eventually. I was going to date for a long time and let myself be "wooed" by someone that thought I was worth "wooing". I wanted to be courted basically. I was talking to many handsome, some successful, very intelligent dominants. The first one that emailed me was the one that got me...smiles. It was very odd, because life has a way of telling you... "You do not pick what happens to you, so just enjoy the ride"!

Now I fought against going off the deep end over Daddy. I continued to talk to many men even as I waited for his phone calls and knew he was the one that could always make me smile from the first time I talk to him, but I resisted the temptation to go there. I finally did, and as every day goes by I give a little more and a little more of my heart away....

Is he my "soul mate"..hmmmm, I do not know yet either, but I do know he is definitely worth spending the time with to find out..smiles. I think Lady Bladeswing is right, it takes a lifetime to know if we found our lifemate...someone has to pass away to find out.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 18

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:06:10 PM

APerfectParadox

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The day I met Master, the moment I met him, there was this electric current that went straight through me into my tummy where this heat pooled and my whole body suddenly felt more aware,

When my eyes met Adams the first time i felt a shock go all the way down to my toes.. I thought i would get over it .. but i reacted the same way everytime he walked in a room and our eyes met for the entire 6 years i knew him ..never had that before or since..... lucky you !!!!!

_____________________________

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 19

RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:08:43 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes, that is what I meant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
No, I don't honestly believe that. There is more than one woman for me.

Hopefully at the same time?

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 20

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