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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:18:17 PM   
darkinshadows


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I never believed in soulmates until quite recently.  But even as I now have more an understanding of them do I realise that they are not necessarily, 'the one'.  I do not believe in the concept of 'the one' and I do think too many people get swept up in the romantic concept.  Now I am a very romantic person, but I am always wary of people making romance, just for the sake of it.
 
I do not believe that everyone ultimately ends up with their soulmate.  Sometimes, they are a wonderful friend, usually the kind that stays around forever.  They could be the opposite sex, but not always.  If there are opposities in everything, light and dark - big and small - black and white, then there is an opposite of each of us.  This is our soul mate - for even the most profound difference, fits.
 
Know that the 'soul mate' is out there, but know that you may never be together - and do not wait forever for something that may never turn out as you would like.
 
Peace and Rapture


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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:20:12 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I believe that everyone has many "soul mates" that they encounter in the journey of life  here on the earth plane.
It is my personal believe that these connections may spread over many lifetimes hence the sometimes instantaneous feelings of a deep understanding and how easy a durable bond can be formed.
 
And so also I believe at times our "soulmates" may also wreak havoc in our lives it all depends on what karma the individuals need to work though, but then I am one to believe this life is all about lessons to be learned and incorporated into our souls purpose.
 
So then I would have to say I tend to not believe in the possible encounter with the  "One" soulmate adage.
Still I would never find myself settling either. 

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 7/4/2006 12:21:51 PM >

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:26:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?


While I believe there are people I have very special connections with that have more to them than just the experiences we have had together in our relationship, polyamory kinda cancels out the concept of having ONE soul mate for me.

There's a sweet scene in "Ever After" that talks about soulmates- about how on earth you could be expected to find "the one" within a lifetimes and what happens if you were the one and aren't any more or they found another one before you?

And there's Sex and the City which asks "Why are women so powerful and yet somehow when they are "one" without a "plus one" they feel like they add up to zero?

I think people should not hang onto the idea of being "complete with the one."  I believe that soul mates does not equal "person I should be in an intimate relationship with for the rest of my life."  I think we should allow connections to grow as they do and find fulfillment within all outlets that we can.


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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:41:46 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I don't believe in "The One" being the only one possible. I think it's entirely possible that there may be many I could connect with and have a good relationship with. It all depends on what each person is willing to do to make a relationship work.

Soul mates, to me, are people who have put in the hard work necessary to make their relationship work. For some it seems to come easily but if you really dig into their relationship they *worked* hard to make it work.

There are some people who seem to be totally incompatible yet they manage to make their relationship work through hard work, respect, trust, and communication. 

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:42:59 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		I believe all experiences, including the ones ending, have a lesson weaved within.  I cannot simply state that there is only one soul mate, I think there are several that are there to enlighten your being.  I do not agree with "settling" because you can co-exist with  another being and tolerate their personality.  I would think the main objective in any positive relationship would be learning and growing together.  I do believe in finding spiritual bonds within another, but to limit myself to one and only one denies myself growth and knowledge from a different perspective.
I cannot imagine my life without Brat being by my side but, the cold hard truth of the matter is, without her I would continue to exist, continue to seek a bond, continue to learn and grow.  As with anyone, loosing their once thought to be "one and only" can be a very tragic turn of events in our life, but we do pick up the pieces and continue on creating new realtionships, bonds, and spiritual growth.

LOKI


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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:47:28 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?

What if you were mistaken and they were just in your life temporarily?

Or do you think there are many "ones" that we can encounter in our lives?




Dear juliaoceanie anthropogist.... and all

This is a great question/thread for all kinds of reasons...

You can see how the various answers
show all the variations of scale and degree of..

-- the romantic vs pragmatic spectrum
-- the appolonian vs dionesian spectrum
-- the monotonous vs polygamous spectrum
-- the 'don't mix business with pleasure" spectrum

... and some other, less obvious scales of beliefs/values/cultural conditioning...

Personally, my path of discovery has led me to understand
that my limitations (heh heh) include :

--- far left political orientation
--- moderate hetero  (I've occasionally loved a woman with a dick, but rarely, and in  limited "hetero-like" positions)
--- about 97.33 % monotonous on the mono/poly scale, seeking only one woman to give me her submission...
--- hard-wired, radical romantic
--- hard-wired, 99 and 44/100 %  pure dominant, just like Ivory Soap. But Ivory floats and I don't.


**********


The whole sole-mate thing has torn the Cobbler Community asunder,
as it does here in the Bondage Bylaw Enforcement Department, local cm

I dunno about soul mates,
but there are... in my opinion and experience...
absolutely perfect matches in kink, temprement, intensity, emotional level,
and the all-important bathroom-sink-cleaning-duty-division-negotiations.

The are Ivory Soap Submissives who compliment ... perfectly... the total doms they cum across...
(and i mean that last clause literally, if you follow me...)

But I don't think that means there's only one perfect match,
because I view the universe as abundant, with far more treasures than I could ever personally amass...
there are, in my view, many perfect match's, but I'm only looking for one....


Does the sole-mate last forever?
The cobblers are ahead of the bondage boys 'n gals on this one.
The answer is a resounding no! 
Impermanence is the business model of all cobblers.


Even if you stay in perfect harmony with your treasure,
one of four things must happen...
must happen, because that's the way G-d made the world, the cruel bitch.
Sometimes I think she was PMS-ing during all 7 days of creation...

The Only 4 outcomes to all relationships are
...please adjust for gender-sensitivity.... I am in LA after all....

1. You leave her.
2. She leaves you.
3. You watch her die.
4. She watches you die.

But..... ohhhhh-sweet-sinnn-maybe-cynnn---- you can have a sweet time in the meantime.

I say, OhSin.....Oh.... sin away....

DD

< Message edited by DoctorDubious -- 7/4/2006 12:49:14 PM >

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:57:31 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't believe in one pefect soul mate, I have a hard time believing in soul mates at all actually though i have seen some really great relationships. I'm also sceptical in regards to true love as well.

I think there are many people out there that you fit at certain times of your life. If you are lucky as you grow and change they grow and change in the same direction and you can maintain your relationship.

We need different people in our lives to learn and experience different things that we need to with in the process of our lives. I don't believe any relationship is a waste of time, for we learn from each person we come into contact with.

hehe I know denika will shake her head at me yet again but I honestly don't think there is a soul mate for me. I do hope there is someone (or two) out there that will match my needs and whose needs i can fullfill. I would love to find a relationship that lasted forever but i treasure every relationship i've had and will have in the furture and except them for what they are and can be.

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:57:55 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I loved what you said about the universe being abundant, I think it is too...lol

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 12:59:10 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Just because this relationship was for a season will not erase the fondness you have for this person or what they  meant to you. I think you have a very positive attitude!

I think RavenMuse is so right too, that sometimes people can become trapped by their romanticism, because they stated over and over again they had found "their one" and now they have made a bed with those words and feel they have to lie in that bed. It is sad and I have been in this situation before when I was much younger. What started out as the "one" becomes "settling" for less than you deserve because everyone deserves to be safe in their relationships.






 I'd probably view it as *settling for whatever I was settling for*.....Who's to SAY what we deserve?...Who's to SAY whether we deserve anything other than what we're getting? Where is the implicit *right* that we *deserve* anything?
It's jolly helpful for me, to understand that no ONE person has to be the be all and end all of my life's path but I certainly don't see anything remotely deserving about it.


agirl



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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:05:47 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		fast reply...............

I do believe in Soul Mates, although a Soul Mate doesnt always equate to being ~the one~.
Soul Mates are Plural to me.  I've had a few in my life time and have found what ever flame was created in each continues to burn reguardless of distance or contact. 

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:06:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My belief is this... we all deserve to be safe, fed, and sheltered. It is my belief.. that's all, and I do not expect anyone else to share it...smiles

edited to add: by safe I mean that we should all have a right not to live in fear of our saftey and to be free from abuse (or what we feel is abusive to our spirit either emotionally or physically)

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/4/2006 1:12:04 PM >

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:09:41 PM   
iamMasters


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that i have my soul mate in my Master, I can't imagine being without Him in my life, however, i know that we are moving towards a poly realtionship, however casual that realationship may be, but i know that i am his forever.

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:10:12 PM   
lanwolf


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		I do believe that one day I will find my Soul mate, that dose not mean I will be the only one in Their life. I have no issues with multiple partners so I do not mind being a part of a stable or even being with a Switch that has a Dom and a sub. That Soul mate is the One I will be with for the rest of my life. All the Others that I have relationships with until then are teaching me about who and what I am and I come away from each relationship with something positive.

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:20:40 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My belief is this... we all deserve to be safe, fed, and sheltered. It is my belief.. that's all, and I do not expect anyone else to share it...smiles





Such a limited Bill of Rights for an anthropologist ....

I'd like to propose an amendment to your bill, adding the right ...

To gloriously,
enthusiastically,
elegantly,
roughly,
gently,
fiercely,
pervertedly,
deviantly,
repeatedly
be fucked into ecstasy.

DD
that's actually part of my plan
to create world peace within a generation...
doncha think that would divert the war-mongers a tad?

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 1:25:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Well Make Love not War... isn't that the old mantra? I like this one.. "All we are saying is give peace a chance"... I wish Lennon was still around because I am a peacenik at heart...lol

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 2:18:13 PM   
BuxomGoddess714


Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline 		I was taught that a "Soul Mate" is someone who's soul travels with you thru time and other lives.  I am Indian.  It is not exclusive to One and not even necessarily a romantic relationship.  I believe my Son is one of my Soul mates.  Even my Mother, who is very spiritual, says my Son has a very old Soul, and I have always been able to read Him from the time he was an infant because of our connection.

In romantic relationships, it took me 45 years here to find The One I have been travelling in Love with.  I am very sure but he is not ready in this life.  I know We where together before and belong together now.  But I have no control over other people's perfect destiny or their mistakes.  I cannot make them be honest or make the right decisions.  Some people fear things they do not understand, or are not ready to meet their destiny.  Maybe in the next life for him he will evolve and realize this.  But for now he chases other things.  This leaves me incomplete here.  There may be another I have travelled with.  I have not sensed him or met him.  I have a couple of  Soul Friends.  We will be together in the next life and have been together before.

Can new Soul connections be made?  Absolutely.  And they will travel with us from now on.  That is all I can hope for now.

"Life is what happens while We are busy making other plans" John Lennon

Blessed be,
Goddess

< Message edited by BuxomGoddess714 -- 7/4/2006 2:24:51 PM >

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 2:47:16 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to believe people end up w/who they end up with because they are supposed to be learning something from that person (or teaching them something), or maybe both - even if that person might not look like a soulmate w/its stereotypical menaing. And  I guess then it's not really a soul-mate. But I think "destiny" can play a role - maybe we just don't see it and who could ever prove it anyway?

I used to believe in soul-mates in the stereotypical sense, but I don't anymore. That's not to say I don't have people I am just simply more attracted to liking, for whatever reason: Their personality is usually a big reason, they are smart, they are funny, and somewhere (way down the line) looks can have something to do with it too I guess.

I think fate may be playing a role sometimes, as far as timing of the chance to meet someone. If people think this is horse_it, then I say answer questions like: Why were you born where you were instead of someplace else? Why now? Why are you on this website at this point in time instead of 3 years ago (or whatever)...??? Of course people always have their own free will left to act or not.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/4/2006 2:49:38 PM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 4:38:59 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: APerfectParadox
i think there ARE several ones . The trick is finding them , recognising them when you do and being in the right place in your life to be open to all that they have to offer ....


I've been fortunate to meet 2 people that I consider soulmates. Neither one was a romantic connection.

One is a gay friend of mine who passed away a long time ago. I still feel a chunk of my heart missing, and I always will. We had a connection that was frighteningly psychic. After more than 10 years I still find myself wanting to phone him and tell him something.

Another is my ex. We tried to have a romantic connection but deep down we both knew it lacked something. Yet we have a connection so strong that we've been able to battle through some difficult moments and still say I love you, no matter what. We both acknowledge that we're soulmates, but as much as we wish it was romantic it just isn't.

I think people limit their understanding of a soul-connection to a romantic one, but that's not a definition I agree with.

I don't believe there is just One person for anyone. I believe we can and do love many people in our lives. Each one is a unique love, but nevertheless it's still love.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 5:53:42 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

This question was spawned from another thread about whether or not people should "settle" (whatever that means...lol).

I was wondering when looking for a partner in WIIWD do you think you have a "soul mate" out there, that there is only "one" person for you? Do you wait for that "one" because there can only be "one"? How would you know if they were the "one"? Is it fated? Is it something you would know over time?

<snip>


I hate to rely on the old adage but it was true with me

You'll just know it!

Sure I have been in love before. I have had numerous dating experiences & with each I felt different things. Yet when I met my current partner... we both just knew in a way that was more powerful than either of us ever did before.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 7/4/2006 5:58:19 PM >

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RE: Soul Mates - 7/4/2006 6:06:55 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I think the 'one' concept is a potentialy dangerous thing, in any kind of relationship not simply in D/s, M/s and BDSM ones. It leads too many into the mindset of "This must be my ONE, therefore no matter how unhappy I am, no matter how much I maybe abused, how mistreated or ignored I am, I have to put up with it as I will NEVER find anything better", or even worse, "This is my ONE therefore this is what I must deserve regardless of how bad it gets."


I was there (above) at one point, in the recent years past, and it was horrible.  I am thankful now that I see this is a terribly miscalculated conclusion.  I am glad that I have the Master that I do now to show me that emotional destruction is not something that needs to be accepted and nor is it deserved.

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