|
cynthiamarie -> RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? (7/4/2006 5:23:30 PM)
|
quote:
Whatever happened to being nice to someone? I see sooo many posts on here from dominants who get off on hurting and humiliating submissives and wrap the cloak of dominance around theirself as justification. And while I don't see it myself, I know there's lots of wankers and posers who are the exact opposite, who look for humiliation as a way to get off sexually. But I'm on the other side of the collar, so that's what I'm going to talk about here.
I'd throw in the towel and go vanilla if every slave had to be heavily degraded to feel owned.
Many men approach me with fantasies of being treated like refuse; an absolute helpless nothing with no rights at all. I try not to let their needs offend me and let them know that that's not what I'm looking for in a sub. I'm not into degradation play...not my kink. Little erotic humiliations are different. <WEG>
Each person tries to find someone who can take care of their needs. I believe you're right that some people may be using D/s to work out some problems, or else their trust is too low to treat anyone better, but we can't tell who they are apart from ones who are just enjoying their kink.
Part of it is just...feeding the emotional masochism.
The only person I would call slut or bitch is someone who is MY slut or bitch. It becomes an endearment. Calling someone your slut (while pinning them down gently by their hair, grins) is a way of setting some people free, giving them acceptance and permission to be hot and nasty and...everything they were taught to repress.
I'm still trying to understand the deeper need for humiliation many seem to have, but when I've questioned them it seems to boil down to being totally helpless, overwhelmed, not worthy or "perfect" but accepted and loved anyway, and never abandoned. This is only from the men I polled/interrogated. [;)]
Maybe a Dom/me will want someone they can completely "show their ass" too and...feel the devotion and worship that comes from the sub or slave who needs to be treated in this way.
quote:
It's not the ONLY reason to be dominant/submissive! And there are many opportunities for healthy and sensual encounters between dominant and submissive. But so much seems to be oriented around "suck my dick bitch" or "lick me bitch" - bitch seems to be an overly common non-gender specific descriptive of the submissive performing sexual acts with their mouth.
I haven't seen this in the boards, but maybe I'm looking in the wrong areas, nor have I seen this from regulars in the chatroom lobby. Is this from pm's? From letters? At munches? In dungeons? If it's from cyber roleplay, pfft.
Places like these are often the only place we can freely express our feelings without shocking and horrifying all the vanillas in our lives...though sometimes the price is being a little shocked and horrified ourselves. [:D]
quote:
Is there something to the dominant being insecure with their own self to humiliate submissives? Or could it be that they are insecure in their role and fall back on what they read in books or see on the web to cover their own shortcomings?
Insecurity? No. I feel the need to get what I want at that time and insecurity doesn't come into it. It's amazing how many things people think will be humiliating...but will give the lad a semi and toss him into some level of subspace. I haven't belittled someone as a person...maybe a little bit in the ego, but it's a kind of smack and then hug type of thing.
Hm, when I was insecure of my role was when I was very new (okay oldtimers, stop laughing)...and kept worrying about what I should do instead of what I wanted to do. I wanted to live up to what the bottom expected, and it took me a little while to find the arrogance to...do nothing when I wished to do nothing, and think about what I wanted and not give a fig for what others would do in my shoes.
Can you imagine how hard it is to NOT verbally humiliate someone who wants it badly, just because I don't enjoy it and don't feel like playing in my yellow zone at that moment?
I've only been into this for a year and a half...and if I do find myself going deeper into humiliation play it won't be because I'm insecure or think someone really is dirt under my feet...it would be because they need to be broken down that far before being built back up, maybe to work through something that happened in the past, or because for some reason it's erotic for the both of us.
|
|
|
|
