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KinkyNCuddly -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 11:15:17 AM)
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So, everyone is right that this guy is insincere (married and/or a scammer or recreational emotional sadist).
I am guessing from your post that you are, like many subs (I include myself) emotionally needy and more than ready to meet a decent Dom for once. This emotional need can make us do stupid things.
After some shitty experiences of my own years ago, I feel that the best way to tackle this is to set up some iron-clad rules for yourself. Do it while you are in a logical frame of mind, and then consider them absolute inviolate Laws of Nature that you may not break at ANY time. This will prevent you from doing stupid things when you get to feeling too hopeful about someone/attached to someone/emotionally needy. Also, consider it training for being submissive, as you are submitting to rules and expectations of yourself. You don't get to bend let alone break these rules. You don't get to re-think them. You trust that the rules that you made when thinking clearly and not swayed by wishful desire are the correct ones to guide you towards something fulfilling.
First rule should be one about length of time between initial contact and meeting in person. NO excuses. If the person doesn't meet you within x weeks, you stop all contact. There is absolutely no reason someone shouldn't be able to meet you within 2 months. If they are really so busy/far away that they can't meet within that timeframe, then they should be postponing their search, not stringing someone along. And more likely the reasons they can't meet are excuses. When people are genuinely available and genuinely interested in someone, they are motivated to meet, even if it causes some inconvenience.
Second rule should be NEVER ever do sexual play online or over the phone before meeting someone. You really really do not know who you are dealing with at that point. Please listen to people who have more experience than you. Don't continue learning the hard way. How will you feel when that person disappears? Or turns out to be married? Or you meet them in person and they smell bad or have some habits you can't stand? The time will vary from person to person, but if you feel emotionally vulnerable and attached to someone after sex and/or play (which I am guessing you do), then also do not play with someone soon after meeting in person. Again, consider this an inviolate rule, it's there for your protection, and any decent Dom (actually any decent human being) will understand the need for such.
Other rules can include: only spending x amount of time interacting with someone before meeting, keeping your profile up unless you get a specific offer of exclusivity; verifying identity before meeting; walking if someone does not respect your hard limits (wanting to push limits just to push them and before understanding you well enough to know what the effect will be).
If you don't trust yourself to stick by these rules, you might want to find an assertive and confident (REAL LIFE) friend, tell them about these rules, and have them kick your ass a bit if you don't follow them, or are thinking of bending them.
The reason you should have these rules for yourself is because, frankly, you are emotionally weak (own it!) and also because so many people are absolute jerk creep assholes who care not one whit for your well-being, and they often have a honed set of rationalizations for steam-rolling over a subbie's reasonable requests. You need protection, and since you're not getting that now from a caring Dom, you need it from rules and friends.
Good luck!
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