RE: being ignored by master?? help!?

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RedMagic1 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 5:25:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16 hello there! i've recently started a relationship w/ Master. we've been talking for 2 months nearly...met here on CM and we live only 20 minutes from eachother. we have not met in person yet, as he has a process that he follows for all potential slaves...things have been going excellently. he's finishing up a 3 wk stint in south africa and returning home tomorrow. while he has been gone we have had good communication/contact, as much as possible while he has been away and in remote locations and busy with friends, etc. he has provided me with a daily task list, as well, and i've been emailing him my experiences. on new years day, he emailed me very sweet emails.... i have not heard from him since. i'm very concerned and have never had this experience before...does anyone have experience with 1. a master/dom saying deep/emotional things and then quickly changing their mind, or 2. a master/dom ignoring them not for purposes of punishment (i think he'd tell me if i was being punished) but for purposes of seeing the degree of your submission and obedience even when things are difficult? please, any advice would be appreciated. it has been a very long 3 days since hearing from him and i'm so upset--when i got his sweet/emotional emails on new years day i was on such a high...now, as you can imagine, i'm in such a low emotionally...part of me is pissy and wants to retaliate by not finishing my daily tasks...but the good girl in me says to push thru and if his feelings ahve changed, he'll tell me directly... maybe this is a test of my obedience!?? thank you. so much. This OP made me sad. You seem like a decent person, and very very dateable.[;)] Look. I have no idea what is going on in his personal life, and I'm not going to guess. But I'm confident two things are true. 1. Your desire to obey him is broken, as a result of his inconsistent contact with you, and cannot be repaired. There's a window to these things, and if the window closes -- or shatters -- it's game over. 2. He isn't primarily interested in a real-life relationship with you. I'll talk about (2) for a second. If it helps any, I've noticed this a lot in women on CollarMe. It isn't just men, and it isn't just married people. A fair amount of kinky people online are looking for online-only relationships. Men tend to be more honest about that objective, frankly. With women, they'll say they want something in real life, but they are too afraid to meet people for that to be real. Back when I was dating a lot, I met several women who told me things like, "You're only the second man I've met from CollarMe in over three years." Maybe some of them were fibbing because they didn't want to "sound slutty," but enough ladies told me the same thing that they can't all have been lying. A ratio like that goes beyond "being picky" and enters the "afraid of men in real life" category, or the "I like the idea of a relationship but I don't want to mess up my routine" category. So back to this guy. Whatever his reasons, two months is too long. I would want to beat your ass tomorrow. And, since I am able to remember the photo you used to post, I really do want to beat your ass tomorrow.[8D] So he's suffering from some form of social or sexual incompetence. Final thought: are those daily tasks good for your life? Like doing extra situps or something? If so, do them for yourself. If not, then fuck him. Or rather, don't fuck him, because you won't be getting the opportunity. Wishing you a happy new year.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 6:17:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders FR My cousin sent me a text while camping in a tent on the Serengeti. Just in case any of you folks were thinking of using the 'no cell phone reception in Africa' excuse in the future. And just to back that up, there aren't many places in the world where there isn't some sort of signal. My OH's cousin is currently climbing a mountain somewhere in Mexico at the mo. He still chats to her on FB - did that today. He's been all over the African continent recently and always managed to chat on FB with his iPhone even when he's been in the middle of nowhere. He was in Bangcock just after the storms and when the riots were happening the other month - he still managed to chat very well. So when someone says they are where there isn't any signal or can't communicate, I'd immediately smell a rat!! Just sayin'

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 6:38:06 PM)
If I remember correctly, the age noted was 42.

littlewonder -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 10:19:05 PM)
You have fallen for one of the oldest lines of online scams. He doesn't have some kind of plan before he meets someone. He has no intention of ever meeting you. He's married and you're just his little bit of fun online for awhile. Of course he's gonna say nice things to you. How else can he keep you stringed along? Next time, meet quickly and get to know the person in real life before calling him your Dom or Master.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/5/2014 11:51:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KinkyNCuddly So, everyone is right that this guy is insincere (married and/or a scammer or recreational emotional sadist). I am guessing from your post that you are, like many subs (I include myself) emotionally needy and more than ready to meet a decent Dom for once. This emotional need can make us do stupid things. After some shitty experiences of my own years ago, I feel that the best way to tackle this is to set up some iron-clad rules for yourself. Do it while you are in a logical frame of mind, and then consider them absolute inviolate Laws of Nature that you may not break at ANY time. This will prevent you from doing stupid things when you get to feeling too hopeful about someone/attached to someone/emotionally needy. Also, consider it training for being submissive, as you are submitting to rules and expectations of yourself. You don't get to bend let alone break these rules. You don't get to re-think them. You trust that the rules that you made when thinking clearly and not swayed by wishful desire are the correct ones to guide you towards something fulfilling. First rule should be one about length of time between initial contact and meeting in person. NO excuses. If the person doesn't meet you within x weeks, you stop all contact. There is absolutely no reason someone shouldn't be able to meet you within 2 months. If they are really so busy/far away that they can't meet within that timeframe, then they should be postponing their search, not stringing someone along. And more likely the reasons they can't meet are excuses. When people are genuinely available and genuinely interested in someone, they are motivated to meet, even if it causes some inconvenience. Second rule should be NEVER ever do sexual play online or over the phone before meeting someone. You really really do not know who you are dealing with at that point. Please listen to people who have more experience than you. Don't continue learning the hard way. How will you feel when that person disappears? Or turns out to be married? Or you meet them in person and they smell bad or have some habits you can't stand? The time will vary from person to person, but if you feel emotionally vulnerable and attached to someone after sex and/or play (which I am guessing you do), then also do not play with someone soon after meeting in person. Again, consider this an inviolate rule, it's there for your protection, and any decent Dom (actually any decent human being) will understand the need for such. Other rules can include: only spending x amount of time interacting with someone before meeting, keeping your profile up unless you get a specific offer of exclusivity; verifying identity before meeting; walking if someone does not respect your hard limits (wanting to push limits just to push them and before understanding you well enough to know what the effect will be). If you don't trust yourself to stick by these rules, you might want to find an assertive and confident (REAL LIFE) friend, tell them about these rules, and have them kick your ass a bit if you don't follow them, or are thinking of bending them. The reason you should have these rules for yourself is because, frankly, you are emotionally weak (own it!) and also because so many people are absolute jerk creep assholes who care not one whit for your well-being, and they often have a honed set of rationalizations for steam-rolling over a subbie's reasonable requests. You need protection, and since you're not getting that now from a caring Dom, you need it from rules and friends. Good luck! Awesome first post, KinkyNCuddly! Welcome to the boards.

Rule -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 2:38:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16 he has a process that he follows for all potential slaves [sm=rofl.gif] I have got such a process too: Bring me a beer and wash my shirt! I guess that he is not thirsty and that he does not mind walking around in an unwashed shirt for two months and counting.

Rule -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 2:46:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds Whatever you do at this point don't meet the guy, and absolutely do not have sex with him, which he will want immediately if he ever shows up in person, and just cut off contact and get out. [sm=goodpost.gif]

tallandsweet16 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 8:25:50 AM)
I want to thank you all kindly for your replies. A dose of excellent and painful reality. Lesson learned. And I am 33 yrs old, for the record. Still no contact and I am picking up the pieces slowly. I will not let this define me in any way other than to have learned a very valuable lesson and to approach things differently next time, with the tips you all have so kindly shared. Today is a new day....day 5 of "without sir"....it has to get easier and better from here. ♡

anniezz338 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 8:32:30 AM)
I was just wondering how it went for you. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did but you have a good attitude and i know you will succeed in finding your heart's love. Sometimes we have to kiss a few frogs ... Best wishes to you annie

pgashlie -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 8:52:43 AM)
Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a lot of dead spots in ZA. There's really not enough information...

RedMagic1 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 9:03:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pgashlie Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a lot of dead spots in ZA. There's really not enough information... Two months, twenty miles apart, no first date and he's already controlling her life. Cyber wankfest, baby. Africa is completely irrelevant.

kalikshama -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 9:08:41 AM)
quote: Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a lot of dead spots in ZA. There's really not enough information... Because we're hearing hoof beats and thinking horses, not zebras.

OsideGirl -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 9:11:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pgashlie Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a lot of dead spots in ZA. There's really not enough information... That was three weeks out of 8. How do you explain not meeting for the other 5 weeks, when they only live 20 minutes apart? I mean really, meeting for coffee takes 15 minutes. You're trying to tell me that it's possible to not be able to carve out 15 minutes out of 5 weeks to meet your possible future partner? #2 - if he's in jail, then he still would likely deserved to get heaped on. #3 - she's not talking about not having contact with him while he was in Africa. He contacted her after he "got home" and then never contacted her again. So, I'm willing to be that if he's back in the US, it would take 3 minutes to replace his phone....and there's about 50 other ways to contact her. OP, I'm sorry you're hurting, but I promise it will get better.

D0MBLKMAN2Serve -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 10:01:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16 I want to thank you all kindly for your replies. A dose of excellent and painful reality. Lesson learned. And I am 33 yrs old, for the record. Still no contact and I am picking up the pieces slowly. I will not let this define me in any way other than to have learned a very valuable lesson and to approach things differently next time, with the tips you all have so kindly shared. Today is a new day....day 5 of "without sir"....it has to get easier and better from here. ♡ Smart move. I like your 'as a matter of fact approach' and the strength to pick up and run again! Well done. All the best.

D0MBLKMAN2Serve -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 10:04:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pgashlie Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a lot of dead spots in ZA. There's really not enough information... I think this is a good POV too. Thanks for pointing that out. Perhaps the OP ( I guess it means Original Poster - tallandsweet16) should try to find out what happened from her common friends etc. Hope it all works out.

Runningkc -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 10:46:00 AM)
So sorry OP. Been there, done that. Smarter, wiser, better for it. But I know it still sucks! There are good men on here, keep your head up and keep on keepin' on.

Rule -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 10:46:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pgashlie Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Nah. After he got back from Africa to the USA, he got killed and eaten by a lion. [8\|]

petitespot -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 11:48:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16 I want to thank you all kindly for your replies. A dose of excellent and painful reality. Lesson learned. And I am 33 yrs old, for the record. Still no contact and I am picking up the pieces slowly. I will not let this define me in any way other than to have learned a very valuable lesson and to approach things differently next time, with the tips you all have so kindly shared. Today is a new day....day 5 of "without sir"....it has to get easier and better from here. ♡ Working from home and waiting for some emails to come in sooooo...killing time. Just put two and two together and realized your posting history. Even went back and reread the misunderstood thread. I think you need to ground yourself in reality and not in 50 Shades and Castle Realm. You were given good advice in that thread. It appears that you really didn't take any of it. I predict we will be reading another thread of yours in about a month with the same premise. You've been given good advice in this thread too. If I were you, I'd take it.

DesFIP -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 6:40:58 PM)
Considering she's just closed her profile so none of the rest of us can check her forum posts, I wouldn't be surprised. But with a new sock next time.

RedMagic1 -> RE: being ignored by master?? help!? (1/6/2014 6:46:26 PM)
I didn't get a socky attention-whore vibe from the OP, for whatever that's worth. I think what's going on is that she wants so badly to feel feelings that she doesn't want to risk disappointment. And meeting people in real life for the first time can dash your hopes. So it's more important to her to feel as though she's part of something than it is to date.

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