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being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 6:47:13 PM

tallandsweet16

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/17/2013
Status: offline

hello there!

i've recently started a relationship w/ Master. we've been talking for 2 months nearly...met here on CM and we live only 20 minutes from eachother. we have not met in person yet, as he has a process that he follows for all potential slaves...things have been going excellently. he's finishing up a 3 wk stint in south africa and returning home tomorrow. while he has been gone we have had good communication/contact, as much as possible while he has been away and in remote locations and busy with friends, etc. he has provided me with a daily task list, as well, and i've been emailing him my experiences.

on new years day, he emailed me very sweet emails.... i have not heard from him since. i'm very concerned and have never had this experience before...does anyone have experience with 1. a master/dom saying deep/emotional things and then quickly changing their mind, or 2. a master/dom ignoring them not for purposes of punishment (i think he'd tell me if i was being punished) but for purposes of seeing the degree of your submission and obedience even when things are difficult?

please, any advice would be appreciated. it has been a very long 3 days since hearing from him and i'm so upset--when i got his sweet/emotional emails on new years day i was on such a high...now, as you can imagine, i'm in such a low emotionally...part of me is pissy and wants to retaliate by not finishing my daily tasks...but the good girl in me says to push thru and if his feelings ahve changed, he'll tell me directly... maybe this is a test of my obedience!??

thank you. so much.

Post #: 1

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 6:50:45 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

It's just as likely he's married. You've been chatting for a time. He's coming home. There are no more excuses to not meet with you.

_____________________________

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Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 2

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 6:50:52 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Red flag #1 - you've been talking to someone for 2 months and haven't met even though you only live 20 minutes apart.

Red flag #2 - the hot and cold roller coaster.

Stop and think for a moment: Would you tolerate this in a vanilla relationship?

Part #2 - You shouldn't get emotionally involved with someone you've never met. And regardless of how much you've talked...he is still a stranger to you.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/4/2014 6:51:52 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 3

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 6:56:51 PM

tallandsweet16

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/17/2013
Status: offline

thank you for your replies.
i know FOR SURE he is not married. :) he has given me so much of his time..we have talked on the phone many times, and text and email. he was on safari in tanzania and no cell phone service, but he should be arriving back in chicago tomorrow w/no flight delays due to weather...

and osidegirl--you make a good point. but i'm afraid i already am very involved emotionally. :( i'm hurt over this...is it ALWAYS a bad sign when folks take it slowly b/f meeting? i never thought anything bad of it...now i'm worried even more?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 6:58:13 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Personally, I don't think it bodes well that you live 20 minutes apart but have not met.

That being said, if he is getting ready to leave a foreign country he may just be very busy.
I wouldn't panic over it.

But if the lapse is long, and he suddenly contacts you with some wild story about illness or injury if I were you I would try to keep in mind that while that may be true, it is also a pretty common lie.

(And if he has some emergency and says he needs money, do not believe him.)

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(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 5

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 7:02:57 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

If he only lives 20 minutes from you, and you haven't met after 2 MONTHS, I can almost guarantee that he NEVER had any intent of meeting you.
You've basically been in an online relationship with a screen.
If he does get back in touch with you ( I doubt that he will, but I hope for your sake he does) ask him to meet with you. Tell him you need to at least see him. If he declines , or pulls the " I am Dom, this is MY way" , then you need to walk. He's not serious

2 months is way too much time for any man to not come and take what is his. If he hasn't done it, you never belonged to him. Just my opinion.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 7:07:56 PM

tallandsweet16

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/17/2013
Status: offline

ouch. this doesn't look good for me, i see. awful. he has been gone for 3 wks in south africa of the 7 wks we've been chatting. now i feel stupid to have gotten involved emotionally. i hurt.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 7

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 7:17:37 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

ouch. this doesn't look good for me, i see. awful. he has been gone for 3 wks in south africa of the 7 wks we've been chatting. now i feel stupid to have gotten involved emotionally. i hurt.

I'm sorry you are hurt. :(. We aren't trying to be cruel. Sometimes it just takes impartial people to see things clearly. Our hopes and dreams can cloud our normally very good judgment. You WANTED it to be real. It just wasn't.
There is a part of you that probably knew this all along, and you made excuses.
Next time, know that you deserve more than this!!!!

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 8

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 7:35:00 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

ouch. this doesn't look good for me, i see. awful. he has been gone for 3 wks in south africa of the 7 wks we've been chatting. now i feel stupid to have gotten involved emotionally. i hurt.

Am sorry that you are hurting.

When I was hunting for a submissive...I wanted that first meetup over with ASAP. You can form deep emotional bonds with someone who is misrepresenting themselves and will never meet up with you in person.

bo just told me that when he was looking for a partner, someone wrote to him who said she lived in his tiny home town of Chapmanville, WV, and owned an antique store there. Later she said she was visiting South Africa on business, supposedly to buy antiques, and then she sent another letter saying that somebody stole her travelers' checks and she had no way to get home without his help. (He said he was sorry for her situation but refused to send money/help.) Btw, when he tried to verify her story, while considering helping her out, he had asked her where her store was and she said "On Main St." There is no Main St. in Chapmanville.

When you send any letters here at CM, there is a warning you can click on that will help you become familiar with the most common scams used.

I hope the man is genuine and will meet up with you soon after he gets back home.

Edited to add more info on the scammer who had contacted my slave before he and I hooked up.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 1/4/2014 7:42:49 PM >

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 9

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 7:54:50 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Anyone who was truly interested in another person would have taken the time to meet them by now. I'm sorry, he wasn't being honest with you from the start. Who knows what his motivation is. I'd have said he was married too. Run like hell if he asks for money.

Knowing how easy it is to get attached to someone online where we get to know each other so quickly, after having my own bad experiences early on with online dating I adopted the personal policy that if I am interested in someone, I need to meet them within a week preferably- 2 weeks at most. This is to ensure that the guy is who he says he is, and that I am attracted to him in real life and want to continue with things past that point.

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 10

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 8:19:38 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Original: Blonderfluff

If he only lives 20 minutes from you, and you haven't met after 2 MONTHS, I can almost guarantee that he NEVER had any intent of meeting you.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 11

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 8:21:54 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

but the good girl in me says to push thru and if his feelings ahve changed, he'll tell me directly... maybe this is a test of my obedience!??

Alas, life is not "The Secretary" - sitting at the desk until he returns to free you will not get you the man.

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 12

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 8:29:35 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Are you sure he isn't a Nigerian scammer?
Seriously... Africa?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 13

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 8:40:29 PM

Dvr22999874

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

I am a little unsure. Is he in South Africa or Tanzania ? There is quite a difference

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 14

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/4/2014 9:16:39 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry that you're hurting.

I almost always advise meeting people at munches or parties, and then conversing from there.

Best of luck.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

Post #: 15

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/5/2014 3:39:10 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

This just reeks of him never having had any intention of meeting you, and being either a scammer, a flake, a blackmailer (give me naked photos or ...) Sorry, but I don't believe he has been travelling or that he lives so close to you.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

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Post #: 16

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/5/2014 4:38:27 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

This happens more often than you'd think online. The worst thing is, you never realise it unless / until you have a connection that is actually working and you're enjoying. You look around to meet and boomfp! They're gone. They never had any intention of meeting. He is almost certainly married or in a relationship.

If you want proof, why not make yourself another profile, quite different from your own, and go view his profile. See if he views you back or attempts to start a conversation. If you don't want to do it, ask a friend you can trust.

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 17

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/5/2014 5:57:40 AM

petitespot

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

He's married.

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/5/2014 7:54:18 AM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

i know FOR SURE he is not married.

I am sorry but this does not compute. You have never met him but you know for sure? Please tell Me how this can be? I have seen men who lie like a Persian rug, and sorry hon, this is what I believe he is doing. Not trying to dishearten you.... I know you are new and I read your other thread you started. You said you were going to take it slow and learn and not 1 month after you are in a relationship with someone who only lives 20 minutes and you never met. Seriously, there are a shit ton of sick people out there who will lie to get that one thing, and then never think of you again. Sit tight and go to munches in your area. I haven't perved your profile, so this is an assumption: you are from Chicago or pretty close to it? If so there is a plethora of community stuff happening there.

_____________________________

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(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 19

RE: being ignored by master?? help!? - 1/5/2014 8:03:15 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I'm afraid you are about to learn a harsh lesson. There is a *reason* we tell new people to meet within a week or two, to take the relationship end slowly, and to never, ever enter into a power dynamic with someone you've never met.

You broke all three of these rules and now you're paying the price.

How soon did he expect you to call him master? Why didn't you see this as a red flag? (This is like agreeing to marry someone you never met.)

Build BDSM relationships just like you do vanilla ones. Meet, date, slowly get to know each other with ZERO preconceived assumption or notions or expectations other than to have fun, find common interests, and explore where things can go TOGETHER.

The instant you enter into a power dynamic, you lose your ability to make the decisions and choices you HAVE to make to discover if the person is a good match for you.

Online chemistry is just that, it's online. Until you meet in person you have no idea if you will have any physical chemistry at all. I've met someone who flew from the east coast to spend a few days with me. We had great online chemistry, in person I couldn't stand him and he left early.

Rushing into a relationship is fine as long as all you are rushing into is the chance to get to know someone on a friendship level.

Anyone, yes anyone, that doesn't agree with the rules as stated above is either too new to know better, a player (read married or attached), an idiot, or all three.

Don't *ever* let someone play the dom or master card as a way to keep you from learning who they really are, the way this man did.

I'm very sorry you're hurting, but please, please, learn this lesson well. If you don't, you are destined to repeat it. Is that what you want?

_____________________________

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

Post #: 20

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