RE: Your kink or your relationship

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RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/9/2014 1:25:27 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

If your spouse decided they didn't want to participate in a D/s or M/s dynamic anymore, would you be able to live with that? I've read many threads about people wanting to get into the lifestyle but none about getting out.

Do you feel your relationship would survive without kink for you? Does love beat out kink?

To my mind you're asking two different questions. D/s I'm the boss man, they obey. Kink bondage and that ilk for me is about power, control in the bedroom arena.

What you're referring to is a fundamental shift in the way I operate as it pertains to M/s. Ever since I can remember I was a leader. So If she wanted to be the leader we would have major issues. As in my world I'm a benevolent dictator and sometimes just a hard ass. Smirk

For lack of a better term kinked up sex. Bondage, whippings, cutting and all that fun stuff. I could "give up" as that does not define who I am or what I'm about.

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RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/9/2014 1:58:51 PM

HipPoindexter

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The question isn't coherent for our relationship. We are both deeply twisted people predisposed to violent sex and perverse power relations. I don't know what "taking the kink out" would even mean.

That said, my gf could take or leave the trappings of a "BDSM lifestyle" and I find the notion of a "community" tiresome and irritating, so we don't do parties or conventions or any of that. But then again a relationship defined by cons and parties seems just as nonsensical as a relationship defined by Star Trek conventions or Phish concerts.

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Post #: 42

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/10/2014 6:14:13 AM

mike177

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I'd like to delete this post.

< Message edited by mike177 -- 1/10/2014 6:21:40 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/10/2014 6:46:44 AM

freedomdwarf1

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FR~

From reading a lot of the replies, a lot on here don't treat D/s or M/s as actually "kink" per se.
It's just who they are as a natural part of themselves.

So in that regard, my D/s relationship I have is not kink in my eyes.
It's just part and parcel of what and who we both are; we don't think of it as kink.
So I wouldn't miss any of the stuff I actually consider as kink.
But to be someone different, that's a completely separate kettle of fish.

I guess it depends on what people define as "kink" as to how important it is.

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Post #: 44

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/12/2014 12:39:23 PM

HexVex

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

If your spouse decided they didn't want to participate in a D/s or M/s dynamic anymore, would you be able to live with that? I've read many threads about people wanting to get into the lifestyle but none about getting out.

Do you feel your relationship would survive without kink for you? Does love beat out kink?

Hrm, good question. I do know that a vanilla relationship did not work for me, there was something essential missing and I found that with power exchange. As for my current relationship? I'm not in one so I can't say if it would survive with or without!

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Post #: 45

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/13/2014 4:45:55 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

If your spouse decided they didn't want to participate in a D/s or M/s dynamic anymore, would you be able to live with that? I've read many threads about people wanting to get into the lifestyle but none about getting out.

Do you feel your relationship would survive without kink for you? Does love beat out kink?

It's not at all about kink....it's about me...her...us.

It's about who we are.

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Post #: 46

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/15/2014 11:18:11 PM

graceadieu

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I would not be happy in a purely vanilla relationship. In order to be happy, I need to give up control at least some of the time, and I need someone else to be the leader at least some of the time. And vanilla sex (especially, to be frank, with a man) is just boring. Things don't have to be exactly what I have now, but I need something.

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Post #: 47

RE: Your kink or your relationship - 1/16/2014 10:25:39 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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I would not be in a relationship with out kink. Im not at all interested in vanilla relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

If your spouse decided they didn't want to participate in a D/s or M/s dynamic anymore, would you be able to live with that? I've read many threads about people wanting to get into the lifestyle but none about getting out.

Do you feel your relationship would survive without kink for you? Does love beat out kink?

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Post #: 48