RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you really dont.

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RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 7:51:21 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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LOL.. thanks Owned... though I understand the actual doing while not feeling like it.. what I don't understand .... is the Dom in this situation.

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 21

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 7:51:44 AM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

I've had more than one of these days, but have always assumed it is because I am relatively new. It is a relief to see this thread and to realize I am not alone. I agree with most of what has been said and therefore don't have much to add except that as I am learning, communication makes all the difference for me personally.

Thank you for a great thread!
Brat

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 22

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 7:59:37 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1
...Nobody is perfect. There are going to be days, when your tired, when the kids have worn you down to your knees, that you feel much less submissive...What do other people think?

this slave does not think it is a matter of "well, nobody's perfect". there have been many days when this slave is tired, physically ill or emotionally spent, but it has had ZERO effect on how this slave perceives her submission to Master's authority or this slave's "feeling" about her service to Him. this slave made a commitment to Master, one she did not take lightly, one that was filled with the certainty that there would be things this slave would NOT have chosen to do on her own that Master gets pleasure from that this slave would be required to do. Yes, this slave asks Master "How high?" when He tells her to jump...on the way UP.

this slave also thinks that there are folks who get into D/s or M/s relationships that are NOT just going to naturally get up and get Master a beverage regardless of the time of day or how many times He asks and that they engage themselves in the "challenge" because it is a fun activity from time to time...but they get in way over their heads when they try to make themselves into something they are not naturally inclined to. this slave thinks these are the same folks that make statements like...."No-one feels submissive ALL the time...or else they would be a doormat." or "If it was easy all the time, where would the challenge be?"

Master always says if you consider it "work", perhaps you shouldn't be doing it.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/5/2006 8:01:35 AM >

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 23

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 8:14:43 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with beth on this. I entered a M/s relationship where my job it to obey. There are days like beth stated that come up on me also. Thorns has a saying that i detest to the core of my soul: "Do what you can afford to do, girl"
While i do detest this saying, it makes much sense. There certainly are times that i want to challenge that..........i never have, it's only a thought.
The only person that can change an order is Thorns, that is His choice.
I chose to obey.....regardless of how i am feeling, i obey.

Happy Wednesday!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 24

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 8:34:06 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz
Thorns has a saying that i detest to the core of my soul: "Do what you can afford to do, girl"

I'm sure helen is sick of being reminded that she won't get in trouble for things that she CAN'T do, only for things where she won't try. If a girl is trying 100% who can ask more of her?

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 25

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 8:42:27 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Well, surprise, surprise…I’m in the same camp with Raven, beth and bandit…and couldn’t have said any of it better. Personally; I like the idea of ‘choice’. Such times as you describe are great for remembering, even on a daily basis, that we CHOOSE this.

I’ve seen your posts for months now…and believe you and your Sir are both the type to work hard to make your relationship genuine; and it takes communication. I’m tickled pink you’ve already talked to him about this. I would say you are NOT alone…and that it’s likely 100% of submissives & slaves have moments of ……………pause? LOL

Raven never ceases to amaze me. Whether or not your Sir was, in fact, helping you remember your commitment to serve him with his late-night request; it’s possible. I’ve agreed to play with Doms who insist on dragging out toys I hate, just to watch me struggle to accept his wielding them on me. Or…spankings! UGG I hate ‘em. I’m 5’8” and feel like a big galoot across someone’s knee. But I do these things because he wishes to watch me do them, and I like the feelings they engender …submission.

I will recommend a book that I’ve mentioned a couple times before, which has helped me a great deal. While I’m no slave…I still find the book full of wonderful ideas and aids to help us along our submissive journey. It’s written by Guy Baldwin’s slave and is called: SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools You can buy it new or used for about $10. Here’s a link to more info about it on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1881943143/qid=1152113451/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-3342856-2335033?v=glance&s=books

Now, there are those relationships where the D/s dynamic is much different than how I would embrace it. Some are just more casual, some are only D/s in the bedroom, some only on certain, prearranged times…some only if the girl feels like playing. Having read your posts a number of times, I would say you are not in that kind of relationship. In that that is likely the case, I would think you’d enjoy the book I mention.

I wish you well

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 26

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 10:16:22 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Well, are you a submissive or a slave?

I ask because in my household (and this is honestly the only place I can write from) if you were a submissive and you didn't feel submissive why would I expect you to obey me at that moment. Submission in my opinion is mighty difficult to do 24/7.

Being a slave however is quite another thing. It does not require submissive attitude or behavior 24/7 only the focus on service for the owner and an acceptance and promotion of the hierarchy you've agreed to.

It is the same with many relationships, right?

I mean, I may not feel all wifey every minute but I've agreed to take on that role with Tom -- of course we also defined ourselves what that means but there are times I don't want to do or feel like doing something but I gave my word in front of family, friends, the state of Iowa and the Divine so I have to be that wife.

I may not feel like teaching a give day but I signed a contract with the university, a have a contract with my students (syllabus), and so I go and teach.

I may not feel very friendly or helpful but if one of my friends needs me I have an relationship with them that says to me that its time to act like a friend.

And most of the time when I just let go and "act" I find this inner strenght to fulfill my roles. Its like smiling, sometimes when you smile it can make you feel just a bit more positive.

In short, there's nothing wrong with "acting" submissive or with being obedient.

If you find you have to do it more and more though you may want to talk to your partner. It does not make you weak or a bad submissive or slave to say "I'm having an off day/week/month/year". Telling your partner can be seen not only as a sign of trust but of your position to give him yourself. I know that dominant I would respect would be very open to knowing about this non-submissive headspaces because part of our role is to help you achieve that desired headspace. Hard to do with we don't know its an issue and I've never meant a real mind reader.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 27

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 10:45:17 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

we are in bed, im nearly falling asleep, and im told to get up and get him a drink.

The interesting thing here is that if he weren't your Dom, he'd be an asshole. The question is, does being a DOM exempt him from being an asshole?

Subs can only hope Doms can distinguish the difference dominance poor behavior.

I know this, if I were a slaveowner in ancient Rome, and if my slave were on the brink of falling asleep, I'd just get up myself and get my own drink.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 28

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 11:07:53 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

. Im being a rather crap submissive.

....<snip>
what i do is act as if im feeling submissive, and go and get the drink.
Result, pleased Sir and im allowed to fall asleep.

.....<snip.

.
What do other people think?

So.... let's see if I got it....

You are a "good" submissive when it comes easy,
and you wanna do it...

And you are a "crap" submissive
when you obey inconvenient and uncomfortable directives.

I don't know you,
and really don't know your dynamic with HIM,
but you might consider you got it a tad upside down.

If you are performing your tasks well, but unwillingly,
when they are inconvenient and unwanted....
that makes you ... in this bossy old goat's opinion....
a superior submissive.

But that's just me talking, right?

Where's the juice, where's the learning
in submitting eagerly and happily all the time.
I suspect it's an inhuman expectation, unlikely to happen,
but worst of all, if it was true,
where would your growth, learning, and deepening of your soul come from?

As as that guy Raven said so well,
there's always a context for these things,
and that's where most of the meaning of things is uncovered.
I like readin' this Raven dude...

I've thought about submission and authority all my life,
and written tens of thousands of tedious and tendentious thoughts....
.... but I'll spare you..... because I'm not a real Sadist....

In brief, here's what I think the essence of submission is...

Submission,
is about giving up all your illusions and superficial desires
and opening your very soul to whatever comes whistling thru the air at ya....

*********

Whatever comes whistling thru the air at ya...
a cane, a crop, a tax audit, a strawberry, arthritis, teenagers,
getting old, ecstacy, orgasms, or a really inconvenient directive for service.

For those with submissive souls,
it's the finest, most spiritual path available...

Sounds to me like somebody otta tell ya
you appear to be doing this gloriously.

And that's precisely what this bossy old goat would tell ya....

DD

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 29

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 11:11:37 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

A lot of great responses to you, Sirandlittle1. I don't agree with any of them, but I think they are great responses nonetheless.

I do have a bit of a different perspective and opinion though, so I'll go ahead and share how I view your OP.

Your dominant has issues with the word 'act.' I don't blame him. Anyone can 'act' like a submissive for periods of time. Dogs barking, being tired, jobs, kids .. all excuses to try to justify your 'feeling' of being 'anti submissive.' That's an effect .. not a cause. Also, if this were actually an isolated incident, that would be one thing.. but you retold a single incident as an example of what's been going on inside you for this entire week.

First of all, throw out the general 'consensus' on the boards that slaves behave one way and submissives another. They mean diddly squat when it comes to your reality. Service and submission come from the heart.. and the 'actions' you take are a manifestation of what lies within you ... and so are your thoughts. Put the shoe on the other foot for just a moment if you need some clarification on it. If you asked your Sir to get up and get you the water when he was tired.. and he did so, does that mean he is now submissive? Of course not. His motivation is different. It's not the action, but the motivation which makes you submissive.

You have said that you are being a 'crap' submissive. I think that should be acknowledged and accepted as your truth. To disagree invalidates your feeling. If you think you are being a crap submissive then you are and that needs to be recognized before it can be changed. It's step one which now allows you to take step two. What to do about it?

First you need to find out where the problem lies. It's not in your heart, that's for sure or it wouldn't bother you so much and you wouldn't have come to the board to share. Your heart is in the right place so that leaves the head. No brainer here because what started this whole thing was the 'thought' you had .. so, why have that thought? What is different about this week than last week? What's changed? Are the outside influences taking over too much? I know I have lots if questions and no answers but perhaps if you can answer some of them, your can evaluate why your feeling 'anti' submissive right now.

Raven made an excellent point about your Sir, perhaps, feeding your submission, but I would wager, in this case, he probably just wanted a glass of water and turned to the person he knew would get it for him .. you. He expected it, he got it. He was happy .. it was all good.. until you said something about it.

Your Sir, got upset with you for what you called an 'act' of submitting. Well, think of it in this way. If you fake an orgasm, then tell the guy you faked it, you think he'd appreciate you telling him that? Some things are better left unsaid if they serve no purpose. What was the purpose of communicating your martyrdom to your Sir? The sacrifice you made on his behalf? What did it gain your relationship to reveal such? What did it gain him or you? I would suggest it's because you do not want to be viewed as a slave, you want the recognition of your actions, sacrifices and acknowledgment of performing your duty. Well, that's rather human of you. ::chuckles::

You are what you are, you do what you do. You serve even when you don't feel like serving and if you change your mind about being a 'crap' submissive, I will agree with you 100% because serving when you don't want to is about as submissive as it gets. As someone who thinks of themselves as a slave, I consider your service to be much harder and have more meaning than my own, because I don't have the struggles which you do. In a way, I don't submit at all. So to debunk a myth that slaves are elite, 'taint so cuz we don't make sacrifices in slavery. If anyone is elite, it's submissives who do what they do despite their thoughts and feelings about it. Kudo's to you for that.

I had to give at least one warm fuzzy because I think my post can be viewed as kind of mean if taking the wrong way and that's not at all what I intend.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 30

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 12:50:16 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

we are in bed, im nearly falling asleep, and im told to get up and get him a drink.

The interesting thing here is that if he weren't your Dom, he'd be an asshole. The question is, does being a DOM exempt him from being an asshole?

Subs can only hope Doms can distinguish the difference dominance poor behavior.

I know this, if I were a slaveowner in ancient Rome, and if my slave were on the brink of falling asleep, I'd just get up myself and get my own drink.

Actually think MOST... not ALL dominants would.. to me this.. this is just purely him showing his dominace.. not giving a shit that she was asleep. Or even near there.

Now before a flame gets thrown... this is my opinion... based on the OPs first post. It has nothing to do with how she felt. Because of his lack (IN MY OWN VIEWS) of respect for her being about asleep. When he personally could of gotten his own glass of water. How we feel.. tired.. worn out.. exhausted.. submissive... or not .. has nothing to do with it. Would this man... or any man...expect the same submission if she was laying there with the flue...or recovering from surgery...and accident... Oh i'm sorry you don't feel good.. go get me some water...it's the same... oh i'm sorry.. you're sleeping.. go get me some water.. Being a dom doesn't mean you can't have some exercise besides lifting a flogger.

Now don't get my totally wrong... if they were laying there talking and he requested the drink... yep.. time to go get the drink. Submission does work like a light switch... just some come on faster than others... just like a 60 watt bulb compared to a flourescent light takes time to. Waking a submissive ... hell anyone up from sleep.. deep or just getting there.. they're thoughts are not always together. Sometimes one does feel .. go get it your own damn self seeps in.. before the light comes all the way on. Just some are quicker than others.

Cloudboy...I agree with your statement....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 31

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 1:31:11 PM

Blkmastersgirl

Posts: 25
Status: offline

Master once had another sub come see us about once a month and had her serving us and cleaning his apartment while he and I basically played. It made me feel strange in ways to have someone else doing my housework because she was a sweet girl, but he told me the service of the other girl was something she desired to do. He would reward her now and then and have her play with us. She seemed happy to me even if she did soon stop coming...hehe.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 32

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 1:31:57 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

There is NOTHING in the OP that I see out of place except maybe a gap in communication over her choise of wording about 'acting'.

That was my point when i mentioned maybe thinking in terms of "behaving" instead of "acting". OP obviously chooses to behave a certain way independant of her feelings at the moment, and as many have pointed out, that is exactly what being a submissive is all about. i didn't mean "behave" in the sense of behaving = being good. i meant like behavior = actions.

Raven, i'd like to thank for the point made in the example You gave. That's setting a sub/slave up for success, we sometimes need those little things! Sometimes if i don't get to do little things when it's difficult, i suffer "dominance withdrawl". i need to feel like i can do the hard stuff once in a while. There isn't that much joy in serving only when it's convenient.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 33

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 2:35:08 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I haven't read all the replies yet... My first thought in reading your post is the submission is not a feeling, it is an action. Sometimes you may want to submit more than others, but submission isn't about how you feel it is about what you do.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 34

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 2:55:05 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

...Sometimes if i don't get to do little things when it's difficult, i suffer "dominance withdrawl". i need to feel like i can do the hard stuff once in a while. There isn't that much joy in serving only when it's convenient.

Yup. That and...when feeling like it's been too easy (or even if I'm 'only behaving' as a submissive), to be asked to do something inconvenient/hard/of bad timing/when I don’t feel well/merely for his entertainment...whatever; being given the opportunity to get back on track, to center, to focus…is always a good thing. For me.

<sigh> I would really like to know both Raven and Celeste, personally.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 35

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 2:59:19 PM

talltxsub

Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

Does anyone ever feel ecstatic all the time about something? No....we do what we do because of what is inside us. Nothing "feels" the same every time you do it.

As an example, there some music that will make me feel wonderful when I hear it, but sometimes it annoys me because I'm trying to focus on something else. It doesn't change the way I feel about the music in general.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 36

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 4:20:33 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

*fast reply*

This thread deserves another look, a little refinement of my post of this morning...

Firstly, the OP felt she was being a crap submissive because, as she was *this* close to sleep, her dom guy said he was thirsty and to get him a drink. She felt badly because she felt like telling him to get it himself, even as she hauled herself up to get it.

She wasn't being a crap submissive, she was actually be a good one. (Might I suggest a bedside water carafe, btw?)

I suggested that she and her dominant might want to review their agreements. Why? Because she, as his submissive, should discuss the crap submissive feelings she's been having. A D/s relationship requires communication and work just like any other relationship to be successful. D/s, perhaps even a bit more. She should tell him how the whole situation made her feel. Holding those types of things in leads to resentment. If she doesn't want to be, or like being awakened just as she's fallen asleep to get him a drink, he needs to know that. Then they can hash it out to their satisfaction and adjust those agreements if necessary.

I also said that her dominant was behaving like a three-year-old. Far as I can tell, he's a grown man and perfectly capable of getting his own drink if his partner is sleeping. I'm sure also, they've slept together long enough, he knows when she's just about there.

It doesn't relate to the example Raven related, as his girl was still on her feet when he asked her to make them both a drink and come sit down. Even though she'd just walked from the train station and couldn't remember it.

I don't fault the OP at all. I think she did an admirable job. I do fault her dominant, however, because I don't believe dominance excuses being inconsiderate of anyone, including one's submissive.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 37

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 4:27:49 PM

Poppidom

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/13/2005
From: DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1
...Nobody is perfect. There are going to be days, when your tired, when the kids have worn you down to your knees, that you feel much less submissive...What do other people think?

this slave does not think it is a matter of "well, nobody's perfect". there have been many days when this slave is tired, physically ill or emotionally spent, but it has had ZERO effect on how this slave perceives her submission to Master's authority or this slave's "feeling" about her service to Him. this slave made a commitment to Master, one she did not take lightly, one that was filled with the certainty that there would be things this slave would NOT have chosen to do on her own that Master gets pleasure from that this slave would be required to do. Yes, this slave asks Master "How high?" when He tells her to jump...on the way UP.

this slave also thinks that there are folks who get into D/s or M/s relationships that are NOT just going to naturally get up and get Master a beverage regardless of the time of day or how many times He asks and that they engage themselves in the "challenge" because it is a fun activity from time to time...but they get in way over their heads when they try to make themselves into something they are not naturally inclined to. this slave thinks these are the same folks that make statements like...."No-one feels submissive ALL the time...or else they would be a doormat." or "If it was easy all the time, where would the challenge be?"

Master always says if you consider it "work", perhaps you shouldn't be doing it.

well dang...i wanted to post a wake-up message of my own to this thread, but you said exactly what i wanted to express, and in such a clear, concise way, that all i have to add to it is "amen".

_____________________________

Poppi
"To thine ownself be true"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 38

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 4:43:26 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
I do fault her dominant, however, because I don't believe dominance excuses being inconsiderate of anyone, including one's submissive.

Not getting at you personaly feastie, just responding to the point you made (Same with the 3 year old comment)

You actualy missed one of the points I was making, possibly because you are on the other side of the dynamic and don't make such judgement calls. Mainly that neither you nor I have enough info about what the Doms reasons may or may not have been. I was highlighting the reasoning behind my actions, not the fact that she was still on her feet when I TOLD her to make us a drink and to bring it through.Reasons that would not be readily apparent from the isolated incident, nor in fact to anyone who didn't ask me for my reasons.

Also for the record, should *I* deam it appropriate I am more than capable of telling my girl to go do something just as she is on the virge of falling asleep, or even waking her up to do so. She is mine and the nature of our relationship is such that I can and don't 'owe' her any explination of why. helen knows I use that control as a positive thing in our relationship, she trusts in me and is happy in her submission to that. To date that is the impression given by littleone about her Sir also.... so I see no reason to try taring him negativly over an issue where there is clearly not enough information to make an informed assessment.

YMMV

Edit to add: also for the record, helen most certainly wouldn't like being made to move when just about to fall asleep, or being woken (She didn't like being made to get up at 8:30 last Sunday with a hangover either

) to do something for me.... but she would do it.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 7/5/2006 4:49:50 PM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 39

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 4:47:30 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

I also said that her dominant was behaving like a three-year-old. Far as I can tell, he's a grown man and perfectly capable of getting his own drink if his partner is sleeping. I'm sure also, they've slept together long enough, he knows when she's just about there.

It doesn't relate to the example Raven related, as his girl was still on her feet when he asked her to make them both a drink and come sit down. Even though she'd just walked from the train station and couldn't remember it.

I don't fault the OP at all. I think she did an admirable job. I do fault her dominant, however, because I don't believe dominance excuses being inconsiderate of anyone, including one's submissive.

This is such a regular occurrence in our house, that I would be floored if he didn't wake either alandra or I to get him whatever he wants in the middle of the night. I would consider it inconsiderate of him if he didn't have me do it. My desire is to serve him and not just when it is convenient to me. This is just part of our dynamic, alandra and I serve him in whatever capacity he desires. What makes the dynamic strong is that it stays in place even when things are tough.

I recall one night, he was all cuddled up to me and I was his body-pillow. We were quietly talking and he reaches over and wakes up alandra to go get him a drink. He didn’t want me to move because I was doing exactly what he wanted at the time, so he had alandra do it. There are other reasons I might think he is being inconsiderate, but having me serve him is not one of them.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to feastie)

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you really dont.

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