Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you really dont.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you really dont. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 4:57:24 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		General Reply to OP:

I would not want to pick and choose when and how to be submissive in the relationship. Being submissive does sometimes mean doing something you may not want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it etc..   However, I aim to share my submission with a responsible dominant who would not expect, command, demand or otherwise pressure me to do something for him when Im ill, or asleep or emotionally spent. To do so, in my eyes would be irresponsible, selfish, exploitive, and careless. 

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:00:51 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Very good thoughts and experiences from everyone on this thread.

I just wanted to suggest further that maybe Sirandlittle1 might want to revisit the issue of expectations.

Is it a positive expectation to believe that being submissive (or a slave) means a certain state of mind 100% of the time 24/7? Or is that a negative expectation to have?

By positive I mean is it realistic and does it contribute to the positives about your relationship. By negative I mean does it lead you to question yourself and second guess yourself in a way that makes you feel less than. Also does it cause unnecessary stress to have such an expectation?

I've found that a lot of us start with this amazing expectations, often grounded in our fantasies or in fiction we've read/seen that can be quite different from the day to day reality of life. When you can have more realistic and positive expectations you increase your chances for success, happiness, and mutual benefits.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:02:42 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, TammyJo.

You've stated it more eloquently than I.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:09:48 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		G'day guys,

I really don't think you are alone with this (No I haven't had time to read the whole thread). On a personal basis I'd rather any slave in HIB came either to Neets or I and let us know so we could talk things through. We all have off or bad days even Dominants. I guess it depends on the individuals how things are dealt with but I'm more likelty to have a slave do things which gives him or her space. If it is a crisis and they are questioning their own bondage they may need a period of time where they are relieved of all duties (not the coller though) to reassess their feelings and then we can take it from there in what ever direction is needed. On a personal level, there are times when I haven't a decision in my head or a command either. usually it is a sign that I am ill and thus I tend to go into hibernation untill I have a handle on things..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/5/2006 5:10:13 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:33:24 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I go along more with the thoughts of bearlee and Raven and owned girlie, etc..  Both dominance and submission are fairly easy when the good times are rolling along.  But when the bills need to be paid, and work keeps calling, and the kids are just 'crappy' tonight, and the car keeps breaking down no matter how many times you've been over this part of it or that part of it and your partner doesn't strike you as "the sun, the moon, and the stars all rolled into one", and yet, you still take your dominance/submission seriously and do what you promised the other you'd do...then that's passing 'the tests'.

You wanted to tell him to get the water himself and yet, you did so.  That was being submissive, even when you didn't feel like it.  As someone else noted, if you'd acted thrilled and happy, that would have been 'acting'.  Knowing you were thinking those thoughts inside though does signal to me that it might be time for a discussion to sort some things out.  I can't say what because all the particulars aren't given here.  But you know inside you what may need to be discussed and what may just be a temporary feeling.

As for the statement that he's acting like a child...without knowing all that goes on in this particular D/s dynamic, I can't say that.  Would I ask my submissive to get me a glass of water when she is just about asleep? 
The answer...it depends.
There are many factors that might come into play that would make me say "Yes, I would." 
There are also many factors that would make me say "No, I wouldn't."  

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:36:20 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		(Using fast reply here)
This entire discussion is making me crazy! 
What are my choices when a non-submissive thought pops into my head?  And I freely admit,  they do pop in there frequently. Would it be better to speak disrespectfully and/or disobey?  Give up because I am not the poster-perfect submissive?  Quit 'working' at it because it IS work some of the time?  Stop acting when there is a disparity with what I am feeling? 


< Message edited by catize -- 7/5/2006 5:37:43 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:50:16 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

(Using fast reply here)
This entire discussion is making me crazy! 
What are my choices when a non-submissive thought pops into my head?  And I freely admit,  they do pop in there frequently. Would it be better to speak disrespectfully and/or disobey?  Give up because I am not the poster-perfect submissive?  Quit 'working' at it because it IS work some of the time?  Stop acting when there is a disparity with what I am feeling? 

I'm going to answer this as I answered above. (BTW, that was meant to be a fast reply, not to ownedgirlie in particular...some day, I'll get all that).  While I can see where Mercandbeth are coming from and agree with them most of the time, I disagree with the aspect that dominance or submission can never be considered work.  Sometimes...they are.  Recognizing that "this is one of those times" and then, looking within to find that dominance/submission and doing it, is not wrong...it is a recognition of the human you are. 


(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 5:54:14 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I never thought you were trying to get at me personally, Raven, far from.  We're different people with different ideas about things. 




_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 6:05:10 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes when you "act" one way it becomes a part of what you are. Act like you're self-confident, even when you don't feel that way, and you become self-confident. Act in a submissive manner, even when you aren't feeling submissive, and you become more submissive.

Not that I have enough experience in submission to know what I'm talking about but I have enough life experience to know that how I'm feeling does not have to match how I am behaving/acting. Sometimes the acting is what feeds the feelings.

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 6:09:40 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

For eg. we are in bed, im nearly falling asleep, and im told to get up and get him a drink. Automatic thought = 'get it yourself!' what i do is act as if im feeling submissive, and go and get the drink.
Result, pleased Sir and im allowed to fall asleep.



i understand what you are saying here,  it can be very hard  at time when one is tired or distracted to not have the feeling *get it yourself*, but having that feeling does not make a person a crappy submissive or slave, it makes us human instead of a automation. What shows that you are submitting is that you did get up and do it...... submission isn't always about the easy times and the things we like, it is also about doing it even when it is not convenient to ourselves.

quote:

But sometimes, its easier to 'act as if' than others. When things are just flowing, D/s life is a breeze. Full of fun, growth, laugher and love. Then its easy to submit, and i don’t have to 'act as if' at all.


What do you mean by act?  Do you mean that you don't want to do it, but do it to please your Master?  Do you feel good that you have pleased Him? 


quote:

My Sir, has taken offense at my description to him of what is going on inside my head. The word 'acting' has been a thorn in his ear. His suggestion being, that a submissive, shouldnt have to 'act' at all.


i am a slave, but first off i am a human being and as that i have my good days and my bad, my good moments and my bad..... This does not change my service to my Lord, but at times it does change my feelings and thoughts when i serve Him.

quote:


I explained that were she 100% submissive 100% of the time, she'd probably be called a slave. Some of us, just dont cut the grade like that. I know from many threads, that the consensus of opinion seems to be, do it to please him, if you cant do that, do it because you agreed to obey. If its the latter, that is by my definition, 'acting as if'.



My premise is, that not only do i think this way, i suspect other submissives do this too. Nobody is perfect. There are going to be days, when your tired, when the kids have worn you down to your knees, that you feel much less submissive.


there are days that i feel more stressed by life that i find the serving Him to be harder to do then others but as i have said earlier in the post, i still serve Him and take care of His wishes, and i get the pleasure in knowing that i am making His life easier and more stress free, i feel a stronger sense of submission on those days *maybe not right at that moment * because i am submitting to His will and wishes and not allow my feelings to get in the way of my service.

quote:

What do other people think? If you experience these days, what do you do, to continue submitting, if not 'act' ?


if it is a really bad day,  i ask permission to speak, and once i have permission i give Him the information that i am having a hard time, feeling stressed, feeling like i have too much on my shoulders, and can i be excused for a little bit, to help me relax and clear my head and feelings.  if i am not feeling well, i make sure to ask for time to take care of my health.... which some times leads to the occasional instance of Him getting up to get Himself the drink of water *ss* 

Knight's alandra

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 6:53:05 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm going to use fast reply here for ease, but I have followed this thread and have some comments about some posts I have seen.

beth: Your servitude is admirable.  I don't believe I have reached such a level that my service flows naturally 100% of the time.  I aspire to that. What I have trouble relating to, however, is the comment about it being work.  I supposethat is because Master views it differently.  He pushes me incredibly hard, and enjoys seeing me work.  He has so much as said he loves watching me work for him.  He loves watching the struggle.  He loves pushing to the point of my tasks becoming such a challenge, where I either simply do not not think I can do it (yet I do anyway), or I am in such a mindset that the desire to jump one more hurdle is lacking.  Mind you, getting up in the middle of the night for water is not a hurdle to me, but as I said in my earlier post, waking up from a great REM moment can render a girl a little scattered until she finds her bearings (at least this girl).  I respect where you're coming from, it is just a different concept than I have been trained. 

Celeste: You said something about doing it and keeping the struggle to yourself.  I can see the logic behind that, truly, but that would never work for me, as I am required to report all struggles to him, no matter how enormous or minute, when it comes to serving him.  He wants to know where my head is at all times, so that if it is not where he wants it, he can steer it back into place. In a case like night time water, I may have said "Wow that was particularly hard for me last night, Master." to which he would have said, "Good!"  :)  (and he claims to not be sadistic...pffft)

Feastie: A bedside water caraf!  That was the most brilliant idea on this thread!  Excellent!

Kyra: Your post was, simply put, awesome.

Okay that's all....


(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/5/2006 10:49:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There has been alot of good thoughts to consider. 

you stated
quote:

Im being a rather crap submissive


It seems most everyone is actually trying to invalidate this opinion you have of yourself.  I actually don't think this is wrong.... but I do believe that many are jumping too quick from this is your opinion and no this is actually the opinion you should have of yourself.  It is rather normal of us to do this.  We see someone struggling and see the error and instead of walking them through it we just want them to change the thoughts to the right mind set and not struggle.

I think alot of people are right in expressing that your not a crappy submissive.  However, why is it that you and so many have a difference of an opinion of the issue.  I believe this asnswer can be found in TammyJo's response

quote:

I just wanted to suggest further that maybe Sirandlittle1 might want to revisit the issue of expectations.

Is it a positive expectation to believe that being submissive (or a slave) means a certain state of mind 100% of the time 24/7? Or is that a negative expectation to have?


It really appears that your expectations of your submission is much different than many others here.  So is your expectations realistic?  Do you think it's realistic that  your submission should be as you stated here 100 % of the time

quote:

When things are just flowing, D/s life is a breeze. Full of fun, growth, laugher and love. Then its easy to submit, and i dont have to 'act as if' at all.


Do you think it's is realistic that life should be 100% of the time as you stated above?  if you do... and your not then what are you doing wrong... and if you do think this is realistic... then yeah... your a crappy submissive!

However,  I for one do not think this is realisic and for that matter I don't think it is necessarily mentally healthy either.  You are expecting perfection and frankly.... I haven't seen perfection have you seen it?.  I personally feel that if things are riding at the 80 percentile as an average... then things are Incredible.  Yeah sometimes things will be higher and sometimes it will be alittle lower.  If expected 100% from my girls... well I would only be setting them up to fail.  So are you setting yourself up to fail?  Are you expecting 100% or maybe 99%...  I think you are and therefore in my opinion you are setting yourself up to fail... the result is you consider yourself to be a crappy submissive of late and feel like your acting as a submissive as compared to being a submissive.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 12:12:30 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It is very easy to submit when it is something you enjoy or when things are going well. The test is when you don't want to do it or things aren't going well. The fact that you obey even though you don't want to is a good sign. The act of submitting will in itself help with your attitude.
On the other hand, your Master should be aware of when life overwhelms you and act accordingly.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 12:40:09 AM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline 		hello little1 *cuddles*
 
like nearly everybody has said i think, i think we all feel like that sometimes, i know i do. i don't think you're a bad sub, coz at the end of the the day, you neva hesitated or disobeyed, you just got on and submitted.
 
i luv my Master with all my heart, and 9 times out of 10, i luv doing all those little things for Him that make His life a little bit easier. but sometimes i think "i would rather not", or think "just 5 more minutes, please?"... but i know that's not acceptable, and as Raven hinted at, in the BIG picture, that's not wot i really want to do at all. i need to make Him happy, even it that means doing stuff i don't really want to...
 
just my 2 penny's worth for your consideration.
 
luv,
 
shiv
xx

_____________________________


(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 2:20:31 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
If expected 100% from my girls... well I would only be setting them up to fail.


OK just a picky point but one needing made given that one thing I often state in conversation and to my girl. I do expect her to try 100%....... Just some days all she has, all she can give is less than other days, but it is still 100% at that time. So long as she has tried her best she CAN NOT fail, not in My eyes.

Once again knight I am struck by what wonderful girls you have. Bright, confident, excellent communicators and cute with it. Definatly a credit to you.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 7/6/2006 2:22:44 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 2:30:44 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Blimey, its gotten bigger than big.
Couple of quickies:
My Sir pampers the shit out of me. Takes really good care of me.
Secondly, that example isnt a example of my level of disobedience. Shit, it gets seriously out of kilter at times! What he asked, and what i did, is IRRELEVANT in this OP. But totally relevant as ive really enjoyed reading the opinions of that particular red herring tangent.

My only agenda, was do others act? Does it mean im not submissive i im acting?
I particularly found interesting, the comment that his objection, was to the word 'act', if i substituted this for behave, it'd be ok. Thats absolutely true. But wouldnt substituting the word, of itself, be part of the act?
Coz i do feel like i act. A lot! And i do question a lot, if im on the right path.
The coment about i should question my expectations. Always.
We are talking about this together, obviously. But for a block of 3 nights now, he's in at 3am, im off at 7.30am, so no talk time. But we'll get back to it. And im sure he will be reading this thread.

Beth's response as a slave. That's nirvana slavedom for her. Clearly, the womans complete.
Someone made the response that 'some people get into this, coz they think it looks like fun. They do it more and more, then before they know it, their in it over their necks and carrying on about how hard or something or other. This sorta shit, i object to. So judgemental and grandiose. Nah, dont like that.
My personal belief system is thus. Couple A are bedroom only kink. Couple B are 24/7 powerexchange no limits. Everyone falls along this continuum in their relationships, all points along the continuum are hopefully, fullfilling to the individuals. And have therefor, excellent merit. None being of higher value than the other.

I am not a submissive. I am a switch. However. I am in a D/s relationship with a Dom and have agreed to be his submissive. That is the agreement i do not wish to exit. For this is my style of submission. It really is rather left of centre, on that continuum i mentioned above. As far as the power exchange element goes anyhow. Its not bedroom only though. Its outside of sex, i know that.
Not sure what you call WIITWD. But its not vanilla, it fulfills needs deep inside of us, and it brings us so much joy that we crave it. We are also in love. As he put it, relationship wise, i am his perfect partner, he could not have found someone better than i. Im perfect at it. As his submissive, i could do with tweaking somewhat.

And i dont believe there is such a thing as perfection in your service. And would never expect anyone to achieve such dizzying hights, (cept for Beth ;)  ). But it must be nice to be so wrapped up that questions dont even occur. I wouldnt personally ever wish to progress to that point. That scrares me as a personal choice. But its perfect for Beth, and others of a similar bent.
And in no way, do i believe that people who identify as slaves are 100%. Just that  a superduper submissive, with almost impecable obedience, is likely to lean more toward a slave head space, than the run of the mill submissive, who can question more perhaps.
Like i said, most of this thread ran off in its own interesting tangent. And really didnt address the OP. But i find ive learned a lot in the tangent. Thankyou all.
Id cut, copy and paste stuff, like the glitzy folk can do here. But im just lazy. and pc illiterate. So, this will have to do. A bit like my submission sometimes.

little1



(in reply to shivvy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 3:05:32 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

beth: Your servitude is admirable.  I don't believe I have reached such a level that my service flows naturally 100% of the time.  I aspire to that.


Thank you.  This slave will be 40 this year and it is something that she has been “training” for as far back as she can remember.  It feels as natural as breathing air.  Being given the opportunity to serve Master is something that is cherished, each and every fleeting moment we have here on this earth together.  One day, unless we are lucky enough to leave this plane of existence together, this slave will wish she had just one more opportunity to fetch Him a beverage, just one more touch of His hand, just one more smile from His lips.  Serving Master is also something this slave actively looks forward to, in whatever way He chooses, time of day or circumstances do not matter...and this, from someone who is on hormonal overload most of the time(think pregnancy-ish only without the baby!).  To not have that inner struggle is something this slave sincerely takes for granted until she comes to a message board like this and starts reading threads…only then is she made aware of how apparently scarce it is and how very grateful she is to her previous trainers and to Master.

quote:

What I have trouble relating to, however, is the comment about it being work.  I supposethat is because Master views it differently.  He pushes me incredibly hard, and enjoys seeing me work.  He has so much as said he loves watching me work for him.  He loves watching the struggle.  He loves pushing to the point of my tasks becoming such a challenge, where I either simply do not not think I can do it (yet I do anyway), or I am in such a mindset that the desire to jump one more hurdle is lacking.  Mind you, getting up in the middle of the night for water is not a hurdle to me, but as I said in my earlier post, waking up from a great REM moment can render a girl a little scattered until she finds her bearings (at least this girl).  I respect where you're coming from, it is just a different concept than I have been trained.


Sounds like you two have found an excellent compliment in each other then!!!  Equally this slave has a hard time relating to folks who complain about their struggle with their service to their Master.  This slave has always had a hard time empathizing with someone who would enter into the kind of intimate personal relationship with another where going into the relationship you are aware that just keeping the relationship dynamic intact is going to be “work” or “struggle” because it just doesn’t feel natural to them.  Like those who are not into a poly dynamic entering into that sort of relationship.  Lots of folks here would advise against it.  sure there are circumstances or situations outside of anyone’s control that happen to test the bonds of our relationships…but from the outside, over time…this slave doesn’t think to expect it from within the relationship at the get-go.
 
This slave struggled and worked at a vanilla marriage, at behaving as if she was dominant when it came to training the unmentionables and the animals.  The unmentionables never bought it.  it would definitely be struggle and work if this slave was expected to “act” as if she was the dominant one in any relationship, intimate or otherwise.  This slave sought a Master to serve, not just when it was broad daylight and her hormones weren’t racing around wreaking havoc with her emotions, but for the rest of her life or as long as He sees fit, whichever comes first.

quote:

Beth's response as a slave. That's nirvana slavedom for her. Clearly, the womans complete…


Thank you!!  it is nirvana. serving Master has completed this slave more than can be expressed here in words.  this slave wishes you reach your nirvana, whatever that may be, as well.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 7:58:52 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

(Using fast reply here)
This entire discussion is making me crazy!
What are my choices when a non-submissive thought pops into my head? And I freely admit, they do pop in there frequently. Would it be better to speak disrespectfully and/or disobey? Give up because I am not the poster-perfect submissive? Quit 'working' at it because it IS work some of the time? Stop acting when there is a disparity with what I am feeling?



I'm going to repeat my question: What are your (and your partner's) expectations about being a submissive?

I don't expect Fox to be happy and all smiles and to be in his mind thrilled and orgasmic when he does something for me -- that's nice when it happens but not terribly realistic. I do expect him to obey as quickly and as completely as possible.

If he's having "non-submissive" thoughts (whatever that really means) I expect him to let me know and to obey my decision on what he should be doing now.

You will only know what to do and how to approach your feelings by looking at them together and then also by yourself.

Or if you like I can recommend this book:

SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude principles, skills and tools by Guy Baldwin and “a grateful slave”
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1881943143/qid=1152197862/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-1960482-8509638?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

(No, I get dink when I recommend these books; even if KinkyBooks.com were the source I linked to, I'd still get nothing for doing it. I just have lots of books on this sort of stuff)


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 8:40:31 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Beth, thanks for your reply to my post.  I wanted to clarify about the "struggle" I spoke of.  The struggle occurs when I am pushed outside my scope.  When my capabilities are tried and nudged outward and I am struggling to learn new concepts, or to reach inward and see things in myself I have never wanted to see.  My service to him is never a struggle.  My submission to him and need to obey and please do not fall into that "struggle" category.  The struggle is in trying to do what my mind has never before conceived of.  That's the part I referred to as "work." For example, Master has stood before me and required me to do something which would inflict great pain on myself.  I am not a pain-slut by any means; I am a wimp.  My pain thresshold is quite low.  So, doing such task is not something I jump up gleefully and exclaim "Oh Goody!", rather I take in a deep breath, knowing I must do as told, knowing I now want to do as told, yet feeling an inner turmoil of my mind saying "Oh shit that is going to hurt and it scares me" vs. "Do it and do it now because it will make him so happy and that is what I live for"  He refers to that as "work" in that my mind is working through this (even if in a fleeting moment) and my submission always always takes over...naturally.

Like you, I also have never and would never complain about him or anything he requires of me, but I understand everyone is in a different place in thier journey.   "Acting" does not come into play for me either - if something he wants of me does not feel natural to me, I am trained to task so that it does.


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you reall... - 7/6/2006 2:11:55 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

This slave has always had a hard time empathizing with someone who would enter into the kind of intimate personal relationship with another where going into the relationship you are aware that just keeping the relationship dynamic intact is going to be “work” or “struggle” because it just doesn’t feel natural to them.


i have often read your posts beth and been very deeply moved and learned a great deal from you, but there is a point here that i would like to address. i realize that this forum is about BDSM relationship, but there is an analogy that comes to mind in dealing with the concept that regardless of the fact of entering in a relationship which on the whole is completely satisfying and fulfilling does not mean that there are not times that it is just plain work, and that is the analogy of motherhood. Most of us who have born and raised unmentionables love our unmentionables, are enriched and fulfilled to be a mother, but that does not change the fact that at times, we wish we weren't the mom, that being the mom is work at the moment and not a joy. And that fact doesn't change, even for those who long with their whole hearts to be a mom and go to extraordinary lengths to do so.

In the same way, we can long to be of service, long to serve a Master, pursue that relationship with all that is in us and it still sometimes be work. i also think that if it is always work, then yes there is something wrong.

i am very glad for you that that is not the case for you and i was very moved by your true statement that at the end of life we will all want one more moment where we can be of service and maybe holding that thought in the front of our minds would help with those times that it does feel like work, but i'm not sure if that would completely change those times.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Behaving 'as if' you feel submissive when you really dont. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109