RE: Most Relationships Fail Because Of Chemistry

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RE: Most Relationships Fail Because Of Chemistry - 1/13/2014 11:51:20 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

FR

What if you come from a stable home with parents in a highly functional and successful marriage. I have good relationships with my parents still, they have a wonderful loving marriage after thirty years. As creepy as the whole 'subconsciously dating your own parents' things sound, I could do a lot worse than replicating my childhood home - it was safe and full of love.

My parents have been together for over 40 years, raised 5 kids who all turned out OK and gave us a safe happy home. They have always had each others back, are the love of each other's lives, and they still (eww ) make out in corners. I should be so lucky.

Mine have been together 60 years and adore each other. So my falling for the wrong men has nothing to with my family role models. Even my brother is a faithful loving husband and father.

Nope, I was stupid when I was young and stayed too long each time for the awesome chemistry.

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RE: Most Relationships Fail Because Of Chemistry - 1/14/2014 12:56:05 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

Just to be clear, are you....are you in favor of arranged marriages?

It's worth noting the distinction between 'arranged marriages' and 'forced marriages'.

Arranged marriages aren't always as simple as 'This is your second cousin, you will marry him tomorrow.' In many families/communities it's more a case of the parents and/or extended family being actively involved in finding someone they consider to be a good person and a compatible match. In a 'good' arranged marriage, both parties have the chance to get to know each other and the right of refusal without fear of reprisals. A lady I used to work with turned down fourteen potential suitors before her arranged marriage.

Of course the system can be and is abused. People are put under tremendous pressure to marry for financial, political or family-honour reasons. People who are unable to consent due to developmental delays or disabilities are made to marry. People are forced to marry with fear of death or being cast out of the family. These are forced marriages.

Arranged marriages might seem weird and unnatural to our modern western viewpoint, but it's very egocentric to judge all cultures by our own standard. Because some people use this is a form of abuse doesn't mean the whole practice is wrong or immoral.

So for the record, I am in favour of arranged marriages - so long as both parties give full informed and un-coerced consent.

(Poindexter - this wasn't just aimed at you, rather in response to all the parties discussing arranged marriage in this thread)

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Post #: 62

RE: Most Relationships Fail Because Of Chemistry - 1/14/2014 1:34:27 AM

FrostedFlake

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Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LorraineCA

I had a submissive that seemed very intelligent. He claimed he had a PhD in Psychology and I would sit and listen to this guy talk for hours and hours. He claimed most relationships fail and the reason they fail is because people are looking for chemistry up front. And if there wasn't any chemistry in the first or second date the person isn't interested in continuing it.

He claimed that we need to stop looking at the physical features and get to know the person's personality. Don't look for chemistry and if there is chemistry walk away from the relationship. He claimed that most of us come from unhealthy families and this chemistry is reflecting the relationship we had with our Dad and/or Mom, which is unhealthy. We fulfill our childhood in our partner if there is chemistry right away. I don't have any training in Psychology so I apologize if I'm not explaining this correctly. Or if you think I know what I'm trying to say please say so.

So when you date look to see what her/his personality is. Does this person listen? Short temper? Etc. Once you do that then see if chemistry develops. It may take months or even years. You need to see the beauty within.

Would you agree with this premise?

I think the problem with the idea is, it mistakes cause for effect.

The relationship does not cause chemistry. Chemistry causes the relationship. And then sometimes mysteriously evaporates. Or maybe not so mysteriously vanishes. The notion that walking away from a relationship if there is chemistry is ...somehow going to make life worthwhile... challenges the credibility of the source.

Question : Does he date women he doesn't want?

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RE: Most Relationships Fail Because Of Chemistry - 1/15/2014 6:32:06 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LorraineCA

I had a submissive that seemed very intelligent. He claimed he had a PhD in Psychology and I would sit and listen to this guy talk for hours and hours. He claimed most relationships fail and the reason they fail is because people are looking for chemistry up front. And if there wasn't any chemistry in the first or second date the person isn't interested in continuing it.

He claimed that we need to stop looking at the physical features and get to know the person's personality. Don't look for chemistry and if there is chemistry walk away from the relationship. He claimed that most of us come from unhealthy families and this chemistry is reflecting the relationship we had with our Dad and/or Mom, which is unhealthy. We fulfill our childhood in our partner if there is chemistry right away. I don't have any training in Psychology so I apologize if I'm not explaining this correctly. Or if you think I know what I'm trying to say please say so.

So when you date look to see what her/his personality is. Does this person listen? Short temper? Etc. Once you do that then see if chemistry develops. It may take months or even years. You need to see the beauty within.

Would you agree with this premise?