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RE: attention - 1/13/2014 1:22:48 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Wow 146 text messages I have to say no fucking way. There is just no way I could deal with anything close to that.

Being in touch 2-3 times throughout the day via phone or email is normal to me, unless something urgent crops up.

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(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 41

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 1:30:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
I didn't post this question to make waves with other subs ,it wasn't meant to sound like I crave attention all the time or that I never get attention.....AND it doesn't mean My Master is throwing me away, please.....this was in the Masters message boards to get a Masters perspective....I am trying to understand my new role as slave........So That is that........Sometimes you need to ask questions to seek out things and yes My Master has answered my many questions....

At the same time, this is exactly why I answered your question.

I seriously don't want to get into another 'all Masters are male' discussion. It never goes anywhere worth a damn, except for a Mod to come in here and remind everyone that anyone can post in any section. One of these days, I'd be thrilled to see a discussion about respecting all of the cultures at the same time within the umbrella of those who identify with alternative lifestyles. However, that would be off topic for this particular thread, so I won't go there.

This could have gone two ways. One would have been that the perception of the thread would have been that this was a male vrs female thing, where the stereotype of females being the ones who display/crave/want more attention would be reflected. In My opinion, it's certainly not a gender thing. (I say this because I know Myself pretty well.) It's a personality thing that is dependent on the individual.

I'm not doing this to be a PITA, but here's your original:

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
I have a question to ask the Masters out there.. I am a collared slave to my Master for 4 plus years and I am wondering when is a slave too needy OR when is a slave craving too much attention.......Thank you

Bottom line, I've been there from the M-side of this equation. Literally dealt with a s-type who wasn't particularly needy in the beginning, but due to circumstances that I can not/will not explain, became that way after some years had passed. That neediness and the unacceptable behaviors that resulted from it, literally were the beginning of the end of the dynamic. By the time that end came, I can't impress on you how sick I was of the clingy/needy/constant desire for attention (from My perspective) became.

I'm not saying this is what you are doing. You asked for Masters to respond about s-types craving too much attention. I've been in that position, in spades. I'm giving you the best I can on My experience based on it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to highhopes4us)

Post #: 42

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 5:53:28 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yup and Master understands that I don't really like too much attention from him either. I don't beg or cry for it. When he has time for me, great. When he doesn't, that's fine too. We're mature adults who realize life happens. We both have lives outside of the both of us that occupies our time as well.

Then just what is your point?

What you said first up; that you're not of a submissive mindset?

Or that you are and all the subs I've known aren't - that they're somehow "doing it wrong"?

Or that they're (or we're) not all adult and mature like you and Kana?

And that despite being at CM for almost as long as me, "attention seeking sub" is a whole new concept to you?

Focus.

Wow. angry much? Dude, it's words on a screen. Maybe time to take a break. You said that submissives are attention seekers. I stated that I am not and it seems there are others who are not either. Personally imo, those who seek and constantly need attention aren't what I would call submissive but that's my view. I see them as just brats or they have issues they need to deal with.

But really since it seems you have become angry over words on a screen lol, I'm leaving you alone now. lol

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 43

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 8:16:25 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Looks like the attention seeker in your d/s is you....

Focus.

Actually that is closer to the truth than you realize. I want their attention. I want their focus on me and my will. I cultivate them to be always be mindful of what I want.

Naaaaaah; thinkin' I realise pretty good.

quote:

However, I don't have to beg or demand it. They give it! Because it's been my experience that balanced functional secure S-types tend to be givers of attention and not seekers of it. This is not to say they don't seek or need attention from time to time. But it not a motivating drive to their behaviours.

These "balanced functional secure S-types", you mean the type who accept that, as individuals, they'll never be enough woman to satisfy all their man's needs? Like your 3?

Hey, I'm not judging and kudos for actually living every Internet dom's fantasy. And I understand your personal prejudice that you're the one "doing it right", or that you're even 3 times the man or dom I'd be. But consider that a sub of yours can't be an "attention junkie" cos there really isn't 3 times the man I am to go around - is simple math - or physics.... Not the same as saying they're not attention seekers when that environment doesn't exist in your d/s.

I'm gonna stand by my statement - that subs are by nature attention junkies. You choose to think that means I'm constantly catering to their needs but the truth is I use it to fuck with them. Apparently I've got these cold and sadistic tendencies....

Compared to you, I'm "low maintenance" and I don't care for a lot of attention, myself. Hell, I'm more inclined to make my own cuppa then have the girl do it. But her smile when I do allow her to, yeah, that's worth fucking with in measured doses...! You see, allowing her to serve me is to enable her need for attention. What have your 3 got - a roster of assigned tasks? Sounds..... sterile, IMO.

Ok, maybe a small, uninformed judgement there....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 44

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 8:30:40 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

I didn't post this question to make waves with other subs....

You're wasting your time there - the women don't "take prisoners" when it comes to other women (who aren't personal friends - most times). Same for fem/sub on fem/sub.... It's nature's instinct personified when competition's about.

Don't worry, I'm full of life experience-based generalisations - and willing to share!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to highhopes4us)

Post #: 45

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 8:45:46 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yup and Master understands that I don't really like too much attention from him either. I don't beg or cry for it. When he has time for me, great. When he doesn't, that's fine too. We're mature adults who realize life happens. We both have lives outside of the both of us that occupies our time as well.

Then just what is your point?

What you said first up; that you're not of a submissive mindset?

Or that you are and all the subs I've known aren't - that they're somehow "doing it wrong"?

Or that they're (or we're) not all adult and mature like you and Kana?

And that despite being at CM for almost as long as me, "attention seeking sub" is a whole new concept to you?

Focus.

Wow. angry much? Dude, it's words on a screen. Maybe time to take a break. You said that submissives are attention seekers. I stated that I am not and it seems there are others who are not either. Personally imo, those who seek and constantly need attention aren't what I would call submissive but that's my view. I see them as just brats or they have issues they need to deal with.

But really since it seems you have become angry over words on a screen lol, I'm leaving you alone now. lol

Lol, angry? Moi?

It can't be just coincidence that those who accuse me of angry posts are the same ones who have no discernible on-screen sense of humour, themselves?

Naturally you haven't considered the possibility that you're just reading me all wrong, yeah? Or that you wouldn't be calling me "Dude" now if our whole exchange hadn't begun with your snark?

Lol, you're welcome!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 46

RE: attention - 1/13/2014 9:15:50 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Hey, I'm not judging and kudos for actually living every Internet dom's fantasy. And I understand your personal prejudice that you're the one "doing it right", or that you're even 3 times the man or dom I'd be. But consider that a sub of yours can't be an "attention junkie" cos there really isn't 3 times the man I am to go around - is simple math - or physics.... Not the same as saying they're not attention seekers when that environment doesn't exist in your d/s.

Focus.[/font][/size][/color]

It rather sad that you hold that view. Frankly, I don't know you regardless how long you been posting on these boards. Your living you way and it obviously working for you. There is no judgement there, just an observation of what you share of your life.

But clearly you don't understand my personal prejudices. Since one, I am doing it the way that works for me most do it differently and many succeed. That in of itself reflects that their is no one way, I am just doing it my way. Secondly, the number of girls under my roof or anyone's roof is not a measure of a person or dominant for that matter. I think one is best measured by the standards they set for themselves and the happiness of my family is more important than a notch on the bed post that some measure themselves to. I sure many others have different measures of their own success.

my three girls are not attention seekers in of itself is fact that your absolute that S-types are attention seekers as a trait is wrong This not to say that they don't exist just that I don't want them in my family or life. It's also not to say that the are bad wrong or a problem. It really is all relative to those they involve themselves with. For me they are wrong and bad, for me. Been there done that and burned the t-shirt. Others, they can function very well with such an individual and good for them.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 47

RE: attention - 1/14/2014 6:31:25 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

. . . my three girls are not attention seekers in of itself is fact that your absolute that S-types are attention seekers as a trait is wrong This not to say that they don't exist just that I don't want them in my family or life. It's also not to say that the are bad wrong or a problem. It really is all relative to those they involve themselves with. For me they are wrong and bad, for me. Been there done that and burned the t-shirt. Others, they can function very well with such an individual and good for them.

Advanced warning: I've gone into lecture mode.

Humans are emotionally needy to some extent, it is fact a big part of what makes us human. Humans, indeed mammals in general, *need* a certain degree of emotional closeness with others. This is why babies who don't get it 'fail to thrive' and why humans who don't have that need are considered sociopath.

Orientation doesn't matter in the least, in general people need to be around other people. It's why people search for relationships, go steady, get married, etc. to get certain emotional needs fulfilled.

Some people are needier than others, to the point it's pathological. They tend to be victim types who are so desperate for affection they will do *anything* to have it. Again, neither gender nor orientation have anything to do with it.

So now let's create a virtual continuum in which the sociopath is on one end (has zero need for emotion) and the pathological needy is on the other end and as individuals people fall someone on that line between the two.

This is where the majority of human beings are in terms of 'needy' or in need of making an emotional connection with another.

Do I think some female subs are so needy as to be pathological? Yes. And so are some male subs, and some male doms, and and some female doms, and geeze let's not forget the switches.

Just like some male doms are sociopaths. And so are people of all possible genders and orientations.

Most of us however are more middle of the road. The cliche that female subs are 'needy' is just that, a cliche. Sure some are. And some can be made to be. As long as you're a human and have emotional need, that can be manipulated, and most especially by someone you care about.

I've seen enough emotionally needy subs hook up with doms trying to 'fix' them that I wrote an article about it in my blog called 'White Knights and Damsels in Distress.' As I mention in my article, I think most subs have a touch of the damsel in them, just like most doms have a touch of the knight. But it's never good to make blanket statements about how all subs are any more than it's good to make blanket statements about how all doms are.

On a last note, someone who is *too* emotionally needy needs a therapist, not a relationship partner.

_____________________________

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 48

RE: attention - 1/14/2014 7:50:54 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Apples and Oranges.

Being emotional needy to some extent and as you said most are on the middle of the road is very different than being attention seekers. Attention seekers are more about their wants than about needs. Clearly some people have had some very basic emotional needs unmet and it creates a lot of damage to a persons character and behaviour if they are unmet for an extended period of time, but such people are more the exception than the rule in my view.

But attention seekers as I understand the term is not so uncommon compared to the more pathogical problemed individuals and not reserved for one side of the coin. But, regardless attention seekers are still not the majority or even a strong minority in my experience. As i stated I don't see attention seekers as needs driven but wants driven. From my perspective those kind of individuals are much more ego centric and selfish compared to the average person. They even become fixated on their wants that really go beyond consideration of their partners wants or even needs at times.

What makes this all very complex is the sliding scale of measurement. We all have different tolerances or allowances to what one considers emotional needy or attention seeking. It's really impossible to quantify in an object way where an individual sits on the scale. But I do agree for the most are in the middle of the road in expressing and seeking to have their needs and wants meet. It is very few exceptions that we as humans don't seek out others to meet needs and wants from others. However, most are rather functional in meeting them and avoid the White Knight or Damsel in Distress complexes. Keeping in mind those terms should be considered gender and orientation neutral.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 49

RE: attention - 1/14/2014 2:55:27 PM

Blueswordsman

Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

Never

(in reply to highhopes4us)

Post #: 50

RE: attention - 1/14/2014 10:53:44 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

It rather sad that you hold that view. Frankly, I don't know you regardless how long you been posting on these boards. Your living you way and it obviously working for you. There is no judgement there, just an observation of what you share of your life.

But clearly you don't understand my personal prejudices. Since one, I am doing it the way that works for me most do it differently and many succeed. That in of itself reflects that their is no one way, I am just doing it my way. Secondly, the number of girls under my roof or anyone's roof is not a measure of a person or dominant for that matter. I think one is best measured by the standards they set for themselves and the happiness of my family is more important than a notch on the bed post that some measure themselves to. I sure many others have different measures of their own success.

Why "sad"?

Actually, I don't think you understood what I meant by your "personal prejudices". It's another way of saying I understand you're doing it the way that works for you - as you then said, yourself.

quote:

my three girls are not attention seekers in of itself is fact that your absolute that S-types are attention seekers as a trait is wrong This not to say that they don't exist just that I don't want them in my family or life. It's also not to say that the are bad wrong or a problem. It really is all relative to those they involve themselves with. For me they are wrong and bad, for me. Been there done that and burned the t-shirt. Others, they can function very well with such an individual and good for them.

Nup; not convinced of your argument here, simply because you can't know the truth of your statement. To have 3 girl's serving one dom (fulltime?) and declare how they're NOT attention seekers is like cutting all your dog's legs off and proclaiming how it doesn't run about like a headless chook when excited.

Of course they're not attention seekers - the opportunity barely exists, if at all. And if it did, well, there's 2 others likely frowning on the 3rd for trying it on. And don't tell me jealousies aren't part of the group, either, as I'm taking it on faith that they are the normal functional human-beings you're determined to portray them as....

Lol, how about you send 2 of them on a months holiday and get back to me about any attention-seeking from the 3rd? You treat it (sub attention seeking) as a bad or dysfunctional thing but my decades in the lifestyle have convinced me it all goes toward what drives a submissive type to seek out someone to lead them. Someone to please and serve etc.... Hell, male subs will often refer to their domme as a Goddess. That's one powerful influence in their life so of course they want that person's approval for doing good just as they're horrified at failing them.

This is where I use the generic phrase of "attention junkie". It's nothing to do with being a pouty lil drama queen. And as I also said, wanting it and needing it is no certainty of getting it just because.... Not when it's my opportunity to make her squirm a little, or a lot. I don't waste that.

What are you in it for - just to passively enjoy the fruits of service? Ego trophies? Lol, I'd suffocate with 2 in the house....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 51

RE: attention - 1/15/2014 1:28:37 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Wow dude, judgemental much?

I am amazed at your nerve giving opinions and judging these long term relationships.

As usual, you rant about fem subs and your strange perception about how mean we all are and basically you attempted and failed to put down everyone who posted on this thread.

Why so angry and jealous of their relationships?

It's fine to discuss things, but don't use others relationships to make your points when you know nothing of their dynamics.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 52

RE: attention - 1/15/2014 10:23:06 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

I have a question to ask the Masters out there.. I am a collared slave to my Master for 4 plus years and I am wondering when is a slave too needy OR when is a slave craving too much attention.......Thank you

Congratulations for being four years into your relationship. It makes for a pretty good foundation.

The only person who can tell you if you are being too needy is your Master. It's kind of like driving a car for him. He'll slow things down if need be, change lanes, accelerate, and steer you in the right direction. If you are being too needy, he will adjust you accordingly. Just let things flow organically.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to highhopes4us)

Post #: 53

RE: attention - 1/15/2014 3:25:03 PM

highhopes4us

Posts: 50
Joined: 5/3/2010
Status: offline

Thank you for the advice........It was simple and too the point.....All great advice from all.....

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 54

RE: attention - 1/15/2014 7:41:55 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Wow dude. Just wow.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 55

RE: attention - 1/15/2014 8:48:08 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Wow dude, judgemental much?

I am amazed at your nerve giving opinions and judging these long term relationships.

As usual, you rant about fem subs and your strange perception about how mean we all are and basically you attempted and failed to put down everyone who posted on this thread.

Why so angry and jealous of their relationships?

It's fine to discuss things, but don't use others relationships to make your points when you know nothing of their dynamics.

Seems like only yesty I noted a connection between my alleged anger and those with a history of having "no discernible sense of humour"....

Just to show I can butt my head against a wall with the best of 'em, I'll try reasoning with you.

The fact is I am having a discussion with KoM, one I've at least found quite interesting.

Says he has 3 girls and I've said I'd suffocate with 2 - so what am I jealous of?

How is it you figure I'm so angry? (littlewonder, too) Maybe it's a cultural difference - and dare I generalise about Americans being paranoid and defensive of foreigners etc? Is that what this is - you perpetuating a stereotype cos you don't like what I've got to say, esp when it's true (eg, women being hard on other women)?

Ok, some say my way is somewhat abrasive; calls a spade "a spade" etc. Meh, going on 60 yrs of it being my arse.... Being forthwright and opinionated is a long way from being angry. And if you really did know me, you'd know I'm not nearly so complex as to bother with that passive/aggressive shit.

Finally, despite you accusing me of it, here's a fine example of a mindless, over-emotional rant:

"As usual, you rant about fem subs and your strange perception about how mean we all are and basically you attempted and failed to put down everyone who posted on this thread."

It's not my "strange perception" that women are historically hard on their own gender and since I did NOT attemmpt to "put down everyone who posted on this thread", I can hardly have failed at it.

I think a lot of "cause and consequence" has unfolded in this thread. How about your actions - nothing to re-visit there? Rhetorical - figure I already know *your* answer.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 56

RE: attention - 1/23/2014 6:35:20 PM

Milesnmiles

Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Wow dude, judgemental much?

I am amazed at your nerve giving opinions and judging these long term relationships.

As usual, you rant about fem subs and your strange perception about how mean we all are and basically you attempted and failed to put down everyone who posted on this thread.

Why so angry and jealous of their relationships?

It's fine to discuss things, but don't use others relationships to make your points when you know nothing of their dynamics.

Seems like only yesty I noted a connection between my alleged anger and those with a history of having "no discernible sense of humour"....

Just to show I can butt my head against a wall with the best of 'em, I'll try reasoning with you.

The fact is I am having a discussion with KoM, one I've at least found quite interesting.

Says he has 3 girls and I've said I'd suffocate with 2 - so what am I jealous of?

How is it you figure I'm so angry? (littlewonder, too) Maybe it's a cultural difference - and dare I generalise about Americans being paranoid and defensive of foreigners etc? Is that what this is - you perpetuating a stereotype cos you don't like what I've got to say, esp when it's true (eg, women being hard on other women)?

Ok, some say my way is somewhat abrasive; calls a spade "a spade" etc. Meh, going on 60 yrs of it being my arse.... Being forthwright and opinionated is a long way from being angry. And if you really did know me, you'd know I'm not nearly so complex as to bother with that passive/aggressive shit.

Finally, despite you accusing me of it, here's a fine example of a mindless, over-emotional rant:

"As usual, you rant about fem subs and your strange perception about how mean we all are and basically you attempted and failed to put down everyone who posted on this thread."

It's not my "strange perception" that women are historically hard on their own gender and since I did NOT attemmpt to "put down everyone who posted on this thread", I can hardly have failed at it.

I think a lot of "cause and consequence" has unfolded in this thread. How about your actions - nothing to re-visit there? Rhetorical - figure I already know *your* answer.

Focus.

Perhaps no one has ever mentioned it to you but in a thread that is pretty much this color and font size and you run into someone that uses this color and font size, it "sounds" like they are always angry and shouting.

Just saying. ;-)

< Message edited by Milesnmiles -- 1/23/2014 6:37:49 PM >

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 57

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