RE: Embarrassed but need help

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Rawni -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/17/2014 2:26:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 Wow this whole thread is so sex negative. I must have missed the part where the OP asked how to get him to promise eternal committment and marry her, cause I thought she was asking for advice about blowjobs and not a lecture about promiscuity. I see sex positive as both people comfortable, safe and having a good time. I see sex positive between two consenting adults, that are having sex because it is wonderful and not to please someone because they somehow feel insecure, are needy and willing to degrade themselves, so that they can have someone. They don't have to go on to more sex or a relationship, but one of them should not be subjected to criticism because the other is a douche bag. How can we be so presumptuous or know? Life... we have been there, we have seen people there and all the signs are here. Our comments, though they may not all come from the same place, seem to be because we see how a woman is allowing someone to run her down, has a man in position as a dominant, who because of her needs has been able to do her emotional harm and she joins him in it without seeing what's really going on. Can you tell me, how it is that you only saw her asking how to give a good blow job and didn't see the other blaring parts of the situation? Do you actually think this dom was worth anything to the OP or that his intentions were good? Please explain. It doesn't look like the picture the OP has shown us that this was a dom in charge with her well being a consideration and though we could just give her some advice on how to give a good blow job... she apparently did well enough... but we see a warning sign and are focusing on that. If the OP felt bad to start with, had a rough time, is off balance to start with... how is it sex positive to go to the back seat of a car... and do a sexual act... which is a criminal offense and then have the guy say she wasn't any good at it? Do tell me, how that is sex positive? Because we see a bigger picture and address that and don't give her what she wants so she can run right out and do what this dom... lol... wants, doesn't mean that we are not sex positive. Do you give everyone what they want because they want it and consider it good? We often will warn people of danger or things that we know have hurt us or others and that is what has happened here. Men often use and degrade women, for the sport and that ever ready cock that needs tending and many women will tend to it whether it is good for them or not. The OP thinks she is building a relationship, clearly... and few see what is happening as a healthy relationship and saw reason to comment on that. I believe to have a positive sexual experience, for someone that hasn't been with someone for a very long time, it needs to be an honest experience whether that includes humiliation or not. Humiliation should be a choice. Now, please tell me how the OP enjoyed the humiliation if she came here upset enough to share an embarrassing moment and scrambles to practice and learn on her own without the man who thought she needed it? What is sex positive about that?

LadyPact -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/17/2014 2:49:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 Wow this whole thread is so sex negative. I must have missed the part where the OP asked how to get him to promise eternal committment and marry her, cause I thought she was asking for advice about blowjobs and not a lecture about promiscuity. I'm sorry you feel that way. I know you don't know Me that well yet, but believe Me, if this thing was sex negative, I'd probably be on the bandwagon. Hell, I still remember the thread where RS suggested I was a prude. LOL. With no offense meant to the OP, I've been pretty tempted to call the guy in her story an outright dick. What guy gets off twice from oral and is stupid enough to tell the chick doing it that she did a bad job? I wouldn't be calling that guy a Dom. I'd be calling him 'dude who wouldn't ever be getting oral (from Me) again'.

OsideGirl -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/17/2014 2:58:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 Wow this whole thread is so sex negative. I must have missed the part where the OP asked how to get him to promise eternal committment and marry her, cause I thought she was asking for advice about blowjobs and not a lecture about promiscuity. Now attempt to contrast that with this situation. The man wanted sex, made no arrangements (good or bad) for it, ended up in the back of a car like some horny teen, and after coming twice told the OP she should 'practice.' Not only practice....but to not practice on him...to use an inanimate object. He treated her like a booty call....and she feels bad that her performance was off for that booty call. It's not about the sex. It's about lacking self worth to the point where she performed oral (unprotected, I'm assuming) sex on a stranger in the back of a car. It's about a guy who is a player and her need to please someone that isn't worthy of her desire to please. It's about her getting nothing but feeling dissatisfied afterwards. I'm sorry that you, orgasmdenial, feel that urging someone to value themselves and aim higher is "sex negative".

sexyred1 -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/17/2014 3:27:24 PM)
Totally agree with the smart ladies above. And, even when something is just a booty call, there is someone reciprocating by going down on her or whatever, and being mutually kind and respectful of each other. Neither of those things were done by this guy. So, no one is being sex negative, we are being anti-asshole.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/18/2014 4:47:43 AM)
Just to join the chorus here - I am very much in favour of sex which makes both parties feel good. I'm very much not in favour of sex where one party feels pressured, coerced, judged, unappreciated or less-than-worthy. (Also had sex the first day I met my now-husband, 12 times)

VenturaKitten -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/20/2014 9:22:21 PM)
Just my narrow experience: Men seem to all be so different in what feels especially good to them. My former Dom had one particular spot that drove him crazy, others since then have all wanted something completely different. I try to figure it out by trying different things and listening to their breathing (or lack of it, lol). It is much easier to please though when they just give me verbal feedback. It also feeds my love of being directed and taught. The one time I "practiced" on something else (started with a very long, narrow, flexible dildo and long-lasting, good-tasting, edible lube) was when I wanted to be finally able to deep-throat my former Dom as a birthday present for him and had to work past a hair-trigger gag reflex. (He had told me frequently that he wished I were able to do that and got frustrated when I couldn't handle it.) It took me a month to retrain my mouth and throat, but I did it. big grin down side... though he seemed to enjoy it at the time, he told me after, that perhaps deep-throating was over-rated. sigh oh well, ;D

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/20/2014 10:15:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VenturaKitten Just my narrow experience: Men seem to all be so different in what feels especially good to them. My former Dom had one particular spot that drove him crazy, others since then have all wanted something completely different. I try to figure it out by trying different things and listening to their breathing (or lack of it, lol). It is much easier to please though when they just give me verbal feedback. It also feeds my love of being directed and taught. The one time I "practiced" on something else (started with a very long, narrow, flexible dildo and long-lasting, good-tasting, edible lube) was when I wanted to be finally able to deep-throat my former Dom as a birthday present for him and had to work past a hair-trigger gag reflex. (He had told me frequently that he wished I were able to do that and got frustrated when I couldn't handle it.) It took me a month to retrain my mouth and throat, but I did it. big grin down side... though he seemed to enjoy it at the time, he told me after, that perhaps deep-throating was over-rated. sigh oh well, ;D Then you should still be proud of this, because the EFFORT was the gift. nods

samdarella -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 5:11:05 AM)
Sorry I didn't have time to read all the responses. I'm sure they were all good advice. For my 2 cents...that guy doesn't deserve a blow job...even a bad one. As to ways to give a better blow job, you have to know the person to be really good because everyone is different. My second ex-husband didn't even really like blowjobs before we got together. When I was younger and more insecure I wasn't so good at sucking dick. It's because I didn't enjoy it as much and was focused on the end goal, orgasm. It was actually a lesbian that taught me how to give better blow jobs. Relax and focus on it feeling good. The orgasm will happen or not. Its the journey there that is the best part. Unless the guy is like Master; then the gagging and the tears as you try to breathe are the best part. Master used to have a list of websites that gave helpful hints on deep throating that was pretty good. I will ask Him to pop in and post a link if He still has it.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Embarrassed but need helps (1/21/2014 5:43:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP You had sex on the first meet. I hope to God he came from his doctor's with a copy of his latest std scan for you to see. You do know you can get oral cancer from oral sex? Beyond that, he's a creep. The Man knew I hadn't had sex in over five years and that I hadn't given a blow job in a lot longer than that. He was appreciative and responsive and encouraging. Putting me down when I was already nervous would have served no purpose. Raising me up and making me feel that he was safe to continue with showed him to be a good guy. I'd tell this dude that you're planning to meet and practice on someone else in the future. Have to agree, though not on the part about sex on the first meet... Cause when I met F the first time in november 2012 we als had sex in that time, though that was because back then I was only looking for a sperm donor....not for a partner....and knowing what creeps are out there who just try to fool you around when it is about relationship which includes having kids with their endless games of "lets wait and see how we get on first, ideally for 5 years or so, before having kids" I was having none of that shit for sure... Though that being said, we both put our part into it....we both drove half the distance and he was so nice to pay the hotel for that night (as he earns a way bit more as a Dr. rer. nat. than I do...) and he actually did not tell me in advance what he does for a living as he knows that it can make another person nervous when they know they are on a lil bit different league job wise... Anyhow, for us it paid off and we are now happily living together since last year november...and finally seem to move forward on the family planning front...(either that, or my menopause started)... Of course it was a risk on the health front, I am not denying it, but then, many aspects in my life were risky so some folks are willing to take it.... However, if I would date someone seriously for the aim of a relationship (a pressure which F and I have not had during our first meets) I would not be willing to drive a long distance in an unknown area and then just get used in my car...cause, yes, I did my fair share of mistakes as well, but there quite frankly, he would have to provide space for that (if sex or blowjob would be planned) as that just sounds too much for me like a person who just wanted a quick number free of charge... I hope I am wrong but added to it his attitude afterwards, after he got what he wanted, it simply does sound like that to me...

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 5:59:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders (Also had sex the first day I met my now-husband, 12 times) Twelves times? But but was it good?

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 6:17:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders (Also had sex the first day I met my now-husband, 12 times) Twelves times? But but was it good? Oh my god yes. Needless to say we've never come close to repeating that achievement. I guess that's what long distance frustration brings to the table.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 6:20:22 AM)
I was being sarcastic. Of course it was good, or maybe you two were just 'practicing.' That's it practicing.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 6:25:00 AM)
Well you know, after the first half-dozen times he pointed out that I didn't really know what I was doing, so...

sunshinemiss -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/21/2014 7:02:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 So, no one is being sex negative, we are being anti-asshole. Sing it, sexy.

DeineSKlavin -> RE: Embarrassed but need help (1/25/2014 11:54:16 PM)
As the others stated, communication is the key. Herrchen and I spoke of likes, dislikes, even went so far as to fill out a fetish type chart and swap it (the Yes. No Way. Maybe. type of thing.) Was it embarrassing for me? You betcha, due to baggage I had to get rid of in my mind. Work on you, talk with Him, listen and watch for His cues. Maybe next time, it won't be all one sided but you will be satisfied too. Take advantage of the wealth of information these wonderful people can provide and some of their blogs. Luck to you!

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