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What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 9:47:24 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		The other thread about annoying traits in submissives inspired me to write its counterpart here. I'm not talking about trolls, or those who blather away on profiles in here, or ones who obviously don't know what they're doing. I'm talking about one you've actually have or had a real-life relationship, or long-term online relationship with, where you know each other reasonably well, ones who have credibility. Turnabout is fair play, right?

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 10:03:24 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Oh...where to start!

The one that really gets my goat is that 'dominant' who thinks that by slapping a 'me DOM!!' badge on their leather vest makes them something awesome and special and worthy of the respect and adoration of those on the other side of the kneel.

I know many dominant men and women who have earned my respect and friendship many times over, but I know a similar number who have shown themselves to be twats of the first order and who will forever be treated with scorn by me.

Particularly the guy who grabbed my ass at a fet event and then demanded I thanked him for it. I'm guessing that in the time it took for my handprint to fade from his face and his ears to stop ringing from my 'thanks', he might have decided it wasn't such a wise move

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 10:07:31 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		The only dominant I have ever been with is my husband, and I should probably not gripe about any annoying traits he may have on here!

From what I've observed or experienced through casual interaction though, I would have to say a general condescending attitude towards subs. In female dominants it tends to manifest almost as a form of contempt - that male subs are sort of dirty and stupid and can only think with their penises (granted some members of the online community do give that impression, but I believe most male subs, like most men in general, are pretty decent). In male dominants it tends to manifest more as a white knight/father knows best attitude which implies female subs are clueless, helpless little flowers who need to be rescued and/or protected from the big bad world (same disclaimer about some internet users giving this impression). I don't know enough gay male or female dominants to make comment on that.

I can sometimes sense an older dominant figuratively patting me on the head like a child who doesn't know what's best for her.

It's obviously not everyone, but it is fricken annoying.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 10:07:37 AM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline 		I think this is going to vary for each person and there's no real, objective answer.

That said, for me (a quasi-submissive male), I find unwarranted power really annoying. That is, someone who slapped the label 'dom' or 'domme' on themselves and then conclude they have complete control over the life of another human being. Personally, I don't give a shit what you call yourself, I only care about whether you can back it up with a high caliber of character, confidence, work ethic, intelligence and so on. It's the amalgamation of personality traits and how they're executed in real life that defines a dominant, not some self-ascribed label that has no basis beyond fantasy / fetishism. I mean, a woman could call herself any number of majestic, self-aggrandizing terms - but if she can't look me in the eye when we talk and convey trust in herself, I won't be interested.




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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 10:40:48 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders



I can sometimes sense an older dominant figuratively patting me on the head like a child who doesn't know what's best for her.

It's obviously not everyone, but it is fricken annoying.


Ah, I know exactly what you mean! These guys seem to forget that 'age' and 'wisdom' are not the same thing

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 11:11:00 AM   
nyx84


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/8/2014
Status: offline 		I get annoyed with "doms" I don't know or bairly know trying to dominate me. If I don't know somone well enough to trust them, then I certainly won't submit to them. But so many seem to start thinking they can impose there idea of what I should be and how I live my life just because I'm a sub.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 11:14:17 AM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84

I get annoyed with "doms" I don't know or bairly know trying to dominate me. If I don't know somone well enough to trust them, then I certainly won't submit to them. But so many seem to start thinking they can impose there idea of what I should be and how I live my life just because I'm a sub.


This seems to be the most common sentiment so far. Doms thinking their chosen label entitles them to complete control and obedience.


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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 11:28:00 AM   
Ollieboomboom


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/2/2013
Status: offline 		OCD

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 1:01:09 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Darn it... it is far easier to find negatives about those who slap on the dominant label and expect respect than doing it for people I have admired enough to befriend.

I have been in relationships with dominants where they may have had some annoying people traits, but I cannot say it was because they were dominant.
As far as dominants I have known but have not been in a relationship with, it would probably be the ever present "I am more experienced than you in life" fallacy. That is why I even considering them to be a dominant candidate would never be in the cards.

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

The other thread about annoying traits in submissives inspired me to write its counterpart here. I'm not talking about trolls, or those who blather away on profiles in here, or ones who obviously don't know what they're doing. I'm talking about one you've actually have or had a real-life relationship, or long-term online relationship with, where you know each other reasonably well, ones who have credibility. Turnabout is fair play, right?


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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 1:35:05 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		-fr

I'd been thinking it's time for the reciprocal thread! We also need the one for the 3 most attractive qualities in a dominant.

The one that most makes me roll my eyes is the belief I've seen, in person and online, that slapping the label "dominant" on themselves makes them better equipped to run my life than I am

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 2:05:00 PM   
thisisacutename


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/24/2014
Status: offline 		When a dominant automatically calls me his boy, or pet, or something like that within minutes of meeting him. It gets a little annoying...

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 2:11:28 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Wanting all of the rewards of being the dominant one in the relationship without being willing to shoulder any of the responsibilities.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 2:20:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		In no particular order...

Insta-Doms
Lack of finesse
Too much porn fueled ideals
Being condescending
Calling subs subbie, girl, little one, pet in first contacts
Assuming all subs are the same
Calling any type of questioning or discussion "topping from the bottom"
Saying you are not really a sub if you don't do XYZ
Anger management issues
Thinking subs are desperate creatures
Lack of intelligence

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 2:32:34 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Inability to be held accountable for mistakes!! If you make the decisions , I don't expect you to always be right. Just be able to MAKE it right, if you flub up!!

< Message edited by Blonderfluff -- 1/25/2014 2:38:47 PM >

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 3:05:19 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		This is a VERY interesting thread that we are reading together and we both thank you very much.
We used to go to a club in Brisbane and there was a little hobbit shaped guy there ( As tall as he was wide almost) who used to strut around in a big pair of boots and a leather vest, waving a cheap plastic flogger around and shouting for "PAGA !!!" at the top of his voice. He actually DID have a label on his vest that proclaimed he was a Master. I think he was allowed in there for comedy relief.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 3:16:32 PM   
MsMJAY


Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline 		"I'm the most sadistic hardcore Dominant you will ever meet. Submissives fear me!"

How sickening is that. I have seen this attitude in groups lead to something I call "Competitive Dom-ming." Usually some poor submissive who had not learned to say "hell no" would get abused while a bunch of so called Dominants tried to prove who could hit the hardest, or swing a whip the best or who could "really" show no mercy.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 3:34:49 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		It is just silly to say that you Are the Most at anything.

It's like those guys who say they can go all night and they are really minute men.

Those who can't, brag. Those who are, don't need to.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 4:33:47 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		Those who believe that being dominant means they know best. Dominance is a trait and a preference for style of interaction. It does not mean that one has been bestowed with great wisdom or any other talents, nor is it an entitlement.

Being a dominant doesn't make someone wonderful or worthy of accolades and honorifics. What you do, how you behave and how you treat people makes you wonderful. Or not.

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What you permit, you promote.

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 7:31:23 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Leaving his dirty socks on the table or under furniture.

Same damn spot syndrome. Spank both sides of my ass, not just one please.

In anyone who isn't yet my dominant, acting as though he is and trying to remove my ability to choose. Saying that he thinks my hard limit is silly so the first thing he'll do is that. You don't prove yourself to be trustworthy by acting like a creep.

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Slave to laundry

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RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? - 1/25/2014 9:27:31 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

As mentioned previously, the whole chest thumping and grunting "me Dom, you will respect me" horseshit drives me nuts. Regardless of how entitled you think you are, respect is still earned.

Dominants that are so focused on themselves and their own needs that they forget the responsibility they took on when they assumed care, custody, and control of another human being. With power comes great responsibility.

A dominant who summarily dismisses the /s type when said person is expressing what they need out of a relationship. If you want someone to listen to you, demonstrate that by listening to them.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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