RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant?

RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (Full Version)

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ExiledTyrant -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/15/2014 8:56:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hurtnotharm i hope it turns out to be a situation for you in which, when you least expect it, the right guy suddenly comes out of nowhere. Awwww... Thank you. I had no idea you cared. But you should know, I'm strait, so your affections aren't going to get you anywhere. But do expect a collar from me in the mail. I'll be sending them to all the /s's, because you're all mine. Jus sayin Exiled

hurtnotharm -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/15/2014 9:19:13 AM)
guy, girl, whatever. the errant gender reference was inadvertant.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/15/2014 10:01:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hurtnotharm guy, girl, whatever. the errant gender reference was inadvertant. (Lie mode on) as much as I'd love to continue this pissing contest with you, (lie mode off) I'll wait until you get this sock puppet outed, and then I will eviscerate you through these boards. Like hundreds before you, and hundreds after you, you will crawl off into the dark corner of your Domly library, baffled as to what happened here, and you will lay idle for months, try and start fresh, new profile, new sentence structure... Perhaps doing enough due diligence to proxy your way back in here. But just like now, you'll fumble, be outed, and try again. I get that you're chest thumping here, because you got your ass spanked. Now, there isn't any particular part of your original reply that I could or would disagree with, if it were elsewhere. Because your ego got rubbed and what ever inferiority issue welled up inside you, because the OP stated her position, excluding you, and got your panties in twist because either it's not your way, or you are simply a well educated Top that does not exude the energy she sought, you felt compelled to decry shenanigans. I don't much care for your reason... Again, your post was spot on, just not in this spot. What the OP was stating was that she is car shopping, and the profile side is the way you look for the car you're interested in. That Cmail, email, text and talk is the dealer hype, and that is all fine and good, leads strait to the face to face with the dealer. But, she was in no way going to take the dealers word that the car, in fact, would start, run, and drive. She wanted to hear the motor purrrrrrrr herself. The D being the dealer, and the energetic connection, his Dominant energy coalescing with her submissive energy, is and was the "car starting". The D that inspired the post didn't start the car, and came across too unsure for her to achieve that energetic connection. I get that you may not exude such energy, not everyone does... Hence my campaign to add Top and bottom designations to avoid further panty twists on the site... And it isn't black and white either. I resonate with some submissive energy, not all submissive energy, and vice versa. My D just gets some women's "GIRL ON!" And some it does nothing at all for. I happily accept that, it is just the nature of the beast. More importantly, face to face, I am first and foremost looking for a friendly connection, if the energetic quickening happens, it's that much sweeter, if it doesn't, I find myself I the company that I share a great deal of common interest with. The opportunity to forge a lasting friendship is more important to me, because I suck at being a short term friend, but I'm really good on the long haul. Now, what I've seen on this thread is a lot of butt hurt... Librarian D's that have read everything and think this education makes them uber Domly Dom and they can/could/should school the misguided subby into their "one true way", which any rational /s will nod in agreement or step in front of a bus just to shut them the hell up. I've also seen /s's, not just here, but in thread after thread, get butt hurt because the settled for what works within reason, and the audacity of someone else holding out for what works well, offends them. All the bickering and brow beating isn't going to change the OP's stance, she is steadfast, rock solid, and determined to have the dynamic she is looking for. I get it, I understand it, it helps a little that I'm currently banging her out, and even still I wouldn't ever try to dissuade her from her goal. Is she Topping from the bottom? Nope. She is clear on her wants, needs, and limits. Very specific, and what everyone should be well aware of is the fact no matter what your wants, needs, and limits, there is someone searching for the same thing, you just have to have the courage to find them. Now if we can deviate back to the original intent of this thread, I'd love to read some input from FD's and our /boys. Jus sayin Exiled

littlewonder -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/15/2014 9:32:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff Okay. I've not posted here in a few days (been a little ...busy), but I have read everyone's responses. Many of you understood exactly what I was saying. I did NOT say I wanted to be Dominated, whipped, flogged, or pushed to my knees on a first meet. Sheesh. Really????? I was talking about what I NEED in a Man and a Dom. I need to feel that Dominant energy. For me, it is a palpable thing if He has it. If He doesn't, it's just been a nice first meet. That is MY standard. No matter how funny, smart, or well spoken he is, if he doesn't have IT, no amount of compatibility will make it work for me. I've tried it. Nope. To those who took my OP to the extreme and lectured about Doms having to be careful blah blah. Meh. Yup. I get it. But that has NOTHING to do with what I was referring to. Don't worry. I completely understood what you meant and totally agreed with you. They are either dominant or they are not. I think a lot like to call themselves a dominant personality but just....well....are not. You can call yourself anything you want. Doesn't make it true. It's why I was single for over 8 years before I met Master. Dominant personalities, especially leadership material, are extremely rare.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/20/2014 5:33:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RareByrd For example, sometimes people smell bad to me. Not poor hygiene, not bad cologne, just their natural smell turns me OFF. Once you've had even one of these experiences, you understand why agreeing to leap into sex before so much as saying hi is a bad, bad, bad idea. I've seldom experienced what you're discussing and no one has ever complained about my scent, but you're absolutely correct that social odor can have a negative effect, even subconsciously (recognizing at the same time, however, that much of what people label "natural scent" is a matter of hygiene and lifestyle). One nit about your perception to what I've written here, however, and it's an understandable mistake, considering the brisk description: on my count, sex is never "leapt into" without some degree of physical observation afforded by both parties, however unorthodox it may appear. In the scenario I wrote, there was plenty of obvious accord through non-verbal communication, though one briefly glancing over at the interaction probably wouldn't notice that. It's subtle, but physical attraction is apparent when it's present...or not. quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko One sub looked NOTHING like his pic and we had great chemistry on the phone. I pictured him taller, younger and more fit. It happens. Though his pics were probably dated. If I meet someone online that I'm interested in even marginally, I always have a friendly video chat with them. That takes care of any surprises like the ones you cite above. If a cam is somehow impossible to connect with, photo salutes are the next best things...and I collect a lot of those along the way, anyway. This speaks to taking one's time online before meeting in person and I'd never advocate the opposite of that.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/20/2014 6:08:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant I'll leave a note for her to give all my books on BDSM and D for Dummies to RedMagic. This thread came back to life, so I started reading it again, and I found this. Feel free to continue, either on this thread, or anywhere else on the site. You're safe. I won't attack you, nor defend myself. The only defense to this kind of insinuation would be real-life evidence that I actually have dominant energy per your definition, and I won't provide any -- perhaps because I'm not able to! So go wild.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/20/2014 6:15:27 PM)
yawn

DesFIP -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/21/2014 8:33:34 AM)
I don't think anyone disagrees about needing to feel that elusive chemistry. The comparison, using the car metaphor, is whether the salesman should go race it up the street at 100 mph to show you how well it works, or sedately drive it around the lot at 20? Most of us were saying that going 100 first thing is more risky and more likely to lose you the sale.

ForgetToRemember -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (4/3/2014 3:04:35 AM)
While I believe the incident described in the OP was simply low self confidence (either by the man's nature or nurture), I can see where there is a conflict of interests here. My suggestion is that if you are looking for that 'D' vibe from him, you have to emit your 'S' vibe. Most Doms KNOW not to try and TAKE something from a sub (at least at first), and also know the laws and how biased Judges and juries can be (see People v. Jovanvic). I personally don't plan on doing anything 'Dominant' on our first date, unless I get that vibe from her. Don't forget that that first date is also about HIM seeing if you are a good fit for HIM too. If you are in a standoff mode with him, don't expect him to be comfortable or act Dominant. There are just as many fake Subs as there are fake Doms (50 Shades has not helped). Starting meaningful relationships is difficult because BOTH sexes get to CHOOSE their partner. Although it may seem like there is someone for everyone mathematically, that isn't the case due to all the factors involved (attraction, compatibility, language, socioeconomic status, age, actually meeting up / location etc).

mstermster -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (4/8/2014 11:36:55 AM)
In my opinion, A lot has been said here about being hesitant. I think it is more about being cautious. Yes, I would hold a hand without hesitation. But in todays world anything much more than that can get a Dom extremely "chaffed wrists". As was mentioned before, a willing play partner can go the the "P", and say "look what he did to me", a day or two after the fact. Never mind consent was given, the spanking, or whatever was asked for verbally, etc... A written approval can help get you out of the trouble, but even that can be beaten. For Doms, it has become a dangerous world. Changing you mind after the fact can get me or whoever in a world of trouble, that only very deep pockets can get you out of. Being cautious, in todays world is just being safe. Subs, have safe words, and any respectable Dom, will respect those. But a sub can claim anything after the fact, and the Dom will be in a world of sh!t. That is why some are so careful. At least that is why I am.

DesFIP -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (4/8/2014 8:18:30 PM)
The op wasn't talking about playing on the first meet. But about a coffee meet. You play with strangers, without getting to know each other, and you deserve what you get. Because when she says she's fine with floggers, she may not mean including one made from barbed wire. You want to blame her for being upset with you upping the ante, fine. But she has as much right to blame you for going with the letter of the law and not the spirit of it. All things that don't happen if you get to know each other first.

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