RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable?

RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (Full Version)

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Laurielee -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:51:12 AM)
We're extremely desirable. I get so much attention, I have to beat them off with a stick.

theshytype -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 6:07:11 AM)
quote: you'd want to submit to someone who you respect, admire or perhaps even feel is "better" than you in some way The above describes my thoughts. For me, it's intelligence and creativity. I have to feel as though he's smarter and quicker than me. Keeps me on my toes and challenges me. What I'd consider as a better version of myself. Otherwise, I'd feel somewhat superior and me submitting to him would be faked. I'd want the same from a man or a woman. I'd imagine many submissives looking for some sort of relationship, whether male or female, would feel the same to some degree. Those that don't sound like they either don't know what they really want or just wants a woman to temporarily act the part but not really be the part.

HipPoindexter -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 6:18:15 AM)
My girlfriend/owner/love of my life/&c is significantly brighter than me, and I find that maddeningly hot. I've only and always ever really been attracted to super-smart weirdo types. A significant portion of the population, men and women alike, fear and loathe intelligent people. Submissive dudes are, first and foremost, just dudes and a lot of dudes are dumb as dogshit, easily threatened, and prone to lash out when they feel their unearned sense of superiority is being threatened. You, in particular, seem to have the kind of personality that makes some dudes' dicks want to run and hide and their balls shrink down to the size of walnuts, because you're both opinionated and blunt. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact both those qualities are virtues, but you're inevitably going to piss a lot of people off. Given that you're 30, none of this should really be news to you? quote: ORIGINAL: asanaambitions I have a query, mostly for those who are interested in submitting to female dominants but of course all viewpoints are welcome. I'm finding a rather strange phenomenon as I'm speaking with (primarily) male submissives on this site, and that is that many of them get very uptight, offended and even rude when I show that I have intelligence and strength of character. This to me seems pretty counterintuitive, since you'd think that you'd want to submit to someone who you respect, admire or perhaps even feel is "better" than you in some way (not claiming to be better than anyone, just throwing ideas out there). I do understand that I have a somewhat abrasive personality and that my brusquness doesn't always translate well over text, but I admit that I still find it very shocking when these men behave like a petulant 5 year old because I dared to show that I actually have a brain. I am never rude or insulting or demeaning, I don't act like a screaming harpy intent on crushing these men beneath my boots (....maybe I should?). Is it because I'm ruining some sort of fantasy? Do submissive men really want a bubble headed bimbo in latex who never challenges them but just screams random insults while brandishing a flogger? Help me out peeps, what am I missing here?

eulero83 -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 6:25:00 AM)
FR littlewonder, darksteven and desfip gave you some good advices that I agree to, I like what you wrote in your profile and if I were local to you I'd sent you a message, but if it turned to be an intelligence contest I would get tired in the long run. I'm ready to admire and prise the complexity of a smart woman personality, and that's where my submission starts, not because she "knows best" and keep trying to out smart me at any given chance. I've been there and it didn't worked out well.

MisterP61 -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 6:41:40 AM)
FR Personally, I prefer a woman who is stronger and smart. LP is very much that kind of a woman. I knew it from day 1, and very much knew that first day I was going to get married again. As a "D" type, I would also prefer a submissive who can think on their feet. One who can make life decisions like "i need food, i should go to the grocery store and get what i need", than one who would say "MP, i have been hungry for 3 days now, can I get some food?". Strength of character has absolutely nothing to do with which side of the kneel you are on.

GoddessManko -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 7:27:40 AM)
Personally I think you should be able to post whatever pic you like on here and not get harassed. Should I suddenly start harassing T Girls for not being dressed as "business casual", come on. My inbox usually attracts like minds and if not, I say hello to those I may view as such. Because you are attractive and intelligent does not mean you shouldn't be proactive and that the dream sub/man will magically fall into your arms. I disagree with the assertion that putting on a chiffon blouse or cashmere sweater will suddenly attract men who are already too daft to realize there's a brain behind all the leather and toys. I mean this really to me is such a no brainer as far as pictures NOT AT ALL BEING THE ISSUE for a woman who is not only intelligent but physically attractive online AND OFFLINE that I just think it goes without saying. The person who gave you the best advice imo is Chatteparfait. And to be honest, the only people who can really grasp where you're coming from are the people who have been there. (No offense to the guys, some of us live it daily.) This is a fact: IT IS FAR MORE CHALLENGING TO HAVE BEAUTY AND BRAINS THAN ONE OR THE OTHER. There are so many reasons for this that I will only dare list a handful if such is requested. BUT you gotta realize you have them both for a reason, because you are going to be perpetually placed in positions that will test them both and if you were lacking either, you would probably be more receptive to idiots or not have such high standards or self esteem. I kind of know without my strength I would so not have the necessary coping skills I do possess to make my life EXACTLY the way I want it to be, and that never stops despite obstacles. :) [sm=ballchain.gif] [sm=crop.gif][sm=crop.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=domme.gif]

igor2003 -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 9:12:59 AM)
First, I'm going to take what may be a bit of an unpopular stance here, so if you are here simply looking for people to stroke your ego, then you might want to pass this post. Many times...in fact quite frequently...a young man, usually sub, will come to the forums and ask why he is consistently encountering the same problem in one relationship after another. And one very consistent reply is, "Look at the common denominator...YOU." (Funny how that response doesn't pop up nearly as often when the poster is a young lady.) First, you admit, so I assume you actually know, that you come across as abrasive and brusque. Then you gloss over that as if to say, "But that can't be the problem." Seems kind of like denial to me. Now, let's look at some of what you have to say: " you'd think that you'd want to submit to someone who you respect..." Said as if you EXPECT to be respected. Respect is something that is earned. To earn it you have to FIRST show that you deserve that respect. It isn't automatic, and just because you may be intelligent doesn't mean you are automatically respectable. I know a number of highly intelligent people that I loathe. "or perhaps even feel is "better" than you in some way" I read that as meaning that you think you are better (though you deny it), and that kind of aloof, snooty attitude is going to be viewed in a very negative way by many (most?) people, sub or not. "when I demonstrate that I know more about what they're talking about than they do" Okay, maybe you do know more...or maybe you just think you know more. In either case, how...and WHY...do you let it be known? I have a very dear lady friend that I have known for nearly 20 years. We were dance partners, off and on, for ten years, and after she got married we remained friends. She is a VERY intelligent woman. But I can't stand to be around her for long periods of time. No matter what topic comes up, she has to comment on it in such a manner as to say she knows more about it than anyone else. And once she starts, she goes on, and on, and on about it. Often the topic is nothing of any important consequence. And often, but certainly not always, she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. Why does she do this? My own opinion is that she is trying to impress people. Is it due to insecurity? I don't know...but that is my own guess. No matter the reason, it is annoying...NOT attractive. So if it isn't important, then don't press the issue. My own take on your OP is that you seem to want to identify who you are by how much you know. A truly intelligent person doesn't have to "prove" it to anyone. It will be apparent in your day to day actions, and that is what people will admire and RESPECT. When you shove your "intelligence" in their face and brow beat them with it, they definitely will run the other way.

asanaambitions -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 9:32:43 AM)
Thanks all for your contributions, I just wish I could actually respond properly to all of you. I do want to say that none of what you guys are saying I'm offended by in any way, the whole reason I brought this to the boards is because I wanted differing opinions. I do feel that some of you viewed what I said as me maligning all men or showing "gender essentialism" as one person put it, and I appologize if it came off that way. Not my intention. Again, I don't feel that I'm smarter or better than everyone (despite a couple of you thinking I'm lying about that), I just didn't understand why there was so much vitriol being spewed at me for what I thought were very innocuous comments. I am aware that the only common denomenator in all my interactions is me and if I came off like I was trying to shift blame, again that wasn't my intention. I'm simply trying to communicate (rather poorly) that I'm confused by certain behaviour I've witnessed and being who I am, I sometimes have the need to try and figure it out. I don't freak out at people when they don't get my humor or when they take something I've said differently than what I meant. Text-based conversations are bound to be rife with miscommunications and I guess at the ripe old age of 30 I shouldn't be surprised when people act like jackasses. I'm simply trying to figure out how to optimize my experiences on this site and figured I'd come to a group of people who've been here far longer than me. So even though I think a few of you have gotten the wrong impression of me you've still given me some good points to consider. I wish you all a lovely day.

Blueswordsman -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 10:46:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asanaambitions I have a query, mostly for those who are interested in submitting to female dominants but of course all viewpoints are welcome. I'm finding a rather strange phenomenon as I'm speaking with (primarily) male submissives on this site, and that is that many of them get very uptight, offended and even rude when I show that I have intelligence and strength of character. This to me seems pretty counterintuitive, since you'd think that you'd want to submit to someone who you respect, admire or perhaps even feel is "better" than you in some way (not claiming to be better than anyone, just throwing ideas out there). I do understand that I have a somewhat abrasive personality and that my brusquness doesn't always translate well over text, but I admit that I still find it very shocking when these men behave like a petulant 5 year old because I dared to show that I actually have a brain. I am never rude or insulting or demeaning, I don't act like a screaming harpy intent on crushing these men beneath my boots (....maybe I should?). Is it because I'm ruining some sort of fantasy? Do submissive men really want a bubble headed bimbo in latex who never challenges them but just screams random insults while brandishing a flogger? Help me out peeps, what am I missing here? Having an intelligent and high spirited woman voluntarily surrender herself to me is my greatest pleasure. I believe most dominants regardless of sex like a challenging seduction. What can be more exciting than convincing an intelligence and strong willed person to remove their close and get on their knees. Your strength of character makes you more attractive.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 11:05:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asanaambitions I have a query, mostly for those who are interested in submitting to female dominants but of course all viewpoints are welcome. I'm finding a rather strange phenomenon as I'm speaking with (primarily) male submissives on this site, and that is that many of them get very uptight, offended and even rude when I show that I have intelligence and strength of character. This to me seems pretty counterintuitive, since you'd think that you'd want to submit to someone who you respect, admire or perhaps even feel is "better" than you in some way (not claiming to be better than anyone, just throwing ideas out there). I do understand that I have a somewhat abrasive personality and that my brusquness doesn't always translate well over text, but I admit that I still find it very shocking when these men behave like a petulant 5 year old because I dared to show that I actually have a brain. I am never rude or insulting or demeaning, I don't act like a screaming harpy intent on crushing these men beneath my boots (....maybe I should?). Is it because I'm ruining some sort of fantasy? Do submissive men really want a bubble headed bimbo in latex who never challenges them but just screams random insults while brandishing a flogger? Help me out peeps, what am I missing here? Their league is over here... X...where their playing field is level. You're league is over -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> X here. Normally you'd be the Woman that they see, wank about, but do not approach because the league is so far apart, the away game would be days of driving. Here, you're a click away, and when the reality of the league discrepancy becomes apparent, the cave men grunt, hate, and flee from the fire. Jus sayin Exiled

eulero83 -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 12:31:26 PM)
asanaambitions, I'll ask you a question that maybe can help to give you a new prospective on this, is your game winnable? I'll explain myself better: I'm sure you got so much messages from men hunting for masturbation material to drive you crazy, but I think the two sentences "you are the common denomator" and "they are all way out of your league " are not confutable and so they wn't help in figuring out things. I've got the idea you could (without knowing it) just keep challenging genuine "prospects" untill you have not demostrated they are unfit, confirming a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it's just an hypothesis I'm not saying you do it, but it is a possibility.

ChaoticIntent -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 1:10:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter Submissive dudes are, first and foremost, just dudes and a lot of dudes are dumb as dogshit, "Dumb as dog shit" is a little extreme and you're making the assumption that women are a lot better at being intelligent which is not true. Now, I would say something along the lines of "MOSTLY ALL HUMAN-BEINGS AROUND THE PLANET choose to BE IGNORANT." Now, that assessment I would agree with because it's all INCLUSIVE to all populations to all groups around the world. In my normative opinion, I think the latter is more realistic than what you wrote. To answer the original post, men tend to be more sensitive to losing than women. As a result, you may want to find a man that is not so sensitive about that sort of thing, or one that gets motivating when he is challenged. In other words, you will need to find a guy (IMO) that has a strong of a personality as you. The best way to do this is to leave the internet and go to your local BDSM community, if there is one near where you live. Additionally, if you do find yourself talking about a topic as controversial as politics you may want to approach the issue like this: 1. Make sure you get to know the guy before discussing those sort of things. So, if a man brings social issues to a discussion say something like "we can talk about this later. I want to get to know more about you first." 2. Make sure that you and your partner are knowledgeable about said topic so the discussion will stay a discussion and won't lead to a "I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG" kind of argument.

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 1:11:34 PM)
I've talked to a lot of submissive men on here who seem to appreciate my intelligence. Keep looking. Like others have said, there are lots of guys who know the value of a smart woman and find intelligence sexy. Spy

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 3:20:43 PM)
It might take a hundred messages, it might take a thousand before you connect with a person who makes you comfortable and relates well to you as you are. That said, I recently got a dressing down to the tune of being brusque and coming across as 'superior'. I don't consider either the bearer of this message or myself to be scary-smart, but we are both quite capable and have a long history. It didn't help that his presentation this time was really snarky and sarcastic, but when I read between the lines I realized he was hurt about MY style of delivery over the years. So I asked him if he'd be willing to dig a little deeper to express his heart instead since I'd be sure to respond to it more compassionately. He did, and I thanked him for giving me lots to work with. Did I change fundamentally? Not one iota, but I put more thought into my communication style. Did he change fundamentally? Don't think so. We just got better at cutting through the bullshit of self-protection and too many owwie life-events. Painful as it was, an occasional yanking up of the short-hairs reminds me to check myself. It doesn't always feel good in the moment, but it's a good thing nonetheless. Btw, right around age 30, I really began to come into my own. I was thrilled with my accomplishments, revelations, lifestyle, and luck. In retrospect, it wouldn't have hurt one bit for me to privately exalt while presenting a more humble demeanor to the outside world. As a fellow yogi, we understand keeping ego in check is a life-long goal. I still have to challenge myself daily to strive for that balance. I'm better than I was, but accept there is always room for improvement. So I guess that's the long way around of asking: when someone's conversation or message makes you bristle, what part of that is a reflection on how you see/feel about yourself? If it just makes you think 'meh, no thanks', it's probably not that important. But if you're spending a lot of effort turning it over and over in your mind to riposte, it is likely challenging something fundamental inside you. This might be a good time to check in with yourself.

cloudboy -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:22:48 PM)
I like igor's post. An alternative subject line would be, "Am I attractive," or "Why am I having problems getting along with male subs."

littlewonder -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:25:54 PM)
I didn't say you should dumb yourself down or change who you are. What I am saying is there seems to be this mantra going around the past few years by women......."I'm strong and intelligent and if someone doesn't like it they can kiss my ass". When I hear this from a lot of women, it's usually the ones who are afraid to be vulnerable, bitter of men and so they make themselves difficult to get to know and it's almost like pulling teeth just to talk to her, let alone have a conversation with her. I always picture myself as a guy who is trying to get to know a woman who is headstrong and stubborn and seems to contradict everything I say or just seems to want to argue or put me down on every word. I feel sorry for the men out there who run up against these types and it seems there are more and more of these types everyday. I'm not saying this is true of all women who say this. I am saying though that this has been my experience with most women who spout this mantra. I'm not saying the solution is to change who you are. I'm saying the solution is to think about how you come across to men and why you are coming across like that.

ChaoticIntent -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:48:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I didn't say you should dumb yourself down or change who you are. What I am saying is there seems to be this mantra going around the past few years by women......."I'm strong and intelligent and if someone doesn't like it they can kiss my ass". When I hear this from a lot of women, it's usually the ones who are afraid to be vulnerable, bitter of men and so they make themselves difficult to get to know and it's almost like pulling teeth just to talk to her, let alone have a conversation with her. I always picture myself as a guy who is trying to get to know a woman who is headstrong and stubborn and seems to contradict everything I say or just seems to want to argue or put me down on every word. I feel sorry for the men out there who run up against these types and it seems there are more and more of these types everyday. I'm not saying this is true of all women who say this. I am saying though that this has been my experience with most women who spout this mantra. I'm not saying the solution is to change who you are. I'm saying the solution is to think about how you come across to men and why you are coming across like that. Don't feel bad for us! Most of us will simply WALK away or attempt to get in her panties and leave her as soon as possible.

littlewonder -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:54:11 PM)
which just keeps the ball rolling. [8\|]

kalikshama -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 5:54:53 PM)
Love the new avatar! [image]http://www.collarme.com/photos/tn/tn_1927514.jpg[/image]

MisterP61 -> RE: Are strong, smart women not desirable? (2/6/2014 6:05:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChaoticIntent quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I didn't say you should dumb yourself down or change who you are. What I am saying is there seems to be this mantra going around the past few years by women......."I'm strong and intelligent and if someone doesn't like it they can kiss my ass". When I hear this from a lot of women, it's usually the ones who are afraid to be vulnerable, bitter of men and so they make themselves difficult to get to know and it's almost like pulling teeth just to talk to her, let alone have a conversation with her. I always picture myself as a guy who is trying to get to know a woman who is headstrong and stubborn and seems to contradict everything I say or just seems to want to argue or put me down on every word. I feel sorry for the men out there who run up against these types and it seems there are more and more of these types everyday. I'm not saying this is true of all women who say this. I am saying though that this has been my experience with most women who spout this mantra. I'm not saying the solution is to change who you are. I'm saying the solution is to think about how you come across to men and why you are coming across like that. Don't feel bad for us! Most of us will simply WALK away or attempt to get in her panties and leave her as soon as possible. Dude. Seriously this is the kind of attitude that makes all men look like fucking idiots. Try using I and Me statements, OK?

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