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RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 5:22:18 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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FR

In most US states, a pro or fin dom is breaking the prostitution law, it doesn't matter that there is no actual sex involved. It's considered a sex crime. I'm referring to those who meet face to face, I seriously doubt the internet laws have advanced to online fins or pros.

I, too, think the OP needs to change his major if he doesn't instinctively see the correlation between money and power. But then he is very young, perhaps he sees BDSM as being all about sex.

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Post #: 21

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 7:30:33 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

To the OP.....money is power, period. You now know why both sides take part in it. It is about power.

As to the topic of its legality. Findomming is not considered a form of prostitution. Because it is often coupled with a blackmail fetish. When the two are combined it is considered a from of extortion. Extortion is illegal and carries some rather heavy fines. Findomming that does not involve blackmail is not considered "illegal" as long as it also does not involve sexual contact of any form.

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Post #: 22

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 7:43:21 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RuralJuror

Question for findoms and those who like to be findominated(that can't be an actual phrase people use, right?) As a psych major, I can understand the appeal of humilation, pain etc. but I just can't seem to understand why someone would want a fin dom.

Oh come on. If you can understand the appeal of humiliation, surely it's not that great a leap?

quote:

Fin doms, sure you get a lot of new shit, but is there anything more you get out of it? Power?

You're the psych major... what else do you think they might get out of it? And yeah, I think that "Power" is a pretty good lead.

quote:

Regardless I can some what see why someone would get into being a fin dom.

Oh

quote:

I guess the real question is for the people who seek out fin doms. What do YOU gain?

You've asked this before.

quote:

Really, why not just choose to be dominated in other aspects I guess is the question.

Hmm... So you're not coming to this with a totally open mind.

quote:

I once heard a story about some guy who lost his life savings at a Casino and proceeded to have the best orgasm of his life. Am I close? That seems like an extreme case though so that seems unlikely. Very interested to read the responses.

Hmm. Yeah, very unlikely. Where did he have this orgasm... was it on the casino floor (eeeew), did he achieve coitus the moment it was clear that the ball had landed on red rather than black?

I'd bet my life savings that it's a fucking made up story.

quote:

Note: not trying to be disrespectful with this post. I'm genuinely curious.

Well... in the spirit of helping you with your genuine enquiry...

Lots of people have lots of different kinks. Some people enjoy being beaten, some enjoy being beaten to a pulp. Some enjoy giving up control, some enjoy being humiliated.

There are all sorts of different motivations, most are pretty flipping healthy, and yes - some are not so healthy.

In order to understand the Findomme thing, and the motivation of people who submit to findommes you need to broaden your search and, and I mean this sincerely, open your mind a tad.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to RuralJuror)

Post #: 23

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 8:01:24 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I've often wondered about the numbers of findommes vs finsubs, but I don't think we will ever get a clear answer on that because as you say, the subs might be unwilling to admit it where the dommes advertise, and because I doubt any findomme would admit she didn't get many takers - that would shatter the illusion of her being so desirable and superior that people were competing for her attention.

I suspect there are less guys turned on by handing over cash than there are women who are willing to take it. I also suspect at least some of that gap is made up by guys who aren't turned on by handing over cash, but are willing to do it to get other fetishes met.

We could also go into the proportion of self-identified findommes who are genuinely turned on by the exchange as opposed to those doing it to make some pocket money (not that I have a problem with that type either - they meet a certain need). So I guess we'll never really get a clear idea of how those numbers stack up.

Honestly the findommes pretty much have dominated a HUGE chunk of the lifestyle. When and where it happened I'm not exactly sure but the first site my own sub (just a play partner at that time) directed me to was dommespace which was NOTHING BUT findoms.
I mean just hundreds of thousands of them and by the looks of their natural habitat, a lot of them weren't doing as well as perhaps they hoped they would.
Then there are 20 somethings to bleed pockets with names like "princess buttercup" who are essentially just cam girls who found a more profitable niche.
Some findoms do really well because they established themselves early before this lifestyle became a trendsetter and they are pretty much veterans, fake or not (And some are fake). Guys buy them choos for writing blogs and taking pictures. One in particular has the highest bought # of items on her amazon wishlist. But she was smart about how she marketed herself.
Some findoms are amazing, strong women and alphas through and through with airs of sophistication most average people lack and they liiterally are in a league of their own despite their popularity or demand.
MY only problem with the fakes is when they completely fuck up those who would have otherwise been amazing subs.

This is why women on here get the annoying emails, it's not the subs, it's the Dommes who make them believe this behavior is acceptable. I guess people who have life partners (some in long term D/s relationships) just don't realize the sheer magnitude of it.
I would literally say 90% of females in this lifestyle are findommes and some REALLY TURN OFF perfectly good subs (the fakes).
Even if you choose financial domination, for gawd sakes have some tact, some mental aptitude to know how to mind fuck them to submission PROPERLY.
Honestly my biggest peeve in the lifestyle is when a perfectly (would be) good sub (and it's apparent they would have been) are just traumatized or left with a bad impression of the amazing nature of the lifestyle.
But why let things you cannot and will not change affect one's existence?
Important thing I think sometimes people forget within a community (unit) is that we are all individuals, like all Dommes are not the same, neither are all Fin Dommes as a subset to the former.
Dyslexia always leads to an edit, I should proof read more. :)

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 2/8/2014 8:16:19 AM >

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(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 24

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 8:50:22 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I know this is going astray but its still worth a mention.

I was interested to know why we have had such a huge influx of Fin Dommes over the past six months. It didn't take me long to find out why. I just typed into google, how do I set up as a fin Domme?

Interestingly this site which went up in June last year http://www.online-slavery.com/financial-domination-guide/ suggests if you want to be a fin Domme to join CollarMe. The entire page is about Collar Me and how to make a living from it. It tells you how to set up a profile, what to call yourself, what to say to pull a punter and how to stay online 24/7 refreshing your profile as often as possible!!

I took a look on 'Whois' and the site is owned in the UK.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 2/8/2014 9:04:29 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 25

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 10:16:38 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Maria,
Thanks for the article. It was interesting. I know that there are "good" findommes and ones that do it to meet their own and others fetish needs but have often wondered about why something I had never heard of before could be SO popular and how so many young people have discovered it when they don't seem to be old enough to have done much experimentation (understand....I am over 40...most my HS friends did not become sexually active beyond one boy before we were 18.)

The article did answer a lot of the "whys"--why the attitude, why the same profile language, terminology, use of particular tribute (Amazon)...it was really informative.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 26

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 11:25:05 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I want to thank Maria as well. That was interesting. I won't get into my opinions of it all though. I am just glad that the blatant stuff is being dealt with here at CM and things have toned down. I've always believed that if you want to know the heartbeat of this site, read the journal page. There you will see a vast display of what is really going on here. Boy, have there been some major changes lately! The kink is allowed, but the blatant abuse of it all has toned down considerably. Kudo's to those accomplishing this massive feat!

What concerns me about all of this is that sense of entitlement that I know holds some effect in the lives of those doing so little to get so much. I remember when a man posted in Mistress about his best friends younger daughter. She was eighteen at the time. Somehow he got involved with her only in the capacity of giving her things she wanted and she was very demanding. As a parent, of even an adult, being a young adult, I believe this manifests in a way I wouldn't want my adult child to be involved in because of the long term effects. I remember my response to his post/thread was as a parent and what was worse was this was his best friends daughter.

If we are handed everything in life, that has an effect upon us. I worked hard at teaching my children to work hard, to know the blessings of hard work and accomplishment and that sense of knowing YOU did that. To have the opposite effect would be damaging in my opinion. Frankly, this concerns me, that so many are caught up in it. Even with that training and upbringing, the fast and easy money became a focus for them. What would it be like without that?

Though I may think things are okay to do, I think of the long term effects and I know many that were dancers or in the adult industry and the long term effects were not great. Their personal lives were most often disastrous. I looked into this recently trying to keep updated on this type of thing and though I found many saying they got their education paid for and they were fine... there were many that were not doing well and were sorry they did what they did as it opened doors in their lives they felt they should have kept shut.

I would feel more comfortable if the balance was taught as well as how to do it. You can do it, but this is what could come of it if you do. Whether it will or not is up to how you do with it all, but few bring that part up.

After spending a great deal of my adult life working with a lot of women and younger ladies in crisis... knowing what they do early on that brings them to others that did what I did and professionals if they can afford them... I would rather see the balance so they really know what they are getting into, than to have to try to undo some of the harm.

I know I was pretty quick about life when I was young... but I still messed up and did things I later had to deal with. So for me, some of this is sad to watch.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 27

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 12:43:37 PM

slaveryonline1

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2013
Status: offline

Hey guys

I wrote the article that was linked a few posts back. I noticed some traffic from here and was curious.

My views on financial domination have changed dramatically over the last 2 weeks, believe it or not. When I wrote that piece on how to become a financial dominatrix I was of the opinion that everyone involved is an adult, so it's up to them what they do.

Actually, my opinion on true financial domination hasn't changed. My opinion on people who setup purely with the objective of making money has changed. Some people practice financial domination within loving relationships, that were in place long before they used money as a form of power play.

The form of financial domination I wrote about last year is now, in my opinion, purely exploitative. There are a few men who genuinely enjoy findom, but most only participate it because they want the company and to experience their other fetishes in an online anonymous atmosphere. They are effectively paying well over the RRP for a professional. Because although they call themselves 'financial dominatrixes', they are in fact professional dominatrixes (don't split hairs over what classes as a domme). They demand money before they will play with their 'slaves', this is usually humiliation tasks or chastity.

I don't think that all findoms are bad people (although some are HORRIBLE), I just think they are entrepreneurial, if extremely unethical and greedy. In time, as more and more young women, want to make money in this way, the fetish of financial domination will drop to the back burners and people will claim to be professional dominatrixes. I have no problem with people making money where there is a demand, but financial domination has just become a greed fuelled exploitation of vulnerable men. I've seen someone take the last penny from a guy who had children at home. That is vile! (Financial domination is also extremely addictive- perhaps the Psychology major can help with that one).

I'm quite tired so I hope that read all right.

Dan

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 28

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 12:51:38 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Might be nice to see that post on your web site.

(in reply to slaveryonline1)

Post #: 29

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 1:09:11 PM

eulero83

Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

FR

Financial female domination is not my thing but I get it, it's like sexual servitude in male domination, it takes a kind of stereotype in vanilla's relationship and extremizes it. Maybe I'm out of date about this but I consider treating a woman a common part of courtship, and I think there is nothing bad about it, , when hart felt it's romantic, being forced to tribute is another thing for sure, bu as there are women ready to become blowjob dispencer machines for some self centered man, why should it be worse for a man to become an ATM? If I were more materialistic and workaholic than probably findom would be my thing I suppose, it depends on what you want to be measured by. I'm proud of other characteristics of myself and this makes me service oriented, but I don't think anything bad about paypigs.

(in reply to slaveryonline1)

Post #: 30

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 1:24:18 PM

slaveryonline1

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2013
Status: offline

I could do that, and I might someday.

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 31

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 1:28:10 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Hi Dan, so you are the guy responsible for flooding this site, gee thanks!

I'm not understanding everything you say in your post. I don't agree that an online financial Domme is a pro Domme. Saying that, pro Dommes started this! Many pro Dommes have sidelines to their dungeon activities and that includes online collaring, personal letters for funds and wish lists. That in my opinion makes her a pro Domme and a financial Domme, there really is a difference.

What will happen is, the market will become so flooded that people will find it harder and harder to find a willing contributor and if and when they do, they will have to be very careful about what they demand. Men aren't stupid, they will shop around and so if you are going to be a fin Domme you better be good.

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(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 32

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 1:30:43 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveryonline1

I could do that, and I might someday.

Really? you mean its your website?

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My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to slaveryonline1)

Post #: 33

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 1:46:25 PM

slaveryonline1

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2013
Status: offline

There is definitely a difference between findom and pro domme. But in my experience some people will tweet, for example, "Skype session for $50 #findom". That isn't financial domination. So people are masking professional domination as financial domination. I'm not sure if this is through ignorance or a fear of been looked upon as a sex worker.

I'm definitely not solely responsible for flooding this place with findoms. It was already full of findoms when I wrote my post, hence why I recommended them to come here.

Also, what relevance was the WHOIS check?

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 34

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:02:00 PM

RuralJuror

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/19/2014
Status: offline

Thanks to the people who responded with actual insight and were atleast some what kind. To the others, it's a forum post. Chill out.

(in reply to slaveryonline1)

Post #: 35

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:28:19 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I know this is going astray but its still worth a mention.

I was interested to know why we have had such a huge influx of Fin Dommes over the past six months. It didn't take me long to find out why. I just typed into google, how do I set up as a fin Domme?

Interestingly this site which went up in June last year http://www.online-slavery.com/financial-domination-guide/ suggests if you want to be a fin Domme to join CollarMe. The entire page is about Collar Me and how to make a living from it. It tells you how to set up a profile, what to call yourself, what to say to pull a punter and how to stay online 24/7 refreshing your profile as often as possible!!

I took a look on 'Whois' and the site is owned in the UK.

I have wondered this myself that there has been a drastic influx of fin Dommes. There was a site I joined 2-3 years ago that was exclusively a financial domination site. Many of the Dommes were very experienced and had been in the lifestyle for years. There was a great forum section with a lot of great information and discussions. I hadn't been on the site in about a year and I logged back in a couple months ago and found it had been completely changed. It now resembles Facebook and it's filled with thousands of clueless girls who clearly have no idea what they're talking about. Honestly after browsing through it I finally saw why so many have a negative attitude toward fin Dommes if they think that's how we all act. I'm not sure what has caused the increase of fin Dommes, I think it's just become more well known and many girls see it as a quick way to make a buck.

And to answer the question of the number of fin subs vs fin dommes. I think there are more fin subs who are turned on by the idea of blackmail and financial domination than there are fin Dommes. I've encountered probably hundreds who want to talk about being blackmailed or having their money taken, being forced to give up any luxuries for a Domme, etc. However the number of submissives who actually partake in the fetish and tribute or gift Dommes is much lower. I think it's a fantasy to many and they won't actually take the plunge and tribute.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 36

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:32:15 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83

FR

Financial female domination is not my thing but I get it, it's like sexual servitude in male domination, it takes a kind of stereotype in vanilla's relationship and extremizes it. Maybe I'm out of date about this but I consider treating a woman a common part of courtship, and I think there is nothing bad about it, , when hart felt it's romantic, being forced to tribute is another thing for sure, bu as there are women ready to become blowjob dispencer machines for some self centered man, why should it be worse for a man to become an ATM? If I were more materialistic and workaholic than probably findom would be my thing I suppose, it depends on what you want to be measured by. I'm proud of other characteristics of myself and this makes me service oriented, but I don't think anything bad about paypigs.

I agree 100%.

(in reply to eulero83)

Post #: 37

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:39:43 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveryonline1

There is definitely a difference between findom and pro domme. But in my experience some people will tweet, for example, "Skype session for $50 #findom". That isn't financial domination. So people are masking professional domination as financial domination. I'm not sure if this is through ignorance or a fear of been looked upon as a sex worker.

I'm definitely not solely responsible for flooding this place with findoms. It was already full of findoms when I wrote my post, hence why I recommended them to come here.

Also, what relevance was the WHOIS check?

quote:

Write a letter, confessing all of his deepest and darkest fantasies. Tell him to put it in an envelope and mail it to the local church (anonymously

This is a kind of humiliation you would condone? Fuck me runnin but I think that's wrong on so many levels.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to slaveryonline1)

Post #: 38

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:47:49 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I find it rather ironic how it is a man teaching dominants

how to use CM as findoms. Then uses CM to advertise his site.

JAS... I missed that comment in his post and I agree with you. That is totally wrong. Involving others in our kink isn't cool... but that particular one could be seen as harassment to the church.

So on the advice of a man telling findoms how to do it... there are seemingly, some very serious errors. Could they be attributed to the fantasy view of the submissive male? I'm leaning in that direction. Also, if there are more findoms to choose from at a place he hangs out... the prices could go down to get his kink on.

Ironic!

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 39

RE: Why are you a findom or why do you seek one? - 2/8/2014 2:56:21 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

Um, can you cite this? I've always read (when I did research into it on law websites) that just the opposite is true, since sex is *NOT* involved. The information I discovered that it's a legal business unless there is some act of penetration or sexual touching is involved.
This point has been argued in courts and the dominatrices won their cases. I had it cited in My bookmarks when I researched it, but I believe it was lost on My old laptop...I'll have to look into it.

Anyway, sorry to interrupt. Continue on...

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR

In most US states, a pro or fin dom is breaking the prostitution law, it doesn't matter that there is no actual sex involved. It's considered a sex crime.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 40

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