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Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 3:07:29 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Say you were chatting for a bit with a prospective Dom or sub and finally agree to meet for coffee. Everything is going good, having fun and liking each other.

Then one or the other says "I am on disability for bipolar." or depression or anxiety, etc.

How would you feel about that? Would it be a game changer? These mental health issues have such a stigma it is hard to know how it can be accepted in any type of relationship.

Any thoughts?

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 3:14:40 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		There are some mental health issues that I absolutely will not allow in my life. Perhaps it is prejudice, but it is my own personal bugaboo. Likewise, there are physical characteristics I won't tolerate as well (if he doesn't smell good TO ME as an example). There are very few on either the physical or the mental spectrum of conditions that I will say heck no about, but the ones that I say no to, I am crystal clear that I don't want in my life.

it is perfectly acceptable to have that as a no go. However, be certain it's not something you wouldn't want. I am always amused when people say they want someone who is drug and disease free... as if they can actually predict that what with all the hiding with drugs and the number of people who aren't aware of their own std status. Further, a person with a long history of controlled bipolar is very different than a person who refuses meds.

best,
sunshine

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 3:20:25 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It depends how well they're controlled. Someone on disability for it means they aren't properly medicated, they aren't seeing a therapist. For me, that's the sticker. Not the disease, but that they aren't doing what's required to keep it controlled.

I'm fourth generation mood disorder. I'm in remission for unipolar depression but if I come out of it, I'll be at the psychiatrist's office immediately demanding treatment.

I'm not currently being medicated for anxiety because I don't like any of the side effects of the meds. But I've done enough therapy to develop pretty good coping skills. And if it becomes crippling, I'll suck up the side effects and ask for a very low dose of atypical antipsychotics and hope the sleeping 14 hours a day wears off after a couple of months as it's supposed to.

When The Man had an episode of depression that was beyond what being supportive could help with, I was clear that he needed to seek treatment. He went back to his therapist and he got his doctor to give him some SSRIs. He mainly suffers from S.A.D. so these days he's pretty well controlled with 5,000 IU of Vitamin D III daily.

My daughter has a very rare variant of bipolar type II. She cycles every five minutes. Or would if she wasn't scrupulous about seeing the doctor, asking for dosage to be increased if necessary, and seeing her therapist. She's in grad school and working.

What would be a deal breaker for me is not a mood disorder, which do respond to treatment, but personality disorders. Mainly because they require years of intense therapy and most sufferers refuse to address the problem.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 3:53:41 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		My partner has severe anxiety and panic attacks. Not a game changer, just something to work around. I don't judge someone on that type of thing. If their issues made them less considerate and caring about the other partner, then there's an issue - especially in bondage and S/M stuff.

But otherwise, judge the person by their whole person, not by something that isn't their fault.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:01:29 PM   
MyGarage


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/17/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
What would be a deal breaker for me is not a mood disorder, which do respond to treatment, but personality disorders. Mainly because they require years of intense therapy and most sufferers refuse to address the problem.


I agree. Met a man here, a bottom, and he has multiple personalities or dissociative identity adaptation to abuse in his childhood. His moods never agreed on things. For me, it was useless. It was good for him, because his younger bottom mood needed attention. I only talked with him as a sympathy thing. And he's been in therapy for forever.

I went to www.MaleSurvivor.Org to get insight on what he was. I never had any knowledge or experience with anything like it.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:02:03 PM   
MistressRage


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline 		It would depend on the disorder, the magnitude, the display, etc.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:06:35 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Well I would give it marks for honesty and straight forwardness... Apart from that, personally as a male Dom, I wouldn't feel too much hesitation about giving it a try... However a prospective Dom on disability for bipolar, anxiety, depression... Really doesn't seem like the best person to entrust with your well-being.

Seems like a receipt for drama really...

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 2/7/2014 4:07:57 PM >

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:18:50 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It depends how well they're controlled. Someone on disability for it means they aren't properly medicated, they aren't seeing a therapist. For me, that's the sticker. Not the disease, but that they aren't doing what's required to keep it controlled.



This is a stigma that I hadn't thought of. I started seeing a psych doctor while my disability paperwork was going through. By the time I got the disability, I was and am seeing my doctor every two months and am on daily meds.

I couldn't imagine having this disorder and not taking the meds I need.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:26:41 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
However a prospective Dom on disability for bipolar, anxiety, depression... Really doesn't seem like the best person to entrust with your well-being.

Seems like a receipt for drama really...


And this is where I may turn into a hypocrite. I know what I am dealing with personally but I would be hesitant to deal with a Dom going through the same thing. And it is just like you said.....entrusting myself to someone with mental issues.

Also another thing is stress. High stress is not good for people with these disorders.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:33:34 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Another thing to ask....would you take yourself out of the arena for dating? This is kinda hard to say but I feel I'm not relationship material. In the next breath, i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:54:13 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Been there, done that (vanilla husband) NEVER EVER EVER will do it again! I got "stuck". He would not do what the doctors said (counseling) in combo with meds..when I did get him to a counselor he would have a million excuses as to why nothing they said would work. He spent 3 years in BED (literally...would not interact with me or kids). Marriage fell apart, I was the "bad" guy for finally pulling the plug & now I deal with an ex who lives to torment me....

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 4:57:44 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		If I was just meeting someone I would not accept a prospective dominant who had some sort of disability along those lines. I don't view it as a prejudice or a game changer. Since there was no promise there is nothing to change and in my view no need to jump into a relationship with someone who has a known issue. Hell, life is enough of a crap shoot as it is, without putting tape on the dice.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 5:42:54 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Say you were chatting for a bit with a prospective Dom or sub and finally agree to meet for coffee. Everything is going good, having fun and liking each other.

Then one or the other says "I am on disability for bipolar." or depression or anxiety, etc.

How would you feel about that? Would it be a game changer? These mental health issues have such a stigma it is hard to know how it can be accepted in any type of relationship.

Any thoughts?


My one girl has been diagnosed with major depression disorder and social anxiety disorder..... So is it a game changer... Damn rights it is..... But it doesnt end the game.... Just one needs to adapt and change the game.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 2/7/2014 6:30:48 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 5:55:14 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I have PTSD.

Its a thing.
I'm usually the one on the other side of this. But I've never hated someone for walking away, I'd rather they be honest at the beginning of the relationship than taking on something they can't handle.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 6:04:32 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Another thing to ask....would you take yourself out of the arena for dating? This is kinda hard to say but I feel I'm not relationship material. In the next breath, i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.


I've put dating on pause before.

But not ever considered myself ruined forever/damaged goods.

I dated someone with severe depression, which led to him eventually taking his own life after a long hard struggle with drug addiction. While it was FAR AND BY NONE some of the hardest stuff I've dealt with- I still consider it one of my best relationships. We really understood each other, and loved each other. Eventually he left me because he had to deal with his life and I was not into the drugs. I don't regret it for a second. He introduced me to BDSM, gave me an ideal open relationship, and through him/with him I learned about my own bisexuality. I mean- to me- it was hard, but it was still one of the best relationships I've ever had. He treated me REALLY well. He always let me know what was up with him emotionally that day, which was really great. I really miss and adore him still. Better to have loved and lost than never have at all, right?

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 6:22:20 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		The person in the OP post was concerning a person who was on DISABILITY for a mental health disorder. This person's condition is so serious he/she can not hold down a full time job. This, to me, is more serious than "I have some depression, anxiety, whatever issues, take medication as directed and have this condition well managed." Honestly I would decline taking on a submissive with this this level of problem. If the submissive was on disability for a physical condition, I would possibly consider him depending on the condition. I can't explain the difference other than mentally ill individuals are sometimes non-compliant with medication, relapse, have to be hospitalized to again stabilize them on medication. The D/s dynamic can be difficult enough without a serious mental health concern. That's my decision, others will have a different opinion.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 6:33:56 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		It depends on the person. I have a very good friend who I spent months with, trying to get him the proper help for his bipolar disorder. At one point he was so manic that he drove three states to pick me up for a concert two states away. He's doing better, married, but goes off of his meds occasionally and it's very obvious.

Schizophrenia would probably be a hard limit for me, as they're notorious for quitting their meds on their own decision.

My real problem would be the disability claim, I'm sorry to say. I'm an active, energetic person, and if your mental issues are so great that they disrupt your daily life to the point where you can't (or won't) support yourself, then we aren't going to be a good match. I do not wish to be a babysitter, or a caretaker, getting into a relationship. Harsh, but it is what it is. If my current partner becomes diseased or injured NOW, six years into our relationship, it is different, but I do not want to start a relationship off on the wrong foot.



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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 8:31:25 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Depends.

I won't have a complete relationship with anyone with DID any more. Too wearing.

If they have a condition that is under control with meds, sure, why not?

If they have a condition not under control, I'd likely pass.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 8:42:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Say you were chatting for a bit with a prospective Dom or sub and finally agree to meet for coffee. Everything is going good, having fun and liking each other.

Then one or the other says "I am on disability for bipolar." or depression or anxiety, etc.

How would you feel about that? Would it be a game changer? These mental health issues have such a stigma it is hard to know how it can be accepted in any type of relationship.

Any thoughts?


It would depend. If they said they were on disability for it, yeah it most likely would be a game changer to me because it would mean there are lots of things we could not do together because they simply are not able to.

If however, they said they have depression, bipolar, etc...then it would depend on just how badly they have it. Does it run their lives? Do they constantly flip out? Does it interfere with everything and everyone around them? For example, I had depression. I most likely was born with it. But I'm not on disability for it and I have it under control. I know the signs to control it. I know what I need to do to keep it under control and I take care of it.

But if you don't do any of that and it is ruining your life then I'm not going to get involved because I don't have the energy for it for a relationship.It would weaken me to the point I just couldn't handle being with the person and it would ruin him and me both.


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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/7/2014 8:54:05 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Yes. It would be game over. I know it's hypocritical but i have no interest in dating a disabled person. I want someone capable of providing a good living for the both of us , and me supplimenting it, and being on disability that wouldn't happen. And I am utterly dis interested in dating someone with mental illnesses again. Been there, done that, and all 3 times, ended poorly.
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Say you were chatting for a bit with a prospective Dom or sub and finally agree to meet for coffee. Everything is going good, having fun and liking each other.

Then one or the other says "I am on disability for bipolar." or depression or anxiety, etc.

How would you feel about that? Would it be a game changer? These mental health issues have such a stigma it is hard to know how it can be accepted in any type of relationship.

Any thoughts?



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

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