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RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 9:52:02 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I have nothing against switches but I do understand where some may think they can never truly be dominant or submissive. To me it is like a truly gay or straight man or woman. Each could NEVER be the other. I do believe switches can act dominant or submissive but it is not a completely honest representation of charater.

I believe switches would be better off... or suited... to play with other switches... But of course just an opinion.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 10:44:55 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm seriously considering attending a munch in the next couple of weeks, but I wanted to know what I can expect when they find out I'm a switch. I've heard a lot about a lot of members of the BDSM community viewing switches as "not real", "not committed" and other somewhat derogatory stances. I suppose I want to know for my own sake what I should expect...


I've never heard switches dissed at munches in Massachusetts and Florida. I'm not sure that anyone has even asked me my orientation, which could be because I never attended alone.

What you can expect is a dinner that is much less fraught than one's mind tends to make it

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 10:59:55 AM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think we're bewildered because the op says he's a d/s switch but also says he wants a relationship without a power dynamic. So if you aren't looking for a power relationship, then aren't you just looking for kink?


I'm saying that I am interested in D/s, but overall in this kind of relationship it doesn't work as it IS contradictory. So we've decided limit it to kink.

There's a difference between "interested" and "going to work in this relationship".

< Message edited by pg4g -- 2/12/2014 11:16:59 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 11:46:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If I may, I think a couple of things went wonky here.

Your question was on 'community view' on switches. From a community standpoint, I don't think there's an issue about it. Most of the munches that I've attended, depending on the size of the group, it's not all that unusual for a small group to go around the table and introduce themselves. Most folks will throw their role/orientation in there, somewhere. If you're in a vanilla setting (restaurant, etc.) there's not going to be any play. Some munches are specifically held at clubs (the Atlanta Regional Munch comes to mind) where it will be social time/food and play after. Both kinds exist, but the ones in vanilla settings are the majority. Find out which you are going to so you know accordingly.

In My opinion, a 'community view' is different than 'personal view for a relationship'. Those are two entirely different ballgames. Like anything else, some folks are not going to be interested in a relationship partner if they are monogamous and feel that you have desires that don't match their own. For example, littlewonder's comment is right on the money for her because she wants the person in her life to never want to submit. (Enter Kana.) It's just like any other personal preference out there.

On the other hand, somebody like Me who is poly, wouldn't necessarily care as long as the submissive side of a switch is the part that is expressed in the dynamic between us. Have your Dominant/top type arrangement with other people, but that part isn't going to be the part that you have with Me. I've had a couple over the years and it worked out well. The submissive that I had when I first joined up here (pet) is working more with his Dom side now and j (the guy in the fire pic on My profile that was training with Me for a bit) has a submissive of his own these days.

I tend to think that there is more fuss about this online. Switches get more bad press than any other group out there. Everybody knows somebody or hears stories from somewhere about switches that try to turn the tables, or swing the power dynamic in a different way, or some bad story about why they weren't compatible, etc. That stuff really does happen for some folks and it seems to get talked about an awful lot. Due to this, some folks stereotype all switches and expect the same from all of them. The truth is that it's just not the case. Most folks out there really do know this and aren't going to judge you according to what other people might have done.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 1:43:52 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Yeah, thanks for getting us back on track, LadyPact. I guess the way this went off track was exactly how I was WORRIED it might go down and turn into an argument. And yeah, i was also concerned about those bad experiences with switches might have affected things.

Glad to hear it should all be a lot better.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 3:31:03 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Naturally me being all Domly Dom and shit, I couldn't contribute much. For some ungodly reason this thread made me think how much I love my cock being worshiped. Of course that derailed me strait to how much I love eating pussy... Fuck.... I think I'm a SLUT.

Exiled


Fixed this for you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 3:49:36 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Naturally me being all Domly Dom and shit, I couldn't contribute much. For some ungodly reason this thread made me think how much I love my cock being worshiped. Of course that derailed me strait to how much I love eating pussy... Fuck.... I think I'm a SLUT.

Exiled


Fixed this for you.

But he's only SLUT to one at a time!


_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 3:53:34 PM   
SwitchBloke


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Naturally me being all Domly Dom and shit, I couldn't contribute much. For some ungodly reason this thread made me think how much I love my cock being worshiped. Of course that derailed me strait to how much I love eating pussy... Fuck.... I think I'm a SLUT.

Exiled


Fixed this for you.


Love it, DesFIP!



PG, I have to admit you have me a bit confused. I know you said you feel like you like to be out of control, and in control, but does that actually equate to complete dominance or submission, or are you really just temporarily in need of those things, and calling that need dominance and submission?

You sound like it's not just "play" but it's a temporary need for one it the other that rears it's head at different times? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I never liked the word "play" around that when it filled a need either. Perhaps you just feel the words "play" and "kink" belittle the need you have for that temporary activity? A friend of mine liked to suggest I wasn't interested in fully losing or gaining control because it was temporary. I set her straight that just because it's a temporary thing, doesn't make it any less about true control. But I wouldn't call it dominance and submission when relating to others, as those terms are mostly used to describe long-term power exchanges.

-SwitchBloke

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 4:15:31 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		From what I've noticed, most people really don't care if you switch or you don't, as long as you aren't trying to "flip" them, it's pretty much cool.

My personal opinion is, you seem to get the best of both worlds and I'm a bit jealous! I'm forever curious about that fabled subspace...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SwitchBloke)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 4:52:56 PM   
LadyAzelle


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/11/2013
Status: offline 		This amuses and perplexes me. Aren't we supposed to be a community of tolerance and understanding? We balk at the vanilla world not accepting us and feel that we are relegated to the shadows, but many of us are willing to pass judgement on those within our lifestyle. It's ridiculous to me.



What have you done to deserve Me?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 5:05:04 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline
We make judgments everyday.. In fact I just made one on your post. The op asked for views on switches and we are giving them. Just because my view differs from yours is not ridiculous.

I would not pursue a switch and gave my reasons… I am not putting them down or would I condemn them for their feelings… they are just not what I am looking for… my view.

I think you are looking at some of the comments in the wrong way.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to LadyAzelle)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 5:10:59 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

PG, I have to admit you have me a bit confused. I know you said you feel like you like to be out of control, and in control, but does that actually equate to complete dominance or submission, or are you really just temporarily in need of those things, and calling that need dominance and submission?

You sound like it's not just "play" but it's a temporary need for one it the other that rears it's head at different times? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I never liked the word "play" around that when it filled a need either. Perhaps you just feel the words "play" and "kink" belittle the need you have for that temporary activity? A friend of mine liked to suggest I wasn't interested in fully losing or gaining control because it was temporary. I set her straight that just because it's a temporary thing, doesn't make it any less about true control. But I wouldn't call it dominance and submission when relating to others, as those terms are mostly used to describe long-term power exchanges.

-SwitchBloke


Perhaps. That's... Probably the most thought provoking thing I've read in a while. Something I need to consider.

(in reply to SwitchBloke)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 5:26:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAzelle
Aren't we supposed to be a community of tolerance and understanding?

I don't know who told you that fairy tale, but kinky people are no more tolerant, understanding, or any other thing just because we happen to have kinks. We're no more or less 'anything' than any other group, whether it be folks who drive Fords, rather than Chevy's, prefer playing checker, rather than pinochle, or any other thing. We're still just people and we come with our own beliefs, preferences, and thoughts on all kinds of matters.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAzelle)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 6:35:03 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		The community is both supportive and welcoming towards switches.

However... I have noticed some male-supremacist Doms do a fair bit of homophobic whining when faced with a switch male. This type of Dom's insecurities get the better of them and they get vocal. To break the association of the shared title, "Dom," the hetero supremacist will denounce the switch male as not being a Dom at all.

ETA - The thought is that a male submissive is hiding beneath a switch title because a real Dom is incapable of submitting.

Most Dominants I've met are not actually supremacists. They have a personal identity and knowledge of their nature and choose partners who are supportive and compatible. (LOL, well, we all try!) This is not the same as believing your genitalia gives you a superior birthright because one sex is inherently superior to the other.

So, my observation has been that the waves of controversy over switches is really just a tiny, albeit loud, group of confused guys who lack the mind-power to grasp the concept of "paradox." These tend to be boring people, anyway, so I'd say, "Pay them no mind."

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 2/12/2014 6:45:03 PM >

_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/12/2014 6:43:17 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAzelle
Aren't we supposed to be a community of tolerance and understanding?

I don't know who told you that fairy tale, but kinky people are no more tolerant, understanding, or any other thing just because we happen to have kinks. We're no more or less 'anything' than any other group, whether it be folks who drive Fords, rather than Chevy's, prefer playing checker, rather than pinochle, or any other thing. We're still just people and we come with our own beliefs, preferences, and thoughts on all kinds of matters.




Lady Pact, you are so right! It wasn't that long ago that I remember losing my rose-colored glasses.

However, the fairy tale is a right of passage. I remember my newbie days and hearing how open and free and tolerant the community was - in stark contrast to the vanilla world. For example, in my beginning, I was a sub. I was told repeatedly that it was okay to express submission "here," without the worry of outrage the vanilla world when a woman submits. It's not like the fairy tale came out of any one individual's head. It's a part of the hype and it's hailed as one of our greatest assets.

I must admit... I still hope to see acceptance grow. For now, you are just plain right!

_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/13/2014 2:25:42 AM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g
I'm wondering if I'm going to be looked down upon. Sort of like how when I go out for a drink with my work colleagues and then they find out their masculine friend happens to like other men, not women. It's not about the play. I'm just concerned about social prejudice.

Probably not. If they do, they're dicks and you won't want to hang round with them again. Just go. You're overthinking this.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/13/2014 12:27:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

PG, I have to admit you have me a bit confused. I know you said you feel like you like to be out of control, and in control, but does that actually equate to complete dominance or submission, or are you really just temporarily in need of those things, and calling that need dominance and submission?

You sound like it's not just "play" but it's a temporary need for one it the other that rears it's head at different times? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I never liked the word "play" around that when it filled a need either. Perhaps you just feel the words "play" and "kink" belittle the need you have for that temporary activity? A friend of mine liked to suggest I wasn't interested in fully losing or gaining control because it was temporary. I set her straight that just because it's a temporary thing, doesn't make it any less about true control. But I wouldn't call it dominance and submission when relating to others, as those terms are mostly used to describe long-term power exchanges.

-SwitchBloke



Great post! Much better expressed than I was trying to get at.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SwitchBloke)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/13/2014 1:02:36 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Naturally me being all Domly Dom and shit, I couldn't contribute much. For some ungodly reason this thread made me think how much I love my cock being worshiped. Of course that derailed me strait to how much I love eating pussy... Fuck.... I think I'm a SLUT.

Exiled


Fixed this for you.


HOW DARE YOU IMPUGN... Fuck it, I can't finish it, I'm laughing too hard and I really don't have a leg to stand on.

xoxoxoxo
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/13/2014 1:43:48 PM   
SwitchBloke


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/12/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Perhaps. That's... Probably the most thought provoking thing I've read in a while. Something I need to consider.




Good. One further thing to consider:

When you wake up in the morning next to this person, could you handle knowing you'll always be the submissive in the relationship, or the dominant in the relationship? Do you want the basis of your relationship to be that position? Or do you need your relationship grounded in equality with power exchange something that you need temporarily between you but eventually you need to revert to equality to maintain the relationship?

You've stated in other threads you're military. So how did you feel in basic training? Could you handle the lack of control at all times with a person, and have a more meaningful relationship with that? Or could you have a relationship where you are the leader, and have a more meaningful relationship with that?

Personally, things between my partner and I must have a grounding in equality. Control shifts between us, but we always return to equality at the end of the day. I couldn't handle anything other than this. It would ruin the relationship.

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Community views on switches? - 2/13/2014 2:02:55 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Switch.... Sometimes you want to rip the clothes off with the teeth and take your pleasure. Sometimes you want to be tripped and pounced on.

The switches I have known all had one trait in common; a desire for and even fetish for intense sensation play. And a flexibility as to whether it was giving or receiving the intense sensations

(in reply to SwitchBloke)
Profile   Post #: 60
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