freedomdwarf1
Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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I used to live with a friend who sadly died in 2004.
Like a lot of people, he left a few loose ends with regard to some small unpaid debts.
Since he died, I've lived at about 4 different addresses before ending up where I am now.
Last year, I was still getting mail sent to me at my current address where I've been for the last 5 years.
He has never lived here and not at my previous addresses either.... because the poor bastard is dead!
However, one particular debt recovery agency was still chasing him for his debt.
After returning many letters over the years (as in, several hundred) as "Return to sender", "Recipient is DECEASED", and "Not at this address", I finally lost my cool....
Me: Is that xyz company??
Them: Yes sir. This is the debt recovery section. How may I help you?
Me: It is concerning your client client company... You are trying to recover this debt??
Them: Yes sir. Can I have the Reference number, the one stated on the letter.
Me: Sure. It's.. abcd12345. This letter is dated dd/mm/yy (7 days ago).
Them: Thank you. We have been trying to contact you for the last couple of months.
Me: I'm not Mr abc, I am ringing on his behalf and you have been pestering me for more than 5 years now and you won't stop!
Them: Is Mr abc there so we can speak with him?
Me: No, he isn't. He died in October 2004.
As you will have noticed that every letter you've ever sent has been returned as "Deceased" and "Not at this address".
Them: But this is the last known address we have for him - it's on our records.
Me: No! He has never lived here and neither at MY previous address where you've been writing to.
Them: But it's on our records Sir!! [in that nasty "I'm better than you" mr tin-pot god jobs-worth type of voice]
Do you know Mr abc??
If we don't receive payment in the next 7 days we will be proceeding further and sending in bailiffs to recover goods.
Me: Yes, I did know Mr abc because I lived with him for four years in a house-share.
And as I keep telling you, he's DEAD! He died in October 2004!!
None of his goods are here for you to recover.
Them: Can you prove that sir?
Me: How do you expect ME to prove that someone else has died??
If you don't believe me, check with the {name} Hospital.
He was in Brown Ward, Level 2, in the Intensive Care Unit.
He died at 8:20pm on 8th October, 2004.
Them: Can you forward the death certificate to us?
Me: No. I can't provide that as I'm not a family member. I don't get to see it.
I only lived with him in a shared house for 4 years.
You would need to contact other members of his family.
Them: Thank you. I will make a note on the file for future reference.
Me: Please do! And make sure it's all capitalized so no-one else can miss it!
If I get any more of these threatening letters, I am going to sue your company for harassment.
Them: <click!> They hung up!
Lo and behold, one week later I get a bailiffs warrant issued by them to recover goods for the outstanding debt.
So.... I deliberately phoned out of office hours and left a message on their wonderful answering service....
Me: Hello, it's me again. I phoned a week ago on behalf of Mr abc about his debt that you are persuing and threatening to send in the bailiffs. Seeing as this message IS being recorded, I am informing you one last time, for the record, that Mr abc died in 2004 and has never ever lived at this address. Check the census and council tax records - he has never lived here!!
<click> End of message.
The following morning I get a strange phone call from xyz debt recovery company.
Them: Hello. This is xyz company. You left a message on our answering service last night.
We cannot make any sense of your message. Is this Mr abc??
Me: No. I'm not Mr abc. He died in October 2004 and has never lived here.
And if you think it's him trying to pull a fast one, I can prove who I am and I'm not Mr abc!
Them: Can we speak with Mr abc?? [by now I'm getting really really pissed off big time!]
Me: Sorry, no. Did you not hear what I just fucking said?? Mr abc died in October 2004!
Them: Oh. Sorry. [pause] Do you have a forwarding address for him??
Me: Are you thick or just taking the fucking piss?? HE'S FUCKING DEAD YOU MORON!!
He's been DEAD for NINE...FUCKING...YEARS!!
Them: But we need a forwarding address for our files.
Me: Ok Ok... If you really need it. Type this on your computer R-E-A-L-L-Y F-U-C-K-I-N-G S-L-O-W-L-Y so that everyone can see this.
Oh, by the way, is this conversation being recorded??
Them: Yes sir. We record most of our phone calls for training and security purposes.
Me: Oh goody!! Ok..... [draws breath, and in my best-est dead-pan voice] You can contact Mr abc at....
The Garden of Rememberence, [hears keyboard keys being rattled in the background]
Centre section - where the rose bushes are planted, [more keys being rattled in the background]
Crematorium Lane, [more keys being rattled in the background]
{town} Crematorium, [more keys being rattled in the background]
{town}. Postcode is abc123. [more keys being rattled in the background]
[silent pause] Have you got that??
Them: Yes sir. Thank you very much. We will amend our records accordingly.
Me: Thank fuck for that!! About frigging time too!
Them: We will be intructing our bailiffs to call at his new address.
Me: Good luck with that.
By the way, if you wish to speak with Mr abc personally, may I suggest you engage the services of a Medium?
[obvious puzzled silence]....And while you're at it, you might find that a shovel would come in handy!
<click> I ended the call.
Strangely enough, we didn't see any bailiffs and haven't heard from them since! 
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