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RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 6:33:28 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Hey,

So this is a genuine question...

Can you honestly say that you've never seen someone and wondered what it would feel like if he slipped his cock into you?

I'll answer.

Not that specifically, but I for sure get feelings of "MAN I wanna know what he's like in bed"
I tend to have thoughts more along the lines of "Boy, his chest is so nice" or "Great teeth, flash that smile at me again" but so rarely do those thoughts CONSUME me or distract me past a second or too. I mean..unless its a celeb, I completely get distracted by Franco and McConaughey.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 21

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 7:02:32 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Hey,

So this is a genuine question...

Can you honestly say that you've never seen someone and wondered what it would feel like if he slipped his cock into you?

If I have, I can't recall it. I don't like to be touched by people I don't know. As in, touch me without permission and you risk losing a vital body part.

My fantasies don't normally include random people or involve me participating PIV sex either. They run high to fictional characters played by popular actors (Mr. Spock was my first crush), that appear in books, or that I make up in my own head. Otherwise, my fantasies are memories of things I've actually done or might do with my partners.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 22

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 7:33:02 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nukldo

Thanks all for taking a minute to read this. Although I am not completely new to the lifestyle it has been laying dorment within for a few years and I have found this site. My trouble is that like an addiction the Dom that was buried inside me has surfaced with a vengeance. Every where I go I find myself looking differently at women. "How would that ass look with a few well placed welts on it" or "that ass is pretty small my aim would have to be good", or today at the freezer section of the grocery store, "what amazing nipples I wish I had clamps." Even when a was virgin newbe I did not thoughts like this. To top it off, I am a military officer and am being called "sir" all the time which really should not effect me the way it has the last couple days. Anyone else experience anything like this?

It's times like this that actually make me feel glad that I am overweight.....there's a lot less chance of my being the one being looked at in such a way while I'm in the supermarket.

You must be shopping in the wrong stores then. I get those looks all the time, whether its Whole Foods or A&P. You do know that some men like larger women, right?

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 23

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:06:00 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Oh holey moley, touching is way different. As is "following" someone around to get a better look. There's a world of difference between my private thoughts though, and imposing them on a non consenting other person.

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Post #: 24

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:22:43 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Can you honestly say that you've never seen someone and wondered what it would feel like if he slipped his cock into you?

I'm hot for Ray Liotta in "Something Wild," but I never get past feeling warm and shivery and wishing he was using the handcuffs on me.

Attachment (1)

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 25

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:38:27 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Hey OP,

We had a thread like this a good while back.

Now, much as I might give offence to some, I have to admit that I regularly have days where I think bad bad things about women I see randomly.

I'm pretty sure it'll be because I'm horny.

So getting laid may well be the perfect prescription.

Setting aside the paranoid nonsense about government seeking to control our thoughts, it only becomes an issue if you were to find yourself fighting an urge to act out on these thoughts/impulses. That would be fucked up. Governments are pretty ok with people thinking shit, it's when they do shit that things get gnarly.

The only other advice I'd give you, is don't let this shit fuck with your work life. If you're a military officer, I'm imagining you've worked hard to get there, it would be an awful shame if horniness had an impact on your professional behaviour.

I think I recall that thread you mentioned. If I'm thinking of the right one, the OP in that thread was told to seek therapy and blasted repeatedly for objectifying women.

And I agree with you.

I've fantasized and, dare I say, objectified many men. Strangers.
They're usually on the more kinky and highly graphic side. No, it's really no different than another woman thinking "he's hot".

I think these thoughts are normal, in my opinion. Sex does help me but those thoughts never fully go away. I have an extremely high sex drive. As long as I don't find them affecting my daily tasks, I'm personally not concerned.
I don't stalk, stare or even flirt. One glance, that's all it takes, and my mind is all over the place.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 26

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:44:55 PM

Nukldo

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Joined: 2/11/2014
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I would never in a million years act I out my thoughts with a stranger and I am not brand new to this lifestyle, and it is not effecting my lifestyle in any way. That is why I originally asked the question. I did did not have this "frenzy" as someone else put it when I was first introduced. This is something that has happened, only for a couple days, since I starting getting back into the lifestyle. Maybe I do just need to get laid, but that is not my style.

(in reply to pg4g)

Post #: 27

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:45:36 PM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
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Relax, only the anti-sex church ladies on CollarMe are upset that you're checking out an ass and having a hot passing thought. The rest of the world views this as rational and normal -truly a victimless crime.

You're new, you're mega into it. You seem sane and respectful. Any other social gathering would welcome you. Here, you are cross-examined and sent off for a cold shower.

Were you actually told to work out at a gym to dispel those ungodly urges? It's like a time tunnel back to the 50's. A woman advertising on a kink site who fears "being looked at" from afar?

Go figure, huh?

< Message edited by Domnotlooking -- 2/14/2014 8:48:29 PM >

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 28

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 8:59:15 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

~~fast reply~~
OMG, men look at me with lust in their hearts???????
Let me get dressed up so I look good while I am protesting...close those eyes, guys

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

Post #: 29

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 9:13:20 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Oh holey moley, touching is way different. As is "following" someone around to get a better look.

Not for the purposes of your question, it isn't. You said:

quote:

Can you honestly say that you've never seen someone and wondered what it would feel like if he slipped his cock into you?

If I have such an extreme dislike of being touched by people I don't know, why would you think I would fantasize about about being touched by someone I don't know? Surely you're not that obtuse.

quote:

There's a world of difference between my private thoughts though, and imposing them on a non consenting other person.

Not as much as you might think. Staring, ogling, or leering at a woman isn't really different than catcalls and wolf-whistles - none involve touching, but all are invasive harassment. It is not a compliment; it is not consensual. It is also not okay.

If people can confine their thoughts to the "three second rule," in which they give themselves three seconds to acknowledge their sexual thoughts and then dismiss them and focus on something else, they're probably fine. If those thoughts last longer than three seconds, then it starts becoming an issue and they should probably address it.

The OP gave the impression he was unable or unwilling to uphold the three-second rule and that his intrusive thoughts have become a problem. This tells me he needs to recognize that what he is doing has crossed a boundary from the occasional and perfectly normal unbidden thought popping into his head, which is dismissed moments later, and into territory where he needs to train himself to be more mindful of how those thoughts dehumanize women and why that's wrong.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 30

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 9:26:05 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nukldo

Thanks all for taking a minute to read this. Although I am not completely new to the lifestyle it has been laying dorment within for a few years and I have found this site. My trouble is that like an addiction the Dom that was buried inside me has surfaced with a vengeance. Every where I go I find myself looking differently at women. "How would that ass look with a few well placed welts on it" or "that ass is pretty small my aim would have to be good", or today at the freezer section of the grocery store, "what amazing nipples I wish I had clamps." Even when a was virgin newbe I did not thoughts like this. To top it off, I am a military officer and am being called "sir" all the time which really should not effect me the way it has the last couple days. Anyone else experience anything like this?

Okay, now mind you, I've been sick for days but in my state of ilyrium, this looks vaguely familiar.

Jus sayin
Exiled

P.S. Oops, I meant state of delirium.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Nukldo)

Post #: 31

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 9:30:55 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

A "Three Second Rule" might work for blondes but, I'd like to know from whence this rule originated? Is it part of the UN treaty for global peace or is it just what YOU think is correct?

Fortunately, private thoughts that I have in my head are not subject to anyone's control (yet). If I'm not stalking a lady or even just casually following her ... If I don't "wolf whistle", I'm not doing any harm and any assertion to the contrary is just YOU imposing YOUR view of right and wrong on others.

How you can equate private thoughts with wolf whistles and touching is beyond me. They are NOT the same.

Not cool.

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 32

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 10:34:22 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I don't often agree with you, but this time I do. I got no impression from the OP that he was staring and drooling at these women, or had to rush to a public restroom to rub one out real quick.

NORMAL people have passing thoughts about someone who they find attractive. Some normal people might even approach the person and say hello, flirt,have a conversation, maybe get a date.

It is NOT normal to think that if someone has a private, unexpressed thought about someone to believe it is the equivalent of sexual harassment.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 33

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 10:44:26 PM

RareByrd

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/15/2014
Status: offline

Three second rule???? Jesus H. Christ. In the name of all that is good and righteous, where in the FLURF does anyone get off telling another human being what thoughts they can think in the privacy of their own head, and for how long?

Only at the point at which someone is taking concrete, unacceptable actions does it become anyone else's biz.

I regularly want to KILL people in daily life (people who cut me off in traffic are at the top of the list). It doesn't mean I need to be put in prison as a murderer.

There's zero wrong with fantasizing about women you see in public, as long as you aren't taking any inappropriate actions.

The fact that we even need to debate this points to some really seriously skewed perspectives.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 34

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 10:45:51 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

A "Three Second Rule" might work for blondes but, I'd like to know from whence this rule originated? Is it part of the UN treaty for global peace or is it just what YOU think is correct?

If you'd bothered to do anything as radical as actually reading the links I posted, you'd already know the answer to this. Don't be lazy; go educate yourself.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 35

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 10:51:47 PM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

Damn I wish it was my ass or my nipples.....

I think you are as normal as they get and as long as its just your thoughts and that you have not step over any boundary lines...I say keep fantasizing. Though a real good lay may feel really good if its not you ...well like some of us peeps are single I am sure you will figure away to take care of it.

Happy thoughts to you.

_____________________________

~misty~

Been here since 2004

Fear has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise." The choice is yours!!!!!

(in reply to Nukldo)

Post #: 36

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/14/2014 11:31:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nukldo
I would never in a million years act I out my thoughts with a stranger and I am not brand new to this lifestyle, and it is not effecting my lifestyle in any way. That is why I originally asked the question. I did did not have this "frenzy" as someone else put it when I was first introduced. This is something that has happened, only for a couple days, since I starting getting back into the lifestyle. Maybe I do just need to get laid, but that is not my style.

Sorry, but I'm going with the frenzy theory, too. Just because you didn't have it when you first started out doesn't mean a person can't have it when they are first coming back. You say you've 'been back' for just a few days, but what does being back mean to you, really? It would be tough for Me to imagine that you've 'been back' long enough to actually slate your sadistic thirst. Just because your desire to do so was on the back burner or even temporarily forgotten doesn't mean that's not going to come back with a vengeance when you rekindle it. I'll tell you what. If you've been "back" for three days, like your profile creation date shows, and you've actually engaged in some physical BDSM in that time, I'm going to give you props. You work faster than Me and that's saying something.

In My mind, frenzy (either D or s) is linked to obsession, compulsion, or both. It may not be happening during your work, but if your head is always drifting to it in your off time, at minimum, that is a form of obsession. That's why we get so many folks that come across this website who say it's all they think about, or how bad they neeeeeeeeeed some kink, or when in frenzy, some folks don't make particularly smart choices because they are more focused on the obsession than their own safety. (Since you're new here, you'll just have to take My word on how frequently it happens.)

I am going to suggest that you channel your energy. Maybe not so much by going to the gym or whatever, but direct it in a positive way that will also help the obsession. You say you're back. What does being back mean to you? Does it mean you have a goal of actually participating in some BDSM in a physical sense? Does it mean getting in touch with your local community to try to meet somebody? Does it mean trying to meet someone privately to actually engage in your desires? Does it mean learning more until the opportunity to DO (very important word there) some of the activities that seem to be crossing you mind so much? I'm not suggesting going overboard. I'm suggesting you do (there's that word again - verb, action word) something to help you adjust so that obsession/frenzy doesn't have a hold on you. It doesn't mean you have to beat the next person you see. It means you do whatever works for you to stop your mind from always going with the trend that you're doing now.

I can't say that what I see in this thread as a healthy addiction. It's not terrible but I don't see it as great, either.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Nukldo)

Post #: 37

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/15/2014 2:30:58 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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I don't see it as an addiction either. While obsession would be a better term, it still doesn't fit to me. The nature of both addiction and obsession both indicate having no control. Even though the OP doesn't seem to have control over the thoughts popping into his head, he isn't acting on them. No one has control over things popping into their head, only control over acting on those thoughts or lingering over them. Now before someone tries to say they control what thoughts they have, step into reality. Everyone gets a random thought. How often will of course vary. Right now, its like the OP has a BDSM ear worm; instead of a song that keeps playing on a loop, its kinky thoughts.

Redirecting focus when the thoughts come at inappropriate times is necessary
But just like when someone hasn't eaten all day, the hunger can consume your thoughts. Once he gets a chance to act on them (at a time and place it is appropriate with a willing and consenting partner), just like those all consuming thought of hunger go away once you eat, so will his thoughts about the woman in the grocery store or where ever.

I think it iis over the top to make the guy feel bad for thinking.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 38

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/15/2014 3:27:06 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
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Since the OP posted, I assume it bugs him enough to ask other people about it.

Having the occasional sexual or BDSM fantasy about somebody you don't know and just see, yeah, uhm, guilty of that. It doesn't happen all that often (I'm pretty picky) but it happens, it's a very brief, often quite graphic sequence that flashes through my mind, makes me grin, then I go on about my daily business, last thing I want is being distracted in a meeting with sexual fantasies (unless of course somebody drones on and on about the same thing), same in traffic, being run over by a car isn't high on my agenda, when I'm shopping I usually don't tend to even notice people I know, as I don't particularly like grocery shopping and try to be in and out of the supermarket ASAP, it would really have to be an exceptional arse to get me looking, in the area where I live it's honestly more thoughts like "mutton dressed as lamb", "No mirror at home?" and "Holey moley, didn't they have that in your size? Seams can only take that much!" Nothing that really encourages me to have very lustful thoughts, more like the equivalent of a libido blocker for the eyes.

Seriously, if it bothers the OP, just change track and concentrate on something else. I'd be annoyed if my libido (sexual or BDSM) would distract me from daily tasks, but apart from that, if you keep the fantasy private, don't leer, stare at women and start dribbling, how would they know your thoughts?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 39

RE: Healthy Addiction? - 2/15/2014 4:29:07 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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FR

I think the reason so many people have reacted strongly is the word 'addiction'.

Of course most people have sexual fantasies, or imagine the occasional stranger as a partner. Addiction implies that it's becoming a constant problem, which obviously isn't normal (and yes, is likely to lean towards objectification).

So I guess, OP, the question is, are you in control of these thoughts or are they in control of you? If you can't prevent your mind wandering even when you need to concentrate, if it's impacting your work or social life, if it's accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame, if it's causing you to do creepy things (and that includes women around you acting creeped out, even if you're not intentionally doing anything) then it's probably something that needs addressing. If not I'm going to side with the 'need to get laid' crowd.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 40

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