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RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/17/2014 6:44:27 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		That would make my choice very easy!  I turned down 3 men because I considered my children's life before mine or his.  I wasn't going to uproot them to another state or country, and I wasn't going to take someone into our home without knowing that man extremely well.
Putting the kids needs first made my choices a no brainer.
I have see others put the guy first but for me that could never happen unless I am without any doubts.  Unlikely to happen unless I was thinking with my cunt.  That always knows what it wants.  I never let my cunt rule my brain.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

So Ladies how difficult do you think your decisions would of been if you'd had a small child at home?


< Message edited by Missokyst -- 2/17/2014 6:47:04 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Ladytisha)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/17/2014 6:56:48 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		With a child, all things change...at least for me.
I probably would not have done it, so fast, I certainly wouldnt have given up my childs welfare for lust.
However I never had to deal with that personally.
but for me everything changed when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
I stopped drinking, partying, my whole life changed. She was my focus.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/17/2014 7:43:10 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We talked for a month before meeting.
He collared me a month after meeting.

But he didn't move here for about three years. Job and parental responsibilities came first.

We're still together 11 years later.

As far as how we knew the other wasn't a poor partner for us, we had both done enough therapy to become healthy people.
In my experience, the healthier you are, the less likely you will attract an unhealthy partner or be attracted to one.

So if you have a history of picking poor partners, the only common denominator is you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/18/2014 7:27:03 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

With a child, all things change...at least for me.
I probably would not have done it, so fast, I certainly wouldnt have given up my childs welfare for lust.
However I never had to deal with that personally.
but for me everything changed when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
I stopped drinking, partying, my whole life changed. She was my focus.


Yup, kids can definately do that to a person.
What shocked me most was my ability to suddenly grow patience. No one, especially myself, saw that one coming.

If I didn't have children, and had never been married before, I'd consider jumping into a quick marriage. If he kept my attention enough to make it to date three, he's already pretty special in my eyes. It doesn't take me long to decide if I like a person and sometimes I don't even need to talk to them.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/18/2014 7:40:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to why the op specifies small kids. Teenagers need stability even more. So much is changing inside them that any outside change is overwhelming.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/18/2014 8:11:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Was talking to this guy online. Seemed nice enough. So we decided to meet for a drink.

He showed up with his entire life packed in his car and said he was ready to move in with me.

WTF??? When the fuck did we talk about that?

I slipped out the back door.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Ladytisha)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/18/2014 9:45:30 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Was talking to this guy online. Seemed nice enough. So we decided to meet for a drink.

He showed up with his entire life packed in his car and said he was ready to move in with me.

WTF??? When the fuck did we talk about that?

I slipped out the back door.




LOL I was offered a place to live by a friend I had known since I was about 14(I was 22) at the time.
I had been to his house, knew of his living situation with his pre teen son, that they had a spare room, needed the extra cash, were fun people.
I turned up on his doorstep with some of my things. he showed me up to the bedroom, and got me to help finish off making the bed with clean sheets etc...
as we were putting pillow cases on, he said I hope you dont mind sleeping on this side, this side is so much closer to the bathroom, and you get the view...
I dropped the pillow much slower than my jaw....
I said, ermmmm I think there has been some misunderstanding...I aint sleeping with you!

I ended up in the spare room, and living with them for over a year, we got some things sorted out... he was a good friend and we laugh about it now, but at the time, it was very very creepy.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 4:38:10 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		with my fiance, he proposed 3 months after dating. in his defense, we had dated for a few months the year before the proposal and had maintained being friends (or friendly), so its not like i didn't know him. Didn't move in for quite some time afterwards.

i've had several proposals before him, but unless a ring was involved, I didn't take it seriously.

"oh, you want to marry me? That's nice."

Moved in with somebody briefly, but i was stupid thinking a commitment was going to come soon after. I'm well over it, but I maintain to this day that he just wanted a live in chef, fuck toy, and a baby incubator with no actual relationship.

When I dated women, i quickly understood what all the lesbian u-haul jokes meant. i don't believe all women who date women are "move in after the 3rd date" types, but it happened to me a few times, and the handful of lesbian couples had did it at some point in their lives.

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(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 5:55:33 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm curious as to why the op specifies small kids. Teenagers need stability even more. So much is changing inside them that any outside change is overwhelming.


I agree. New environments and/or relationships really seem to affect teenagers whereas little ones are pretty resilient.
I'm guessing because the OP is thinking in the now.

I'm just a paranoid person when it comes to my kids and always picture the worse case scenario.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 7:51:30 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		This was my response to my first (but sadly not my last) iniitial email asking me to move in with them.

quote:

I did respond back to the guy asking me to move in with him today. Told him I was on my way with my 4 kids and dog, and how do I get in contact with him. Still waiting on a reply.


I've had guys say I love you and want to get married after a first date. I'm just glad they sprung the crazy early rather than later. It is those sneaky closet loonies that really do the damage.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 8:13:23 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I think it's a matter of perspective that can be mis-represented or misunderstood.

To my mind (obviously, this is just my opinion) the only reason for dating is to see if there's some long-term potential. I never want to get married, again; especially since most that I've encountered consider marriage to be some kind of "hostage" situation.

Anyway, if I get past a first date with a lady, it's because I think there's some kind of long-term potential. To me, "long-term" means cohabitation at some point.

I have to say that I am the kind of person who takes quite a bit of time to get to the first date. There are (hopefully) numerous, long phone calls to see if I really want to be face-to-face with someone.

After the first date with my sweetheart (she lived three hours away so we spent a month, talking on the phone, almost every night for a couple of hours, each time), another lady contacted me and we went out for an evening. My sweetheart freaked, a little. I drove the three hours, immediately so that we could talk, face-to-face.

The discussion went very well and we both knew that there was something very real going on between us.

By our third date, we were both starting statements with: "When we're living together ...". There was little doubt that we weren't going to be able to have the kind of relationship we wanted to have if we were living three hours apart.

Now, life circumstances did conspire a little bit to force our hand (by about three months) but, we've been living together (quite happily) for a year.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: as with so many things in life, I think it's a matter of perspective. If you thought this guy had any kind of long-term potential, would you be happy about this kind of attitude?

I can understand where a marriage proposal might freak some out so quickly but, could it be because you just weren't "feeling it"?





_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 9:51:43 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Daddysatyr, first let me say congrat's on the cohab situation. To answer you, maybe I wasn't feeling it, but I can't even imagine the scenario where I'd be thinking marriage on a first date. Then again, marriage isn't something I plan on doing anytime in the foreseeable century.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 11:53:45 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Daddysatyr, first let me say congrat's on the cohab situation. To answer you, maybe I wasn't feeling it, but I can't even imagine the scenario where I'd be thinking marriage on a first date. Then again, marriage isn't something I plan on doing anytime in the foreseeable century.



I probably should have mentioned that in one of our first e-mails, I said: "You should take note that I will probably never marry, again" and she replied: "Thank God!"

It seems that as people get older, they seem to want "stable" (please note the quotation marks) relationships. For a lot of people, that usually means "marriage". I'm almost fifty but I haven't been the run-around sort in oh ... well, definitely 14 years or so (probably longer).

Believe me, I was not suggesting that a proposal on a first date is desirable. However, she and I pretty much knew from after the second date that we would end up living together (at some point) if the relationship continued to flourish because that was our common goal.





_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 1:29:34 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I am one of the slow ones. At this age, I just do not see the need to hurry. And I also see if he believes this is meant to be, he will work with me on slowing things down.

I also do not believe 3 dates will show either of us the full person we are.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Proposal Or asked to move in by 3rd meeting - 2/19/2014 3:09:00 PM   
LadyMondenschein


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		Kiwisub,

Set up your adult daughter with his adult son, point them in the direction of a nice little efficiency or 1/1 on craigslist & go be happy with said sweetie.
Kana- you crack me up.
Kalikshama- I admire your insightful answers.
Lucylastic - I am in AWE.
Sexyred - good answer!
Lady Constanze - speaking of weird signals, when you mention that a guy proposes to a chick who he knows doesn't want anything to do with marriage..it works kinda the same way when you tell a guy that you have been sexually abstinent for a long time; like for half a year or longer..that practically gets them salivating.."you haven't had sex for six months?!!?, never mind the reason, let's go fuck, here, now, doesn't matter that we're in a semi public place, lean up against the wall, bend over & grab your ankles, I don't care if it's that ime of the  month, we'll throw a few towels down, pant pant"...lololol I say, No dude, you misunderstood me, I didn't say I'd been abstinent for HALF a year, I said I'd been abstinent for a YEAR and a HALF"...the look on their faces..is absolutely priceless..lolol..I'm engaged.NOTHING and NOBODY will come between ME and ASHJOR.  If we hadn't been so far apart, if we'd been able to date in person like most folkses, we'd probably have done the deed pretty early on.but with all that distance between us..it gave us time to really get to know each other's mindset and be able to pick up on each other's moods, and so even though it's been physically torturous, it has been worth it..we mean so much to each other. When I meet him at the airport, I'll just wak straight into his arms and take turns both absorbing the sight of him and holding him close.
For some people it's an instantaneous thing, for others a bit more time is required, so Lady Tissue, no one can answer that question for you but you and how you feel at that given moment.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 55
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