Vendaval -> RE: Limits and Judgements (7/10/2006 8:31:12 PM)
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ORIGINAL: slavejali See the diaper issue, isnt even an issue in our relationship, Master isnt into it, its never going to touch me...yet it has...through this board and my feelings around it could have potentially hurt someone...besides that..I dont like having weakness...i want this gone from me...now. Well, we all have our own weaknesses, judgments, phobias and "don't go there" subjects. I can intellectually at this point say, "To each their own" regarding this issue..but I want it to be real..I want to feel that and actualise it...I dont want a weakness in me to ever hurt anyone else... I do not understand how this dislike for diapers could hurt anyone else, since neither you nor your Master have this fetish. I'm really good at making things light hearted, I'm really good at directing my mind to positive directons...but some things you know are inside you...you know they are triggers..and you know they are just waiting dormant ready to explode....that's not good enough..I want it gone...and I cant do it through intellectualisation... Perhaps this has to do with the humiliation aspects of toilet training. And you are right, emotions cannot be changed by intellect. I know people will say get your Master to deal with it...and he is and will...part of the reason I write on these boards is that Master is deaf...and him seeing me interact with others on subjects gives him more information to deal with me. So thats why I'm doing this. Example: When I'm just interacting with Master, its easy just to not think about the hard stuff, the difficult stuff, the no go zones for me, simply because it doesnt effect us, its not part of our relationship anyways, ignorance is bliss so they say. Interacting with others can expose other stuff....its all good. You learned something new about yourself. What could have been a simple irritant became a possibility for better self understanding. bluglbuglbugyuckycukyuckfrizzamfrazzam I really don't know what people can say in regards to this subject...maybe its just a rant..and writing it will help me process or something... Heh, do not sweat the small stuff. For a while I was getting e-mails from potential submissives who wanted to be in diapers and/or be human toilets. Neither of these activities appeal to Me. I spent far too many years helping raise both human children and animals to find anything like that appealing. Cleaning up after rabbits and cats is bad enough, they have pans for their mess. But anybody else ever climbed into a pig-pen to clean up after 8 piglets and a 500 pound sow? Not fun, not fun at all.... Vendaval
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