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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 9:36:36 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22
so, do I meet him still because he is reliable and there for me?


He's already getting on your nerves and you need to ask this?

Personally, there are two deal breakers listed, so for me it would be over.

And as far as being Jewish, there are a lot of Jewish guys out in the community.

So, as someone with a psychology degree specializing in the family and relationship counseling.....I will say DON'T SETTLE.

Honestly, you need to make a list of things that are important to you and stick to it. While being reliable should be on the list, it shouldn't be the only reason you're interested in somebody.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 9:43:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem with settling is that in the end you get even less than you're settling for.

Personally, I don't believe in settling just so you're with a guy. You need to consider why you can't be happy while single. Because when you achieve that, then you'll find yourself gravitating to partners who do make you happy. And this guy doesn't.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 9:51:50 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		There are plenty of things Himself and I don't agree on when it comes to philosophy or spiritual matters. I have a very strong belief that everything in the universe (yes, even rocks) have a spirit. He completely disagrees with this.

What makes us compatible is that we don't expect to agree on everything, it's not necessary for our success as a couple. We are more than happy to agree to disagree.

Expecting someone to think like you b/c you're the dominant is silly and immature.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 10:05:22 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22

So, maybe I should pay attention more to the special attributes he has? Because those are hard to find.


I think before you decide anything, you should meet.
Until you meet someone, essentially they are a stranger.

And in person, you may have no chemistry.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 10:47:18 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22

So, maybe I should pay attention more to the special attributes he has? Because those are hard to find.


No, no, no. You should pay attention to the whole package and how he makes YOU feel. You do realize that most men want families, are caring, want relationships, etc. He's not the only one by far, and you haven't hit the jackpot. These traits that you're listing are pretty much the traits any decent guy should have before you decide he's the one. In that respect, he's not unique by any means, it just sounds like maybe you haven't been with many decent guys so you're anxious to latch onto to one who looks like he might be.

I mean, what's his definition of 'wanting a family'? It doesn't necessarily mean he's going to be father of the year. It might mean he wants to make babies while you do all the work raising them. Or he'll want you to go right back to work and ship them off to nannies or day care. Or he might end up being an abusive father. Or he might just decide family life isn't for him after all and he'll walk out on you. You really never know.

You're doing what any healthy and successful relationship SHOULD do. You meet, online or real life, you both present your best qualities so you become attracted to each other. Then, as you get more comfortable with each other, you start letting you "real" selves show. Then you decide if those things that make you cringe at the start are something you could get used to and accept and live with. To be honest, usually they're not. Strong opinions that don't agree with your own and a condescending attitude with refusal to explain in a civil conversation is a big thing to consider. There is no right or wrong answer, you have to decide what works for YOU.

I don't like hearing that you've only known him a month and you're already negotiating with yourself to lower some of your standards just to have this guy who is starting to show that he might not be someone you really want to spend time with, especially the rest of your life. There's no reason to break anything off, keep on getting to know him. Just don't think of him as the love of your life yet, because you've only known him a month, and you are going to learn a lot more about him. You have LOTS of time, relax.

Don't think of finding a man as checking off items from a long list. Just because he has traits that you find desirable doesn't mean he's going to show those traits to you when he's with you in real life. People blather all kinds of wonderful things about themselves online, but many times, you meet them in real life and they're nothing like what they blathered about. Believe what you see and experience, not what you read on a monitor screen.

NEVER compromise your values just to get a man. You hear me? NEVER.



< Message edited by windchymes -- 2/22/2014 10:51:14 AM >

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 10:57:24 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		How's the sex?.......

You're getting some good advice, it's sunny out and I'm just in a crazy mood.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 10:58:54 AM   
sexyred1


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Status: offline 		Good point. She hasn't met him yet to even know if there is chemistry

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 11:11:03 AM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline 		Not sure I can care about the physical chemistry seeing some of his views.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 11:11:55 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You're already calling him a hypocrite behind his back. Move on please.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 11:12:47 AM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline 		No, I told him straight to his face, too.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 11:14:55 AM   
GoddessManko


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From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22

No, I told him straight to his face, too.


LOL and he still wants to be your Dom? Needy fellow, isn't he? Uh, yes, move on. Find someone who fits ALL your standards of compatibility as I REALLY don't see even in a vanilla sense this working out since you really do NOT seem to respect this guy.
Thanks for the story though, it's great that jello and jerky can get you this riled. I can imagine your submission would be reminiscent of Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew". :)

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 11:25:08 AM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22

No, I told him straight to his face, too.


LOL and he still wants to be your Dom? Needy fellow, isn't he? Uh, yes, move on. Find someone who fits ALL your standards of compatibility as I REALLY don't see even in a vanilla sense this working out since you really do NOT seem to respect this guy.
Thanks for the story though, it's great that jello and jerky can get you this riled. I can imagine your submission would be reminiscent of Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew". :)

Lol, it usually doesn't....

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:14:02 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		You've gotten great advice from some of the members here. And I have to join in. Move on.


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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:17:59 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		You keep saying how you can depend on him and he will be reliable. You don't know that because you haven't met ye. You are only 22 and the age range you are looking for in a man, wanting a family, etc are not typically the forefront of those guys thoughts. Granted if a guy says he nver wants children or marriage, that's different. But now is the time for you to be meeting guys and having fun, not the instant commitment. I don't mean not to have a serious relationship, but that when that is the priority, it rarely happens. Find someone you click with and let things develop naturally over time.

Now Athena's comment about hating the way he holds his cereal sppon is exactly right, although I usually say you will be annoyed at how he squeezes the toothpaste. The point is that these issues you have now, before you even met are big issues. Personally, a guy would have to be so super amazing in every other aspect to me if he majored in philosophy for me to even consider him, but that's me.

His refusal to explain himself isn't going to change, it will only become more encompassing of everything he says.

You've already made the plans to meet, and I think you should do that. People will spout off many things on the internet but be totally different in person. Of course, it is much easier to speak you "true mind" on the net, but the plans are made and you might enjoy his company and the conversational discourse as just friends. After all, you aren't planning on going to the Elvis Chapel for a quickie wedding during that visit, right?

As sexyred1 said, you are young, your views will change over time. Not that will will suddenly want to be poly or think homosexuality is immoral, but priorities change, and beliefs and opinions expand. Lighten up and enjoy this time in your life.

Oh and as for the jello and the jerky....if you think jello is a treat, more power to you, enjoy it whenever you want. After all there's always room for jello. The beef jerky? Full of sodium, yes, but if salt isn't an issue, not terrible. And if you make the jerky yourself, it can be a very healthy snack. I only make it from better cuts of meat to retain some tenderness. But really, arguing about food when you haven't even met? Not promising for a future.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:22:13 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Find a Master that enjoys sugar free jello.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:26:24 PM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Find a Master that enjoys sugar free jello.

I don't care about that. What I care about is a man that tells me how to eat when I've gone to multiple nutritionists and have done a lot of research and have lost 45 pounds. I'm dealing with my last ten (that I've LOST BEFORE). I don't need a guy that is going to mess up my eating habits because he believes jello is empty calories before even knowing what I eat the rest of the day. Ignorance and its finest.

< Message edited by Jewishprincess22 -- 2/22/2014 12:28:10 PM >

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:35:02 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I actually agree with you.
It's a small thing to ask for.

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:37:44 PM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

I actually agree with you.
It's a small thing to ask for.


It's not about the jello, it's about the principle of not understanding the entire situation and being ignorant. This has been shown to me time and time again it seems, now just with the gay thing because it's immoral because if everyone were gay, ' it wouldn't be a sustainable civilization' because no children would be around. That's his philosophical viewpoint, which to me, seems pretty stupid.

< Message edited by Jewishprincess22 -- 2/22/2014 12:39:01 PM >

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:42:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		So "managing" your meals/ diet is a hard limit for you. no need to be argumentative about it or even explain your reasoning. You simply tell those you are considering that part of your life is not part of the deal.

You are very riled up over your discussions with this guy. Not that you shouldn't have issues with what he said/thinks, but if it annoys you this much, why are you even still considering a relationship with him?

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RE: The Hypocrisy - 2/22/2014 12:44:28 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewishprincess22

Not sure I can care about the physical chemistry seeing some of his views.



Then it's all done, tell him goodbye and move on.

I really don't think you could possibly change from this view to one of having respect for him and wanting to be in a relationship with him, much less be submissive to him.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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