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Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 12:00:31 AM

pg4g

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From: Australia
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Why is it that many submissives/slaves and dominants like bondage?

After all, if the submissive likes submitting to the Dominant anyway, doesn't that make the restraints redundant?

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Switching: the best of both worlds.

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

Post #: 1

RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 12:22:34 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Why is it that many submissives/slaves and dominants like bondage?

After all, if the submissive likes submitting to the Dominant anyway, doesn't that make the restraints redundant?

It does look that way, doesn't it. I don't get into a lot of bondage. It's mostly a symbolic ritual of sorts. I use bed restraints.

I guess it gets a sub into a helpless "I'm-at-your-mercy" headspace.

Eskimos and other cultures swaddle their babies tightly. Beyond snug. It makes the infant feel more secure and safe. There are some subs who want to be completely bound head to foot. Then stuck overnight somewhere in a cage or box, a zippered bodybag. Much too extreme for my tastes, but to each his own.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 2:02:51 AM

dharmageddon

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For me it's the show of trust that you are allowing someone to essentially "eliminate your defenses" as an act of expression...it's true that usually the mental state exists and the bondage reinforces the feeling and the connection.
The way i often have described it is an external expression of an internal state. And it feels great for some people. It's artistic. It's beautiful. It builds anticipation and closeness and creates a sense of intimacy that is really amazing for those who like it.

Another thing that i find worth mentioning is much of the ropework you see is not only beautiful but it's creating an experience. This is particularly true for some of the shibari/kinbaku ropework. It is even designed to enhance and prolong the eroticism for the woman as well as the headspace you feel due to the fact that your partner has created this for you. He has to understand your body, your needs, and tie you in such a way that he knows is going to feel what he wants you to feel. There are some who do it for simply the beautiful appearance but many do it knowing that it's an extension of the hands....

Think about this - a simple harness with a crotch rope placed strategically and worn under clothing through the day is using the texture of the rope to stimulate and massage pressure points. Some that are sometimes very powerful erotic energy points according to some cultures. Additionally, the crotch rope can be used to put just enough tension on the labia to hold a female in that state of subtle yet undeniable arousal for the duration. Assuredly, with each movement the pull of the rope is touching and stretching, there is a beautiful and powerful buildup within a short time. If someone wears this for the entire day...well....you get the idea.

Hope this makes sense.

< Message edited by dharmageddon -- 2/27/2014 2:06:27 AM >

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 2:43:07 AM

Greta75

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Um, I love bondage because, it restricts my movement when being tortured. Some sexual torture, you can't keep still and keep flinching and moving way. Bondage keeps you right there unable to escape to take everything.

(in reply to dharmageddon)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 3:00:19 AM

RaspberryLemon

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IMO: The appeal lies in the vulnerability of being bound and "helpless," and the trust that such a willing vulnerability displays. This is both the appeal for me at the receiving end, and for him at the giving end.

As well, being bound by/for him also comes with a very strong "ownership" feel, which we both really enjoy.

(in reply to pg4g)

Post #: 5

RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 5:36:08 AM

SoulAlloy

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From: Preston, UK
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I love bondage for a lot of reasons really, the control, the vulnerability, in the case of extreme bondage (mummification/body bag) it's oddly comforting, perhaps in knowing that you are not in control at that point? (I'm not sure really, it just feels good)

The main reason I like bondage is below though, as Greta said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Um, I love bondage because, it restricts my movement when being tortured. Some sexual torture, you can't keep still and keep flinching and moving way. Bondage keeps you right there unable to escape to take everything.

I am a real wriggler when it comes to pain, I love it and get a lot of pleasure from it but I find it incredibly difficult to stay still when being whacked, have broken a few restraints before now just from wriggling as well.

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(in reply to Greta75)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 6:07:51 AM

LadyPact

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I'm actually not a rope person. I happen to find it rather boring. I appreciate the artistic angle but I'm not big on doing the work that goes into it.

Restraints, on the other hand, I feel are practical. Most people aren't going to be able to hold entirely still during heavy impact play. Having a person where you want them when you throw a whip tends to be important.

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 6:23:14 AM

Maradium

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Helplessness .... ... .. .

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 6:33:50 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Um, I love bondage because, it restricts my movement when being tortured. Some sexual torture, you can't keep still and keep flinching and moving way. Bondage keeps you right there unable to escape to take everything.

Yeah, this is pretty much the extent of it for me.

It's not being tied down itself that does it for me. It's knowing what's coming next. If nothing came after, I'd be completely disappointed. I don't find comfort in it, I find thrill and excitement because I don't know what's going to happen but I do know it's going to be good.

Really, I prefer being pinned down by his own strength. His tight grasp around my wrists or his arm digging into my chest. Both the pain and knowledge that he can take what ever he wants. It's the control or in my case, lack of.

(in reply to Greta75)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 7:24:13 AM

fucktoyprincess

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I love bondage. Probably for many of the reasons that others have also mentioned. But to be honest, I haven't intellectualized it to the point of being to articulate exactly why I enjoy. Sometimes enjoying something is not something that can be articulated that way. Done properly, it's good harmless fun. It absolutely enhances the experience for me. Those who don't find it fun, don't find it fun. Those who do, do. To each his/her own.

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 8:50:54 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Why is it that many submissives/slaves and dominants like bondage?

After all, if the submissive likes submitting to the Dominant anyway, doesn't that make the restraints redundant?

You're correct: the trappings are not where the heart of the psychological dynamic really is. That said, restraints do serve a functional purpose at times, as do collars. They are also quite useful in a symbolic sense.

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(in reply to pg4g)

Post #: 11

RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 9:02:44 AM

AlexisANew

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Joined: 2/10/2014
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You don't have to be a submissive to enjoy being tied up in rope!

I have been known to use cuffs, straight jackets, sacks and cages to restrain but I get the greatest buzz from using rope. For me, rope is so much more versatile which allows me to be creative. It’s not though, something I do with someone I’m not truly bonded with. There has to be a good connection because only then will rope evoke some very powerful emotions in both the tie-er (me) and the tie-ee.

Like dharmageddon said, the ropes are merely extension of my hands, of my will and control.

Yes, I do enjoy the technical side of tying. It’s a discipline that can only be improved upon and to improve you need to mix with other rope lovers, which is fun and always very sociable.

I have been a rope bottom and I do have a permanent injury to my radial nerve. I guess that one thing this has taught me is, education, education, education. I don’t offer myself up as a rope bottom because I don’t get a buzz from being tied, like I do when I tie but I do know many tops and dominants that enjoy the feel of the ropes embracing them.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 9:13:23 AM

sweetnsourDOM4u

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Joined: 2/22/2014
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I can only speak for myself, but binding someone completely strips them of any control. Additionally, the increased vulnerability my sub feels from being unable to fend for herself only intensifies my own feeling of power

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 9:14:29 AM

Secretdamsel

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I like the illusion of being in a "forced" submissiv position and bondage is the most realistic and self justifying version of that.

(in reply to pg4g)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 12:22:12 PM

MercTech

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Then again, if you are tied down, you don't have to worry about breaking things when flailing around in passion. A broken headboard taught me to check my knots.

Just sayin' <grin>

(in reply to Secretdamsel)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 2:55:49 PM

slavekate80

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Sometimes I like feeling that I can't escape. I'll playfully try, and it doesn't work, and that feels good and heightens the experience. I actually prefer being restrained by his own strength than by external tools, but he doesn't have full use of his arms if they're busy pinning me down and certain positions are difficult to hold that way, so restraints like ropes and handcuffs have their purpose.

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 16

RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 4:59:30 PM

shiftyw

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From: The Shire
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While we don't do "rape play" or "consensual non consensual"

I love being ravished. I also love making him chase me all over the house and getting out of his hands several times, for someone my size, I can be pretty scrappy. So usually if he can cuff or strap me down I'm already "ready to go" with little else needed.

I also really really really get wriggly and squirmy- even if I like the pain and enjoy taking it, I still flinch and cringe, bondage really helps me focus and take it because I can't curl up or dodge it.

(in reply to slavekate80)

Post #: 17

RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 5:09:58 PM

Blonderfluff

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From: Down the Shore
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I love the way It feels. I love that first hard TUG of the rope. I love struggling, and being unsuccessful. I truly love that look on a Doms face when he grabs a leg, arm, hand, hair. Very primal. It makes me feel very feminine. Very over-powered. That being said, I'm not over fond of the intricate rope work. I find myself bored very quickly.
I don't much care about how pretty the rope work is. It's the FEELING of being restrained and the zing of His energy when he is wrapping, knotting, pulling, tugging, that I love.

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 5:12:25 PM

OvidInDallas

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Hi pg4g,

I enjoy bondage for two main reasons. The first is psychological. I tend to be attracted to women who are smaller than me physically. As a guy standing at about 6 feet and who works out regularly, there aren't a ton of women who can push the physical dominance aspect like many male dominants can with female subs. That's just the nature of human sexual dimorphism. In my experience bondage has helped give both my dominant (especially if they were inexperienced at D/s) and me a feeling of power transfer because there is no way for me to "change my mind" or physically stop a scene if I wanted to. In reality this is unnecessary because, as you note, I enjoy submitting and part of that is not needing restraints to have submitted. On the psychological aspect I also enjoy the feeling of powerlessness that is accompanied by bondage of any type. Just like some dominants enjoy wearing specific clothes that make them feel powerful, I find bondage helps to put me fully into a submissive mindset. It gets me in the mood, so to speak, even if I might not be feeling it fully at the start of the scene due to a stressful day or bad emotional state.

The second is physical. I just enjoy the feeling of rope, chains, cuffs, etc. I like not being able to move and the sensations of whatever is restraining me. With my last dominant I started to get into some escape artist play, which is a fun mental and physical challenge for me. It's also nice, during intense impact play, to have something supporting you. While I do enjoy the challenge of holding a position at the command of a dominant while they go to town, it can also be nice to just let go and experience it without having your brain focusing on the position you are supposed to be in. I find it very difficult to get into subspace during impact play without being restrained.

An analogy I might suggest (which isn't perfect) is that for some people like me bondage is like foreplay. If you are wanting to have sex with someone why do you need foreplay, why not just cut to the chase? I think most would say that they enjoy foreplay even if it's not "necessary" and it can help you get in the mood if you aren't fully there. Or (to continue arguing by imperfect analogy), it's like why some people wear collars. Do you need a collar to prove you are submissive to someone? I don't think so but it feels nice and works as a psychological tool.

Regards,
Ovid

(in reply to slavekate80)

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RE: Submissives & Bondage - 2/27/2014 5:19:46 PM

pg4g

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Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
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It's interesting hearing all of you, because submissiveness is something of a mystery to me. I'm only ever forced to submit and I hate it and fight it, so the bondage is practical. It arouses the heck out of me - all of it, the hating it, the pulling on restraints in hope that it would give but they inevitably don't.

But you guys give in willingly. It's surprising to me how... intense that enjoyment of bondage is anyway. It seems there are a variety of reasons, from being helpless, unable to avoid it even though you know you want, to just feel and texture. Very intriguing.

In case you didn't realise, I'm fascinated by the human mind.

< Message edited by pg4g -- 2/27/2014 5:29:03 PM >

_____________________________

Switching: the best of both worlds.

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 20

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