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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 1:40:53 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		tammyjo,

You present a well rounded thought on both sides of the discussion / thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 1:42:30 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Caretakr,

But what of the non slave submissive/ Dominant relationship?

CP


Take what you find of use, and discard the rest. What I value is relative to the reader. YOU are not me,find your own dance.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 1:44:09 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		twicehappy,

Thanks for your input, now how about some words on how to execute that trick!!

CP

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 1:47:26 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		aintbehaven,

Yes it makes sense, and your a couple that seems to make it work, but so many have so much difficulty, perhaps you could share some secrets of execution.

Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:25:33 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


This is pretty much how I see it too. A Master who *needs* a slave so badly that he will let his core be stepped on is going to lose the respect of the slave.

There's no leverage left, and the slave comes to feel it's just a game for him. Doesn't mean there cannot be affection-just that when it comes down to it,"my way of the highway" has precedence over the mushy stuff.


 This is where I always have an enormous problem.......... I haven't managed to arrive at a suitable notion of *love* that can satisfy me at all.

*Needing* is just not in the same catagory as love ( despite not having defined *love*)......for me.....needing is parasitic.

agirl











Love, by itself, is parasitic. It's all about how someone makes you feel about yourself. And if they stopped making you "feel" that way-it would stop.

"Need"  is an expression of fullment, waiting to be realized.

And exactly how parastic it is, depends on the balance you return in giving back what you take. There is no need for guilt if the symbiosis returns to itself smoothly.


Hello Caretakr,

Could you explain a little further why you think* love, by itself*, is parasitic?

I'm just rolling these thoughts around and am not trying to go anywhere with them, it is interesting to look at other's ideas and their *take* on these things.

agirl



Let me put it this way. Many people are in love with love. And it's pretty hormonal, when you get right down to it. Now I realize that it arises from a chemical soup in the body, triggered by an attraction.  I liken this to an addiction.

I prefer the more spiritual connection, sometimes reffered to as "Agape".

ie- Unconditional love. A love that stems from the ability of the initiate to see the divine spark in all life.

A mutual reverence and awe of the divine, within and without. You see,"love" born of lust is transitory.

Thusly, it is parasitic...And will fade, when lust declines through familiarity. This is why I often speak of the value of bonding afforded by mutual dreams and visions.

When I look at M/s, I am seeking a partner who can dance with me through life-taking joy and satisfaction through the subtle interplay we have with each other-and with our connection to all that is, and will be. Love is taking the joy in each moment, one step at a time. And in leaving footprints behind us that may be of benefit to others, in thier dances.


 Hello again,

Why call this *love* at all?  Why not just call it a *bonding*.... I have no difficulty defining a bond. 

As for unconditional love....... that's entering into the realms of something that I can't be sure I am actually capable of.

Why is love *taking the joy in each moment*...what is....*taking the joy of each moment, without adding *love* to it?.....

agirl









(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:27:40 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Because they feel the same,just more reliable.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:31:53 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because they feel the same,just more reliable.


 More reliable to call something *love* than call it a bond?

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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:33:01 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		As in all things, love adds an additional dimension and technicolor to what may be wonderful, but simply black and white.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:33:56 PM   
Caretakr


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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because they feel the same,just more reliable.


 More reliable to call something *love* than call it a bond?



"call" is something we do here.
"feel" is what we do everywhere else.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:39:26 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because they feel the same,just more reliable.


 More reliable to call something *love* than call it a bond?



"call" is something we do here.
"feel" is what we do everywhere else.


 I haven't been able to make sense of your last two sentences.  Could you explain them a little, please?

Regards, agirl

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 2:41:31 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because they feel the same,just more reliable.


 More reliable to call something *love* than call it a bond?



"call" is something we do here.
"feel" is what we do everywhere else.


 I haven't been able to make sense of your last two sentences.  Could you explain them a little, please?

Regards, agirl



I don't think we are going to connect on the same plane-sorry.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 3:19:04 PM   
wouldlike2


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline 		Love
an ocean
with invisible
shores,
with
no shores.
If you
are wise
you will
not swim
in it                         (Rabi'ah bent Ka'b)

i am a good swimmer and probably then i will never get enuogh wisdom - smile -
i am not sure how many have such a prudence to avoid love and that our own folly let us drawn in all kind of love
all love create divinity who gives love its fathomless depths.
to know that a relationship has this divine strain - may we are free to enjoy the humans elements more? may we wont be distracted by imperfections , wont demand that relationships play itself out according to our expectations and ideologies. and may we would discover that by being kind to others we learn being kind to ourselves.
we have genuine tolerance for individuality, for the relationship itsself and for ourselves.
love is there where destinies cross and hearts intermingle....
independent of D/s, M/s, parents/child, marriage....
with love - i am free.. to swim - smile -
myself i do not wanna miss ....


_____________________________

Love arises from the mind while the body follows and reflect the soul

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 3:28:07 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		It is my love for z that enables me to treat her like the slave she is. In our case, love has done nothing but strengthen the bond between Master and slave, and the M/s dynamic was born out of the love we have for each other. She is still my property and she says it frequently, that yes, I do make her feel like nothing more than a piece of meat, but at the same time, the most loved and treasured piece of meat on the planet.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 3:52:57 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		in reply to the original query;

I reluctantly admit that Master has said more than once, that being in love with me has made Him less strict with me as His slave. 

otoh;  I could not have remained His without His eventual love...

I have no solutions; just grudgingly admit that maybe perhaps somemasterswhoshallremainnamelessfornow were right in the past when there were arguments over this subject.

Or at least right up to a certain point...

Can't help ya on this one!!

Christina

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 4:01:57 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


When an D and an s get together to form a household in r/l , what is the effect of the love emtion on the D/s dynamic. Does is make it more acute or less acute.

Does the D/s dynamic give way to vanilla kind of love as the comfort level of vanilla style living takes over?

CP



Dear Celtic Prince.... and all....

Ok... so here's my eccentric take on it.

Personally, I don't use the metaphor (or reality) of slave at all....
and as for dom/sub ... sometimes I speak like that,
but for me.... it's about possessions and being possessed.


I have very few possessions,
and as I move thru this life,
I seem to want fewer and fewer.
I've always been a bit of a minimalist...
and it's accelerating as I move into my '50's.

But, for the few things I do own, ... I want very fine things.

I want a few possessions that I own and control completely,
that I can use hard and well.... but not abuse or neglect them.

To get "Freudian" ... maybe the reason I want few things
is so I can really pour all my care and attention....and love
into those few precious things that I cherish.

Now... for this romantic old goat....
what could possibly be a more rare and treasured gift
than the willing surrender.... growing with trust and time 
towards more and more complete surrender ...
of a woman's heart  and mind and body and energies and emotions
and sensations and feelings, her efforts, her service, her labor, her kisses,
her tears.... and when it's good..... the surrender of her very soul to a trusted lover like me.

For me, not to love and honor the surrendered soul of a woman, is impossible.

All that delicious bondage....
strong, direct and consistant punishment,
the ordeals of the flesh that connect us....
the playing and displaying of her body for my amusement and pleasure...
all that wonderful play.... orgasms, semen, sweat, tears, pussy-juice....

It's like that stuff is the mere top-dressing
on our paths.... one of surrender... and one of authority.

So yes, I say love.... real love, a genuine love and appreciation
of fine things...... for me... that makes it work better.

DD ....
PS..... Gawd.... I just re-read this long post
instead of manically just firing it off like I usually do,
fuck..... this old goat is sometimes just so damned artsy -fartsy.
Can't help it. 
But I do notice it's a pretty high horse I'm on here  ....

PSS... another guy here said (and I thought it was terriffic)
"Fuck her how I  want, and hold her tight after".
Strip away all my rationalizations... and there's a lot of truth to that one too!


(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 4:38:46 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Because they feel the same,just more reliable.


 More reliable to call something *love* than call it a bond?



"call" is something we do here.
"feel" is what we do everywhere else.


 I haven't been able to make sense of your last two sentences.  Could you explain them a little, please?

Regards, agirl



I don't think we are going to connect on the same plane-sorry.


Well, by that statement  you are certainly assuring that that is the case.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 6:11:00 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Love is what defines the relationship for me.  Without it, there is no relationship.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 6:12:48 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Sure I can love my slave and keep her under control. Love allows higher levels of submission from her. She knows I love her and have her well being in mind. Does loving her mean I’ll let her do what she wants? Not at all. The authority dynamic is always there and she is going to do things she doesn’t want to do.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 6:14:49 PM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		I feel that loving would only enhance the dynamic between the two.

_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The effect of love on the D/s dynamic - 7/7/2006 7:15:19 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Love is what defines the relationship for me. Without it, there is no relationship.


Thank you feastie Master and I are in love, we've been together for 2 1/2 years and will be getting married on December 9.

He is my first Master. We met online in 2002. I didn't know He was a Dom then, it was several months later that the subject came up. Our relationship started off as friends but I just knew there was something special about Him. Long story short we met in r/l a few months later and I became His lover and sub.

I don't have any other D/s type relationship to compare ours to but for me it is necessary to have that connection for me to be able to fully submit. To give Him that trust, to know He would never hurt me or do anything I didn't like.....He does push limits but only after careful observation and communication.

For us love is an enhancement not an encumbrance It can only have a negative effect on the dynamic if you let it. Right now He is trying to break me of the habit of picking and nibbling the skin around my thumbs until it is raw, something I have done for years as a stress reliever He has made me wear latex gloves when He caught me doing it (they make my hands sweaty and it feels horrible) and has told me next time He catches me doing it it will be 20 cold with the crop - and I know damn well He'd do it too!

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 40
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