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AAkasha -> RE: I'd like to get subs' takes on this writing. (3/10/2014 1:27:21 PM)
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In 1996 I wrote this story on safewords and negotiation. It's about two "scenes". One with safewords and negotiation. One with, well, just one simple code. Both stories in this are based on real life events.
**
The Negotiation
I saw him and I knew I wanted him.
The club was thinning out, and I knew from experience that the upstairs seating area was dark, uncrowded and quiet enough to talk without having to scream at each other.
It was mostly hunger - and the way he moved. Slow, with a purpose. He was sanding at the bar sipping a drink. Sleek. Catlike. When he ran a hand through his hair, that sealed it.
He would be mine.
***
I saw him and knew I wanted him.
It was a kinky party, yes. Everyone there was into the scene, and I could tell he was a sub because of the way he lowered his eyes - somewhat bashfully - when a woman approached him.
He had beautiful eyes. Communicative eyes, I could tell. The hunger welled inside of me. It had been so long. People had been pairing off and going off to play, and I wanted my turn. I wanted a taste.
I wanted a taste of him.
***
"What are you drinking?" was the first thing I asked him. I certainly didn't want a drunk to deal with, and it was a good way to find that out up front.
He smiled. Sipped. "Coke." he said. Almost bashful. I like that.
I moved closer to him and smiled, then ordered a drink of my own. Afterward, I turned to him and stared until he got uneasy and looked down, shy.
"Am I making you nervous?"
"Yes," he said, not looking at me. But smiling. So slight.
"Good," I said, leaning close enough that our sides touched as I turned toward the bar. "I like that."
I could have sworn I felt him shudder. But that might have been wishful thinking.
***
"What's your name?" I asked him.
"Derek," he said, lowering his eyes.
I sat next to him and neither of us spoke for a moment. I could feel him uneasy next to me, which only drove my hunger more. We both looked up to the sounds of someone wailing in the next room, victim of what sounded like a pretty nice flogging.
He chuckled uneasily.
"You like the sound of that," I teased.
He just lowered his head.
I put a hand in his hair. I will admit, I was moving fast - but I was hungry. "You want that to be you."
He shivered. I moved in for the kill.
***
We were making out at the bar.
It wasn't something I liked to do, but it just happened. The way he had his head down, nervous, just drove me to him. It took a few minutes to get there, but it was a careful few minutes.
Standing close, then watching to see if he would back off to claim his space back. He didn't.
Hand lightly touching his thigh. It could have been accidental. I did it on purpose to see if he'd move. He didn't.
A nose against his. I pretended to be nuzzling to smell his cologne. I caught his breath; he was inhaling sharply when I pressed close.
"You aren't used to a forward woman," I observed out loud.
"No," his eyes were shut, head lowered toward me. Breathing measured.
"But you like it," I told him, reaching up, hand around his neck and pulling down.
"Yes," was on his lips as we kissed for the first time.
***
I took my prey to a backroom where a big rack-like instrument was open for use. This pleased me to no end. And he looked gorgeous in the light - boyish features, long dark hair and blue eyes. He bit his lip. Nervous. Looking around. Was he playing it up or just honestly scared? I didn't care.
I moved my hand over the rack, smiling at it. I wanted one of my own. I let him stand there and watch me fawn over it, looking at him and smiling.
"You like that thing," he chuckled, nervous.
"Yes," I smiled. I moved closer to him and added, "I want to see you on it, though."
"Ok," he nodded, looking down. Nervous. Again, I loved it.
I started fingering the collar of his shirt.
He cleared his throat.
"Maybe..." he started. "Maybe we should talk a little first."
I fingered his collar more and kissed his neck. "Sure," I said softly, pressing my lips to his collarbone. "What's on your mind?"
***
I took my prey up to the dark corner I remembered. Sure enough, people were mostly gone and the music was a bit loud but tolerable. We were kissing deeply, cuddling, and soon I had him pinned up against a wall.
Soft moans came from him. The kind that made me ache.
When he moved his hands to my waist I took him by the wrists and pinned them behind his back. He twisted a little but didn't pull away, then groaned into my mouth, frustrated.
"Shhhhh," I hushed, clenching my grip tighter. Tight enough to make sure he knew I meant business.
He sighed a little and I pinned him closer to the wall, switching to use only one hand to hold both wrists behind him. Of course this meant he could pull away with total ease, but he didn't. He kept his wrists there.
My free hand moved up his neck, to his chin, where I lifted his head so I could kiss his flesh openly, easily.
And he didn't stop me.
Consent.
***
I sat on the table next to my prey and we talked.
He took a deep breath.
"You look nervous," I smiled, touching his hair. He nodded.
"I thought I should tell you my limits," he said.
"Ok," I nodded, pushing up my sleeves and sliding closer to him, admiring his features, imagining what his expressions would be during various tortures I had in mind.
"First," he looked at me, in the eyes. "No marks...."
***
My teeth dug into his flesh and I felt him tense all over. I bit. I sucked, then I nibbled. The flesh on his neck was tender, and even in the darkness I could see a slight redness. I moved a finger over it and "mmmd"
He shifted.
My mouth moved to his ear. "You mark easily," I breathed, pressing my body into his. His hands were still pinned behind his back.
"Mmm," he nodded.
"Anyone going to see your neck tomorrow?" I teased, nibbling behind his ear.
He chuckled, eyes still closed, and pulled at his wrists a little but I tightened my hold. "I work tomorrow..."
I moved my mouth down to his collarbone. "I'll stay out of sight..." I hissed, licking his skin.
His hips pressed into mine and he moaned, "That's fine..."
***
"Have you been drinking or do I need to worry about any medical problems?" I asked my boy, sitting close to him and playing with his hair.
He hmmd and sat back. "My back gets sore sometimes." He looked at the rack. "This might make me kind of sore tomorrow."
"Should we do something else?" I asked.
"No..it should be ok as long as it's not for too long. How long do you think it will be?"
I shrugged and tried to predict. "A half hour maybe?"
He flinched.
"Twenty minutes?" I asked.
"Fifteen," he nodded.
"Ok." I looked at my watch. He looked at his watch.
***
I pinned him.
It was a big, flat alcove type area, and I knew it was stiff and uncomfortable. He shifted but I used my knees on either side to pin him down.
Between kisses I whispered, "Is that too uncomfortable?"
His eyes were shut, "I can handle it," he breathed. I could feel his body moving against mine.
I pinned his wrists above his head and whispered, "Lift your head up so I can get to your neck. Hold still. And don't open your eyes."
My grip was tighter this time, tight enough around his wrists that I knew he could feel a serious edge in my moves. He tested the virtual bonds then held still.
Even when I moved my hand down his body and he twisted, arching his back, he still kept his hands down and in my other hand, holding his crossed wrists above his head.
I wanted more. "Let's go to my car," I whispered. "Unless you've had too much for one night."
He shook his head, eyes closed. "No...I'm fine....let's go."
***
"You aren't claustrophobic, are you?" I asked him as I went through the leather restraints and tried to find what kind I wanted.
He pushed up his sleeves. "Well, no. Just be careful with circulation."
"I always am," I told him.
"Should we talk about safewords?" he asked when he saw me coming at him with the shackles.
"Sure. Why not the basics. Red means stop, yellow means slow down." I told him.
"And green," he added. "Green for ok."
"Isn't it assumed that no red or yellow means green?"
"Well, yeah, but if I yellow then green, you know it's ok to bring up the intensity."
"Ok, so a yellow followed by a green means ignore the previous yellow, it was a temporary yellow?"
"Yeah, or a yellow that isn't followed by a red probably is ok too, sometimes I yellow just to get back into headspace."
I paused, thinking. "So it isn't really a back down yellow, it's a you-need-a-quick break yellow?"
He nodded. "Sometimes I call that orange."
"Maybe I should write this down," I told him.
***
The car was cold at first, but once we were in the backseat we warmed up quite quickly. There was enough room, and I even had toys laying across the floor of the car. Coincidence.
We were kissing and I had him pinned down again, straddling him with his wrists above his head. With a little fumbling I found a pair of handcuffs.
While we were kissing I made sure he saw them in my hand, then waited for reaction.
"Kinky," he commented, breaking the kiss and looking at them.
"Are you ok with this?" I asked him, sitting up and playing with the cuffs in front of him, loving the sound and feel of them.
He pushed up both sleeves, eyeing them. Uneasy, I could tell. "Depends. You aren't a psycho are you?"
I chuckled. "No, I'm not."
"How can I be sure?"
"You can't. You just have to trust me."
He hmmed. I was staring at the cuffs longingly.
Finally he shifted, then held up his wrists to me. "You only live once," he smiled.
I smiled back, and got much more serious when the metal locked in place around his wrists. My seriousness made him shift under my body, then I pinned his wrists, more suddenly, above his head.
His eyes were opened a little wider, startled Alert.
The next kiss was hard. I was fierce. He shifted under me.
When I broke the kiss I moved my mouth to his ear and whispered, "If you really want me to stop," I paused and kissed his ear, "Say one word, say REINDEER".
He moaned at my touch. I heard the cuffs rattling.
"Otherwise, all pleading and begging me to stop will be gleefully ignored," I grinned. "Keep in mind, I like begging and pleading. It gets me off."
I heard a chuckle from him. Nervous, but a chuckle nonetheless.
Another kiss to his ear. "Now what's the word to make me stop?"
"Reindeer," he whispered back.
I kissed his nose. "Maybe you're a fast learner and I won't have to punish you at all.…
***
"I like resistance," I told him point blank.
"Like.." he looked at me, "Really fierce, mean resistance, or just struggling?"
"I guess a mixture."
"How long until I give in?" he asked me.
I shrugged, thinking. "Half way through, I guess?"
"So, after about 7 minutes?"
"Ok."
We looked at our watches.
***
When he struggled, I moaned into his ear and my body pressed against his. He struggled more.
His breathing came harder, and when I pulled his hair he whimpered.
I moaned again, putting my mouth on his. My fist was tight in his hair, my other hand moving down his body and feeling him writhe.
I held him by the chin and kissed him hard, then backed off. Another hard kiss, then I stopped and held still until his eyes opened, his shifting stopped, and he looked at me curiously.
"Don't let me kiss you," I ordered.
He obeyed. His fight was furious, determined. But I won, after chasing his head back and forth until I pinned him by the chin, making him flinch. His expression showed real pain. I looked at his wrists. The cuffs weren't biting in too hard, and his fingers still had circulation.
I gripped his chin harder, broke the forced kiss, listening to him gasp for breath. My body ached with desire.
"Do you want me to stop?" I asked. Firm.
He shook his head.
I clenched my grip hard. "Answer me!" I snapped.
"No...no." he gasped.
"Beg me not to."
"Please.."he let out his breath. "Keep going."
"What if I want to hurt you."
He moaned.
"Will you take it for me?"
His eyes opened slowly and he looked at me. "Yes."
***
I was locking him into the rack face down. The feel of the leather on the buckles excited me. He was shifting in his bonds. I was slipping into domspace.
He turned his head toward me, peering over his back. "Oh, about pain..." he said quietly.
"Yes," I replied, entranced, hands moving down his bare back.
"Clamps are ok, CBT is ok, flogging..well, it's ok, but not for too long, and no marks."
"I understand," I told him.
"Sometimes I yellow on the clamps, but don't let that discourage you," he added. "My vanilla SO uses them on me sometimes, to get me used to them."
"Ok," I said.
He wiggled. "I don't know if these are tight enough,"
"I'm not done yet."
"Ok, just letting you know."
***
A hand under his shirt, I pinched his left nipple to feel how much he squirmed. Most of the movement came from his hips, and he pressed his crotch up against me, breathing heavily into my ear.
I bit him lightly behind the neck. "Does that hurt?" I whispered, in a pseudo sympathetic way.
He moaned and I covered his mouth with my hand. Tight. His eyes opened and we looked at each other.
I reached down, staring into his eyes the whole time, feeling for the other nipple. I applied pressure, slowly, slowly, until I saw his gaze turn into a wince. Then I applied more. He jerked in my grip then I let go of his mouth and took a breath.
I kissed him hard.
He responded back equally hard, and I started reaching for the clamps. He saw them, looked at me, then at them again.
"Do you know what these are?" I asked him.
"Yes," he said softly. His voice was shaking a little. I took his hand, his pinky, and attached one of the clamps to it, pulling. They tightened.
"I'm going to put these on your nipples." I told him. "It's going to hurt."
"I know," he licked his lips, shutting his eyes. "I can take it."
I slammed my hand over his mouth and his eyes shot open, startled. I slid closer, glaring down at him. "It's going to hurt a lot, my pet. And you're going to show me how much it hurts, in your eyes, and in your body."
He nodded. He understood.
***
"I have an aversion to rubber floggers," he told me. "I had a bad experience with them."
I tossed the rubber one aside and settled with a leather flogger, running it lightly over his back and watching him squirm. I liked the sounds he was making, and the way he was pulling at the restraints with his wrist.
His body twitched under my touch, he was moaning loudly.
I set down the flogger and went to my toys. The big red ballgag looked nice. I picked it up and carried it over to him.
His eyes moved to it, hesitant, then he looked at me and before I could say anything said, "But I won't be able to safeword..."
"I haven't put it in yet," I told him.
***
"You're going to scream when I put this on you," I told him, moving closer and pinned him down in the car. I could feel his breathing under me, now heavy, deep.
My hand moved down his neck. Holding him there. Stroking. But feeling his pulse. Yes, his heart was beating fast. There was fear in his eyes. I felt a combination of lust and eagerness. I forced myself to back down.
Kissing him briefly on the lips, I eased up off him and whispered, "I can't have you drawing attention to us, so I'm going to gag you."
His eyes looked up into mine with a definite hint of dread in them.
"Sit up," I ordered. I was fumbling around for a spare glove, a cloth, anything to put into his mouth.
Once he was sitting upright I reached behind him and put my car keys in his palm. "Drop them if you need me to stop. I'll hear them when they hit the floor."
"Ok," he said. He was watching me as I located a scarf. "I'm really scared." he announced.
Tingle.
***
He yellowed, then oranged. We'd decided to hold off on the gag for a few minutes.
I wasn't quite sure what that combination meant and my mind went blank. Yellow was slow down, but so was orange. But together, what was that. Slow down for real then just slow down a little?
"What's yellow-orange?" I whispered to him.
He was breathing a little shaky. "I thought I needed to yellow, then realized it was just an orange."
"Ok..."
He looked at me from over my shoulder. "You can always just respect the second safeword if I give two,"
"All right."
***
When the clamps went on, he let out a loud muffled wail into the scarf. I had to put my hand over his mouth to silence him even more, and his body was twisting under me.
"Look at me," I hissed, taking him by the chin.
When his eyes opened I stared into them, holding him steady, waiting. Thinking. He was shaking a little. No keys had dropped.
My hand moved to his neck. His heart was pounding. He swallowed hard.
I took them off.
Then the scarf.
He gasped and I pulled him close and gave him a hug for a moment. "Bad timing," I whispered, stroking his hair back.
He choked on a few words. "Hurt more than I thought,"
"We'll work up to that," I kissed him on the ear.
"Thank you."
***
I finished the flogging then held him a little. He shivered in my arms, and it felt good.
"I don't think I'm done yet," I told him. I felt like a woman during sex who was trying to admit she didn't have an orgasm but still wanted one.
"OK," he looked at me, smiling weakly. "We can do more. I just need a little break."
"So do I," I nodded, fingering his hair.
"Did I resist enough?" he asked hopefully.
"Let's talk afterward. I'm still in domspace."
"Ok. If you want me to struggle more next time, just say blue."
"Blue it is."
***
After I held him for a bit, shivering in the car, I pulled back and looked at his eyes. He looked dazed. Hungry. Eager.
"I want to touch you," he whispered. The handcuffs were starting to bother him, I could tell. He twisted at his shoulders.
I pressed my body into his, teasing. I shifted my hips into his and he moaned. He struggled.
"You know I like teasing you," I told him, smiling.
"Yes..." he gasped, pushing up his hips to meet mine. "You do, you do it well..."
"You know I'm not going to have sex with you," I said matter-of-factly.
"I figured as much, " he let out his breath, eyes closed. "The ultimate torture. You like to see me in agony."
I kissed him lightly on the lips. "I just don't know you well enough for sex. But rest assured, if you behave yourself, you will be allowed some relief. "
His eyes opened, curious.
"Just not by me."
He shut his eyes, embarrassed.
***
I had him tied down, again face down.
This time when he heard me behind him he looked up and said, "One more thing."
"Yes?" I asked, looking at a dildo in my hand. A nice, big black one.
"No anal."
"Is that a limit?" I asked.
"Yes," he nodded.
"Is it a hard limit, or a soft limit?"
"Hard limit."
"Can I tease you with the idea then?" I asked, walking over. He looked at
the dildo.
"Ok, just as long as you don't make good on your threats."
"I won't."
"Then it's fine," he swallowed hard and looked at me.
I moved closer, lowering my voice. "Just pretend like you aren't sure I am serious ok? Like you think I might do it."
"But you won't do it, right?"
"No," I said.
"Ok."
I brought the dildo closer to him and he shuddered.
***
"Have you ever been fucked by a man?" I whispered into his ear between kisses, kisses that made him move his whole body and moan out loud, hands rattling in the cuffs.
"What!?" He gasped. "no! No...I'm not gay."
"Ever thought about it..."
"No," he snapped right away. My hands moved under his pants. He lifted his hips. My fingers trailed down his ass.
"Have you ever been fucked by a woman, pretending to be a man?"
He moaned. Confused. "I dunno..no...what do you mean?" he was breathing hard. The topic made him nervous.
I took him by the shoulders and flipped him over, clumsily, onto his stomach. His handcuffed wrists were in front of me. He struggled. I straddled him from behind, taking him by a fistful of hair, pulling his head back until he gasped in pain.
"Ahhh--" he flinched. My blood was pounding. He wiggled underneath me.
I gritted my teeth and pressed my crotch into his ass. First slow, then with more definite thrusts, as if fucking him front behind. He moaned.
"You like that," I leaned down and whispered, keeping the tempo strong.
"Uhhhh..." he hesitated.
"Admit it," I snapped, reaching down and feeling the bulge in his pants.
"I do -- "he gasped and I thrust harder. "But I don't think I'd like it -- for real..."
"I haven't asked you to do it for real," I hissed into his ear. "Yet."
He moaned and laughed. It was the kind of laugh that spoke simply to me. It said, "That's funny, but I still wouldn't do it."
It would have to be roleplayed.
***
After teasing him with the dildo a little bit I decided to let him go, I was tired and just wanted to cuddle. I slid up onto the rack next to him and laid against his chest. He was stroking my hair.
"Thank you," I told him. "I enjoyed that...I liked it a lot."
He kissed the top of my head. "Me too."
"Are you ok?" I asked him, looking into his eyes.
He nodded, smiling.
"Was the dildo ok?" I asked him. Making him suck it wasn't something he said I couldn't do - but he never said I could either.
"It was fine."
"On a scale from one to ten, how bad was it?"
"It was about an 8"
"Wow, an 8, really?"
"Yeah but it was also kinda hot, in a humiliating way."
I thought for a second. "So on the hot scale..?"
"About a 6," he answered.
I pondered the numbers. Would a 10 on the badscale be considered a red, or a yellow? Or is an 8 an orange? I decided to keep quiet, and just listen to him breathe.
***
When I took the handcuffs off him, he lifted his wrists with a pout. They looked a bit red. I took them into my hands and started rubbing them. "Ouch," I said, "You were leaning down into them pretty hard. I felt over there a few times and it seemed ok, this must have just happened."
"Yeah, about five minutes ago when you were leaning down on me." he said. "Its not as bad as it looks actually."
"Tell me if that stuff happens," I told him, kissing the light red mark. "So I can fix it. Intentional pain is hot. Unintentional pain is not."
He chuckled, looking at me, laying still beneath me.
"Sorry about the clamps," I told him. "I didn't know if they would be too much."
"It's ok," he said. "You took them off just in time. Those things were pretty nasty."
I kissed each of his nipples. "I could tell it was making you hurt more than it was making you submissive, so it defeated the purpose."
He nodded.
"But the handcuffs made you feel pretty helpless, didn't they?"
"Oh yeah," he nodded into my hair. "I've never felt like that before."
There was a silence. I slid closer. "Scary feelings, bad feelings?"
He thought for a moment. "Hmmm...not bad. Just...weird." He shuddered and pulled me a little closer. "Vulnerable. Like I needed you real bad."
I Mmmmd. "I love that feeling. That's a wonderful connection. Being the person that can save you, and having you know that."
"Yeah," he agreed. "I felt like..I was scared of you, but also trusted you. I wanted to make you happy, no matter what. And the no-matter-what scared me."
"Do you remember the word?" I asked him.
"The word?" he looked curious.
"The word to make me stop."
"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Reindeer."
"Did you think of using it?" I asked him, "At any point?"
"Not really," he shrugged. "Maybe if those clamps had stayed on."
"Don't ever be afraid to use it. Don't think it upsets me, or means you have done wrong or failed. If anything, it gives me the ability to be free, because I trust that you will back me off if I go into a bad area."
"That makes sense."
I held him a little tighter, closing my eyes. "I try to read what's going on, try to use my own instincts, but sometimes I get really into it and want to let loose, and that word is the only thing that gives me freedom to do that."
He hesitated a little. "Like weird shit...blood and stuff? Do you brand people or do piercings?"
I chuckled. "No, not blood or piercings. Just more pain, more helplessness. It just depends."
"Scary." he commented.
I looked up into his eyes. "So I scare you?"
He smiled. "Yeah you do. But I like it."
***
We aftercared for a little bit, talking about the scene and what worked and didn't work. After rating things on different scales it became hard to remember what was what, but the overall feeling was good, and that was what mattered.
"So should I call you Mistress now?" he asked, smiling and kissing my hand.
I chuckled. "If I feel like it, I will tell you. Otherwise, just treat me normal. Do you want something to eat?"
"Ok Mis -- sure, Akasha," he smiled.
When we were eating he asked me, "So how many have you collared?" I thought about it. "You mean do I have collared now, or collared in the past?"
"Right now," he asked.
"I have a female slave, and a regular partner I see. Some casual partners that I see very infrequently."
"If you require another," he smiled bashfully, "I am, of course, at your service."
I took his phone number, we hugged, and I never saw him again.
***
I was hugging him goodbye at the outside of my car, shivering a little because I was cold. "Do you want me to drive you to your car?" I asked him.
"No, that's ok, the walk will do me some good," he smiled. "Can I ask if you do this with a lot of people?"
The question was sudden and caught me off guard. "Uhm, sort of. I enjoy it a lot, so I do it regularly - but usually with just a few people that I know. When I do it with strangers, it's kind of light, like what we did. Since I'm not into casual sex..."
"Understood," he nodded, running a hand through his hair.
"I enjoyed it with you," I smiled. "You're very responsive. I like that."
He lowered his head a little. "Thanks."
I wrapped my arms around him.
"I don't know how much of it I could take," he whispered into my ear. "Since I'm kind of a lightweight..but I'd be willing to give it a try."
"Give me your phone number," I ordered.
He did. We've been together ever since.
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