Are there any bdsm dating sites? (Full Version)

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fluffyprincess -> Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 3:11:46 PM)

Collarme seems...too focused on sex. I want to have a relationship with bdsm, but where sex isn't the main focus. Am I making any sense? Is it even possible to find a bdsm dating site that focuses on finding love as well?

That's what I want...love, not lust...which is why I'm not too happy with collarme, and wanting to search for other areas to be a part of.



OsideGirl -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 3:23:44 PM)

Not really. BDSM sites will always have a group of guys that just want their kink itch scratched (or to talk endlessly about that itch) I've heard that some had some success on OK Cupid.

The best advice I can give you is to set firm boundaries. Don't discuss sex or engage in power dynamics before you have met that person and ignore anyone that isn't willing to wait for you to be ready.



Blonderfluff -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 3:23:49 PM)

There are many on this site who have found love AND kink. It's just like anything else. Take the good and toss out what doesn't work for you.
If you don't want men who are focused on sex, first off, I would remove all kink based "loves" "likes" etc, from your profile. You have quite a few on there.
The rest of your profile seems good! You tell us about yourself, and I did get a sense for what you are looking for. Just delete the trash that ends up in your inbox, and be patient, my dear. You've only been here for 2 months. It takes much longer than that usually to find a good match.



fluffyprincess -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 3:41:34 PM)

Thank you both for the advice. :)



Blonderfluff -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 3:49:12 PM)

I wish you well. I remember your earlier thread, and you seem like a sweet young woman. Just give yourself some time to enjoy life! You will find someone when you are ready. Trust me. Life is funny like that..:



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 4:02:01 PM)

I think you'll find there are a lot of people looking for relationships (not sex, and some no sex at all) in the context of a bdsm relationship. The problem, in my opinion, is that they're somewhat drowned out by the ones who are focused mainly on the physical activities. An example is me. I'd love to find a bdsm relationship in my area, but it hasn't happened. But you sometimes have to go through a lot of the hoops first, just to make sure that eventually it can happen.



FieryOpal -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 4:08:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Collarme seems...too focused on sex. I want to have a relationship with bdsm, but where sex isn't the main focus.


As do most of us gals, I think. But on the other hand, I just got done (meaning I'm done) exchanging messages with a vanilla switch who finally revealed what his biggest kink is. Seeing a woman naked wearing only jewelry. Nothing wrong with that, but he considers THIS a KINK? WTF? That's as bad as what I've run across on vanilla dating sites, where their "dirty little secret" isn't even a fetish or a kink.

And no matter where you go, those horny dudes looking to get laid are all over the place. They just show some more extreme colors here sooner on this site because they think they have license to do so without having to resort to being as sneaky as they would have to be on a vanilla site.
Just be clear that you aren't seeking a momentary or casual play partner. Eventually, the Right One will come along and sweep you off your feet. [sm=waves.gif]



PrincessIna -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 4:11:21 PM)

Surprisingly, try OKCupid. It's worked out for me in finding good relationships with people who happen to be kink friendsly :)
Another alternative is Fetlife.



SpecialMommy -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 4:19:43 PM)

I met one of the loves of my life here. Have to kiss a LOT of frogs to find him. Give it a chance.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 5:08:56 PM)

I've had much better luck finding both casual play partners and longer-term relationships here than I ever did on OkCupid. However, it took awhile. For the first couple of months, you show up as a "new user" so you get all the dregs of humanity who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of hundred dollar bills spamming you night and day. After the newness wears off, you'll start getting less quantity and more quality. Also, I found it very helpful to be an active participant on the message boards. I met one of my longer term partners here. Even though we aren't a couple anymore, we started as friends and that friendship is still intact. [:)]



GoddessManko -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 5:26:13 PM)

Some men on cm are seeking a relationship but they are in the minority. You have to ignore a lot of wankers. However I did find one of my subs on here and the other on a vanilla dating site. It's like SpecialMommy said unfortunately. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find him (proverbial sense here).
I think a young pretty girl like you MIGHT fare well on Fetlife but eh...over there are a lot of people interested in events and putting themselves on display.
I'd say put your hands in all the jars til you find the golden ticket. Maybe make a folder to remember all names and passwords for when you have to (want to or Master requests) delete it.
Best of luck young lass.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 6:30:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Maybe make a folder to remember all names and passwords for when you have to (want to or Master requests) delete it..

lol That's too funny. I had to do that when I first started out here on CM and, you know what, it worked! Otherwise, I'd have never kept them all straight. How times changed. lol That was several years ago though.

NBMG



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 6:43:04 PM)

I use Excel for keeping track of subs I'm connecting with. There are so many I can't possibly keep track of real names and situation info from all of them. Thank goodness being married and advertising as "NON-SEXUAL D/s" serves to filter out MOST males, I can't imagine what the constant bombardment must be like for those of you who are available for DATING.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Maybe make a folder to remember all names and passwords for when you have to (want to or Master requests) delete it..

lol That's too funny. I had to do that when I first started out here on CM and, you know what, it worked! Otherwise, I'd have never kept them all straight. How times changed. lol That was several years ago though.

NBMG




Rawni -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 9:34:37 PM)

I am not kissing a frog... much less, many of them. [sm=eeew.gif]

There are quite a few that have found serious partners here. I don't know about those other sites, but any site I have been on throughout the years, wasn't much different than here. I get the same men wanting sex, someone to come cook and clean and they get the same answers... are you kidding? ROFL... we can discus it when you come cook and clean for me. Most likely will be a no, but by the time you get here... maybe. [:D]

No problem.

Yet, every once in a while... you get active on the forum or posting journals... you just might run into someone better than average.



FieryOpal -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/11/2014 10:59:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
I am not kissing a frog... much less, many of them. [sm=eeew.gif]
<snip>
Yet, every once in a while... you get active on the forum or posting journals... you just might run into someone better than average.

Initially, I wanted to say that this site brings out the worst in men sooner than a vanilla dating site would. It does in overt ways, and there are probably more cheating husbands on "sex-oriented" sites. But then upon reflection, I have to say that outright rudeness is more prevalent on those others (rather than simply bad form or ill manners), and this may be due to being a Domme. I get more lip-service courtesy. Plenty of lying subs and switches, for sure, and sex/BDSM-obsessed guys from both sides of the kneel who erroneously assume any female on this site is fair game for acting out. Conversely, those who do have a sense of decorum may lack self-confidence.

Perhaps not so much an issue for female subs, but where does it say in the male sub handbook that you have to leave your balls at home or keep them hidden? Add to that the populist view that what used to be regarded as a (non-privacy invasive) romantic gesture is now flagged as stalkerish behavior, and it's no wonder adult males are confused how to interact with the ladies, especially if they're already of an unsure-uncertain/hesitant-cautious disposition.

Let's face it, some of these guys are only here to troll for nude and/or graphic pictures, or to engage in on-line play, with no intention of ever forming a real-life relationship. (Some are too lazy to read profiles and JEs, much less aware of forum posts and the Message Board side.) This just makes it all the harder for any man who sincerely desires to make a profound or deeper-than-superficial connection because the odds are already stacked against him, as well as us women.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/12/2014 7:57:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Collarme seems...too focused on sex. I want to have a relationship with bdsm, but where sex isn't the main focus. Am I making any sense? Is it even possible to find a bdsm dating site that focuses on finding love as well?

That's what I want...love, not lust...which is why I'm not too happy with collarme, and wanting to search for other areas to be a part of.


I think if you're searching for love it's a bit difficult, I would think most guys use the site as a hook up, a bit like going to a bar. If you just socialize with people who have the same interest, I would think your chances of meeting somebody you can fall in love with might be a lot higher.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/12/2014 9:17:40 PM)

Don't lose hope OP. It's not easy at all to find that One person, it is however not impossible. Just be ready for it to take time. Use your head, take your time, don't rush.

I found the Love of my life on the other side. Pure luck mixed with taking a chance. We spent a lot of time exchanging msgs here before going to phone calls then Skype. We got together the first time & he got scared off. Heard from him again last spring. He'd finally figured out I was the right one for him. He had to re-earn my trust, prove to me that he meant it.

We've been living together now since June '13. Faced some tough times, made it through stronger. So it can happen, although it can be a hit & miss process.



kalikshama -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/13/2014 2:53:04 PM)

I've found that married men are more honest about it here than Fet or OKCupid.



kalikshama -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/13/2014 2:56:06 PM)

quote:

I use Excel for keeping track of subs I'm connecting with. There are so many I can't possibly keep track of real names and situation info from all of them. Thank goodness being married and advertising as "NON-SEXUAL D/s" serves to filter out MOST males, I can't imagine what the constant bombardment must be like for those of you who are available for DATING.


I filter very very quickly. Being intelligent and articulate weeds out most of them, followed by being single, local, and willing and able to meet within two weeks.



BiMistressMia -> RE: Are there any bdsm dating sites? (3/13/2014 3:14:23 PM)

I feel the same way, for some reason I can say I'm not prodom until I'm blue in the face and I would get married men and men with girlfriends trying to cheat contacting me. I've read someone suggest okcupid that site was the worst they where like horn-dogs who needed to be tamed.
Personally, me getting out to date is extremely hard due to my busy schedule but for the most part bias about online dating ends up being true... I believe everyone gets more bang for their buck if you're using a paid service and the free members are just throwing a line out to see what they can reel in.
quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Collarme seems...too focused on sex. I want to have a relationship with bdsm, but where sex isn't the main focus. Am I making any sense? Is it even possible to find a bdsm dating site that focuses on finding love as well?

That's what I want...love, not lust...which is why I'm not too happy with collarme, and wanting to search for other areas to be a part of.




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