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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

My partner is dominant and won't ask me any questions. Just doesn't seem interested...

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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

Maybe I should just see a therapist, and break up with this guy because he clearly has very little interest in me apart from my use, and that's not what I'm after. The nagging issue for me is that he doesn't seem interested in me or learning about me, what I like, what I want, who I am. The idea of asking about me seems foreign to him. And that hurts a lot.

I got something out of being interrogated. I got a sense of order to my words, my mind seemed to work simply and clearly under the pressure, sorting out what I was feeling, what I knew, and I hoped maybe the guy would like to know these things that I find difficult to unjumble into words and sentences. It was a sort of breakthrough. But maybee I should just see a therapist instead.

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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

Throughout my life I've always found it very difficult to put what I have to say into words. One day, someone tied me up to a chair and started asking me questions, sort of interrogating me. I found this very relieving... that someone was interested enough in me to go to all this effort to get to the bottom of matters.

I'm just wondering, am I alone in this?

My partner is dominant and won't ask me any questions. Just doesn't seem interested, and I feel bad volunteering stuff because it either comes out wrong or I only tell half of the truth... the half that isn't difficult to say. I feel like he lacks interest in me, that if he really cared he'd be pushing me for information, that he'd not be going "ok" to the few deep things I told him about my past that are very difficult for me to discuss, like abuse and stuff, and then the next moment acting like I'd just told him the sun is out outside.

Am I stuffed up for wishing the guy would push me, and interrogate me to get me to open up? And should I tell him about this, that it's helpful? I feel like I'm just basically telling a dominant how to get through to me, and he'll do it just cos I asked. Whenever I suggest things, he seems to just do them as a matter of courtesy. I feel like he'll be doing this as lip service... like if he cared he'd actually try and find out this stuff instead of having it handed to him.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
You are being extremely selfish. You are expecting your Dom to fulfill a hidden interrogation fetish you've discovered you have by purposefully giving half truths and using excuses like "it comes out all wrong".
You are not at all respecting his authority as your Dominant and it's unfortunate he hasn't discovered that you're trying to guide his dominance and your submission only towards fulfilling this interrogation kink.
Stop saying he doesn't care, it's YOU who doesn't and I really do hate when a sub tries to measure the value of a Dom based on previous experience with a completely different individual.
Maybe your previous Dom has what I have which is LLI. It allows you to see through people's deceptions easily, both a blessing and a curse. It prevents you from getting too close to people because people lie all the time. Like you are now.
You either have to let this kink go or come clean.
Edited to add: Or maybe he sees right through this game you're playing and decided he's going to lockstep walk in the opposite direction of what you expect, and chose not to feed into it.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Kana made a good post about interrogation recently but the blasted search feature won't uncover it >.<

I'm thinking of the one where LW was telling him "fine" when he knew she wasn't.

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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I could have sworn it was under "subs' take" re using safe words and not that "slave positions" thread.... But here's another golden nugget uncovered about getting emotional and talking it out. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4653550
This prompts me to ask you, SwitchBloke, do you allow yourself to express your emotions non-verbally during play, or are you acting stoic with your Dom? You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart convo with him instead of making assumptions. He may be wanting more responsiveness from you and doesn't know how to tell you this.

You have needs, he has needs, and the both of you have a communications barrier. Interrogation play might help resolve some of your inchoate issues, but it's not the solution. Please do read through the thread about safe words connected to the above link, before entertaining thoughts about finding another Dom. Because no matter where you go...there you are.

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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke
I told him that I had stuff I wanted to talk through, and he said he wasn't interested in talking. I asked if there was anything wrong and he said no, he was happy.

When I told him I wanted to leave he said that's fine. That hurt a bit. I thought he actually cared. Then I told him why and he told me "I don't care about what you have to say, you're meat for me to hurt, that's all. I don't want to know how you feel, and I don't care about your life story."

I don't want another dom. I won't trust anyone like that again. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I'm sorry I bothered you guys.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke
<snip>
I don't want another dom. I won't trust anyone like that again. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

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ORIGINAL: SwitchBloke

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
You are being extremely selfish. You are expecting your Dom to fulfill a hidden interrogation fetish you've discovered you have by purposefully giving half truths and using excuses like "it comes out all wrong".
You are not at all respecting his authority as your Dominant and it's unfortunate he hasn't discovered that you're trying to guide his dominance and your submission only towards fulfilling this interrogation kink.
Stop saying he doesn't care, it's YOU who doesn't and I really do hate when a sub tries to measure the value of a Dom based on previous experience with a completely different individual.
Maybe your previous Dom has what I have which is LLI. It allows you to see through people's deceptions easily, both a blessing and a curse. It prevents you from getting too close to people because people lie all the time. Like you are now.
You either have to let this kink go or come clean.
Edited to add: Or maybe he sees right through this game you're playing and decided he's going to lockstep walk in the opposite direction of what you expect, and chose not to feed into it.

Hey um... This is extremely rude. You've made a lot of assumptions.

So anyone who has difficulty communicating and is trying as best they can and just said "I think xyz would work" is being manipulative? How is that fair at all?

And you suggest I'm "disrespecting someone as my dominant"? No, no dominant deserves any extra respect from me. They're a person, not somehow better than I am. They don't deserve extra respect. I deserve just as much respect "as a submissive" and I've been used as a fucktoy under the guise of a relationship for a while. I thought he cared but I told him I need time to work out my issues and he spat in my face and told me to go fuck off and I wasn't worth him caring about. He wasn't interested in anything more than using me, and fuck this, I'm never trying anything like this again. Vanilla all the way, no matter how much it hurts, because dominants like him and you are awful and act like I'm always in the wrong.

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Saying "he doesn't care" is extremely rude, to your Dom. I feel sorry for the guy. It's not his fault you have issues with communication or an obsession with interrogation kink.

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ORIGINAL: pg4g

Was he being deceptive?

I think the OP was trying to see if the dom had any interest in him at all, and held things back. He seemed to suggest this guy really didn't want to talk and he was trying to let the dom come around to it, rather than handing it to him on a silver platter, and I can identify with that. You want someone interested in you - not someone who you basically have to wave yourself in front of naked to take any interest.

I don't think there was anywhere he was being deceptive at all, except just saying not much, and I get the feeling it wouldn't have mattered if the interrogation thing really happened, or if he just showed interest. The OP was seriously just in need of care and wasn't going to beg a cold sadist for it.

And I DO think you were rude, GoddessManko. You put this all on the sub, and completely absolved the dominant of any responsibilities, much like I see you do extremely often. Get off your high horse - dominants make mistakes.

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Saying "he doesn't care" is extremely rude, to your Dom. I feel sorry for the guy. It's not his fault you have issues with communication or an obsession with interrogation kink.

Well it's sort of clear now that he actually didn't care - he just wanted a toy. And where on earth did you see the OP suggest that he was really only wanting to be open during interrogation? He seemed to be saying he just thought it would be helpful to him. I think you assumed the worst and he was just playing the dom off. I saw no evidence of that.

Was this sub act stupidly? Definitely: get some therapy to learn how to talk and open up, and check your partners far more thoroughly for a match. Don't jump for any dom who makes you shudder and jizz your pants.

But I don't believe he was being deceptive. I believe he was trying to see any interest from the dom, and thought the interrogation scene would be most helpful. I see his point: if your dom would rather sit at the TV than say a word to you, the last thing you'd do is tell him you'd want his attention. You crave the dominant WANTING to GIVE that attention, unprompted, to show he cares.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I would never take on a sub that could not communicate or miscommunicate with me. That is flirting with disaster and slightly insane. Especially how the spitting and verbal degradation seems to be a hard limit but somehow this Dom is unaware. This sub has the freedom to say "fuck this" and move on yet is here wondering why he won't tie him up and interrogate him for HOURS and keeping the charade of a "relationship" going, and that's not selfish?

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Also saying that without an interrogation kink specific a Dom doesn't care? Is silly.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
And he is lamenting the loss of his previous Dom WHILE with this one. If I was his current Dom I'd be pretty pissed too, it's a form of betrayal. And I think the only thing keeping this relationship together is the deception/perception of D/s because at any time they could have parted ways.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Also, my high horse? I'm glad your true colors are finally resonating pg4g, took long enough. (Had me waiting too long).
If you check previous threads, I have criticized irresponsible Doms before. I'm sorry your subtle baiting didn't work and finally you had to throw out such a bizarre and inaccurate statement out there.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

LOL...right...

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You said "he doesn't care". "My first Dom tied me to a chair and interrogated me". You stated in your OP LITERALLY that unless this Dom does the same you're going to purposefully miscommunicate until he fulfills this kink. It is incredibly dishonest and yes, you should come clean.

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ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I minored in Psychology in college.

Now, I do not engage in interrogation as part of play so, I agree with you, here.

I will say that I really enjoy being a support mechanism for the ladies in my life but, I always warn that while I have a compassionate ear and broad shoulders, I have no desire to be their therapist. There's a fine line.

I am not a therapist because my psychology professor begged me to avoid it at all costs but, I have, very informally, helped acquaintances on several occasions/issues.

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ORIGINAL: AlexisANew

The thing I suppose we should keep in mind is, dominants have a past too and its not always a positive one but dominants are the ones who are seen as the tower of strength, the one who can make everything right, the one who is their to comfort and console. Perhaps this dominant in question hadn't yet sorted out his own internal issues so was unable to listen to the problems his submissive has. Maybe he's listened to problems a thousand times before and has become jaded.

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ORIGINAL: AlexisANew

Whilst we may give ourselves titles like dominant and submissive, the reality is, we are merely human and whilst some humans can be open books or need to talk about their past, others can't. That doesn't make them deceitful, it doesn't make them any less dominant or submissive, it just means they are different.