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RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 7:15:10 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Well I'm a little confused. If he's 4 hours away and has a demanding job, but he's seeing you once a week, calling 2-3 times a week and emailing daily, that's a LOT of contact. Is there something missing in the content? Or perhaps it's because his job is irregular and he can't commit to seeing you or calling you at a certain time so you are always waiting and wondering when you will see him or hear from him?

I think before you talk to him you need to be able to narrow down the cause of the uncertainty. It's a little vague right now, and he might assume it is from your past instead. He's been reassuring you, so MORE reassurance isn't going to work.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 21

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 7:16:48 AM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

i absolutely understand!
i live 40 miles away from Master and would see Him for about 36 hours at a time every week (would because of recent changes to both of Our work schedules and i don't know what it will be now). It didn't matter how often He tlaked to me or what He said ... if i was not with Him i could not believe that He wanted me.
There is nothing He could do or say to prove to me that He did want me.
His actions and words were not the issue ... it was my own fear. i was terrified that Master didn't want me, wouldn't keep me, simply because i knew that i am not good enough for Master. i know He deserves better, more.
Master's always tried to tell me that i am good enough ... that i am worth more than i think.
That can't help me to feel more secure because i don't really believe it.
i've calmed A LOT.
i recognize those insecurities as my fear.
But what helped me to calm is when those insecurities hit a high and Master threatened to uncollar me because of how i was acting.
i am calm now, not because i am afraid that He will uncollar me ... i am calm because i realized how my insecurities were effecting Him. i want to make Master happy and make His life easier. If He choses to uncollar me for His sake ... i will live with that as that is also a way of serving Master.
i've let go of everything and recognized that i don't have to be afraid.
Master has put a lot of time and effort into me and He doesn't liking wasting His time.
i recognize that i am His in a way that even He can't take away from me.
i am at His disposal, at His convenience and no matter what He decides that is what i will do. It is a matter of letting go and trusting ...
i wish you the best of luck.
It isn't easy and it isn't the same for everyone and even when you get to that comfortable, happy place, it isn't permanent as life and stress effect everyone.
When i start to feel insecure now, i remind myself that (a) Master does not do anything that He doesn't WANT to and (b) my goal is Master's happiness and if it does not involve His keeping me, i have to accept that and understand that when i decided that everything i am and everything i have is Master's and that He can doa s He wishes with that, it means that i can not draw the line and say "everything BUT ..."
Then again, i've been with Master for a year and collared since February. It has not been an easy road to travel to get to where i am but i wouldn't change where i am for anything.
i wish you and your Dom the best and hope that You both find the place where You want to be.

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 22

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 7:23:00 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Well I'm a little confused. If he's 4 hours away and has a demanding job, but he's seeing you once a week, calling 2-3 times a week and emailing daily, that's a LOT of contact. Is there something missing in the content? Or perhaps it's because his job is irregular and he can't commit to seeing you or calling you at a certain time so you are always waiting and wondering when you will see him or hear from him?

I think before you talk to him you need to be able to narrow down the cause of the uncertainty. It's a little vague right now, and he might assume it is from your past instead. He's been reassuring you, so MORE reassurance isn't going to work.

I don't see him once a week, I see him about 4 times a month. The times that we spend together are wonderful...but as soon as I leave him, I start feeling insecure.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 23

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 7:23:40 AM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I believe we attract the people that can heal us, teach us, fulfill us on many levels.. and not just Ds, but all our relationships...

Just my thoughts

i like your thoughts ::smile::
i agree with you ... Everyone has some purpose, some lesson ... we just need to be willing to listen and learn.

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 24

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 8:06:54 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

You have to ask yourself why you feel that way. I miss my Dom...terribly. And, yeah, insecurities creep in sometimes, but like I said, get a hobby...do things you like to do. Get a manicure, a pedicure, go to a chick flick...all the things you can't do when you are with him. I agree that you have a lot of contact...maybe, not physical, but you said it's going to get better. Hold on to that or you are going to drown in these insecurities.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 25

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 8:25:52 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You are right bandit, I'm not going to drown in these feelings, I'm going to straighten up..lol......I guess I just needed to hear what everyone else thought about this and know that I am not alone in these feelings helps.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 26

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 8:43:43 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Nah, you're not alone. Hell, I bet those who live 24/7 have the same insecurities. It's part of being human. btw...I am knitting a racerback top for the next time I see my Dom...well, maybe not the next time, but soon. Knitting is a great way to work off insecurities. So is tuckpointing your house!

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 27

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 8:46:38 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

First of all, congratulations cuddleheart...i am very happy for you.

Secondly, you need to discover what triggers these feelings inside you. If it is due to your own experiences as a child with your father, you need to recognize this now, forgive and move on. It is not fair to you or your Dom to project your baggage onto a new relationship.

Do these feelings arise as a result of too much free time to think things up? I am not suggesting your feelings are not valid...the fact you feel this way makes them valid. However we sometimes sabotage our own happiness. Could this be a way of creating a protective wall around yourself in case things don't work out?

The fact that you recognize these feelings and are talking about them is good. Share it with him...admit your unsure of why your feeling this way... Who knows, he might have the perfect solution that erases all doubt completely....best wishes....

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 28

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 9:38:04 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I don't see him once a week, I see him about 4 times a month. The times that we spend together are wonderful...but as soon as I leave him, I start feeling insecure.

Well there are roughly 4 weeks in a month, so wouldn't that be once a week, or close to it?

I'm confused

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 29

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 9:40:39 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Its not about how many times I see him, its about how I feel once we leave each other.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 30

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 11:26:01 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear cuddleheart50, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eye, should I have a slave that has strong feelings of being apart, I would want to know.

I would then give little ways or rituals to do in the time apart as to have a reminder that you have not been abandoned. I also feel, that children's perceptions of time often gives a skewed judgment of what adult seem to see under the same circumstances.

I would leave a bottle of my perfume and a blouse, so the slave may sleep with it and my scent will be there which works with the body's sensory channels which effects the mental and emotional realms.

Each Master is different on how the handle the times apart. It is going to take both of you to consider and find a solution that works for you.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 31

RE: Insecurity... - 7/8/2006 11:44:39 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

Dear Cuddle...

Although Daddy and I see each other often throughout the week, I still miss Him when a few days go by without having a chance to see Him and get a hug and a kiss.

I have different kinds of insecurities at times, and just last week, I was a bit of a basketcase, and I let Him know it so He wouldn't think something else was wrong. What was great though, was that He spent a great deal of time talking to me about the things that were worrying me and just listening to me speak my heart. It was nice, and He really cared about what was on my mind. When those creepy insecurities reared their ugly heads again, a few days later about something different, He was there to reassure me and give me a big hug and a kiss to let me know it was going to be okay. This week, I feel so much better, and Daddy jokes that He has His girl back now, the one who digs her heels in when things get shaky, and stands firm. But I find it sweet that when I needed to be "steadied," He was there for me. I think that your Dom will be there for you, too. Just be open and honest, even if you feel embarrassed to be truthful, I've learned to just "throw it out there" and be a little vulnerable. It's faster than beating around the bush, and I think it is appreciated as well.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 32

RE: Insecurity... - 7/9/2006 7:19:19 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

Its not about how many times I see him, its about how I feel once we leave each other.

I didn't say it was. But I think I'll drop it.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 33

RE: Insecurity... - 7/9/2006 7:27:58 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

I have broached the subject of my insecurites by directing Himself to this post...It has opened up a way for me to talk about things with Him more easily. I'll keep ya'll posted on what develops.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 34

RE: Insecurity... - 7/9/2006 7:46:41 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Cuddleheart, you have to be honest, with yourself and with him, about your feelings of insecurity and why you have them. A long distance relationship is difficult and requires extra communication. Keeping yourself busy helps, but in the end, you and he both deserve the opportunity to work on the truth and solve the problem.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

Post #: 35

RE: Insecurity... - 7/11/2006 7:32:23 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

Cuddle, have you spoken of this to your Sir yet? It would be good to hear an update.

I also wanted to share that I have suffered from insecurities within relationships for years, and have only recently started to work through them. i was becoming a basket case regularly with regard to Master, until a little voice inside my head said quietly, "He loves you very much." When those words ran through my mind, in the middle of an attack of insecurity, i was able to calm down a bit and get through the episode. The next time, i told myself the same thing sooner, and calmed down sooner. And every time since then, i've gotten better at knowing that He loves me, He wants the very best for me, and would rather hurt Himself than cause me any pain.

There are certainly still hurdles to be jumped over, but now that i know i can get over this one, others that come up will not seem insurmountable.

i also wished to add that Master is careful to leave me with garments carrying His scent, so that i can have that added comfort when W/we are apart. i was very happy when i read what LadyHugs shared. She is absolutely correct, when i begin to feel lost and alone, simply breathing in Master's scent with His garment pressed against my face calms me down quickly, almost as if i were being held close within His arms.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 36

RE: Insecurity... - 7/11/2006 7:41:46 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Update....I talked to him about it, and told him how I feel once we leave each other. He told me that I deserved a spanking for keeping those feelings to myself...lol......He has reassured me once again, and has given me things to do while we are apart to help with these feelings(I'm not allowed to say what they are). They are helping and I do feel alot better. I will see him this coming weekend, and I can't wait, I'm sooooooooooo happy!!!! Thanks everyone for caring so much, you are all such wonderful friends, and I appreciate everyone of you!!!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to Tapestry)

Post #: 37

RE: Insecurity... - 7/11/2006 8:08:46 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

YAY!!!

Thanks for sharing that info. I always want to hear the good things that happen in our lives.

I am really happy for you, and for your Sir.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 38

RE: Insecurity... - 7/11/2006 8:40:19 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

YAY cuddleheart!

Himself basically told me the same thing. He is giving me things to do while we are apart, and I also can call his voicemail and listen to his voice if I need to feel soothed. He also has left me a couple of voicemail messages that I have saved so that I can listen to them and hear his voice.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to Tapestry)

Post #: 39

RE: Insecurity... - 7/12/2006 3:49:22 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

There ya go! I knew it would work out for you. Hooray!

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 40

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