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Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:17:52 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		Personally, I like to get to know subs before doing much, though playing a bit on the first day is always fine.

My question, now, is: Subs, would you rather a Dom/Master talk and get to know you first, or learn you with actions?
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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:24:57 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
I would NEVER play with someone that I did not know VERY well.
That would just go against everything I am. But. I am also NOT someone who plays casually. EVER.
Playing without communication, trust, and a fairly deep knowledge of each other would be a big no no for me.
Maybe others have a checklist for playing casually at parties.

< Message edited by Blonderfluff -- 3/15/2014 4:25:25 PM >

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:29:30 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks, I was actually worried I had been doing it wrong the whole time...
I kind of have a secondary question to ask, would it be best to start with nothing but talk, moving slowly towards action, or just get to the point where you know what your partner will do anyways and then start?

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:44:38 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

Thanks, I was actually worried I had been doing it wrong the whole time...
I kind of have a secondary question to ask, would it be best to start with nothing but talk, moving slowly towards action, or just get to the point where you know what your partner will do anyways and then start?


There's a sense of trust that needs to be built up. How that happens will depend on both you and the sub, and how you work together. Just talk with them, ask what they want, don't push the issue. Go at a speed that you're both comfortable with.

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It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:48:46 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

Thanks, I was actually worried I had been doing it wrong the whole time...
I kind of have a secondary question to ask, would it be best to start with nothing but talk, moving slowly towards action, or just get to the point where you know what your partner will do anyways and then start?


Wow, this is very subjective. We'll need some parameters, or you'll get a thousand points on a thousand things.

Are we talking casual play at a dungeon?

Movement towards a relationship?

Snatching the DQ window girl out of the window and keeping her in a cage (which i'm jus tossing out there because this one time at time at band camp, a friends cousins, uncles, sisters, crossing dressing grand Aunt did it.)?

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:53:28 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		You raise a good point. I, personally, am looking for something along the lines of a pet/master relationship, anywhere from a more casual scene, playing occasionally to something heavier set, with a lot of sexual play. I have a very broad spectrum of what I like, though I know what said spectrum is, of course.

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 4:54:51 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Well. You are talking about 3 very different relationship dynamics. Answers will be very different for each. Which one do you want to know about? All 3?

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Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 5:01:22 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		In all honesty, yes. On all fronts, even here, knowledge is definitely power. Given my young age and only 3 years of experience, knowledge is a valuable commodity for me. Of course, I would love to hear various points of view from many people, it would be kinda fun to see people's opinions based on their own experience.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 5:06:19 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

In all honesty, yes. On all fronts, even here, knowledge is definitely power. Given my young age and only 3 years of experience, knowledge is a valuable commodity for me. Of course, I would love to hear various points of view from many people, it would be kinda fun to see people's opinions based on their own experience.


Let's do this a bit different, shall we?

Why don't you tell us (use your vision please) what your dynamic looks like. Let's pretend you already have the /s in your dynamic, and tell us what it looks like. Even the piddly boring shit-- GO!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 5:18:41 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		Ahaha, very well.

Be it long distance or short distance, my EXPERIENCE in my pet master relationship was/would be where my pet and I meet, and within a week one of us decides that the sub/dom relationship is a good idea- not neccesarily initiates it, though. one, maybe twoweeks to a month of just talking, getting to know one another, be it sexual or non sexual knowledge. After this point, we ease into nudity- not sexuality, distinct difference for me. I want so be able to see my pet in their all natural form before using her properly. After "initial nudity" sexuality can take some presence and just make its way forward. Within two months I'd like to be able to be either with or on camera with my pet fully nude without question, and know what turns her on the most, and use such things to my advantage. It's all very hard to put into words, but I will do my best.

I am willing to go much faster- My most recent pet and I talked all but constantly- we had hit it off and got along swimmingly. I just randomly tried things, and found what she enjoyed most. We were nude within a week- having sexual video chats within two. And what was most fun was being able to tell that we both enjoyed it so much.

I would like to say that while I feel I can maintain long distance relations, not all can. Only reason I lost my pets, according to them. Still friends with both~

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 5:30:00 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

Ahaha, very well.

Be it long distance or short distance, my EXPERIENCE in my pet master relationship was/would be where my pet and I meet, and within a week one of us decides that the sub/dom relationship is a good idea- not neccesarily initiates it, though. one, maybe twoweeks to a month of just talking, getting to know one another, be it sexual or non sexual knowledge. After this point, we ease into nudity- not sexuality, distinct difference for me. I want so be able to see my pet in their all natural form before using her properly. After "initial nudity" sexuality can take some presence and just make its way forward. Within two months I'd like to be able to be either with or on camera with my pet fully nude without question, and know what turns her on the most, and use such things to my advantage. It's all very hard to put into words, but I will do my best.

I am willing to go much faster- My most recent pet and I talked all but constantly- we had hit it off and got along swimmingly. I just randomly tried things, and found what she enjoyed most. We were nude within a week- having sexual video chats within two. And what was most fun was being able to tell that we both enjoyed it so much.

I would like to say that while I feel I can maintain long distance relations, not all can. Only reason I lost my pets, according to them. Still friends with both~



See, now we have something to work with. That, right there, would look so good on your profile or better as a journal entry. You are painting a good picture of what someone is to expect, more details would be great, and if you were to look at it again, break it into pieces that you may have questions about, and then post the pieces to us, you'd get a lot of feed back.

I'd still post that in a journal or on your profile. It makes you more visible.

Jus sayin
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to LongDistDom)
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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 5:57:53 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

Subs, would you rather a Dom/Master talk and get to know you first, or learn you with actions?


I don't submit to anyone casually. He needs to be someone I like and trust in order for that to happen, and that isn't on a first (or even second) meeting.

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No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 9:11:29 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Since you seem like a mature young man, I will share this

While I am a relationship girl, I have, a few times, been so attracted to a possible Dom, that I dropped my rule of not being with someone on a first meeting.

Each time, the play (never heavy)/sex was great, but each time, when the guy followed up, they acted like insta-Dom and assumed I was already theirs.

Even though I told them that was not the case and if they wanted to slow it down and get to know each other, that would be cool.

They all got angry and accused me of playing games, which I was not.

They had no patience to step back from the first time, so I stopped seeing them.

That is why I always waited, ever since, unless it was Channing Tatum, I would make an exception.


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 9:52:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If it's just casual sex/play then do whatever you both are comfortable with. If it's play, then go for it. It's not like it's gonna last or be serious. It's just fucking/playing.

If it's for a long term, committed, loving relationship, then talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and talk some more.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 9:55:21 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		I honestly appreciate this point being brought up on my post.

Someone who is brutish, not understanding, and refuses to listen... Quite honestly, that is the exact showing of what I do not want to become. I would rather be someone who can take a step back, even take a break from being someone's dom if they needed, just to make sure things were OK.

...And honestly, I would drop my domhood for Channing, so I agree there XD

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RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 9:58:47 PM   
LongDistDom


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline 		I also appreciate you commenting on me being a mature young man. I do try my best to stand out in my largely... misguided generation.

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Anyone can have a kinky fuck. It takes true passion for what you do to have kinky intimacy.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 10:19:32 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: LongDistDom

Thanks, I was actually worried I had been doing it wrong the whole time...
I kind of have a secondary question to ask, would it be best to start with nothing but talk, moving slowly towards action, or just get to the point where you know what your partner will do anyways and then start?


Wow, this is very subjective. We'll need some parameters, or you'll get a thousand points on a thousand things.

Are we talking casual play at a dungeon?

Movement towards a relationship?

Snatching the DQ window girl out of the window and keeping her in a cage (which i'm jus tossing out there because this one time at time at band camp, a friends cousins, uncles, sisters, crossing dressing grand Aunt did it.)?


These choices are not mutually exclusive.

I met a woman at a party and chatted her up for a while. Then I asked to play with her. After that, I got her contact information and started dating her. I collared her some months later.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 11:27:39 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		Actually, playing limits vanish quickly in a first face to face dom/sub meeting if a you click with the sub, even temporarily, and so "playing a bit" never really happens because once her "sub on" switch is flicked "on" by you, you either need to stay on the porch or run with the big dogs or it will be the last meeting you have with her.

I hear many mentioning things like meeting a few times first and blah blah blah, but nope, that does not happen. She is hungry and so are you from minute one or you are both vanilla and you need to go get a milk shake at Dairy Queen, you know what I mean?



_____________________________

"We master Our world."

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/15/2014 11:47:50 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Bullshit. Just because something doesn't happen in your world, doesn't mean it doesn't happen in the real world. Taking some time to get to know a person is the smart, mature way to do things. That doesn't mean that play on a first meet is wrong for everyone, but to encourage someone to go for the play on a first meet is irresponsible and flat out wrong.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Knowledge or Action? - 3/16/2014 12:06:22 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Bullshit. Just because something doesn't happen in your world, doesn't mean it doesn't happen in the real world. Taking some time to get to know a person is the smart, mature way to do things. That doesn't mean that play on a first meet is wrong for everyone, but to encourage someone to go for the play on a first meet is irresponsible and flat out wrong.


I can only write about my experience. I won't change it to fit perceptions. Surely you have been to clubs where playing is done between Doms and subs who don't know each other. Certainly every sub I've met outside of clubs did not want to go through the dating ritual before playing because, well, because they left that vanilla concept behind with the vanilla shake date. You know, all of us realize what is at stake here including the OP as we are not children to be lectured nor are any of us going to do something they don't already want to do based on my post. I am just reassuring them that these actions are actually very normal for BDSM types and we are not on a vanilla shake date.

The first and very beautiful submissive I ever met dropped me like a hot potatoe because I wanted to take her to dinner and make nice and she wanted me to pull her hair. It was a lesson I never forgot and I pass it along when it makes sense. I found her to be not the exception but the norm unless one is talking about the girl who does not know what she wants to be and does not know what she wants in Him, yet, and even then she wants to be led. So lead or she will find someone who will, quickly.

You can shout "bullshit" till the cows come home and write as many insulting posts as you wish but that will never change the real world.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 3/16/2014 12:14:34 AM >

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