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RE: How long is too long? - 3/23/2014 6:04:33 PM

littlewonder

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I had a friend who would do this all the time. She always said she would only ever date guys who were local as in within 10 minutes of her home. But yet she would always talk to guys further away and meet them all the while knowing she wasn't going to be interested in them and turning them down or not meeting anyone at all because they were too far away.

She set her locale limits in such a way that she was using as a crutch for not dating because she was so afraid of getting hurt.

Last I heard, she's still doing this.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 12:06:34 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins

Lots of people seem to think that the end result of dating is a permanent long-term-relationship. It's not. The end result of dating is for the two of you to figure out if you are compatible as romantic/sex/both partners....

This is a man's philosophy of dating and bothering to go through the motions. Myopic tunnel vision.

In general, this is not a woman's philosophy of dating. If we are fortunate enough to find a really good man, the dating part of a relationship would not come to a halt once you (the male) get what you want from your female companion. This will vary from man to man, from a casual encounter extending to lifelong companionship.

I'd like to give men more credit than they (most of them, that is) deserve. I'd like to believe men can be as far-sighted and forward thinking as women are.

How visionary is it to specialize in getting women to conduct nude and pet-play cam sessions for one's Long Distance Domming amusement?

If you guys are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. Anything less than that is sheer b.s.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 3:37:09 AM

DanielleofMists

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I prefer to meet someone I'm talking to online fairly quickly. This is because I've been in situations where the online chat was going so well and it appeared we were going to get along just fine, until we met in person and there was just zero chemistry. Vice versa has also happened, conversation was just ok but gave a chance and we got along so well in person. So, I like to meet early to decide whether I will be investing the time to really get to know someone.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 6:48:43 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
This is a man's philosophy of dating and bothering to go through the motions. Myopic tunnel vision.

You read it differently than I. I would have said that it's the scientist's view of dating... "Any results is a good result". I understand the view just fine. And just like many scientists I secretly admit to hoping that the test results turn out as I had hoped. I pretty much entirely disagree with your rather casual character assassination of men in general but that's your karma to bear not mine.

Too this topic, I've never dated on the internet and I doubt I ever will. I meet enough women in the real world and they seem to like me. So far, at least, being single has never been a problem. I prefer to meet people in the real world where "chemistry" can be checked. If I did meet someone over the internet I'd want to meet as soon as was feasible. Someone who told me they felt unsafe getting coffee at a starbucks would be cut from my list promptly.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 7:02:57 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

You read it differently than I. I would have said that it's the scientist's view of dating... "Any results is a good result". I understand the view just fine. And just like many scientists I secretly admit to hoping that the test results turn out as I had hoped. I pretty much entirely disagree with your rather casual character assassination of men in general but that's your karma to bear not mine.

Too this topic, I've never dated on the internet and I doubt I ever will. I meet enough women in the real world and they seem to like me. So far, at least, being single has never been a problem. I prefer to meet people in the real world where "chemistry" can be checked. If I did meet someone over the internet I'd want to meet as soon as was feasible. Someone who told me they felt unsafe getting coffee at a starbucks would be cut from my list promptly.

That's the difference between the cold heart of a scientist conducting experiments and the fervent heart of a romantic poet. In this day and age, poets are scarce.

Which isn't to say that you have a cold heart. I won't go there like you did with your "character assassination" dig.

I prefer not to mix business with pleasure, so while I also meet enough men in the real world who take a liking to me, I decline any overtures. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but women get hit on sexually by married men more frequently than men get hit on sexually by married women. Real life and on line make little difference in this regard, n'est-ce pas?

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 9:35:30 AM

Blueswordsman

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Life has changed dramatically over the last 20 years. Play without romance or commitment is not necessary cold hearted. For many people it is all that can be and it can be very exciting, erotic and fulfilling. Just not as wonderful as with your lover. In the D/s world including CM, their are married woman interested in play partners without commitment because of family and other reasons. Some women and men prefer life without a partner.

Women may have gotten hit on more by married men than men got hit on by married women years ago. In today's day and age, I'm not so sure. I do know men over 50 get hit on much more than married woman.

In general, sex has lost its value. It is so easy to get laid in today's day and age, a man can expect his date to be desert. I think most men date because they are interested in the other person not another notch on their belt.

The one fact that time hasten changed is attractive people get hit on more than unattractive people.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 10:02:27 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman
....
Women may have gotten hit on more by married men than men got hit on by married women years ago. In today's day and age, I'm not so sure. I do know men over 50 get hit on much more than married woman.

In general, sex has lost its value. It is so easy to get laid in today's day and age, a man can expect his date to be desert. I think most men date because they are interested in the other person not another notch on their belt....

[Italics&Underlining mine]

Let me get this straight. Yes, I agree that proportionally, there are more married women nowadays who are looking to stray in an obvious manner or who are in open marriages. Going by actual numbers, I still believe there are more married men statistically who make advances toward single/attached women.

Now, are you saying ALL men over 50, or are you saying MARRIED men over 50 get hit on more than married women over 50 do? What about single/unattached women over 50 in your opinion, comparatively speaking?

I'm not disagreeing with you about "a man can expect his date to be dessert," but I have always had an issue with this mentality. I'm aware you're making a personal observation here, not condoning this practice (or any such attempts made by men).

As for "notches on belts," it really depends on the emotional maturity level of the man in terms of commitment-phobia, how secure he is with himself, and age range. Younger bachelors tend to be more immature, insecure, and commitment-phobic, although not necessarily.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 11:27:04 AM

Blueswordsman

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Now, are you saying ALL men over 50, or are you saying MARRIED men over 50 get hit on more than married women over 50 do? What about single/unattached women over 50 in your opinion, comparatively speaking? I’m saying available men in their 50’s get hit on more frequently. More women over 50 will date-fuck married men than did twenty years ago. It's a sad testimony to the ever increasing divorce crazy me-me-me generation. Personally I find my best dates are with women my own age. Funny thing, as I get older, older women become more sexually appealing. It’s a substance thing.

I'm not disagreeing with you about "a man can expect his date to be dessert," but I have always had an issue with this mentality. So do I, 50% of the fun is earning the desert.

As for "notches on belts," I’ll take an inspiring conversation over a notch any day.

Eemotional maturity level of the man in terms of commitment Young or old, I never could understanding why a married man would risk his marriage and health for 15 minutes that could haunt him for the rest of his life. The biggest lie is not "I won’t come in your mouth". It’s "My wife don’t understand me" (code for ... Fuck me I need to know I can still catch' em)

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 6:18:50 PM

frunandsins

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Re: Fiery Opal

quote:

This is a man's philosophy of dating and bothering to go through the motions. Myopic tunnel vision.

In general, this is not a woman's philosophy of dating.

I reject gender essentialism and gender-based stereotypes. Men are not from Mars, and Women are not from Venus. There is no more a male way of dating vis a vis a female way of dating than there is an Asian way of dating vis a vis a black way of dating. The within-group variance between males and females, respectively, is greater than the between-group variance, on almost any trait you care to examine, particularly something as fluid as dating habits as opposed the average size of the left frontal cortex. You're welcome to perceive the world through lenses that delineate men away from women in this area, but I will remain in disagreement with this chacterization until you can show me some valid statistics.

quote:

If we are fortunate enough to find a really good man, the dating part of a relationship would not come to a halt once you (the male) get what you want from your female companion. This will vary from man to man, from a casual encounter extending to lifelong companionship.

I may have decontextualized my comment there too much from the OP and inadvertently gave the impression that I think it's ok to date-to-fuck. No, I don't.

What I meant is that in a general sense, dating is a ritual of discovery. It may involve sex, or it may not, depending on the courting couple. But the ultimate goal is to sort out compatibility, not to work towards a marriage or an LTR. If two people are compatible, as discovered through dating, then sure, move in together or get married, whatever works. But if two people are incompatible, as discovered through dating, then it doesn't mean that the dating experience was wasted, or that it was meaningless, or that it was something harmful. A negative result is a result, and a result is what dating offers, not a specific result. It is my belief that the less people invest their hopes of a perfect relationship at the beginning of the dating process, and the more they take the approach that this is a trial period where things may go well or they may go wrong, the less heartbreak and less acrimony there will be for all.

Yes, some people date insincerely and pretend they want a relationship just to get into your pants (what I called "date-to-fuck" above). That's one of the hazards of dating.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/24/2014 8:07:22 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins

Re: Fiery Opal

quote:

This is a man's philosophy of dating and bothering to go through the motions. Myopic tunnel vision.

In general, this is not a woman's philosophy of dating.

I reject gender essentialism and gender-based stereotypes. Men are not from Mars, and Women are not from Venus. There is no more a male way of dating vis a vis a female way of dating than there is an Asian way of dating vis a vis a black way of dating. The within-group variance between males and females, respectively, is greater than the between-group variance, on almost any trait you care to examine, particularly something as fluid as dating habits as opposed the average size of the left frontal cortex. You're welcome to perceive the world through lenses that delineate men away from women in this area, but I will remain in disagreement with this chacterization until you can show me some valid statistics.

You're certainly entitled to your opinion on this matter. I should perhaps stress that this is how many of us feel when we can't seem to get across to male strangers that we really don't want to see unsolicited pics of their private parts - particularly those which are gaping - that it doesn't turn us on and make us hot with desire.

... and this:

... as well as this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins

quote:

If we are fortunate enough to find a really good man, the dating part of a relationship would not come to a halt once you (the male) get what you want from your female companion. This will vary from man to man, from a casual encounter extending to lifelong companionship.

I may have decontextualized my comment there too much from the OP and inadvertently gave the impression that I think it's ok to date-to-fuck. No, I don't.

What I meant is that in a general sense, dating is a ritual of discovery. It may involve sex, or it may not, depending on the courting couple. But the ultimate goal is to sort out compatibility, not to work towards a marriage or an LTR. If two people are compatible, as discovered through dating, then sure, move in together or get married, whatever works. But if two people are incompatible, as discovered through dating, then it doesn't mean that the dating experience was wasted, or that it was meaningless, or that it was something harmful. A negative result is a result, and a result is what dating offers, not a specific result. It is my belief that the less people invest their hopes of a perfect relationship at the beginning of the dating process, and the more they take the approach that this is a trial period where things may go well or they may go wrong, the less heartbreak and less acrimony there will be for all.

Yes, some people date insincerely and pretend they want a relationship just to get into your pants (what I called "date-to-fuck" above). That's one of the hazards of dating.

Glad to hear your PoV. I'll explain a bit further also. I don't have statistics to back this up, or feel the need to, but from personal experience I can vouch for couples sticking to having weekly/biweekly "date nights" together to keep the spark in their marriages alive, aglow, smoldering, and regularly setting the home hearth fires ablaze.

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RE: How long is too long? - 3/25/2014 8:32:32 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rowdy76

I tend to be rather deliberate in getting to know someone before I even agree to meet. My question to a sub is how long is too long? There is a sub 2 hours from in rl that I have talked to for almost two months now, and we are just not considering meeting. The only reason I am meeting so soon with her is because we talk everyday, and not always scene related. But I have had some people tell me I ask too many questions, or claim I am all talk. Am I being overly cautious in wanting to make sure I know exactly what a sub/slave is looking for and wants to get out of a relationship?

Personally, I am not a fan of getting to know someone via online. I think after a relatively short time you can see if you have enough in common to meet. And if you continuing emailing or chatting any that you are just treading water. In my experience things don't start to get real until you are face to face. So personally, I would prefer to just exchange a couple of emails and photos and then meet for coffee.

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