FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
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Let me combine both of your posts here:
quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressMary51
new to the site know I am a dom online I can talk the talk no problem but once I meet the sub and we are in private I have trouble getting started in a scene help
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thanks the thing is when I try to dom in person with the one person the I had chesmitry with I felt really silly and ened up just having vanilla sex
Other than this site, you've been dominating men on line for about six weeks.
You've already met one you felt enough chemistry with to have sex with.
It is unclear from your profile what you seek other than a man who will do what you want.
Are you looking for an all-around D/s LTR or just a BDSM-compatible play partner?
Because if you want a sub mate, you're going about it wrong. Don't feel badly--many of us have been down this same road.
Put the BDSM stuff aside. It can wait. It's okay to discuss objectively, but get your priorities straight and focus on getting the mental-emotional D/s portion of your relationship dynamic set in place beforehand.
Before you even meet, give him simple (non-sexual, non-kink) tasks to complete that don't interfere with his work schedule and see how well he complies. Timeliness counts.
Watch out for excuses. Give him feedback, a grading/rating system to allow him an opportunity to improve. (ABCD+/-'s, Outstanding/Above Average/Satisfactory/Less Than, Pass/Needs Improvement/Fail, etc.) Be firm and make him accountable to you ALWAYS. On a preliminary basis, 3 strikes and you're out. First strike if it's a zero-tolerance issue.
In other words, don't skip steps. Make a man date you first, just like you would expect with a vanilla connection. Third date rule applies.
I don't care how submissive he acts, he won't respect you if you have sex with him or if you agree to collar him right away, and in order to be his Mistress, your submissive's respect for you as a Dominant is crucial.
Ask yourself this, Can YOU respect a man who doesn't care who Dommes him or who is willing to be Insta-Dommed and/or owned? Would you respect any man who acts desperate and indiscriminate?
Keep in mind that no matter how much he offers to please you, and appears to be making it all about you, it isn't. If you project yourself as a fetish-kink delivery system for him (which is why I strongly urge you to put the BDSM scening aside), then that's how you will end up being objectified. Desperation is desperation.
If you are camming with these men in a provocative fashion, CEASE and DESIST. (A few words of advice since your profile doesn't indicate this. Perfunctory cam-verifying prior to setting up your intro date is perfectly acceptable.) Would you be sexualizing yourself for essentially a stranger under ordinary circumstances? Why would you start off doing it with someone just because you're a Dominant female and he's a submissive male?
Take the same precautions you would with any new sex partner before having sex with him.
Be yourself. Short of that, and in the event it's more important to you to find a compatible play-partner match, do as AthenaSurrenders suggested and fake it till you make it. If nothing else, it will give you more role-playing experience. Don't sell yourself short, though, by putting on an act for THEM. Do it for yourself, and best of luck. 
_____________________________
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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how do i dom in real life - 
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