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a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 10:37:57 AM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?
Maybe without the whips and bindings.
But were you totally devoted to the pleasures of your man?
You know..keeping the house spotless,cooking gourmet meals..selflessly massaging
his body , doing anything he wanted or that you could imagine he would want?
I am a late comer into this lifestyle..and doing some reflecting.
I realise I have been "sub" my entire life.
But I was just called a good woman.

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

Post #: 1

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 10:42:05 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I tried to relate to every man I have been involved with on this level, but it wasn't respected or in some cases appreciated

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 2

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 10:43:04 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

A harsh reality, isn't it? :)

Does anyone else see the musical "My Fair Lady" as the ultimate D/s love story?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 3

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 11:11:08 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Good God (or should I say Ohh mahhh Gawdddddd), at last a real "If only I knew" thread. I've been wondering if one would errupt here.

If only I knew about what BDSM was and especially about Gorean Lifestyles when I was married to my second wife Marie I'd have collared both her and her (what I now realise was a) subby. Somethines she used to beg me to either tie her hands to a hook in the ceiling (use to susspend a basket of fruit) and do what even I wanted to do with her or punish her and I was so annal about raising a hand to a woman. On the bright side I'd probably never have met Neets.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 4

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 11:12:26 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Silver lining, huh Iron Bear?

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 5

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 11:20:09 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Yes, though unfortunately they turned out to be pretty unhealthy. From taking pleasure in the occasional slap or hand round my throat which of course i still enjoy now i went to the abuse of broken ribs, nose, cheek bones, wrists, black eyes etc. I guess i was young and naive and looked for what was right for me in the wrong places.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 6

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 11:20:23 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

First real love of my life taught me much about this life. We just didn't use the chains and whips or know a name to put to it. Silk ties were fun lol. We lasted 10 years before i went totally vanilla then put many more vanilla years in until i found BDSM. Yes i was born submissive and have always tried to please. Perhaps a lot of heartbreak would have been avoided had I known earlier that i am a submissive. But then i would not be who i am today and i like me so better late than never.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 7

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 12:44:59 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

Actually, I can come to this from the -other- side. In my relationship to my ex, I was dominant, even though, to the outside world, he was the "Man of the House". I managed our household and his life in private, including choosing his career for him, and he liked it that way for many years. Unfortunately, since it was an unspoken agreement, individuals who were not part of our relationship started commenting on and needling him about how much of our lives I had control over (finances, where we lived, what he did for a living, etc.). He insisted on "taking control", but, unfortunately, he didn't really want to be in charge and have to take those responsibilities, so things kept being "forgotten", and decisions delayed until circumstance made the decision for him. I became increasingly frustrated, and while he slipped into his "don't make a decision mode", I kept slipping into my "bossy" mode. Our relationship did not survive the outside meddling and subsequent destruction of our informal but workeable dynamic. Fortunately, he found someone else to boss him around, and I've had the joy of an incredible poly household, being completely dominanted, learning effective dominance and management for a wide variety of individuals, and finding outlets for a healthier style of consentual management than what he and I "enjoyed". I also think that this is, in part, why I like to have a formal agreement when someone yields to us -- so it is clear, and xhe can't hide it from hirself later and say it wasn't what xhe wanted.

ZWD

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjected2006

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?
Maybe without the whips and bindings.
But were you totally devoted to the pleasures of your man?
You know..keeping the house spotless,cooking gourmet meals..selflessly massaging
his body , doing anything he wanted or that you could imagine he would want?
I am a late comer into this lifestyle..and doing some reflecting.
I realise I have been "sub" my entire life.
But I was just called a good woman.

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 7/8/2006 12:48:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 8

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 2:22:44 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I had relationships a long time ago, in my twenties, where I acted submissively in that I was shy and wanted to and did things "their way" all the time, and loved it when they made the decisions about where to eat, what to do (they may have asked for my "input" but we did what they wanted if their was any difference of opinion).

For one person I remember (whom I haven't seen for over 20 years), I used to love it when he'd tell me what he wanted for dinner - something really exoctic I maybe had never made before, and then I'd make it (I love to cook). That probably sounds pretty tame. He also, though, tied me up more than once (mild bondage)and used to love saying: "Remember what I told you about_______(reminding me of advice he'd given me about whatever). I suppose that might be construed as Dominant, even if neither of us gave it a name, or took it any "further".

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/8/2006 2:23:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 9

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 2:26:17 PM

Thoradon

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

I know that at one of the munchs I was at all the Doms gathered and talked about when the first time they could think of where the life had appealed to them. It was surprising to see how far back the lifestyle or interest in the life could be traced. I know that I have had several relationships in which I can look back on and see parts of the lifestyle.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 10

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 2:55:59 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

My ex introduced me to the Gor novels. I asked him if he wanted to live like that and he said "sure". Then did nothing about it. In the end he was abusive and manipulative. I think it's entirely possible he was a submissive looking for a Domme. Unfortunately for him, that's not me. The more submissive I was with him, the more he seemed to despise me and abuse me. It was not a happy marriage. The best thing was when I discovered that there were people out there who really appreciated the way I'm wired and the way I just naturally behave. And they aren't abusive about it!!! I get compliments for being me. Who'da'thunk it????

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 11

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 3:10:00 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

Hey I did that for my ex,aside from the cooking,(as I have the ability to burn water),cleaning,repairing and massaging,perhaps I was sub in a relationship not recognised as D/s.I would do anything for her,gave her whatever she wanted,was I sub,or was it my inability to live in a pigsty where my ex could not be bothered.It was her dislike for my interest in the lifestyle which made her my ex.

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 12

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 3:43:08 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

I started in this lifestyle young. I started online at 12 and in real life at 15. I have always had BDSM relationships, with different degrees of D/s. Even my marriage, which was more vanilla than many relationships I have had, still had a BDSM aspect to it. It has taken me much trial and error, including a failed marriage, to find my way around exactly what I want out of a D/s relationship. Thankfully, I just may have found that!

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 13

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 4:50:43 PM

Curiossdragnlily

Posts: 105
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

Oh my yes. i was the "good" wife to my ex. But he was also submissive.So it didn't work real well.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 14

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 4:55:59 PM

zenofeller

Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Does anyone else see the musical "My Fair Lady" as the ultimate D/s love story?

i always thought the taming of the shrew holds that title.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 15

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 5:00:21 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Actually the best example is: McClintock---mooowaaahh

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 16

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 5:04:39 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Have any other subs here ever had relationships in their vanila life that upon looking back at..you realised that they were actual D/s relationships?

Yes, the first 35 years of my marriage were like that until i learned about D/s and put a name to it.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 17

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 5:10:54 PM

mastrscait

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

i agree. My first relationships were definitely of the D/s nature. Unfortunately they were very unheathly relationships. i too was also looking at what i had grown up seeing. The subserviant female waiting hand and foot on her husband, meeting his every desire and need. i watched my parents live this kind of lifestyle not thinking anything about it. Now that i have grown older and have gone through the bad and seek the good. Trying to find my real self and discovering new paths of excitement, i can look back and see that i always was, but without all of those experiences of my past i would never be the strong female slave that i am today.

_____________________________

cait sith: it is from the Scots Gaelic mythology about a fairy that has taken the form of a large cat that prowls the Highlands of Scotland at night looking for mischief.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 18

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 5:15:46 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiossdragnlily

Oh my yes. i was the "good" wife to my ex. But he was also submissive.So it didn't work real well.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

Same here as well..two submissives without a clue...what a disaster!!..Tempting

(in reply to Curiossdragnlily)

Post #: 19

RE: a rose by any other name.. - 7/8/2006 5:27:53 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Whether there are aspects of dominance and submission, service and obedience, in a relationship or not, it's not "a d/s relationship" until those involved acknowledge it as such.

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 20

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