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RE: My True Self - 4/22/2014 2:54:39 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

After many, many years of soul searching (had it in my head since i was 15), i was finally able to admit this to myself: i am a girl. All the years of denial, afraid of peoples judgement, no wonder i been so depressed. I am gonna remove my picture and my profile info. Im only gonna be here forthe forums until i am fully changed. I am not joking i really fel this way. My dom side was just my denial. I hope people take me seriously. Because i live with an ignorant brother who thinks only born females are real girls, and a very unsuportive family, barring perhaps one. I need some emotional support. I never got the chance to dress like one but i always felt happier pretending to be a girl. I grew out my beard because i was so confused. I thought something was wrong with me, that i had to be manly to get my desire to be female out of my head. But no, i need to embrace it. Now, first step, finding a way to painlessly remove my body and facial hair. I SUCK at shaving myself. Next step, getting money for hormones. Final step, surgery. This is NOT a kink, or a fetish. I dont care if iam a sexy girl or not, as long as im a girl. Because deep down ialways hated being a guy. I just been too afraid to admit because i thought i was a sinner, that i was evil for feeling that way.

Also, just so everyone knows, this is NOT AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE. i really should have waited a day.

I think I responded to this post once.

It makes me sad.

(in reply to CobaltRose)

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Post #: 61

RE: My True Self - 4/22/2014 3:37:25 PM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

After many, many years of soul searching (had it in my head since i was 15), i was finally able to admit this to myself: i am a girl. All the years of denial, afraid of peoples judgement, no wonder i been so depressed. I am gonna remove my picture and my profile info. Im only gonna be here forthe forums until i am fully changed. I am not joking i really fel this way. My dom side was just my denial. I hope people take me seriously. Because i live with an ignorant brother who thinks only born females are real girls, and a very unsuportive family, barring perhaps one. I need some emotional support. I never got the chance to dress like one but i always felt happier pretending to be a girl. I grew out my beard because i was so confused. I thought something was wrong with me, that i had to be manly to get my desire to be female out of my head. But no, i need to embrace it. Now, first step, finding a way to painlessly remove my body and facial hair. I SUCK at shaving myself. Next step, getting money for hormones. Final step, surgery. This is NOT a kink, or a fetish. I dont care if iam a sexy girl or not, as long as im a girl. Because deep down ialways hated being a guy. I just been too afraid to admit because i thought i was a sinner, that i was evil for feeling that way.

Also, just so everyone knows, this is NOT AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE. i really should have waited a day.

I think I responded to this post once.

It makes me sad.

why does it make you sad?

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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Post #: 62

RE: My True Self - 4/22/2014 6:40:14 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

After many, many years of soul searching (had it in my head since i was 15), i was finally able to admit this to myself: i am a girl. All the years of denial, afraid of peoples judgement, no wonder i been so depressed. I am gonna remove my picture and my profile info. Im only gonna be here forthe forums until i am fully changed. I am not joking i really fel this way. My dom side was just my denial. I hope people take me seriously. Because i live with an ignorant brother who thinks only born females are real girls, and a very unsuportive family, barring perhaps one. I need some emotional support. I never got the chance to dress like one but i always felt happier pretending to be a girl. I grew out my beard because i was so confused. I thought something was wrong with me, that i had to be manly to get my desire to be female out of my head. But no, i need to embrace it. Now, first step, finding a way to painlessly remove my body and facial hair. I SUCK at shaving myself. Next step, getting money for hormones. Final step, surgery. This is NOT a kink, or a fetish. I dont care if iam a sexy girl or not, as long as im a girl. Because deep down ialways hated being a guy. I just been too afraid to admit because i thought i was a sinner, that i was evil for feeling that way.

Also, just so everyone knows, this is NOT AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE. i really should have waited a day.

I think I responded to this post once.

It makes me sad.

why does it make you sad?

Because he/she has to deal with this...it's awful. How horrid can it be to feel that you feel like someone else, but not like yourself?

I went to a trade show some years back....novice....New Orleans....basic trade show...new town...hotel....doing my thing...ex asked if I'd like her to come down ("yes"), spend a few days with me (nice vaca for her....awesome for me), she showed me Bourbon street, the line....a line in the street where gays moved about....a street, that was the line...definitive, we walked the streets she used to work, had copious alcohol, and I saw some incredible chics....hawking various bars....FINE LOOKING FEMALES!!!!

These were some mega spectacular looking wimmens....so....we walked the streets, opted to go in to one of the shill bars (girls hawking....getting the men to come in)...I said "let's go in there" (thinking..."that chic's hot, let's go there!!!") ex gf is laughing (I'm not altogether sure why), we go in, order a drink and....the dance begins.....

Chic is major hot....tits super sized.....hair like you've never seen....dancing backwards....enticing....ass like anyone would want to devour.....and then..."she" turns around.....what was in "her" bikini didn't look right....and then (it was a small venue), I noticed this girl had an adams apple....and then my ex started laughing.

She already knew what I was just experiencing.

"This ain't right".

Now she's falling on the floor, enjoying the fact that I was captured by this 'woman".

And in a very few seconds it dawned on me....this person had given their all....changed their entire physique....invest thousands to become something they weren't born to.

As kinky as I am....and I pretty much run the gamut....I could never have done that.

People that make this change...physically....these aren't people that want to dress up....they pissed off their families...they lost friends.

They literally changed their (ENTIRE) lives....as if they had moved to Saturn.

I have more respect for those people than myself.

(in reply to CobaltRose)

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Post #: 63

RE: My True Self - 4/22/2014 6:51:09 PM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

Thats exactly why im a little not sure about changing, is it worth losing many friends.....then again, if they were true friends they would stand by my side. right now my only true obstacle is money. I dont exactly HATE being male, i just really want to be female. is that wrong?

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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Post #: 64

RE: My True Self - 4/22/2014 8:04:25 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

It isn't a matter of wrong or right, it is what is most important to you, and you only can figure that out by trying things. There are a number of m to f transwomen I have known who would tell you they could have survived as men, but they were infinitely more happy as women. The only right or wrong is what works for you, and the only way if you are going to find out if you can take living as a transgender woman is to go and live into it. Sitting around talking about it isn't going to tell you that, you only get there by doing it. Every step tells you more about where you need to be, and it tells you if it is worth transitioning. That first time out dressed, maybe to a support group or safe club/bar, that first time out doing something 'normal' like going to a restaurant or movie, all of them tell you if you can deal with it. The first time someone 'reads ' you as trans and maybe gives you a bad look or says something, it feels like shit, but you also learn if you can take it. The first time you realize what it is like to feel like many women do, walking down a street and feeling alone and afraid, you learn something....every step, every mis-step, tells you something, until you can make a decision.

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Post #: 65

RE: My True Self - 4/23/2014 8:37:41 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Thats exactly why im a little not sure about changing, is it worth losing many friends.....then again, if they were true friends they would stand by my side. right now my only true obstacle is money. I dont exactly HATE being male, i just really want to be female. is that wrong?

That in a nutshell. Back in '99, I went back to SLC for a visit, and ran into someone I'd known in high school. We played football together, and I knew him as a 'normal' guy. He'd done the 'approved' route, met a girl, got married, had a kid, that kind of thing. What no one knew was, inside he felt the way you did. So he did something about it. That's why when I first saw her, I thought she was one of his sisters, but I was wrong...

Yes, he lost some friends, but you know what? He (now she), found out who his real friends were. Yes, some recoiled away when his decision became known, and he lost some family members along the way, too, but that's how the culture is. But there was support (even from his now ex-wife!). In the end, he followed the path that felt the best for him, now her. It wasn't easy nor cheap, that's what I learned, but in the end, she felt it was the correct decision to make.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

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Post #: 66

RE: My True Self - 4/23/2014 10:50:28 PM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I just wanted to say thanks guys and gals for all the support

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

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Post #: 67