Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Cheating


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cheating Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Cheating - 11/22/2004 6:58:03 PM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		And just where did you get these stats? Try reading Dr. Kerry Mullis on the subject of AIDS and statistics. I am not saying it is not a problem; I am saying you are preaching to the wrong audience. Remember there are lies, damn lies and statisitcs, The AIDS stats have been politicized since Gallo started bonking the head of NIH in 1993 and science began to take a back seat to sexual politics. For example; do you know of ONE case where a heterosexual male got AIDS from vaginal penile intercourse? If you do be sure and inform the CDC; they don't have one.
Remember who gave the keynote address to the Republican convention in 1984? It was Michael Glaser's wife who got HIV from a blood transfusion. And him? After "unprotected" sex for 8 years while they tried to properly diagnose her; he is still healthy and disease free. Now try to explain that one.

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Cheating - 11/22/2004 8:17:39 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I've never understood why some people think other people's marriages is their business.

Really, what is there to be said about this? People cheat, and except for the people involved, no one's opinion is worth a fiddler's fart.

Lam

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 11/22/2004 8:25:18 PM >

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Cheating - 11/22/2004 8:30:06 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		Did you hear about the guy who got Herpes on his eyebrows?

He was looking for love in all the wrong places!


While AIDS is a serious issue, and not something to joke about, my main point of this thread was to bring out the moral issues, and the harm it cause to us psychologically.

We as a people are beginning to put values on our actions, cheating isn't so bad, its not as bad as so and so, etc.

Again, the intent of my thread was not to put down certain people, but rather actions that somehow we need to be held accountable for.

My feelings are that a large group of people on this forum have high morals, and know that besides the health, moral, and psychological issues, know it is just wrong.


quote:

All you fellas, gather 'round me
and let me give you some good advice
What I'm gonna, gonna ask you now
You'd better think about it twice
While you're out cheatin' on your woman
there is something I never ever dreamed of and that is

Who's making love to your old lady
While you were out making love

Jake and Elwood Blues


_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 12:26:07 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		But these are exactly the kinds of judgments that I'm objecting to. You say we need to be held "accountable"--accountable to whom? You're not accountable to anyone except your partner. And that's why I don't understand your righteous indignation. Why are you so upset about cheating? Unless someone is cheating on YOU, you're just injecting your moral beliefs into other people's relationships. The very first thing you said in this thread was that cheaters should try sleeping with their spouses for a change. Why is it your business whether OTHER people sleep with their spouses?

You say that cheating is "just wrong" and the people here with "high morals" recognize it. That's not an argument--that's prejudice dressed up in high-falootin' language. There are plenty of vanillas who think they have "high morals" and consider what WE do to be "just wrong" as well. What's your response to that? Saying something is "just wrong" is one of the least persuasive moral statements you can make.

Last thing: I don't agree that we're "beginning" to condone cheating. People have always cheated. They cheated before civilization; they cheated in Greece and Rome; they cheated during the good old days of the 50's. I get very suspicious when people making moralistic arguments try to sell the idea that our values are decaying. The values of the past were no better than those of the present--in fact, in many ways, they were worse.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: INSIDEYOURMIND

We as a people are beginning to put values on our actions, cheating isn't so bad, its not as bad as so and so, etc.

Again, the intent of my thread was not to put down certain people, but rather actions that somehow we need to be held accountable for.

My feelings are that a large group of people on this forum have high morals, and know that besides the health, moral, and psychological issues, know it is just wrong.

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 3:07:28 AM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		People who are interested in the impact of online relationships can pick up a copy of Love Online: Emotions on the Internet, by Aaron Ben-Ze’ev. Ze’ev calls cyberspace a kind of "mentally nude commune," where people often strip off their masks. What nudity leaves undone, imagination finishes. "Imagination, which paints cyberspace in more intense and seductive colors, also helps people satisfy some of their most profound desires." It frees people from the limits imposed by their bodies and their surroundings.
If you engage in an internet relationship that you keep secret from your real-life mate, you’re engaging in deception. "Chatting is not cheating when the significant other knows about it," says Ze’ev. The trouble with deception is that it kills intimacy and ruptures trust in the primary relationship.
If you are concerned your mate may be cheating chatting or you are involved in an online relationship, this could be a good book for you.

I found this information online at http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm?cmi=765267&cid=7&code=24044


_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 4:20:11 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Loving Your about 20 years behind
in Your information and Mine comes
straight from the International CDC
which I am retired from. Trust Me
My Aids information is quite up to date,
and is taught in mass to most all Medical
personell presently in hospitals across the
world as well as to the pubic regular joe
smoo thru HIV training in health depts,
heart and red cross certification institutes.
Check the date on Your card Loving,
it might need to be updated! ~wink~
And FYI, There is a group of folks whom
have an imunity to the HIV currently in
the world and their genes were traced
back and come from family members
whom lived out the plague and have
the plague gene in their system which
the HIV virus does NOT like. That could
explain sumone whom shows negitive
while a partner shows positive if they
continue to have unprotected sex however
every persons resiliance is different and
sum folks have gone as long as 20 years
befor showing any signs of the virus AND
finding out they have full blown Aids. Thats
a wholeeeeee lotta fuckin round time befor
finding out youve been infected, and think
of all those folks whom dident have such a
body tolerance and caught it and passed it
or died out long befor you even showed positive.
JMOAlso Loving when One cheats
most think of the person being cheated on but
the real person that loses in the cheating act is
the person that does the cheating n what ever
means they go about cheating.

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 4:32:02 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		But see INSIDEYOURMIND

There is more to cheatin then
sex and more to cheatin then
morals and more to cheatin
then the act hence more must
be said about cheatin then
just a small lil box of just
one issue associated with
cheatin.... JMO


OHHMYGAWD did sumone just say I was moral? hmm
just because cheatin has gone on since the beginning of
civilization Loving doesent make it right or correct unless
accepted by ALL PARTYS INVOLVED. Remember that lil
tidbit about S.S.C. or how bout R.A.C.K. ? Thats what
Our Society of Alternates accepts as right hence that is
what cheatin with in Our Society if those rules were not
followed would be concidered wrong by Our basic standards.
Each Society has rules, proticals, regulations which the majority
follows Loving and most base their beleifs off of those set of things.
Thats all....JMO

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 4:34:37 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		that is a interesting read Shoshin,
I enjoyed the writing and I think the
community here would enjoy it too.....

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 7:42:01 AM   
masteroffire


Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
Status: offline 		I know of many who are married and whose spouses know they are involved in the lifestyle, but do not approve. So make sure you don't just see the word married and assume things about people. On the other hand, it the situations you describe perhaps they are very unhappy in their marriage, and with the nilla world in general. Perhaps they have tried to get their spouse interested but it didn't work. Perhaps they love the one they are married to and don't want to leave them, but hate the nilla sex life. I am not just assuming this could be the case, I know it has been in at least one situation... And no, I am not speaking of myself, I am married, but she is my slave and very much in the LS.

All I'm saying is don't judge someone if you do not know all the details. Everyone and every situation is different. If it's not for you, than avoid it, but don't put it down. I don't know you, but I'm sure there are things that some people don't like about you. I hope they don't tell you and judge you because of it however.

That's my opinion, if you believe me to be wrong, than so be it, that is life. May not be appropriate, but opinions are like assholes, everyones got one.

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 7:59:53 AM   
MemphisDsCouple


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline 		The line I like best is:

Yes, I'm lying to and cheating on my husband/wife/bf/gf/master/slave/dom/sub/mistress/domme (and my children (when applicable)) so we have to be discrete....... but I'll never lie to you and I'll never cheat on you. You can trust me. Always. Forever.

(If you lie to your dog, he doesn't even care as long as you keep feeding him and playing fetch once in a while. Gotta love dogs.)

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 8:26:19 AM   
smile2cu


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
But these are exactly the kinds of judgments that I'm objecting to. You say we need to be held "accountable"--accountable to whom? You're not accountable to anyone except your partner. And that's why I don't understand your righteous indignation. Why are you so upset about cheating? Unless someone is cheating on YOU, you're just injecting your moral beliefs into other people's relationships. The very first thing you said in this thread was that cheaters should try sleeping with their spouses for a change. Why is it your business whether OTHER people sleep with their spouses?

You say that cheating is "just wrong" and the people here with "high morals" recognize it. That's not an argument--that's prejudice dressed up in high-falootin' language. There are plenty of vanillas who think they have "high morals" and consider what WE do to be "just wrong" as well. What's your response to that? Saying something is "just wrong" is one of the least persuasive moral statements you can make.

I notice no one thinks there are any circumstances where "cheating" might be the correct moral choice. I've mentioned my circumstances in other posts before. My wife is chronically ill, can't have sex, and never will again.

So if I understand the moralists above, my choices should be to:
1) Divorce her (I'd never do that, unless she wanted it. Who cares for her then?)
2) Remain celibate (Helping who?)

Concerning choice 2 above, which naturally was suggested by the some of the members, this would accomplish nothing. My wife's mother, (over-all a pretty good mother-in-law), had told my wife not to trust men. So all those years that I was faithful, my wife thought I was cheating anyway. She wouldn't think I started after she became sick, she'd just think I was continuing a normal pattern.

So I'm somewhat discouraged to see, again, blanket condemnation of other's morality irregardless of circumstances.

Think I'll skip my usual smile today.






< Message edited by smile2cu -- 11/23/2004 8:59:59 AM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 8:27:10 AM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		Oh yeah, and that thing on my lip is only a cold sore!

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 9:25:20 AM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

I notice no one thinks there are any circumstances where "cheating" might be the correct moral choice. I've mentioned my circumstances in other posts before. My wife is chronically ill, can't have sex, and never will again.

So if I understand the moralists above, my choices should be to:
1) Divorce her (I'd never do that, unless she wanted it. Who cares for her then?)
2) Remain celibate (Helping who?)

Concerning choice 2 above, which naturally was suggested by the some of the members, this would accomplish nothing. My wife's mother, (over-all a pretty good mother-in-law), had told my wife not to trust men. So all those years that I was faithful, my wife thought I was cheating anyway. She wouldn't think I started after she became sick, she'd just think I was continuing a normal pattern.

So I'm somewhat discouraged to see, again, blanket condemnation of other's morality irregardless of circumstances.

Think I'll skip my usual smile today.


I have always been opposed to cheating. It's being dishonest, flat out. I have nothing against open relationships, as long as everyone involved knows. Yet, in a situation like this, I'd have to agree with you. Some people believe there are no grey areas, but they're are. And, this falls right into one. On one hand, you have wrong (dishonesty), on the other, you have right, (honesty). What lies between? Some of life's many circumstances. There are good reasons, and petty reasons. I'm not happy at home, she never gives me any, our interests aren't the same, etc etc. In my opinion, those aren't valid excuses. But, who am I to judge? All I know is, I don't date married men. In your case, I see nothing wrong with it. You leave her just because she can no longer perform sexually because of health reasons? That would be horrible. There is a difference though. Your wife can't help the situation she's in. So, in your case, I don't see a moral issue with cheating.

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to smile2cu)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 9:52:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

People these days just hold no regard for what a marriage is supposed to mean anymore. Its nuts. I mean really folks, why get married, might as well just keep dating.


there are quite a few folks who get married for the benefits of a legal and binding contract. it has precious little to do with love, devotion, honor, fidelity, in sickness and in health, 'til death to us part and all that. perhaps it is the failure to include so many of these "extenuating" circumstances into their original marriage contract. the vocal "wedding vows" (and profitable for many industries) public display of the signing of a legal and binding contract that people call a "wedding" should also be the vocal public disclaimer that should either party change their mind, all promises of fidelity, trust, etc. are null and void. that way it isn't such a suprise when it turns out that way later on down the road.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 10:40:58 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

All I'm saying is don't judge someone if you do not know all the details. Everyone and every situation is different. If it's not for you, than avoid it, but don't put it down. I don't know you, but I'm sure there are things that some people don't like about you. I hope they don't tell you and judge you because of it however.


I was careful to re-read each and every post, but I saw no-one attacking or judging an individual, I see them judging an activity, or as I refer to it - a rationalization. I really don't think anything can or should be done to prevent 'cheaters' of any type to solicit for partners. Ironically most of them are 'honest' in their disclosure. If not, how else would we know they existed? No it's not the activity or the disclosure, it's their expectations, and the expectations of those who hook up with them.
quote:

You say we need to be held "accountable"--accountable to whom? You're not accountable to anyone except your partner. - Lordandmaster

Exactly! A person who is cheating is accountable to themselves, their committed partner, the partner they meet for this activity AND the committed partner of that person. In addition, they are accountable to any and all children associated with any of the parties involved. Not us, not anyone on this site. Is this wide circle of accountability informed and consequences understood fully? Read some of the posts concerning a "Good Dom" or "Lack of Commitment" or other similar threads. Yes people initially want and seek the physical but, as those threads indicate, after a very short time more intimacy is desired. Both the 'cheater' (I wish there was a better word!) and the person playing with the cheater need to discuss common accountability for that expectation. Based on the whining I see there is a, failure to communicate the details concerning that accountability.

There is a very similar undercurrent in this cheating argument with anther 'can of worms' subject - "On Line 'slavery'". Those who don't participate and those who do will NEVER agree, and for good reason. Agreeing or even considering compromise, is too self effacing. Of course the 'sanctimonious' side, condemning the cheaters is the easier side to argue, similar to the real life side of the cyber/real time argument. And the 'cheating' side doesn't challenge the arguments but their 'right' to conduct their life on their terms. It's a can't lose position.

But in keeping context of this comparison; those that were exclusively cyber who progress to real life, rarely consider the cyber experience as fulfilling, exciting, and emotionally satisfying as cyber. And given the choice, few go back to exclusively cyber. I'd suggest that if those in a cheating relationship managed to purge all the cheating aspects of their lives and lived without those burdens their emotional problems and commitment issues would also ebb. And I doubt they would ever again consider a relationship that involved a cheating partner.

(in reply to masteroffire)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 11:43:25 AM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Very well said here. ...Mike

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 11:51:29 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smile2cu
I notice no one thinks there are any circumstances where "cheating" might be the correct moral choice. I've mentioned my circumstances in other posts before. My wife is chronically ill, can't have sex, and never will again.

So if I understand the moralists above, my choices should be to:
1) Divorce her (I'd never do that, unless she wanted it. Who cares for her then?)
2) Remain celibate (Helping who?)

Concerning choice 2 above, which naturally was suggested by the some of the members, this would accomplish nothing. My wife's mother, (over-all a pretty good mother-in-law), had told my wife not to trust men. So all those years that I was faithful, my wife thought I was cheating anyway. She wouldn't think I started after she became sick, she'd just think I was continuing a normal pattern.

So I'm somewhat discouraged to see, again, blanket condemnation of other's morality irregardless of circumstances.

Think I'll skip my usual smile today.


As I see it, your other choice is to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and what you want to do and give -her- the chance to choose whether or not that's a relationship -she- wishes to remain in.






< Message edited by perverseangelic -- 11/23/2004 11:55:32 AM >

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to smile2cu)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 12:11:59 PM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Perverseangelic:

I'm sure she has to remain because she is ill and Smile is her caregiver. I have been in this situation. I chose celibacy but that is just me. I agree with Myra that this is a grey area. If Smile knew it would hurt his wife to know of his outside activities he would have to be discreet because she is ill. In his case we are talking about forever. That is way too long for celibacy. JMO.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 1:06:49 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I agree that subjecting unconsenting partners into a multipartner affair is wrong, and I don't believe in behaving that way; but unfortunately, a lot of people (as Merand beth said) find reasons/excuses for why they do what they do, and it's their choice to make. In addition, I think that if one has a spouse that is sooooo careless and uninvolved, he/she doesn't know (or doesn't want to know)/care about what his partner needs, and that he/she is getting it elsewhere, he/she needs to wake up and get a clue. It's not nice, but life is harsh, and in the end each is responsible for his own choices(even chosing a partner with dubious moral character).
Rambling, hope it makes sense.
Ms M

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Cheating - 11/23/2004 3:16:15 PM   
smile2cu


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline
quote:

As I see it, your other choice is to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and what you want to do and give -her- the chance to choose whether or not that's a relationship -she- wishes to remain in.

Of course I've talked to her. She chooses to remain married. I've even made it quite clear that if she ever decided differently I'd be quite generous in a settlement.

I'm sure you meant well with your suggestion, but I'm rather dismayed to see you think we might not have talked this out. In this world where 50% of marriages end in divorce, ours hasn't. We recently were at a wedding of a co-worker and were the 2nd longest married couple there. The longest couple were octegenarians.

We also discussed my having extramarital sex. She, naturally, wasn't happy about it, but had no suggestions. I came away from the discussion concluding that it would only hurt her to be open about it.

_____________________________

Friendly, kind, cheerful, and oral.

~smile~

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cheating Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078