Why do guys not like to commit?

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Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 10:02:52 AM

anniezz338

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Especially the young ones. I see guys say they don't want anything serious. What does that mean? They don't want love? Is it just their way of controlling the relationship? Is it totally just sex they want? When they want?

I just feel it looks kinda tacky in profile, posts, ect. It's like asking for something you value less before it even begins. Or is sex more valued than a deep relationship?

Any thoughts?

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 10:15:05 AM

InHisHeart

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There are guys that want a committed relationship, guys that don't, same with women. Many times whether or not they (men or women) want something serious depends on where that person is in their life at the time. There have been times I was ready for commitment and at times not ready for commitment.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 10:18:54 AM

Spiritedsub2

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I can't find the article now, but if I do later I'll post it on the thread. It was a study of libido in male rats. The result of the study was that male libido declined precipitously when caged with the same female after a few months, but then rebounded back to expected levels when the male rat was put in a cage with a different female.

Ummm, I'm not calling men rats. No gold letters please.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 10:58:25 AM

Nakhla

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I lot of men want committed relationships. Fewer than women, but still more than any single woman will ever run out of.

In my view, the problem is misidentification: people who think they want committed relationships, but don't really.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 11:19:00 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla
In my view, the problem is misidentification: people who think they want committed relationships, but don't really.

I completely agree. When you start looking at the actual statistics and the actual behaviors of humans what you see is that some of us are "wired for commitment and monogamy" and others are not. From my standpoint it takes no particular effort or strength to commit to a relationship and then be monogamous within it. That's just how I work. I think our society does us a disservice though by presenting committed monogamy as the only viable choice. I feel for the people who aren't like me... men and women both. I wish we had more forms of marriage than we do.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 11:29:00 AM

Yachtie

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fr

Why do guys not like to commit?

I'd say, do some research on 'Game' as it relates to male / female relationships. Such employs terms associated with the male as 'Alpha', 'beta', 'gamma', 'delta'.

This link is a partial beginning.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 12:09:00 PM

Nakhla

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Yachtie

fr

Why do guys not like to commit?

I'd say, do some research on 'Game' as it relates to male / female relationships. Such employs terms associated with the male as 'Alpha', 'beta', 'gamma', 'delta'.

This link is a partial beginning.

"Suggestion: Straights will be more tolerant if you keep the bathhouse behavior behind closed doors."

Wow, quite a bit of homophobia there.

< Message edited by Nakhla -- 4/19/2014 12:14:02 PM >

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 12:12:14 PM

Raz88

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I'm 26 and single.Why i dont want to commit? hmm
Life is hard sometimes.And because i care about other persons i dont want to commit and then ruin everything.
Well, this is just me.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 12:30:59 PM

DesFIP

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What age group constitutes young?

Male frontal lobe development is not complete until age 25. At which point they then begin to accumulate experiences and view those experiences through adult viewpoint.

Basically, as a former judge here used to say, boys under 30 are puppies.
Because female frontal lobe development is complete at age 20, females are more adult with several years of adult viewpoint at age 25.

Or as I tell The Man when he complains about any of our shared brood, you cannot expect an old head on young shoulders.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/19/2014 8:04:44 PM

Chwilfrydig

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Some of them do like to commit, but unfortunately, some of those who do commit shouldn't have committed because commitment didn't suit them after all.

That's the Susie Sells Seashells Down by the Seashore story of my ex-husband.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 1:09:55 AM

SailingBum

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Guessing. The commited ones are married....

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 3:15:58 AM

orgasmdenial12

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I think this is a bit of a cultural myth. There are lots of men who want to commit. In fact studies show that divorced men are the most depressed out of anybody because, for a lot of men, being a good provider for the family is still how they define and express their idea of masculinity. Studies also show that women initiate two thirds of divorces - this suggests that men are both willing and able to commit.

I think, if you're talking to a lot of guys who don't want to commit, you have to realise that the common denominator is you - are you, perhaps, subconsciously attracted to guys who want to play the field? Are you thinking they will change? Or is it a projection whereby, because you want something, you can't imagine why somebody else wouldn't?

I went through a stage last year where I broke up from a long term relationship and I was in a real hurry to get back into another one. I realise now, I was not ready at all and I was trying to rush the process. When I stopped looking and started just enjoying myself, then I attracted someone who was happy with their life and wanted to be a part of my life.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 3:23:28 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Guessing. The commited ones are married....

astute point. As a guy who likes to commit I don't stay available for long. Honestly though the question carries its own answer. The way I read this question more fully spelled out is...

"Why can't I find a reasonably well employed, well balanced, loving and attentive man who will commit to a woman who doesn't understand men and doesn't even see them as people?"

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 4:16:48 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Male frontal lobe development is not complete until age 25. At which point they then begin to accumulate experiences and view those experiences through adult viewpoint.

Basically, as a former judge here used to say, boys under 30 are puppies.
Because female frontal lobe development is complete at age 20, females are more adult with several years of adult viewpoint at age 25.

I used to believe men were less commitment-oriented than women, prone to be childish and immature. This is why when I was younger, I always sought out older, more sexually experienced men.
Back in those days, an older man was one in his 30's.
Boys and men my same age did not interest me, except as buddies relegated to the friend-only zone.

However, as I've grown older, I've seen two trends. (Besides the fact that the best catches don't stay single long.)
There seem to be just as many women who hedge their bets and want to keep their options open as men.
Some people cannot stand to be alone, the ones who are never without a gf/bf, those who cannot bear to be single and will either shack up or marry the very next eligible partner who comes along.

I find that neither gender has a monopoly on these mating-pattern behaviorisms.
The main difference I've observed is that women are less prone to take their intimate relationships casually.
Nevertheless, men who do take their intimate relationships seriously are no less committed to their mates than women are.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 4:49:44 AM

brispslave

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Here is a better question: why would any sane man in the western world want to commit? Give me one benefit of committing.

Once you commit you pretty much give control of your life to someone else. In any divorce proceedings the man loses everything, and women know this. So you commit, and she gets fat and all the power.

Once again, why would any sane man in the western world commit?

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 4:57:26 AM

quizzicalkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: brispslave

Here is a better question: why would any sane man in the western world want to commit? Give me one benefit of committing.

Once you commit you pretty much give control of your life to someone else. In any divorce proceedings the man loses everything, and women know this. So you commit, and she gets fat and all the power.

Once again, why would any sane man in the western world commit?

Bitter much?

I request my boy commits to me, because I commit to him. Simple reason of why...

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 5:07:37 AM

brispslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten

Bitter much?

No, but thanks for asking. Unsound personal attacks aren't usually good at answering sound questions though, for future reference. Next time maybe try answering the question asked unless, you know, you can't.

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 5:25:57 AM

quizzicalkitten

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Its not a personal attack, your post reads extremely bitter, and then I answered why would a man commit to me? Because I require it of my relationships. If you dont want people to believe your bitter, Try not posting extremely rude and unfounded things about women in general.

But To Expound for you: Men Dont lose everything, in fact as women earn more then their male partners they get to pay Palimony... Its not the 50s any longer and most of the time assets are split 50/50 or 60/40 for when one partner makes an extreme amount more then the other....

And Giving up control, its kinda the whole point if entering into a D/s relationship for me and my partner... Ya know that whole.. Power exchange thing...

< Message edited by quizzicalkitten -- 4/20/2014 5:29:17 AM >

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 5:46:49 AM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I can't find the article now, but if I do later I'll post it on the thread. It was a study of libido in male rats. The result of the study was that male libido declined precipitously when caged with the same female after a few months, but then rebounded back to expected levels when the male rat was put in a cage with a different female.

Ummm, I'm not calling men rats. No gold letters please.

Why I oughta......

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

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RE: Why do guys not like to commit? - 4/20/2014 5:52:54 AM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten

Its not a personal attack, your post reads extremely bitter, and then I answered why would a man commit to me? Because I require it of my relationships. If you dont want people to believe your bitter, Try not posting extremely rude and unfounded things about women in general.

But To Expound for you: Men Dont lose everything, in fact as women earn more then their male partners they get to pay Palimony... Its not the 50s any longer and most of the time assets are split 50/50 or 60/40 for when one partner makes an extreme amount more then the other....

And Giving up control, its kinda the whole point if entering into a D/s relationship for me and my partner... Ya know that whole.. Power exchange thing...

Rarely do men and women split 50/50 or even 60/40.

If there are children, the woman can be the most atrocious human to ever walk the planet and she has a better chance of getting the kids than the man.

That said, the one with the better attorney usually ends up with more "stuff".

Few, regardless, come out well in (most) divorces.

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