Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (Full Version)

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BeautifulLotus -> Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 6:31:39 AM)



***AM REPOSTING THIS FROM A DIFFERENT FORUM***

I just received the following message:

Thank you ever so much for the perve. I have eyefucked the shit out of your profile, I must confess. Exactly how many motherfuckers would I have to kill to own you? I am probably a little too extreme for you. (I can certainly live without beating up a girl), but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural, good looking thing like you. But the little I can see of you, you are really pretty.

You have a smile that is astonishing, as well.

To which, I replied:

Good Morning ***.
While I appreciate your interest, I believe we are too far away from one another.
Another thing:
Do not make assumptions about something for which you have no basis.
I DO NOT WEAR WIGS, WEAVES, HAIRPIECES OR ANY TYPE OF FAKE HAIR.
The hair is all mine, grown over a period of 5years, they are dreadlocks and it is part of being a proud, beautiful Black woman that I wear them.

This is always an issue when one is interested in dating across "racial lines". As a AA female, I am constantly being asked if I wear wigs/weaves, etc. Believe it or not, BLACK WOMEN CAN GROW THEIR OWN HAIR .
The problem comes from non-AA folks, that for so long, the concept of BLACK BEAUTY has/and continues to be a light-skinned female with long, straight flowing tresses. Point in case: Beyonce`.
She is continually held up as the quintessential idea of beauty. What most non-AA folks don't know about Beyonce` is that all that hair is FAKE. The color is fake, the texture is fake.
I am ME. I can be no other person. And in order for me to be the BEST ME I can be, I must accept myself in it's natural state. So this means, that I wear Dreadlocks. I take meticulous care of my hair, it is my crowning glory and I am proud of it.

So to go back to the original message and point I am going to make:
DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Ask questions. I was not only insulted, but this individual has now created an atmosphere where I do not even wish to hold conversation of any kind with him.
Besides, why on earth would I want to belong to someone who, without knowing me or even addressing me in a proper manner, would think that I would want to BELONG TO HIM when right off the bat HE'S TRYING TO CHANGE SOMETHING FUNDAMENTAL about me?
NO THANKS.
Asking a person about their grooming habits should be right up there with asking them what's their kink?

When a person takes this kind of attitude, it says: "I'M DOMINEERING. NOT DOMINANT". And I want no part of it.
And when one makes assumptions of such a nature THEY TRULY MAKE AN ASS(umption) of themselves.

Granted, he hurriedly sent an apology. But it's too late.
ONE NEVER GETS A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION

Lotus



mnottertail -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 6:41:39 AM)

Yeah, but no. That was me.

Uh, it isn't a matter across racial lines that ala Beyonce hair is at all considered normative for a black woman, anyone knowing anything about it, knows its remy. People who know more than a little about it, would consider most of the hairstyles to be more on the order of Naptural or Angela Davis (now, not the old 'fros although to some they are hot as well.)

As I said, the dreds were so picture perfect, they looked manufactured as in tracks.

Let's now call this one huge assumptive apiece. I live my life pretty much out loud.



BeautifulLotus -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 6:50:28 AM)

Now see...

I was trying to be diplomatic about it by not revealing your handle..but since you say that you "live your life out loud"....okay.

Even though you know the "Lingo" of black hair care, you are still clueless as to how you came across. And too, no matter how you try to justify your "knowledge" of black hair care and techniques, you ARE NOT, NEVER WILL BE, a BLACK WOMAN.

So yea, we'll call this a faux pas and KEEP IT MOVING.




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 6:51:55 AM)

May I dare say that although the first part of your reply was fine and measured, the second part was just unnecessary and played right into their hands??[:D]

You should have left it short and sweet and ignored the rest of it.

And this post is nothing much more than a rant IMHO.



BeautifulLotus -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 6:53:17 AM)

Oh, and thanks to the Mods for moving this!



Moderator7 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:26:39 AM)

You all had me going. New mod, learning the way of things and two threads to figure out.

Moderator 7



Moderator3 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:28:00 AM)

Good Morning! I wake up to double threads in a few places and a new moderator trying to figure out what exactly is going on and I can't explain it to her! It's not nice to mess with moderator heads in the morning. Someone should supply coffee if they are going to do that. [;)]

So this thread has been returned after we sorted out a couple situations complicating things. Tomorrow, we expect coffee! [:D]



chatterbox24 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:46:55 AM)

http://media.photobucket.com/user/RaptorYoshi/media/PAD/129195693391474663.jpg.html?filters%5Bterm%5D=cup%20of%20coffee&filters%5Bprimary%5D=images&filters%5Bsecondary%5D=videos&sort=1&o=13



mnottertail -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:48:00 AM)

Yeah, this is getting pretty fuckin funny, guess there is a chip on your shoulder over this shit, easily insulted wide and brawling woman. Would have been just as easy to say, hey fella, thats my hair, and I am proud of it, and I would still have said, it is so picture perfect, that it looks made.



quote:


The problem comes from non-AA folks, that for so long, the concept of BLACK BEAUTY has/and continues to be a light-skinned female with long, straight flowing tresses. Point in case: Beyonce`.
She is continually held up as the quintessential idea of beauty


I guess you can assume that being a 'strong black woman', but you don't speak for non-AA folks, and I do not believe it is her remy and her makeup girls that make Beyonce good looking. See, you've never been a white man either. And I do not think that universally, non-AA people hold her up as the 'concept' of 'black beauty.


Seems to be a lot of ASS running around here, U n Me.



Greta75 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:51:53 AM)

mnottertail, come on!!! Your message to her could have been sooo sweet if you left out the criticism on her hair. She is rightly insulted because you think her real hair is fake haha, gosh, it's a woman you are dealing with here! I would be so mad if a guy told me my hair was fake. Doesn't matter all the other fluffy stuffs. Also I am surprise you did the age old, no no, by literally telling her what to do with her hair, giving her dominating instructions at first email!



Darkfeather -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 8:55:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulLotus



***AM REPOSTING THIS FROM A DIFFERENT FORUM***

I just received the following message:

Thank you ever so much for the perve. I have eyefucked the shit out of your profile, I must confess. Exactly how many motherfuckers would I have to kill to own you? I am probably a little too extreme for you. (I can certainly live without beating up a girl), but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural, good looking thing like you. But the little I can see of you, you are really pretty.

You have a smile that is astonishing, as well.

To which, I replied:

Good Morning ***.
While I appreciate your interest, I believe we are too far away from one another.
Another thing:
Do not make assumptions about something for which you have no basis.
I DO NOT WEAR WIGS, WEAVES, HAIRPIECES OR ANY TYPE OF FAKE HAIR.
The hair is all mine, grown over a period of 5years, they are dreadlocks and it is part of being a proud, beautiful Black woman that I wear them.

This is always an issue when one is interested in dating across "racial lines". As a AA female, I am constantly being asked if I wear wigs/weaves, etc. Believe it or not, BLACK WOMEN CAN GROW THEIR OWN HAIR .
The problem comes from non-AA folks, that for so long, the concept of BLACK BEAUTY has/and continues to be a light-skinned female with long, straight flowing tresses. Point in case: Beyonce`.
She is continually held up as the quintessential idea of beauty. What most non-AA folks don't know about Beyonce` is that all that hair is FAKE. The color is fake, the texture is fake.
I am ME. I can be no other person. And in order for me to be the BEST ME I can be, I must accept myself in it's natural state. So this means, that I wear Dreadlocks. I take meticulous care of my hair, it is my crowning glory and I am proud of it.

So to go back to the original message and point I am going to make:
DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Ask questions. I was not only insulted, but this individual has now created an atmosphere where I do not even wish to hold conversation of any kind with him.
Besides, why on earth would I want to belong to someone who, without knowing me or even addressing me in a proper manner, would think that I would want to BELONG TO HIM when right off the bat HE'S TRYING TO CHANGE SOMETHING FUNDAMENTAL about me?
NO THANKS.
Asking a person about their grooming habits should be right up there with asking them what's their kink?

When a person takes this kind of attitude, it says: "I'M DOMINEERING. NOT DOMINANT". And I want no part of it.
And when one makes assumptions of such a nature THEY TRULY MAKE AN ASS(umption) of themselves.

Granted, he hurriedly sent an apology. But it's too late.
ONE NEVER GETS A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION

Lotus


While I can appreciate our people's struggle throughout the centuries as much as you, I do believe y'all are bit to sensitive to the comment. First thing, just a bit of constructive criticism. You might want to type out African American, unless you want people to get the wrong idea you are talking about alcoholics anonymous. As for the hair, we black people have had insults, food, small animal thrown at us at one time or another. Now I know first hand you do not mess with a black woman's hair, lest you tempt death. But ask yourself, does responding out of anger work. Dr. King, great advocate of relating to how we deal with personal and social attacks, had brilliant answers on the subject



mnottertail -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:08:59 AM)

It would seem, that certainly is not anyones responsiblility to be the spokesman (spokesperson, spokeswoman) for their race. (what a fuckin stupid concept to begin with), but yanno, all the black people smell or white people smell when they get wet shit, and all the other myths, if we don't discuss them, it will never be resolved.

If you examine her picture, AND THIS IS A COMPLIMENT her pencil-dreds look absolutely machined they are so perfect. I said so, and her first impression of me (although it is the third or so) is about my first impression of her, and oh well, but that is not central to this discussion.


I did not at all tell her what to do with her hair. Are women that fucking frangible? You know, maybe if I was to be domineering, I would tell you to learn to fuckin read, not what you 'intuit' or 'imagine' or 'analyze' something to say.



Greta75 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:13:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
If you examine her picture, AND THIS IS A COMPLIMENT her pencil-dreds look absolutely machined they are so perfect. I said so, and her first impression of me (although it is the third or so) is about my first impression of her, and oh well, but that is not central to this discussion.

But in your initial introduction, you did not meant it as a compliment, telling her she should do away with weaves and grow out her natural hair. That is not a compliment at all but a criticism.

but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural

quote:

I did not at all tell her what to do with her hair. Are women that fucking frangible? You know, maybe if I was to be domineering, I would tell you to learn to fuckin read, not what you 'intuit' or 'imagine' or 'analyze' something to say.

Refer to the quote above, you literally told her what to do with her hair on first Hello Message!

I don't know, this isn't intuition or analysing, it's just reading it as what it is. A stranger PMs me and tells me, "First Order of OUR business is for you to do blah blah blah." That is clearly issuing an order.

But I know you meant well and you really think she is pretty, just that everything you were trying to say did not come out right, and it really didn't!



mnottertail -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:21:57 AM)

quote:


But in your initial introduction, you did not meant it as a compliment, telling her she should do away with weaves and grow out her natural hair. That is not a compliment at all but a criticism.

but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural


Ok, you are given a pass since English is not your first language. But you NEED to read it for comprehension. I didn't tell her shit, other than:

I am probably a little too extreme for you.

Now that? Was TOLD.



Greta75 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:42:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Ok, you are given a pass since English is not your first language. But you NEED to read it for comprehension. I didn't tell her shit, other than:

I am probably a little too extreme for you.

Now that? Was TOLD.

English is my first language.
You mean you did not say this but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural
as she claimed you said?



shiftyw -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:46:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Ok, you are given a pass since English is not your first language. But you NEED to read it for comprehension. I didn't tell her shit, other than:

I am probably a little too extreme for you.

Now that? Was TOLD.

English is my first language.
You mean you did not say this but the first order of our business would be for you to lose the weaves and wigs, and start a program for getting your hair natural
as she claimed you said?


Its a hypothetical. Not an order.



mnottertail -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:48:32 AM)

I said that, she has in no way distorted the actual quotes from our first email. Where exactly is the imperative for her? I know that is what she is taking it as, but since you understand and comprehend English, it shouldn't be too difficult to elucidate those parts of speech in the sentence.


Oh, and so this thread isn't a total loss..........

http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Depot-COCONUT-1-QUART-Coconut-Oil/dp/B005CW3MB0/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1400085045&sr=8-14&keywords=coconut+oil


http://www.amazon.com/Raw-Mango-Butter-16-oz/dp/B000W0HA7Y/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1400085099&sr=1-1&keywords=mango+butter

http://www.amazon.com/Solutions-Glycerine-Vegetable-16-Fluid-Ounces/dp/B0019LWU2K/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1400085184&sr=1-1&keywords=vegetable+glycerin (mix this in to soften under low low heat)


http://www.amazon.com/smellgood-RSB-32-32oz-African-Butter/dp/B008WG7X8Q/ref=sr_1_2?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1400085141&sr=1-2&keywords=shea+butter

And of course you can do this:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Butter-Warmer-3-5-Stainless-Steel-Tabletop-Stand-Melter-Candle-Lit-Heater-Set-/121259524629?pt=Dinnerware_Serving_Dishes&hash=item1c3ba18215

diving into the raw hard butters is tiring on fingers...........

and

http://www.blackhairinformation.com/general-articles/hair-type-classification/

couple quickies for those interested.



Darkfeather -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 9:52:20 AM)

I think you are missing the fact that it is supposed to be comical, not serious



Greta75 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 10:22:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
Its a hypothetical. Not an order.

How is that hypothetical? Even in the English language? It's like going into a business meeting and saying, "The first order of business is to do this and do that." It's practically telling someone what to do. It's not even a suggestion, but a direct order. But um, even a suggestion would be offensive.

I don't know, if the first PM from someone is all about criticizing my hair, even though it's peppered with compliments, I'd be super pissed, but I don't have my hair on display, so it will probably not happen.

What different is this from a man telling you, you are pretty but you will look even prettier with make up. That offends me severely.



Greta75 -> RE: Guys...PLEASE DON'T DO THIS (5/14/2014 10:26:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

I think you are missing the fact that it is supposed to be comical, not serious

Can't really hear the tone in text unfortunately. Maybe more friendly teasing smiley required, but I still don't see how it is comical at all to tell someone to grow real hair.



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