What exactly is a "service submissive"?

What exactly is a "service submissive"? (Full Version)

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Telios -> What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/16/2014 8:49:38 PM)
I consider myself one who gains pleasure out of doing things that are pleasing to others. In an email, I was told that's not even close to what a service submissive is. I was told it was someone who contributes resources to the dominant partner. Am I a service submissive? Or something else?

Darkfeather -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/16/2014 9:19:37 PM)
You are whatever the hell you want to be, not what some anonymous emailer "defines" you as. Call yourself what you want, and be proud of it

MistressDarkArt -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/16/2014 9:21:10 PM)
By your definition, I would call you a service sub. Somebody wanted access to your wallet. Ignore, block, delete. Unless you're into that, of course.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/16/2014 9:39:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Telios I consider myself one who gains pleasure out of doing things that are pleasing to others. That is exactly the description of a service submissive. The person who emailed you, may have wanted something entirely different, and that is neither here nor there. Unless you're interested in said person, nothing he/she said, ought to matter to you, what you do, or what you choose to label yourself. Good luck, M

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 12:03:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt By your definition, I would call you a service sub. Somebody wanted access to your wallet. Ignore, block, delete. Unless you're into that, of course. This.

eulero83 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 1:15:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Telios I consider myself one who gains pleasure out of doing things that are pleasing to others. In an email, I was told that's not even close to what a service submissive is. I was told it was someone who contributes resources to the dominant partner. Am I a service submissive? Or something else? smells like teen findom

ivone57 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 11:42:20 AM)
a service submissive in my opinion is someone who enjoys themselves serving others....but then its just another label also

DesFIP -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 12:35:42 PM)
The only thing I would like to add is something Lady Pact brought up. If she's buying expensive equipment to use on you, then it is fair to expect you to buy some of those items that will only be used on you. Or for you to buy them and bring with you for play sessions. Same with thigh high boots or latex outfits. If she's willing to indulge your fetish, then you shouldn't expect her to shell out hundreds of dollars to do so. It's great that you're willing to spend time helping her out but that doesn't cover the cost of specialty fetish stuff which she wouldn't have bought except to indulge you.

dominalisa -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 2:11:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Telios I was told it was someone who contributes resources to the dominant partner. --It sounds like that person does not know what they are talking about and was really after your money.

MistressMeghanH -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 2:13:02 PM)
Those who go above and beyond the call.

dominalisa -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 2:51:40 PM)
A "service submissive" to me is what a real submissive should be. They like to serve...do things for their Mistress....whether that's cooking, cleaning, massaging, organizing, lifting heavy things that she needs moved, walking the dog, running an errand or whatever service/tasks she needs done. As opposed to someone who calls themselves a submissive and is really just looking for things to be done TO them such as whipping and doesn't really focus on helping the Mistress with tasks. I would call the latter a "bottom" rather than a submissive. But since not alot of people are commonly calling themselves "bottoms" then I think the term "service submissive" is being used by dominant women like me to help re-emphasize that we are looking to be served.

eulero83 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 4:06:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The only thing I would like to add is something Lady Pact brought up. If she's buying expensive equipment to use on you, then it is fair to expect you to buy some of those items that will only be used on you. Or for you to buy them and bring with you for play sessions. Same with thigh high boots or latex outfits. If she's willing to indulge your fetish, then you shouldn't expect her to shell out hundreds of dollars to do so. It's great that you're willing to spend time helping her out but that doesn't cover the cost of specialty fetish stuff which she wouldn't have bought except to indulge you. ok that's fair when you talk about a more traditional session, where the submissive equipment is more or less his body, but If he offers a service oriented submission than he is the one who needs equipment: cooking or cleaning stuff, a set of mani/pedicure tools if he is able to give them, massage oil etc. etc. and the dom needs very little equipment. if someone tells me you are service oriented so you have to buy me stuff, to me sounds like someone that just didn't care about what I was offering but is just telling me she's into that because she wants stuff.

FieryOpal -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 5:07:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eulero83 quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The only thing I would like to add is something Lady Pact brought up. If she's buying expensive equipment to use on you, then it is fair to expect you to buy some of those items that will only be used on you. Or for you to buy them and bring with you for play sessions. Same with thigh high boots or latex outfits. If she's willing to indulge your fetish, then you shouldn't expect her to shell out hundreds of dollars to do so. It's great that you're willing to spend time helping her out but that doesn't cover the cost of specialty fetish stuff which she wouldn't have bought except to indulge you. ok that's fair when you talk about a more traditional session, where the submissive equipment is more or less his body, but If he offers a service oriented submission than he is the one who needs equipment: cooking or cleaning stuff, a set of mani/pedicure tools if he is able to give them, massage oil etc. etc. and the dom needs very little equipment. if someone tells me you are service oriented so you have to buy me stuff, to me sounds like someone that just didn't care about what I was offering but is just telling me she's into that because she wants stuff. Truthfully, eulero, I'm sure you're not like this friend of mine, but your remark there reminded me of a few admissions this male sub has made about the 4 ex-Dommes he has had. It could be coincidence, but in EVERY SINGLE CASE, he has had a poly Mistress other subs paid tribute to supply her with fetish stiletto shoes, fetish boots, fetish outfits & gear, whatever she needed. He boasts how he was always the one who was exempt from shelling out his own money since the other sub(s) had her expenses covered so he didn't have to pitch in. Lest you presume he might have been her favorite or some kind of living proof that he was cared about more than they were, or that he was somehow valued or esteemed higher than they were, he was the one who got treated like their dirty little secret. And you know what? It sounds to me that he treated them like they were his dirty little secret. They didn't go out in public together, whatever "friendship" they had was severely limited by his being a lesser priority schedule-wise, and two of his Mistresses had vanilla boyfriends they went on to marry. He considers that he was cuckolded by these two. Haha. It was those saps of husbands-to-be who were the cuckolded ones--non-consensually, I should point out. He says he didn't like being cuckolded at first, but now he seeks to repeat this low-to-no-cost dynamic because HE valued his money and hoarding his personal resources MORE than he did any attempt at having more than a uni-dimensional relationship with his shared Dommes, or any other woman for that matter. It's sad because now he's not well, lives alone, and soon he'll be 60. You get back what you give. Nada.

Kaliko -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 5:44:31 PM)
I agree with dominalisa, that as a service submissive I'm not looking for him to do things to me. He does...but that's his choice. It's not my expectation. I actually think it goes beyond finding enjoyment in serving others or giving others pleasure. I think it's finding enjoyment in making my own desires secondary to serving and pleasing him. And like dominalisa, I consider this to be the definition of "submission," not "service submission."

DesFIP -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/17/2014 8:01:07 PM)
Eulero, yes if he is buying stuff to cook in her kitchen, that's a fair point. But how many people have no pots and pans? If she bought the groceries planning to cook her own dinner then he isn't spending a dime. If he owns wrenches to fix his own cars, then he isn't spending any money to fix hers. I don't know too many people who do their own car repairs who don't already own most of the tools.

eulero83 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/18/2014 12:45:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Eulero, yes if he is buying stuff to cook in her kitchen, that's a fair point. But how many people have no pots and pans? If she bought the groceries planning to cook her own dinner then he isn't spending a dime. If he owns wrenches to fix his own cars, then he isn't spending any money to fix hers. I don't know too many people who do their own car repairs who don't already own most of the tools. I don't know if you want just to make a point or if your point is a male submissive has to tribute for the mistress time in some sort of way, if it's not giving her money directly than it has to be though objects. For sake of conversation in your opinion should a female sub provide for the male dom equipments or is it always the male has to provide everything for the female? By the way I was just saying it's fair to share expences, and treating with some presents is part of any relationship, but if you are into something you should look for someone that's into your same fetishes, if he offers services than he should be contacted by mistresses that are looking for those things. Writing that sounded to me exactly like when a male dom writes a fem sub "you are not a real submissive if you don't: perform for me in cam/ meet me for sex".

eulero83 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/18/2014 1:12:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Truthfully, eulero, I'm sure you're not like this friend of mine, but your remark there reminded me of a few admissions this male sub has made about the 4 ex-Dommes he has had. It could be coincidence, but in EVERY SINGLE CASE, he has had a poly Mistress other subs paid tribute to supply her with fetish stiletto shoes, fetish boots, fetish outfits & gear, whatever she needed. He boasts how he was always the one who was exempt from shelling out his own money since the other sub(s) had her expenses covered so he didn't have to pitch in. No I'm not like your friend, and I'm not doing the apology of being cheep. My point is people should look for who matches them. By the way... do I am naive thinking not every domme is pro or fin?

FieryOpal -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/18/2014 1:40:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eulero83 No I'm not like your friend, and I'm not doing the apology of being cheep. My point is people should look for who matches them. By the way... do I am naive thinking not every domme is pro or fin? Btw, my friend is not a service sub either. From how he has described it, he is more of a fetish slave who happens to have a knack for finding Dommes with matching fetishes. [&:] Whether you prefer to call it bartering or quid pro quo, there has to be a fair exchange. Money is the lowest form of currency there is, the lowest common denominator, therefore the most common or universally prevalent form of exchange. No, you're not naïve. Many of us are neither pro or fin, what is called lifestyle. A man still has to be the man in the relationship and doesn't get a free pass on dating or any other dimension of courting or pursuing a woman's favor.

eulero83 -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/18/2014 2:33:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal quote: ORIGINAL: eulero83 No I'm not like your friend, and I'm not doing the apology of being cheep. My point is people should look for who matches them. By the way... do I am naive thinking not every domme is pro or fin? Btw, my friend is not a service sub either. From how he has described it, he is more of a fetish slave who happens to have a knack for finding Dommes with matching fetishes. [&:] Whether you prefer to call it bartering or quid pro quo, there has to be a fair exchange. Money is the lowest form of currency there is, the lowest common denominator, therefore the most common or universally prevalent form of exchange. No, you're not naïve. Many of us are neither pro or fin, what is called lifestyle. A man still has to be the man in the relationship and doesn't get a free pass on dating or any other dimension of courting or pursuing a woman's favor. Yes, and that's the dimension I'd bring it. But if I ask a girl out for a dinner I'd be puzzled if she says: "ok but first you have to buy me a new dress, new shoes and then there is also hairstyle and waxing to cover."

FieryOpal -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/18/2014 3:22:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eulero83 Yes, and that's the dimension I'd bring it. But if I ask a girl out for a dinner I'd be puzzled if she says: "ok but first you have to buy me a new dress, new shoes and then there is also hairstyle and waxing to cover." In the vanilla world there is parity, a tendency to stay within one's socio-economic station, as it were. Normally, the majority of women (with any sense) don't choose dating partners of a widely disparate economic station, or they choose to adhere to certain minimum standards. If you ask out a lady of simple means to accompany you to a White House dinner, unless you want her to feel embarrassed and humiliated, you should take her out to buy a formal gown with matching accessories, offer to get her hair done, a mani-pedi. She may not need to get a professional waxing job done for this occasion. If you are unwilling to underwrite the expense she would have to incur, then you have no business asking out a lady of simple means in the first place. This might seem to be an extreme example, but I'm illustrating a point. I'll put it another way, hypothetically speaking. You're horny or you have subfever. All you seek is gratification. Please don't feed me a line about how unselfish a lover you might be. Let's say you are looking to USE a woman for sexual gratification and/or fetish gratification and/or kink gratification. The fact that you may want this sexual/BDSM arrangement to be on a regular basis doesn't make your motives any nobler. With a vanilla woman, if you have any decency, you will ask her out on a date in the hopes of getting lucky. Why should a vanilla woman get treated better than a Domme? Or to put it another way again, why should a Dominant female get treated any less than a vanilla lady would? Do you not see how supremely disrespectful this is? How shabby? So why should a male submissive presume he should get access to a Dominant female WITHOUT any parity?

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