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Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/17/2014 10:40:27 PM   
CobaltRose


Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Im kinda worried I do. I feel like im not fit to be a BDSM sub
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/17/2014 10:48:21 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I think it depends upon how you're defining "hard limits".

My lady and I have engaged in certain things that she never would have thought of before. Thankfully, she was never exposed to this lifestyle in any sort of "official" way so she never had the opportunity to expand her "hard limits".

She never had the cacophony of "twue submissives", telling her that she needs to "stick to her guns" or filling her head with some of the other bullshit that goes on.

She is well aware (because she took the time to get to know me) that my expectations will almost never out-distance her limitations.

She was born submissive and will die submissive and she thanks the good Lord that we found each other because I am not as extreme as so many that are in this lifestyle (I make her read profiles and posts, occasionally and she has gotten very upset by some of what she has seen).

Truly, only you can decide if you belong in this lifestyle or not but, I will leave you with an old adage that I think applies: There's a lid for every pot.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/17/2014 10:54:03 PM   
SWDesertDom


Posts: 231
Joined: 4/5/2012
Status: offline 		In a word, no. That's a pretty short list, actually (not that there is a proper length for a list).

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 1:01:55 AM   
CrazyHarleyQuinn


Posts: 44
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		There's no such thing as too many hard limits. You add on there what YOU think should be added on there. Maybe some day you can turn them into soft limits, but that's up to you and you alone. It's important that you add what you love, like, dislike, and especially your hard limits, so that the people you meet will know what they can and can't do with you.
Just like there's no such thing as disliking too many things in the vanilla world, the same can be said on the kink side.

(in reply to SWDesertDom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 6:43:04 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Im kinda worried I do. I feel like im not fit to be a BDSM sub


Why does that worry you? So you're kinky but not submissive, and/or you're bi and like poly play, or poly relationships with top/bottom play.

This is not some elite club. There are no special accolades for anyone because of their dynamic or sexual preferences. Relax, just find someone whose personality and interests complement yours.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 9:12:23 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Some thoughts:
1) You may find you are more into dominance and submission without the add-ons of BDSM.
There is nothing wrong with a non-kink based D/s relationship.
2) You may discover you are more of a bottom.
There is nothing wrong with that.
3) You may find in time that some of your limits change.
There is nothing wrong with that either.
4) Your list of limits is not too big.
Many people have similar limits.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to CobaltRose)
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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 9:22:30 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		"Too many" isn't quite the right concept. If they're not often used, who cares how many there are?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 10:04:38 AM   
candisa


Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		having a concept of who you are and what you are willing to accept within the realm of kink will safe you tons of pain and conflict in the future.

_____________________________

respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
To love or not; in this we stand or fall.



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 4:24:30 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I don't think you have too many. It's just a matter of finding someone who's compatible. We all have to do that though.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to candisa)
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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 6:13:53 PM   
CobaltRose


Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 7:04:13 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.


Stop saying "truly".
Stop listening to whoever is hating on you.
Do you.

A LOT of people will try to tell you you aren't "true" or "real" or you're a fake. The only person who's voice matters is yours.

Frankly- I hate D/s stuff for the most part. I'm way more into bondage, sado/maso, some fetish stuff. My interests revolve around bedroom only. On top of that, I have PTSD- which means that some of my limits are things that a pain slut "should be into"- but I'm not, for personal reasons.

Wanna hear my hard limit list? cause its could fill a dictionary.

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 8:01:22 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.


Some people are only into spanking.
Some people are only into diapers.
Some people are only into puppy play (pretending they are someone's puppy).
Some people are only into the fantasy of BDSM; they love the idea for pain but for them receiving pain (or enduring pain for someone else) does nothing for them.
And some people are only curious, and have no real life or even on-line experience.

Of course you don't know what you are into yet. You are new.
We have all been new at one time.
Almost all of us here have been in this situation: we may think we know what we like but until we experience it, we really don't know... and sometimes we decide that things that used to be a hard limit soften over time with the right partner.
Sometimes our limit lists shrink, sometimes they grow.
Sometimes the thing we have fantasised over for years turns out to be a personal dud when we try it.


The only person to decide whether you belong here is you.

edit: clarity


< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 5/18/2014 8:03:15 PM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 9:39:03 PM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		I agree there is no such thing as to many hard limits ... you should see my list, I got it here somewhere, just kidding around but in all seriousness there is no such thing as too many... that's what good about all of this cause what was once a hard limit can become a soft limit without you realizing it except of course for those that everyone has...

_____________________________

ivone

Property of WhipHer

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 10:19:07 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.



NO ONE has a right tell you that you don't belong here.

Depending on point of view, D/s falls under the BDSM umbrella or BDSM falls under the D/s umbrella.

I am in the same boat as you are and I have had people on these very boards suggest that I don't belong here. Fuck 'em, right where they take their soup. It's not your job to measure up to their standards.

You do your thing and prepare yourself for that partner that's perfect for you. As for the nay sayers? Fuck 'em and feed 'em green beans!







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 10:38:09 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Cobalt
I've read through your previous posts, and other threads you have started, and in my opinion, you are doing just fine. You've come to some realizations about yourself and that is a wonderful thing. You will continue on your path of self discovery, which is also a wonderful thing.
Don't worry about fitting in. It's been said here many times, for every list of kinks...every list of hard limits...there is SOMEONE that is or will be in sync with yours. Be patient and be true to your path.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/18/2014 11:39:19 PM   
HeldandHappy


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/14/2014
From: CA
Status: offline 		Keep in mind there are D/s couples who engage in very little in the realm of BDSM. Also, limits can change over time, I hear . . .

_____________________________

Happily taken, just here for the message boards.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/19/2014 4:07:30 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		You have less than 10 items listed, and you could easily list a dozen, no sweat. There are a couple items which might fall under Hates or Soft Limits, but it you feel strongly that these would be deal breakers, then that is entirely up to you. (If you'd like for me to PM you which ones I'm talking about, I'd be happy to do that and to explain why.) You have a good mix of BDSM and vanilla in each of the other categories, which is how you want to keep your Interests list, without overdoing it there either.

If you don't mind, I do have a question about your profile. You say "(i need both male and female in my life)" yet you have no couples listed under Actively Seeking.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/19/2014 8:02:17 AM   
CobaltRose


Posts: 246
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

You have less than 10 items listed, and you could easily list a dozen, no sweat. There are a couple items which might fall under Hates or Soft Limits, but it you feel strongly that these would be deal breakers, then that is entirely up to you. (If you'd like for me to PM you which ones I'm talking about, I'd be happy to do that and to explain why.) You have a good mix of BDSM and vanilla in each of the other categories, which is how you want to keep your Interests list, without overdoing it there either.

If you don't mind, I do have a question about your profile. You say "(i need both male and female in my life)" yet you have no couples listed under Actively Seeking.

I would like a pm, yes, that would be nice. And well i never thought i was looking for a couple, because in that case i feel i was a third wheel. idk im confused. Plus im not really actively seeking anyone. Probably wont until im done with my transition,

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/19/2014 7:28:36 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		There are about 106 common paraphilias . . . 9 of which you don't want to participate in. That leaves 97 other things you can share interest with your partner(s). I think you'll do fine and no, your limits list doesn't seem that large.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/19/2014 9:15:59 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.


Ok, what in the hell makes someone "truly into BDSM"? There is a whole shitload Im not into and don't have an interest in. And that doesn't make me any less than when it comes to BDSM. My guy and I live our BDSM for US because that's ultimately all that matters in the equation. It's been said time and time again, but I'll say it one more time for emphasis. There is NO such thing as "one twue way" when it comes to this. Only your way

You belong wherever the heck you want to belong, OP. And don't let anyone or anything tell you different.

(in reply to CobaltRose)
Profile   Post #: 20
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