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To sub men: please explain "service" housewor... - 7/4/2014 4:06:59 PM

pleasemsbliss

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I have a profile that is deactivated now, but I am about to get to town and I am wondering about using men who offer cleaning services for me. I am of course a little bit concerned for my safety (it's my home) but what I'd like to know is the motivation behind that. I personally hate cleaning to that is a huge help but I want to make sure no "play" is expected.

Sub men, what gets you off about this. For those who have served in this manner, has that been "chaste" or what kind of exchange do you have with the Domme.

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/4/2014 5:14:29 PM

PeonForHer

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I think it's going to be subtly different for each 'service sub' you come across, pleasemsbliss. First of all: a warning. This is that I've seen so many femdoms complain of trying this out only to find that it's a lot more trouble than it's worth. The sub wants constant attention in one form or another and this can be exhausting. He may well do very little service for you at all, and even that he might screw up - sometimes deliberately in order to get 'punished'.

Or it might not be like that at all. He might have a long-cherished fantasy about being a servant. He might see this role as being somewhat broader than just 'servicing you physically' (as he might well put it). But however he sees it, there *will* be a fantasy involved and it's absolutely going to have detail. He must describe that detail to you and you must make damned sure you get it. Don't let him be shy and unforthcoming about it. I think, on the whole, this is one of those dynamics that requires a *lot* of communication, and unavoidably so.

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/4/2014 5:16:12 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

Sub men, what gets you off about this. For those who have served in this manner, has that been "chaste" or what kind of exchange do you have with the Domme.

I, er, didn't quite take that bit on board. What gets me off on it, most of all, is her being *selfish*. If I were to put it into one word, that is.

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/4/2014 6:11:47 PM

pleasemsbliss

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Thank you that is helpful:)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 2:10:22 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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Honestly, when i do strictly "service", it is because i have an "ulterior" motive. That being the chance to get to know You.

If i don't like You, that is the end of "service" ... if i like You ... then i am hoping this will develop into a relationship, that includes play and sex.

Myself, i am very "safe" going to a Lady's house. Don't stalk, follow, etc.

But that is me, not everyone is as level headed and "safe".

To answer Your question though, typically "no play, no service".

If you want service with no play ... call "Molly Maids" ...

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 2:15:17 AM

pleasemsbliss

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Ha! thanks. The more I hear the less I am interested in doing this. The subs I am meeting already have the service aspect to them, the difference being that I am actually interested in them otherwise. What I am getting - and what I suspect - is that there is no such thing as no-strings attached service. It's not worth it for me is what I am getting.

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 2:25:10 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasemsbliss

Ha! thanks. The more I hear the less I am interested in doing this. The subs I am meeting already have the service aspect to them, the difference being that I am actually interested in them otherwise. What I am getting - and what I suspect - is that there is no such thing as no-strings attached service. It's not worth it for me is what I am getting.

I suspect you just answered Your own question.

There really isn't no-strings service ... no one does house work for nothing.

Even Molly Maids! LOL

When You are actually interested in the sub, and select him for service ... then You have the best of both worlds ... and all the service You desire.

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Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 2:39:23 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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Thought I should add ... when You are actually interested ... and the potential servant has the "ulterior" motive ...

Then service can be a great way to get to know each other and figure out how You wish to proceed.

If You like each other, then for men, part of "liking each other" means regular service to You.

After all, the term "honey-do-list" isn't a recent innovation!

So PleaseMsBliss, you are correct ... providing no strings service is not worth it ... there needs some string ..

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 7/5/2014 2:49:13 AM >

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 11:25:13 AM

pleasemsbliss

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Awesome thank you for the thorough explanation yes I am convinced after reading this thread that there is no such thing as no-string attached service:)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/5/2014 12:47:25 PM

PeonForHer

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Oh dear. Now I'm beginning to think we might have overdone the cynical stuff.

You could get the prospectives who show an interest to message you with details about how they envisage it all working. They'd have fun doing that and you might have fun reading the results. You never know, someone might pique your interest.

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/7/2014 8:08:36 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh dear. Now I'm beginning to think we might have overdone the cynical stuff.

You could get the prospectives who show an interest to message you with details about how they envisage it all working. They'd have fun doing that and you might have fun reading the results. You never know, someone might pique your interest.

Key words .... "pique your interest" ... the first step to a workable, manageable service relationship.

After all Peon, I am sure you would agree, some element of mutual interest has to be there.

Otherwise, wouldn't we all prefer just doing last orders in the pub?

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/8/2014 7:53:19 PM

crwlon4

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Here is my .02 on the matter. I agree with the tone here that is it is a relationship. My guess would be most subs say "housework" because it is a way to serve. But I would also say that it is not simply a one way street, they want a relationship with a domme. Whatever that entails would be between the two parties but rarely would it just entail "housework", in my estimation. Like you said, you have subs you already enjoy, just have them clean the house. I'm sure you trust their motives are pure and they trust you, so they should do their best at the job.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 12

RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/9/2014 9:03:37 AM

FriendlyMuppet

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(this was a response to the OP, not to the one that is automated by the quick reply button)

Now, having only read the short bit you presented to this topic, I can't say I know all of your motivations, but from what I've seen, I can probably put forth why this sort of thing is probably not working out for you. From what I read, you appear to be looking for someone who wants to clean, but basically doesn't get anything else. You're going to find that very, VERY difficult to find. Oh, I'm sure there are all sorts of submissive types who will say that's EXACTLY what they want, but most of the time they're going to be lying to you, just in hopes of getting close to you with that ridiculous belief that somehow once in your clutches, it will change to something more substantial.

I say this as a service submissive who has been approached over the years by a lot of women who were seeking what I had to offer. (this isn't my attempt to brag, but to put it into context, as most people who know who I am here already know a lot of the history involved as well). Anyway, the point is: What I've often discovered is that what they have in mind is quite often different from what a submissive who is a service submissive would ever be interested in offering. Let me explain. A lot of women over the years have contacted me, thinking it would be great to have a cleaning slave, and then they could devote their dominant time to ANOTHER slave who they were seeking as their "play" slave. This type of compartmentalization works really well in fantasy, but rarely does it actually translate when it comes to people. I once had a woman make all sorts of plans for me to be her "cleaning slave" and then only towards the end of our coffee date did I find out that at no time did she actually intend to be the one supervising any of the work I would be doing, but thought it would be so much more pleasant for her if she had one of her male slaves take care of that thing for her. In a perfect Marketplace fantasy world, this would probably work out well for her. In reality, I paid for our coffee and politely declined the future contract she had already drawn up in her head.

The upshot of all this is something that a lot of women seeking this sort of thing don't seem to always get. A service submissive who is worth his or her grain of salt is probably someone with some decent self-esteem (as opposed to the "treat me like an insect" types of submissives you often see fantasized about in bdsm porn) because to get to that point, you pretty much have to be damn proud of what you are and what you are bringing to the plate. Which generally means that when someone says she wants a cleaning slave and nothing else, we're quite often going to look at an ad like that and laugh, moving on to find someone real, living in the real world.

The truth of the matter is: You're probably not going to hear too much of this because male submissives have pretty much been conditioned to do ANYTHING but upset the apple cart when it comes to seeking a dominant woman. This means they often pledge all sorts of absurd promises in hopes of achieving something better down the line, something that a more seasoned veteran can tell them is basically not ever going to happen. It's a lot like the female side of this phenomenon where a woman tries to "change" the bad boy type into a "good guy" but fails miserably and then is convinced that either she is a failure or that she's doing something wrong, without once ever realizing that the deck is stacked in a game that uses dice instead.

Anyway, if you find what you're seeking, great for you, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. If you don't, well, perhaps there's something to be said for what I just posted.

< Message edited by FriendlyMuppet -- 7/9/2014 9:04:35 AM >

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/9/2014 10:51:44 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh dear. Now I'm beginning to think we might have overdone the cynical stuff.

You could get the prospectives who show an interest to message you with details about how they envisage it all working. They'd have fun doing that and you might have fun reading the results. You never know, someone might pique your interest.

Key words .... "pique your interest" ... the first step to a workable, manageable service relationship.

After all Peon, I am sure you would agree, some element of mutual interest has to be there.

Otherwise, wouldn't we all prefer just doing last orders in the pub?

Of course!

You know, it's just struck me that I don't know what a femdom would get out of a service sub, though I've read lots and *lots* here about why this or that femdom would *never* go for the idea.

There's the obvious, of course: things being done for her. But presumably there's more of a buzz envisaged for her than that, in order for her to have some self-declared kinkster in her home. But what's the nature of that buzz? Beats me. I've never fantasised about having a servant. Well, I wouldn't have, would I?

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/11/2014 5:18:19 AM

xxPetownerxx

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Dear MsBliss,

in my experience the male submissive does not enjoy the domestic duties as such, but his slave fantasies are heightened by the fact that the domestic work is unpleasant and humiliating as it is (incorrectly of course) seen as being a feminine activity. A slave might visit intending to do domestic service but would be delighted to be able to get attention from the Mistress for the least amount of domestic service possible. It is the Mistress' attention that he seeks.

There is no such thing as "no strings attached" in a doing domestic service for no reward at all sense. However you do not need to worry that a domestic slave will want sex in return for their domestic duties. In my case I felt very fulfilled when having spent 2 solid hours making a bathroom spotless while collared and naked. the Mistress came to do an inspection, I was made to wait bent over the bath with my bum in the air while Mistress slowly examined my efforts. Upon finding some mouldy area under a cover (which I had not realised was moveable) I was given 20 strokes of a riding crop and a humiliating dressing down. I was pretty much dismissed and had to leave soon after and was quite depressed at the time. I was later delighted when Mistress gave me a chance to make amends and have made sure that my efforts have been more thorough ever since. Just the attention and the acknowledgement that you have been allowed to serve a Mistress is a reward in itself. If a Mistress punishes you, at least it means that she cares enough to administre training.

In short I would not worry that a submissive would expect what you are not prepared to give. However I would advise against allowing any male into your house unless you have already built up a good relationship. Best to have a male there with you when the submissive comes (The sub will love the extra humiliation of serving you in front of an incredulous guy).

Even if you have a trusted male (a previously trained sub is ideal) Meet first just for a coffee in a public place, to sound each other out. Then meet at a bdsm event where you can try out your submissive in a safe environment. Find out his real address and if possible get to know some people who know him. Get references form other Mistresses he has served (treat it like a job application)
Get him to sign a contract, get proof of ID etc etc. If he is not willing to trust you, then you shouldn't trust him coming into your santuary.

Sorry If I do not express myself very clearly, this has been a bit of a ramble, I hope it gives you some insight ~ slave rael

(in reply to PeonForHer)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/11/2014 7:48:01 AM

ForvoluptuousTN

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I'm a psychological and physical (which I believe is still psychological) masochist. I'm aroused by engaging in the fantasy role play that I have to do/endure whatever a woman wants. The more she likes or is turned on (even better) my discomfort, the more of a turn on it is.

For me, being a masochist is kinda yin and yang, having to know hot to know cold. I know the things I like, and there's a part of me that's turned on by the fantasy of having to endure the opposite. That part of me would LOVE to selfishly be served by several women. The masochist in me would be more turned on by a woman being served by several subs. If a woman puts clothespins on sensitive spots, it's not the pain. It's her being wired for enjoying or being turned on by my pain.

If a woman only had me doing her housework due to the fact that she didn't want to do it, the masochist in me might still want to for a short period of time, but what we call new relationship energy would probably quickly wear off.

I'm reminded of a female play partner who has expressed interest in spending time on our massage table, now that my wife has me back in chastity (something we cycle back and forth with, and with me currently at 18 days without an orgasm). She loves that me rubbing her naked body would make my cock painfully try to grow in it's cage, with both of us knowing that I'll be expected to outwardly focus on her.

I can only speak for myself, but a woman enjoying putting me through the difficulty of providing service is what makes it a turn on/makes me want to do it, not just that she's getting things done for her that she doesn't want to do. There has to be an energy.

(in reply to xxPetownerxx)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/12/2014 2:58:43 PM

PeonForHer

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FR

Well, damnit, are no femdoms going to answer my question? I have asked what *you* might want from a service sub. What is it that *you* fantasise about? How would you picture it, ideally for you (yes, yes, we all know that it rarely matches the ideal).

I read all the time of femdoms who complain that malesubs don't care about what they, the femdoms, want. So, here we are - here is me caring. So do you care to answer? Surely it cannot be that you're all a bunch of wimpy-girls-blouse shrinking violets, hmmm? The sorts of petticoat milksops who compress their lips in silence for years on end about how awful men are because men can't 'intuit' by ESP what you want, then let it all out here on CM in continuous streams of vinegary invective?

Frigging hell. I can do anything about a house. Electrics, plumbing, building, decorating. I would *love* to be a 'house-servant'. It is a deeply horny idea for me. Jesus. Tell me how it could work *for you*. No jokes: just the horny and fun stuff. If you find the idea horny and fun, there's a very strong chance that *I* will find it horny and fun, too.

Get on with it and stop being a bunch of weedy girly pansies. Thank you.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/12/2014 3:27:31 PM >

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/12/2014 6:17:26 PM

FieryOpal

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I would have loved to have answered your question, Peon, but I'm not looking for a (non-sexual) service sub.

Therefore your query is N/A to me. And it might be getting too personal in this particular thread to ask what do I want from a sensual sub.

In general, what I want from a male sub is his submission, after we have negotiated our mutually agreed-upon terms.

If he is not of a submissive disposition to want and to seek to please me (within reasonable & consensual limits), then why would I want to keep him?

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/12/2014 6:40:15 PM

LadyMariaP

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For me service is at the core of the D/s dynamic. Its, as a previous post said, the ideal way to begin, to get to know one another in a D/s context. You can find out a lot about someone by how they approach tasks, how they communicate, deal with problems, etc.

After that you can gradually build intimacy with more personal tasks - footrubs, waiting on the Domme etc. And then the issue of punishment can arise organically, at which point the real fun begins :) All of this is still rooted and anchored in the service, it must exist for me, and it must feel like its not just someone "earning" play, but rather a genuine desire to serve and please on its own right.

So yes, its not "just" service, but unless it can be seen as a valuable and fulfilling part of submission on its own i find it hard to proceed further.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: To sub men: please explain "service" hous... - 7/13/2014 8:09:40 AM

thompsonx

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ORIGINAL: pleasemsbliss

I am wondering about using men who offer cleaning services for me.

If your desire is to use then perhaps a broom and a mop would be a better choice than a human being.

I am of course a little bit concerned for my safety (it's my home)

How does this submissive person know that you are not just an organ harvester who invites those led by their cock into her lair?

but what I'd like to know is the motivation behind that. I personally hate cleaning to that is a huge help but I want to make sure no "play" is expected.

Then hire a maid...non consensual slavery was outlawed about a hundred and fifty years ago in my country.

Sub men, what gets you off about this.

How could you be old enough to be on this forum and not know they want sex?

For those who have served in this manner, has that been "chaste" or what kind of exchange do you have with the Domme.

More than one person here has told you that you have no idea what exists in the real world. You wont work for free why would you think any one else would?

< Message edited by thompsonx -- 7/13/2014 8:18:40 AM >

(in reply to pleasemsbliss)

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