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MistressTheaZ -> RE: Why do I detest Dominant men? (7/11/2006 12:10:27 PM)
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(fast reply)
I can identify with what you say you feel - that nauseated feeling when thinking about bending will and being ordered about - but perhaps personalizing this feeling into a generalization has more to do with your perspective based on the exposure, (or lack thereof), you've had to Dominant men.
There was a time I felt like this too, and it was for two reasons: submission did not naturally appeal to Me, and My exposure to Dominant men in the local Scene had been infrequent and somewhat unpleasant. It took Me a while to realize, after meeting people, watching scenes, and playing with a multitude of all different types of both genders, that sexuality is individual but one thing is always the same: W/we like what W/we like! Thus, while I didn't have interest per se in submitting, I met wonderful and skilled male Dominants whom I grew to have a great respect for - both as people and as Dominants. Nowadays, many of My friends within the lifestyle are male Doms - I find them generally very witty, good friends, and an invaluable sounding board for exchanging wicked ideas as well lending the male perspective on the dynamics of everything from scening to male-female relationships. To be so different, and yet the same. ;)
That said, one cannot confuse a sincere, skilled lifestyle male Dom with one of the obnoxious wankers who probably wrote to you. Please don't allow that feeling - the one of disgust when you occasionally get one of those sexually demanding and insulting e-mails - to be applied as a generalization to ALL male Dominants. Those e-mails are not indicative of a true Dom - who carries himself with dignity, intelligence and a respect for others, regardless of orientation...in other words: like a person! Someone who approaches in that manner has shown themselves for what they are and can be dismissed as a wanker; they should not distort what a 'good' Dominant has to offer, personally or within the lifestyle. Just because it is not your cup of tea doesn't mean it has less value, and I'm dismayed to see this lumped in as an unnecessary judgement on others' lifestyle and desires...as it is so unneeded in the greater scheme of things. It's not in your bedroom, after all. [:D]
Once you release the need to personalize this feeling - as if all male Dominants want to bend your will or feel superior to you - it becomes easier to, at the least, appreciate their role and skillset, and see them as three-dimensional people instead of one-dimensional, aggressive threats to your own chosen role. *grins*
I could go on here and elaborate that all this digging within Myself, meeting others, letting Myself grow, feel and experiment also likely led to My current playmate - a male switch I am very fond of - but that'd just be fuel to the fire. *chuckles* All in all, people like what they like - find what works for you, and try always to see someone as a person first and *then* their sexual identity......one does not equal the other, nor is defined by it.
Best,
~Thea
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