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Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 7:56:29 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

Considering the type of mail one can get, this is a bit of a nit pick but I find it annoying.
You exchange names and when the next mail comes through, your name is in lower case but theirs is capitalized.
I do not know about others but I find it a bit presumptuous.

< Message edited by HeartAndSoul31 -- 8/20/2014 7:57:21 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 8:05:57 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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I have the opposite pet hate - I type their name as presented on the screen, but when they reply they capitalise mine. I put it lower case for a reason!

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 8:39:49 AM

ChrchofDrk

Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
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Well presumptuous or not. All it is, is establishing simple protocol. you identify as submissive. Therefore you're lower cased. Just as a dominant is upper cased. It's just a simple establishment of place. It's not meant offensively. This is a BDSM website after all. Where dominance and submission should be established from the git go. Don't like that? Perhaps BDSM and the protocols that go with it isn't right for you

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 8:45:03 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Well presumptuous or not. All it is, is establishing simple protocol. you identify as submissive. Therefore you're lower cased. Just as a dominant is upper cased. It's just a simple establishment of place. It's not meant offensively. This is a BDSM website after all. Where dominance and submission should be established from the git go. Don't like that? Perhaps BDSM and the protocols that go with it isn't right for you

That very well might be true. I understand it's typical protocol for D/s. Thanks.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 8:50:41 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Well presumptuous or not. All it is, is establishing simple protocol. you identify as submissive. Therefore you're lower cased. Just as a dominant is upper cased. It's just a simple establishment of place. It's not meant offensively. This is a BDSM website after all. Where dominance and submission should be established from the git go. Don't like that? Perhaps BDSM and the protocols that go with it isn't right for you

Where does this "rule" come from? I understand that it's accepted by a lot of people-- but where did this protocol initially come from?

To the OP: I personally don't have an issue with it, but understand that some people do. I consider things like this a "gift" from the person saying them. It lets me know, from the start, where someone's head is at-- and gives me the opportunity to either discuss it, ask further questions, or simply move on before too much time is wasted.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:06:33 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

Probably a long held tradition of the community? Interesting question.
Like many traditions they have been around so long, we aren't quite sure where the rules came from.

It is an easy way to establish positions though.
Gess, there is always some joker (me) who comes along trying to change the rules.
Haha.

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:13:25 AM

ChrchofDrk

Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
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I wouldn't call it a rule unless it would be like a rule of thumb sort of thing. As it's simply a way to visually (and mentally) establish or denote place in type. Since type is how we all communicate. It's meant to establish how you think of your place of dominance or submission. Nothing more than simple protocol in type

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:19:06 AM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

To be honest, I'm overjoyed that someone returned my email. That one accomplishment leaves little time to worry over insignificant things.

_____________________________

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The Cell's Door: http://amzn.to/19I6VA1
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(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:26:02 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

I wouldn't call it a rule unless it would be like a rule of thumb sort of thing. As it's simply a way to visually (and mentally) establish or denote place in type. Since type is how we all communicate. It's meant to establish how you think of your place of dominance or submission. Nothing more than simple protocol in type

So, someone just stating that they identify as such isn't enough? Really, I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but I've read enough opinions on this subject to understand that there are quite a few people around who might say "yes, I am submissive, but I'm not your submissive, so I am not going to engage in that protocol with you".

Personally, I shudder at the word "protocol" when it comes to anything in this world. It implies that there is a "correct" way to do something. A way something "should" be done if you identify yourself as a Dominant or submissive. Fact of the matter is-- there is no such thing as "should", except what each individual decides for themselves.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:28:06 AM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
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I would guess the origin stems from the tradition (since *centuries ago*) of capitalizing forms of address such as Lord, Lady, Sir, Your Highness, Your Honor, Esquire, Professor, and so on.

It's a sign of respect - whether from someone of a lower class/station, or someone on the same level (2 Dukes writing to each other would still address letters as "To His Grace, The Duke Of _____").

It's a protocol that's followed by quite a lot of people in the community (I would hesitate to say "majority", but quite comfortable with "a sizeable minority at least"). However, it's still optional, and if you don't feel comfortable with the capitalization issue, just let the other person know - 8 times out of 10, they won't care.

A submissive speaking to/about a Dominant would capitalize the "You" or "Him" or "Her", and lowercase the subject "i" - "Hello, my Master, how are You? i'm feeling so happy to see you!"

A submissive speaking to/about another submissive usually follows the standard English capitalization rules - "Hey, other sub, how's it going? I'm having a great day!"

... but if the conversation involves their Dominant, then the uppercase may come into play (totally optional, depends on how much the 1st sub wants to follow protocol, but more common in public chatrooms/forums) - "I'm having a great day! Just spoke to Sir, and He said that He's going to buy me a new dress! I love getting gifts from Him! How has your master been treating you?"

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:29:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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fr

Meh I always figure that the capitalizing (or not) usernames according to how people identify is more of an online role-play thing. It certainly doesn't help establish how I think about my own dominance or submission.

It makes some sense as a quick visual reference in a chat room environment but when you're emailing someone backwards and forwards you've presumably already established what side of the equation they fall on. If someone did it to be I'd assume they were trying to push me into a subservient role I hadn't yet consented to, and I think it's pretty tacky unless the person does it to themselves first.

There are no universal protocols in BDSM or D/s and this is purely an internet thing so it's not some ancient noble tradition. Use it if you like it, but assuming it's how you should do it or inflicting it on someone else without checking they're ok with it makes people look a bit clueless and/or arrogant.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to FriendlyMuppet)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:39:40 AM

ChrchofDrk

Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline

Well, simply, I'm old school. I was raised and vetted into this Life long before the internet. I believe there is only a few "right ways" and a great many "wrong ways". I witness "wrong ways" in practice all the time. It truly makes Me cringe. I believe in the discipline of mind it takes to properly lead. I believe there's many things that "should be" but aren't because of the deterioration of protocol and the more prevailing free for all attitude. Be that as it may. I can only live this Life the way I know to be correct. As I'm only ultimately responsible for Me and Mine

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:41:11 AM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
So, someone just stating that they identify as such isn't enough? Really, I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but I've read enough opinions on this subject to understand that there are quite a few people around who might say "yes, I am submissive, but I'm not your submissive, so I am not going to engage in that protocol with you".

Personally, I shudder at the word "protocol" when it comes to anything in this world. It implies that there is a "correct" way to do something. A way something "should" be done if you identify yourself as a Dominant or submissive. Fact of the matter is-- there is no such thing as "should", except what each individual decides for themselves.

You're right, all protocols are optional, and subjective.

You're also right on the "I'm a submissive, but I'm not your submissive", but again, if you're talking to a group of people, such as on the forum or in a chatroom, I would think it's polite to use the protocol form.

In my opinion, it's a matter of demonstrating respect for the community and its shared structure.

I personally always greet the chatroom as "Hello A/all", implying that I'm addressing the Dominants and the submissives, and making a distinction between the two. I'm a Dominant but I demonstrate respect for the other Dominants by capitalizing the address to them, as a group.
I will not capitalize my addresses to any individual Dominant.

However, YMMV, everyone's different.

< Message edited by kinksterparty -- 8/20/2014 9:42:37 AM >

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:44:27 AM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

Not me, and not others i know. Unless he was my dom, and I had agreed on it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

I would guess the origin stems from the tradition (since *centuries ago*) of capitalizing forms of address such as Lord, Lady, Sir, Your Highness, Your Honor, Esquire, Professor, and so on.

It's a sign of respect - whether from someone of a lower class/station, or someone on the same level (2 Dukes writing to each other would still address letters as "To His Grace, The Duke Of _____").

It's a protocol that's followed by quite a lot of people in the community (I would hesitate to say "majority", but quite comfortable with "a sizeable minority at least"). However, it's still optional, and if you don't feel comfortable with the capitalization issue, just let the other person know - 8 times out of 10, they won't care.

A submissive speaking to/about a Dominant would capitalize the "You" or "Him" or "Her", and lowercase the subject "i" - "Hello, my Master, how are You? i'm feeling so happy to see you!"

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to kinksterparty)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:47:12 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I don't see how typing a person's name in lowercase is in any way an indication of greater discipline of mind though? Particularly a person with whom you haven't yet entered into a dynamic with. Once you are in a relationship then I agree, it's up to you guys how you work it out.

I don't understand the need to hold people to your standards in their own relationships. My relationship will be just as strong and fulfilling if you do things differently and vice-versa. Interpersonal relationships and sexual expression are so incredibly complex and personal that I think the notion of there being right and wrong ways to do things is a bit ridiculous. If anything it strikes me as a way of making oneself feel more important.

Protocols are never going to work for everyone. In a non BDSM context, some of the best leaders I've known have had unconventional approaches and they've all been willing to adapt their approach according to the needs and personalities of their followers.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:47:56 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Well, simply, I'm old school. I was raised and vetted into this Life long before the internet.

How does one speak in caps and lower case? This so-called protocol started in chatrooms, before people really had profiles.

Just because someone ticks the dominant box does not make them my superior in any way, shape, or form. It simply means they see themselves as dominant. It doesn't mean I have to. Until someone becomes my dominant, they have no right to set protocols for me.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:49:51 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

W/wT/tF/f?/? / O/o/V/v/E/e/R/r./.

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Post #: 17

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:52:07 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

Bingo! I have this view.
The email I received was one I did like, I will ask about the capitalization. It's not like I talked about it, said I didn't like it and he disrespected that. He has had no opportunity to reply. I am not even sure if I am cut out for submission in the long run really, although I did enjoy aspects of it in the past.
Thanks for the replies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

I wouldn't call it a rule unless it would be like a rule of thumb sort of thing. As it's simply a way to visually (and mentally) establish or denote place in type. Since type is how we all communicate. It's meant to establish how you think of your place of dominance or submission. Nothing more than simple protocol in type

So, someone just stating that they identify as such isn't enough? Really, I'm not trying to be a jerk here...but I've read enough opinions on this subject to understand that there are quite a few people around who might say "yes, I am submissive, but I'm not your submissive, so I am not going to engage in that protocol with you".

Personally, I shudder at the word "protocol" when it comes to anything in this world. It implies that there is a "correct" way to do something. A way something "should" be done if you identify yourself as a Dominant or submissive. Fact of the matter is-- there is no such thing as "should", except what each individual decides for themselves.

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:53:41 AM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir
How does one speak in caps and lower case?

Opens their mouth really wide and makes a really serious face?

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it me or does this annoy anyone else? - 8/20/2014 9:57:12 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

I personally always greet the chatroom as "Hello A/all", implying that I'm addressing the Dominants and the submissives, and making a distinction between the two.

However, YMMV, everyone's different.

And, I am the opposite when I enter a chatroom. As a matter of fact, there is a person in a chatroom that I frequent that identifies himself as a Dominant that I just *adore* giving crap to. Why? Because he told me that I *should* be using the capitalization protocol. After all, that's a way to show "respect". Actually, no, IMO, the way to "show respect" is through what you actually SAY, not in the caps that you use. We have had a back-and-forth going for a while now on this-- and it really does amuse me to no end. Believe it or not, I do respect his position...I just have an issue on it being imposed on me.

At the end of the day, the people that I would want to speak with may or may not use the caps, but at the same time, don't tell me that I should or should not be doing anything. If someone honestly believes that my use (or not) of a certain protocol makes me a "bad sub"....so be it. I have the prerogative to not agree with that, and it just makes it easier for me to weed out those who are not compatible.

(in reply to kinksterparty)

Post #: 20

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