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Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 10:42:07 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline 		People and their behaviors have always fascinated me….which is why I enjoy reading the posts in the message boards….I have noticed quite a few posts that essentially revolve around low image which is a major cause for low self esteem….I myself still struggle with this from time to time….but over the years I have found some wonderful ways to correct it and improve on it….I wanted to share these with all of you….and I was hoping that others would share their coping skills too….
I was very co-dependent in my marriage…I had no self worth what so ever…when he and I divorced…I was clueless…because there was no Tricia…there was only Tom’s wife…when I woke up in the morning…I had no clue what to do…because I was all I had to do for….I continued the pattern for a few more years….then one day…I watched my daughter sleeping…she was the sweetest little angel I had ever seen….I thought of how she would grow up and become this beautiful person….but for some reason my thoughts also turned to me…" how could I see so clearly her worth, but yet not my own”…I too was once this sweet little girl who deserved love…deserved to be nurtured…to be accepted unconditionally….and should  anyone ever hurt her…(I’d take to the desert and kill them)….how could it be her fault….she was not to blame….so why did I allow people to hurt me….allow myself to be treated as less….not see that I too was worthy of unconditional love….now that was 14 years ago….and I still struggle to this day…but it began something of a journey for me....
Self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself…. The foundation of you…Your value as a person…Your triumphs …..How you think others see you ….Your purpose in life …..Your place in the world ….Your strengths and weaknesses….Your independence or ability to stand on your own feet.... As humans we are the only species which can systematically study our own thoughts and their processes. So why do we waste it… so often on negative thoughts of ourselves….why is it so hard for us to realize/understand/comprehend that we are beautiful and deserve to be happy…..it seems so much time is wasted on putting ourselves down…allowing others to treat us unconstructively…feeding us the destruction we think we deserve….maybe if we believed in ourselves…maybe if we realized our net worth….our equity in ourselves would grow…. And our foundation would flourish…until we to put ourselves on top of the well deserved pedestal…
 Make the most of each day……
A bank credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance to tomorrow. Every evening you lose the balance you failed to use during the day.   What would you do?  Draw out every cent, of course!!!! Each of us has such a bank.  Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off what you have failed to invest. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back.   Invest it so as to improve. Get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running.  Make the most of life today.
 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:04:28 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I have self esteem issues as well.  I have never considered myself handsome nor attractive to women.  I think some of this came about because I had a lot of friends as a kid who were the kind who got hit on by women and I didn't, ergo they were attractive and I wasn't.

Years later I literally had to force myself through the use of logic to reject that self image.  The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:17:35 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I have self esteem issues as well.  I have never considered myself handsome nor attractive to women.  I think some of this came about because I had a lot of friends as a kid who were the kind who got hit on by women and I didn't, ergo they were attractive and I wasn't.

Years later I literally had to force myself through the use of logic to reject that self image.  The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.



I think most of us here.. can see what they saw in you...no problems on that..
 
I know that I am fighting this all the time.  I am getting so much better about it.  I think if someone had seen me this time last year...they would not believe how far I have come.  I never felt attractive, nor intelligent.. so why would anyone want me?  I would ask my gf this all the time..or laugh or joke off her compliments when she would give them. 
 
I know I still have some I struggle with.  When they come up.. I try to block the thought as quickly as possible..then I will go back to something good someone has said about me.. or find something about myself that is good.  I will remember some qualities about myself that even I admit to at my lowest times.
 
I am a kind and loving person.. with a good heart.. a fun peronality..a sensual quality..and not a bad looker.  If someone wants to know these things about me, all they have to do is get to know me.  If they don't, then it is their loss.
 
For me to say that, shows how I have changed...if I had said that last year.. I would have either thought I was fooling myself.. or being smug.. now I know it's confidence..and that is something that everyone has a right to have.
 
~Andrea

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 7/11/2006 11:21:46 AM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:27:27 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.





CrappyDom:
It most likely isnt an "it" but the overall package.
As women mature, I think, they tend to move away from looking at individual "selling points" when it comes to men and take the whole package into account.
Smart men do this as well, but I honestly think it takes them a little longer to catch on to the "big picture" mentality. I guess Id better qualify that by saying his has been my experience in dealing with the men in my own life.

Your man may vary, man.

If I begin to feel down on myself about a certain aspect of my life that isnt just-so, I look at all the things Im doing right and all the qulaities that he people who love me say they see in me and I begin to see myself through their eyes.

Once, when I was feeling down about moving up a dress size, my dom told me to stop talking bad about his girlfriend or else he'd have to beat me. ;-)

He also said, quite tenderly, "dont talk that way about your body, it's where your beautiful soul lives."

It's about the whole package.

To the OP thank you for a positive thought for the day. I will carry it with me.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:28:45 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I have self esteem issues as well.  I have never considered myself handsome nor attractive to women.  I think some of this came about because I had a lot of friends as a kid who were the kind who got hit on by women and I didn't, ergo they were attractive and I wasn't.

Years later I literally had to force myself through the use of logic to reject that self image.  The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.



I learned to reject stereotypes.

Much of my insecurity went with them.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:31:44 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I am pretty sure most of the people here have had these issues to some extent.

Accepting My role as a Domme has definitely helped to improve that self worth feeling.
It brings Me confidence in Myself.Every session,every day with bishop brings more and more confidence in Myself and things I do.
Its not easy to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful/handsome.
I look at  pics of Myself in everyday shots and I can see My beauty,of course My beauty may not be someone elses...but I can accept that as a preference.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:39:11 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I have self esteem issues as well.  I have never considered myself handsome nor attractive to women.  I think some of this came about because I had a lot of friends as a kid who were the kind who got hit on by women and I didn't, ergo they were attractive and I wasn't.

Years later I literally had to force myself through the use of logic to reject that self image.  The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.



Hello CD and eriditegirl,

I actually don't know anyone at all, past or present, who doesn't have at least a few self-esteem issues. I find my own quite curious. I can be quietly full of confidence and equally quietly, have little. Most of them depend entirely on mood and circumstance.

I don't *put myself down* but equally, in trying to be realistic I may be a little hard on myself.

I can't possibly be confident in all areas of my life, I am certainly going to be wobbly in places.

I am certainly the only *me* there is, with all of it's shaky parts.

I allow myself to be hurt sometimes... I won't ever be able to anticipate every circumstance that'll avoid it....... but experience helps an awful lot with a speedy recovery.......lol

I love being unique, it's what I think I have going for me.....No-one else can be quite like me. It's held me through quite a few self-doubting moments and still does.

Isn't this a wonderful thought?

Regards, agirl





(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:44:43 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I have self esteem issues as well.  I have never considered myself handsome nor attractive to women.  I think some of this came about because I had a lot of friends as a kid who were the kind who got hit on by women and I didn't, ergo they were attractive and I wasn't.

Years later I literally had to force myself through the use of logic to reject that self image.  The women I got involved with were interesting, intelligent and desirable women, thus I must have something that made me attractive to them, thus I was somehow attractive even if I could never see what the hell it was.



I used to get my self worth from a man's opinion of me too.....which is why I was attracted to the popular long haired musicians in my twenties....always the GF never a groupie...so I obtained false sense of esteem...but true esteem comes from your own opinion...not that of anothers....took me until my thirties to figure that one out...although at times I stll find myself...well if Michael thinks I am hot...then I must be....so again...I am still a work in progress....

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:50:47 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather



If I begin to feel down on myself about a certain aspect of my life that isnt just-so, I look at all the things Im doing right and all the qulaities that he people who love me say they see in me and I begin to see myself through their eyes.

Once, when I was feeling down about moving up a dress size, my dom told me to stop talking bad about his girlfriend or else he'd have to beat me. ;-)

He also said, quite tenderly, "dont talk that way about your body, it's where your beautiful soul lives."

It's about the whole package.

To the OP thank you for a positive thought for the day. I will carry it with me.


You are quite welcome for the postive post....and thank you for the line I will be stealing from your post...I love it!!!..."Stop talking about my GF that way"...it kind of stops someone in their tracks and makes them think....thanks

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:59:08 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly


I think most of us here.. can see what they saw in you...no problems on that..
 
I know that I am fighting this all the time.  I am getting so much better about it.  I think if someone had seen me this time last year...they would not believe how far I have come.  I never felt attractive, nor intelligent.. so why would anyone want me?  I would ask my gf this all the time..or laugh or joke off her compliments when she would give them. 
 
I know I still have some I struggle with.  When they come up.. I try to block the thought as quickly as possible..then I will go back to something good someone has said about me.. or find something about myself that is good.  I will remember some qualities about myself that even I admit to at my lowest times.
 
I am a kind and loving person.. with a good heart.. a fun peronality..a sensual quality..and not a bad looker.  If someone wants to know these things about me, all they have to do is get to know me.  If they don't, then it is their loss.
 
For me to say that, shows how I have changed...if I had said that last year.. I would have either thought I was fooling myself.. or being smug.. now I know it's confidence..and that is something that everyone has a right to have.
 
~Andrea


I see life and growth as fluid...ever flowing....and you either swim towards the split horizion and face the new challenges or go back to the beach and relive/repeat the past....you my dear are soooo swimming  away from the old beach...I hope you are still posting (and me too) in a year...so that everyone can share and learn from your experience....

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 11:59:12 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I find it very interesting to read these threads about self worth. No matter how confident you are about your self, there will always be people  out there who do not agree with you and that is fine. But, it can be a problem battling the perceptions that go on around us. Additionally, the reality of life is that while yes, the entire package matters, most people do not look beneath the inital attraction, which is physical, to even delve into the package below.

Like it or not, you will be judged by your outer shell before anyone takes the time to come inside.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 12:43:08 PM   
jezabelKH


Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

I find it very interesting to read these threads about self worth. No matter how confident you are about your self, there will always be people  out there who do not agree with you and that is fine. But, it can be a problem battling the perceptions that go on around us. Additionally, the reality of life is that while yes, the entire package matters, most people do not look beneath the inital attraction, which is physical, to even delve into the package below.

Like it or not, you will be judged by your outer shell before anyone takes the time to come inside.


i don't really feel that i have self esteem issues. i laugh and have fun every day.........i am pretty outgoing, due to being in the advertising field for over 14 years in a straight commission job........so room for self doubt or esteem issues in this line of work is 0, zip, nada. now do i have areas of improvement....yes everyone does, but am i going to put myself down or worry about other people opinions......no. the only opinion that matters to me is my Masters opinion.

sincerely,
jezable{KH}
just simply a slave
Property Of Master Ken

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:18:47 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jezabelKH



i don't really feel that i have self esteem issues. i laugh and have fun every day.........i am pretty outgoing, due to being in the advertising field for over 14 years in a straight commission job........so room for self doubt or esteem issues in this line of work is 0, zip, nada. now do i have areas of improvement....yes everyone does, but am i going to put myself down or worry about other people opinions......no. the only opinion that matters to me is my Masters opinion.

sincerely,
jezable{KH}
just simply a slave
Property Of Master Ken


You know....I never thought about how a career can reflect the way we percieve our self esteem....I recently started waitressing...previously I was a Realtor...and as such you need to sell yourself...so confidence is a must....I did and was quite succesful at it...and now I would say that...(just my observation)....that the woman I work with are more so lacking a positive self image than in my previous employment....I wonder if there is a correlation to the jobs we choose and the self image we percieve...hmmm...and now I am in College to become a Teacher...wonder where that fits in....

(in reply to jezabelKH)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:23:12 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think most people would see me as this confident and competent individual that has very little self doubt, but I too have had blows to my self image. I had an anxiety order based on feeling if I wasn't perfect I wasn't loveable on some level. I had no trouble standing up for anyone's right to be happy and loved, but felt on some level I didn't deserve it myself. I had to earn love, and none of us can earn what another has to gift us with, because the love of another is a gift.

I had a moment like you had with your daughter eruditegirl, I was walking (I think while I walk) and I had this epiphany that I deserved love as much as any other person in the world. It was a huge thing for me to realize this, and in the ensuing months I told myself every day that I not only wanted someone I could love, but that loved me... truly loved me, because I deserved love just because I was a human being.. and there was nothing I could do to merit it or earn it.. I just had to be graciously willing to accept the love of another. Since then my self esteem isn't reliant on my "merit" to "earn" love,  but instead I concentrate on just being me, which is entirely loveable... to the right person... it has been a very freeing thing.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/11/2006 1:25:00 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:30:50 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

No matter how confident you are about your self, there will always be people  out there who do not agree with you and that is fine.
The word "fine"...sums it up...if you have a good self esteem....another's opinion of you does not matter....so in essence...it is fine...everyone is entitled to their opinions...it's how we hear/take it...that defines us....
Like it or not, you will be judged by your outer shell before anyone takes the time to come inside.
I truley believe that not all people judge by looks....I for one try desperatly not to....the old..."do unto others as if you would have them done unto you"...which is one of the reasons I find the internet a decent tool to begin knowing another...I get to know them...they get to know me...so they don't date me solely on my looks...the Dom who I will be meeting next month...I was attracted to his posts long before I saw a picture of him...he could of been ...short...toothless and had a beer gut...it was his attitude...his outlook and words that attracted me...

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:36:00 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think most people would see me as this confident and competent individual that has very little self doubt, but I too have had blows to my self image. I had an anxiety order based on feeling if I wasn't perfect I wasn't loveable on some level. I had no trouble standing up for anyone's right to be happy and loved, but felt on some level I didn't deserve it myself. I had to earn love, and none of us can earn what another has to gift us with, because the love of another is a gift.

I had a moment like you had with your daughter eruditegirl, I was walking (I think while I walk) and I had this epiphany that I deserved love as much as any other person in the world. It was a huge thing for me to realize this, and in the ensuing months I told myself every day that I not only wanted someone I could love, but that loved me... truly loved me, because I deserved love just because I was a human being.. and there was nothing I could do to merit it or earn it.. I just had to be graciously willing to accept the love of another. Since then my self esteem isn't reliant on my "merit" to "earn" love,  but instead I concentrate on just being me, which is entirely loveable... to the right person... it has been a very freeing thing.


WOW.....
what an awesome post...thanks so much for sharing it....

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:40:36 PM   
jezabelKH


Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		well if you stop and think about it society has driven that home....for example you go to a cocktail party, after the introductions of hi i'm so and so...usually the first thing a person asks you is "so what do you do for a living", a believe me you are judged by your profession before the person gets to know you...... it's the 10 second rule of perception.......your in school....what a great subject to bring up in psych class.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:43:07 PM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		The most valuable thing anyone ever said to me was one sentence that completely changed my view about myself and others around me...it was "You only deserve what you tolerate."
From that moment on, I could not longer play the victim, or play games. I realized that I had to take responsiblity for every choice I made and every consequence of those choices.
Respectfully,
Irishbynature

< Message edited by irishbynature -- 7/11/2006 1:45:13 PM >

_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:43:12 PM   
jezabelKH


Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		yes it is human nature to want and need to be loved and E/everyone does deserve that basic need.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 1:46:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

The most valuable thing anyone ever said to me was one sentence that completely changed my view about myself and others around me...it was "You only deserve what you tolerate."
From that moment on, I could not longer play the victim, or play games. I realized that I had to take responsiblity for every choice I made and every consequence of those choices.
Respectfully,
Irishbynature


Those are very wise words Irish

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to irishbynature)
Profile   Post #: 20
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