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Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 11:54:20 AM

JeffHerrsher

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/20/2014
Status: offline

I've corresponded (email only) to quite a few Domme's, who live where I do, the Los Angeles area.

1. Most want some type of "gift card" in order to continue writing to them. I told them that their profile doesn't say anything about them being a pro-domme. I ask them why are they then asking for money? They say it's because there are so many flakes and scammers on this site. By giving them a "gift card" it shows my sincerity. I was wondering if anyone has bought a gift card for one to continue talking to them and what has your experience been?

2. There are several that ordered me to join another BDSM and create a profile (www.bdsm.com). By paying a premium they are able to communicate with me via video. They say this site doesn't offer this and that's why they want me to join another site. I've never done this. I was wondering if anyone has done this and what was their experience?

3. A few offered to meet me for lunch but they wanted a $60 tribute, paid beforehand via paypal. I ask them why are they asking for money if they aren't pro-dommes. They say it's to pay for their time and gas expense, and it weeds out all the flakes and scammers. Has anyone ever paid one beforehand via paypay, and if so, what was your experience like?

4. I met one that had Los Angeles listed as her city but it said she was 2,343 miles from me. She ordered me to create a Skype account and we will talk on there. I didn't understand why and why not talk on here? She then called me a flake and that was it. Has anyone ever followed through and create a Skype account to talk to a Domme?

Post #: 1

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 12:03:36 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Well, not a Domme here but, it sounds like you are talking to the wrong people.

Of course, it all boils down to how badly you want to keep talking to these kind of women. If I was in your shoes, there is no way in hell I would pay out money before meeting them.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 2

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 12:21:23 PM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline

1. As a domme I've been tempted to ask for the "gift card" to weed out the time-wasters. But I've never done it, mainly just because it seems a little unethical and I've figured out other ways to weed out time-wasters. It's possible that those asking for gift cards could mean what they say, but I wouldn't advise taking a chance on them. Hmm...Maybe you could offer to make a donation to a charity of their choice to show your sincerity. I'm betting most of them will disappear.

2. Anyone telling you to go to another (pay) site to talk or cam with them is not sincere. They work for the pay site and are trying to drive customers to it.

3. I'd be skeptical of this as well. You could offer to reimburse them only after you've met them in person. But again, I doubt they'll take you up on it.

4. The Skype account woman sounds like a scammer too. She either doesn't really live in L.A. or she's married or something and doesn't want you to have her phone number.

At least these people showed their true colors quickly and kept you from wasting more of your time. Please don't give up. Some of us on here are sincere. But there's a reason why CollarSpace cautions against giving money to other members.

Good luck.

Spy

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 3

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:12:05 PM

likespussyboys

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I had posted an ad on craigslist as a daddy looking for a son. One of the boys who replied said that he wanted me to spank him. When I mentioned this to a pro domme that I chat with occasionally on another website, she encouraged me to ask for some kind of tribute. She said that it would heighten the experience for both the boy and for me.

I must admit that the idea does turn me on, but having never done that before, I haven't yet asked the boy for anything. We haven't yet met, though.

D

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)

Post #: 4

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:13:36 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffHerrsher

I've corresponded (email only) to quite a few Domme's, who live where I do, the Los Angeles area.

1. Most want some type of "gift card" in order to continue writing to them. I told them that their profile doesn't say anything about them being a pro-domme. I ask them why are they then asking for money? They say it's because there are so many flakes and scammers on this site. By giving them a "gift card" it shows my sincerity. I was wondering if anyone has bought a gift card for one to continue talking to them and what has your experience been?

2. There are several that ordered me to join another BDSM and create a profile (www.bdsm.com). By paying a premium they are able to communicate with me via video. They say this site doesn't offer this and that's why they want me to join another site. I've never done this. I was wondering if anyone has done this and what was their experience?

3. A few offered to meet me for lunch but they wanted a $60 tribute, paid beforehand via paypal. I ask them why are they asking for money if they aren't pro-dommes. They say it's to pay for their time and gas expense, and it weeds out all the flakes and scammers. Has anyone ever paid one beforehand via paypay, and if so, what was your experience like?

4. I met one that had Los Angeles listed as her city but it said she was 2,343 miles from me. She ordered me to create a Skype account and we will talk on there. I didn't understand why and why not talk on here? She then called me a flake and that was it. Has anyone ever followed through and create a Skype account to talk to a Domme?

Rule number 1.

If they ask for money, they are scamming you.

Rule Number 2.

See rule number 1.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 5

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:21:30 PM

JeffHerrsher

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/20/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Rule number 1.

If they ask for money, they are scamming you.

Rule Number 2.

See rule number 1.

The trouble with this philosophy is that everyone I've corresponded with so far is asking for money up front. 100% can't be scammers. Of course, it could be my age bracket.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 6

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:23:20 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi, Jeff. Here's my perspective. Your profile states:

I turned 18-years-old at the beginning of the year (2014) and I'm still living at home.

Why mention you're still living at home?

I'm going to a community college and it's so hard to meet women! All the nice ones are taken and they have such attitudes. They know they are "hot" so they can treat men like crap and there is 100 other men in line to meet them.

Nope. Saying you're going to a community college doesn't say much. Instead, say what your major is or is going to be. What kind of job you see yourself holding, and why. It's because you want to help people, or you like working with hands. You love working with numbers, or you feel we should make the world a better place. Tell about YOU, your hopes and dreams, what makes you tick.

Then you complain: meeting women is hard, they have attitudes, they treat men like crap, and there are too many other men wanting to meet them.

Bull. Community colleges have about a 1:1 ratio of men to women.

Let me ask you a question. If you were a single Domme looking for a man, would YOU be attracted to a man who wrote that?

Let's try again...

*******************

Hi! I'm Jeff! Good to meet you. I'm attending a community college. I really like the English and humanities classes. The math and science... meh. But I want to be a biologist some day, so they're just something I have to live with. Research in biology just excites me. (Plus I look good in a lab coat.)

I'm looking for a woman aged 18-35. If you're experienced, you can teach me. If you're not, then we can learn together. And watch movies and eat pizza too.

*******************

I would like to be in a D/s relationship, where it's all about her. To do as she says and to please her. My needs and desires are only to please her.

Please don't say things that that. Dommes read them every day and they're usually written by people who have no experience and don't really know what they want. Implying that D/s relationships are totally different than vanilla relationships ignores the fact that, 95% of the time, D/s relationships ARE vanilla.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)

Post #: 7

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:26:14 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to be in a D/s relationship, where it's all about her. To do as she says and to please her. My needs and desires are only to please her.

I agree with everything DS says, except, I like this line, I think you should keep this, if you mean it. You will just have big shoes to fill, claiming this ha.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 1:32:28 PM

LadyWithTheCanes

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/18/2014
Status: offline

They are either scammers, or pros. Or wannabe pros.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 9

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 2:48:53 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffHerrsher

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Rule number 1.

If they ask for money, they are scamming you.

Rule Number 2.

See rule number 1.

The trouble with this philosophy is that everyone I've corresponded with so far is asking for money up front. 100% can't be scammers. Of course, it could be my age bracket.

100% of people of CollarSpace could not be scammers, I agree. But 100% of the people you've corresponded with so far? Sure.

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 10

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 3:13:18 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Take note of the kind of women you are pursuing. Are they super hot and saying all the right things, or are they "plain Jane, the girl next door"? If they are the fantasy, then they are marketing themselves. If they are just like the girl in the dorm down the hall, they are the real thing. Dominant kinky women are just like the women you meet in the grocery store. The ones that present themselves like a fantasy are marketing themselves to appeal to you so you will want to whip out your wallet.

And they are succeeding.

Think with the right head, and you will start making connections.

Look for profiles without pictures, and with a lot of text.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 11

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 3:15:07 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffHerrsher

The trouble with this philosophy is that everyone I've corresponded with so far is asking for money up front. 100% can't be scammers. Of course, it could be my age bracket.

Kid, it isn't a philosophy. Top of the mail page, bold as you please, reads the following warning:

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO OTHER USERS FOR ANY REASON!

The ones that are genuine will not ask you for money... ever, they will ask you about you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 12

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 9:31:19 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hi, Jeff. Here's my perspective. Your profile states:

I turned 18-years-old at the beginning of the year (2014) and I'm still living at home.

Why mention you're still living at home?

I'm going to a community college and it's so hard to meet women! All the nice ones are taken and they have such attitudes. They know they are "hot" so they can treat men like crap and there is 100 other men in line to meet them.

Nope. Saying you're going to a community college doesn't say much. Instead, say what your major is or is going to be. What kind of job you see yourself holding, and why. It's because you want to help people, or you like working with hands. You love working with numbers, or you feel we should make the world a better place. Tell about YOU, your hopes and dreams, what makes you tick.

Then you complain: meeting women is hard, they have attitudes, they treat men like crap, and there are too many other men wanting to meet them.

Bull. Community colleges have about a 1:1 ratio of men to women.

Let me ask you a question. If you were a single Domme looking for a man, would YOU be attracted to a man who wrote that?

Let's try again...

*******************

Hi! I'm Jeff! Good to meet you. I'm attending a community college. I really like the English and humanities classes. The math and science... meh. But I want to be a biologist some day, so they're just something I have to live with. Research in biology just excites me. (Plus I look good in a lab coat.)

I'm looking for a woman aged 18-35. If you're experienced, you can teach me. If you're not, then we can learn together. And watch movies and eat pizza too.

*******************

I would like to be in a D/s relationship, where it's all about her. To do as she says and to please her. My needs and desires are only to please her.

Please don't say things that that. Dommes read them every day and they're usually written by people who have no experience and don't really know what they want. Implying that D/s relationships are totally different than vanilla relationships ignores the fact that, 95% of the time, D/s relationships ARE vanilla.

Thank you so much DS and everyone. Also thank you to everyone who responded to my thread so graciously, it kind of reverts back to this. Everyone gave you really great advice but I think you should ESPECIALLY consider what DS is saying as it ties into what is going to attract someone who is willing to mentor if you are willing to learn or you two learn together.
You need to come across as real, realistic and genuine. Highlight qualities about yourself she might find appealing, domestic servitude or errands for example that may not require monetary exchange. You need to put real thought into your profile and to what would set you apart.
There are scammers and time wasters on all sides, it's the internet, they exist on vanilla sites as well. You have only been on the site for a few days so you have to be patient and proactive.
Yes, a lot of male subs do waste time but some Dommes won't use a "gift card" and things of that nature because it just seems unethical like SpyUnderCover said. Unfortunately many submissives are kind of feeding into the "time wasting" motif and it makes the process a bit complicated but not impossible. I would say be proactive, find something in her profile you like and try to adhere to any hidden protocols therein besides monetary tribute.
The fact you are willing to take it offline is a huge plus because I'd say majority want to keep it to online fantasy play. Some girls verify with pics or cams and are willing to make exceptions for a sub who is willing to be an asset in some way, even if its yard work.
Good luck!

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/23/2014 10:47:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Highlight qualities about yourself she might find appealing, domestic servitude or errands for example that may not require monetary exchange. You need to put real thought into your profile and to what would set you apart.

I agree with everything my girlfriend GoddessManko said, but want to add to what she wrote above. The more you can make it clear in your profile that a conversation with you would be fun, the more women will want to talk with you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 14

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/24/2014 2:52:17 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

DS made some good suggestions regarding your profile. I would add to that, "I do not pay tributes, so if you are after money then please move along".

Also be aware that genuine Dommes don't often contact you because every day they get a dozen or more letters from male subs. If they do contact you and they are genuine, its highly unlikely they will try and dominate you at all. Like AAkasha said, Dommes are just regular women who are friendly and possibly flirt with the guys. Dominance comes later when they've sussed out if you're their type and being their type is very, very important. You need to be typing the letters and you need a good line...don't grovel...don't make it all about you. Keep it short and individual. Compliments are good and you are more likely to get a positive response if you compliment something they have said in their profile or a blog. Don't harass them and keep things nilla to begin with. Remember, friends first and always wait for her to initiate D/s talk.

Keep in mind, hundreds of young women believe this to be a fast way of making a buck. They search profiles and send copy and paste letters to every possibility. Its called marketing

If you respond you automatically become a hot lead. Women who charge without stating they are a financial domme in their profile are the ones who are getting desperate.

Edited to say, get your head in nilla mode. If you proposed a nilla date or skype chat with someone off twitter or a dating site, would you pay them to talk to you or meet you? No of course you wouldn't. Why should it be any different meeting a dominant girl?

< Message edited by MariaB -- 10/24/2014 2:57:55 AM >

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/24/2014 12:17:00 PM

starkem

Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Skype is a good way to chat for free with another Skype user. You may be encouraged by someone to join Skype or something free like fetlife or Facebook for its general popularity. You will have to be quite wary and savvy to weed out all undesirables according to your criteria even as a sub.

People will try to convince that domination follows some protocol where your submission can not come with demands. If you want bad experiences in the joy of submission you will let their remarks be your guidance. Ultimately, you will have to be e one that accepts or regrets your actions. Be carefule that your desire has not soured to desperation. All manner of exploitation will be experienced if you can not separatie burning desire from desperation.

Well you are new. Time for a few hard knocks. I have had my share. At the end of the day, I can't blame anyone for any manipulation or feeling of being taken advantage of except myself. Are you willing to suffer these obstacles for your ultimate desire?

If a person can make money or fools from this hobby so be it. It is discouraging sometimes, but exploitation and manipulation are no less different in the vanilla realm. You have chosen this particular brand of kink. It is time you ask yourself why? If your answers are compelling enough to stay...then take your unsolicited offenses in perspective and learn as much as you can know about the lifestyle and how it will encourage and enhance your.

Given the nature of people, they will smash the beautiful picture every time albeit done in a manner well meaning.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 16

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/24/2014 1:58:10 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I would get off the computer and go out and find local munches and events. When you find them get to know the people who run them and offer to help. Dommes just love a sub who is willing to help without expecting anything in return.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 17

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/25/2014 10:22:18 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffHerrsher

I've corresponded (email only) to quite a few Domme's, who live where I do, the Los Angeles area.

1. Most want some type of "gift card" in order to continue writing to them. I told them that their profile doesn't say anything about them being a pro-domme. I ask them why are they then asking for money? They say it's because there are so many flakes and scammers on this site. By giving them a "gift card" it shows my sincerity. I was wondering if anyone has bought a gift card for one to continue talking to them and what has your experience been?

2. There are several that ordered me to join another BDSM and create a profile (www.bdsm.com). By paying a premium they are able to communicate with me via video. They say this site doesn't offer this and that's why they want me to join another site. I've never done this. I was wondering if anyone has done this and what was their experience?

3. A few offered to meet me for lunch but they wanted a $60 tribute, paid beforehand via paypal. I ask them why are they asking for money if they aren't pro-dommes. They say it's to pay for their time and gas expense, and it weeds out all the flakes and scammers. Has anyone ever paid one beforehand via paypay, and if so, what was your experience like?

4. I met one that had Los Angeles listed as her city but it said she was 2,343 miles from me. She ordered me to create a Skype account and we will talk on there. I didn't understand why and why not talk on here? She then called me a flake and that was it. Has anyone ever followed through and create a Skype account to talk to a Domme?

Rule number 1.

If they ask for money, they are scamming you.

Rule Number 2.

See rule number 1.

Um, no. Not always the case.
I do however agree with the good ones don't ask for money. I never ask. ;)

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 10/25/2014 10:25:52 AM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 18

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/25/2014 12:09:42 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffHerrsher

I've corresponded (email only) to quite a few Domme's, who live where I do, the Los Angeles area.

1. Most want some type of "gift card" in order to continue writing to them. I told them that their profile doesn't say anything about them being a pro-domme. I ask them why are they then asking for money? They say it's because there are so many flakes and scammers on this site. By giving them a "gift card" it shows my sincerity. I was wondering if anyone has bought a gift card for one to continue talking to them and what has your experience been?

2. There are several that ordered me to join another BDSM and create a profile (www.bdsm.com). By paying a premium they are able to communicate with me via video. They say this site doesn't offer this and that's why they want me to join another site. I've never done this. I was wondering if anyone has done this and what was their experience?

3. A few offered to meet me for lunch but they wanted a $60 tribute, paid beforehand via paypal. I ask them why are they asking for money if they aren't pro-dommes. They say it's to pay for their time and gas expense, and it weeds out all the flakes and scammers. Has anyone ever paid one beforehand via paypay, and if so, what was your experience like?

4. I met one that had Los Angeles listed as her city but it said she was 2,343 miles from me. She ordered me to create a Skype account and we will talk on there. I didn't understand why and why not talk on here? She then called me a flake and that was it. Has anyone ever followed through and create a Skype account to talk to a Domme?

Block them all and hide their profiles. It will take a couple weeks to sort out the scams -- longer if you are more hungry than sensible.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 19

RE: Please Give Me Your Perspective :) - 10/25/2014 5:58:58 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

jeff, jeff, jeff...

I once made a submissive buy a land line so I could hear her clearly because her cell phone reception sucked. She obeyed and got a land line. We got to talk without stress and she ended up moving to Florida and living with me for a several years. Of course that was because she was sincere about jumping the hurdles it takes to start a relationship.... it wasn't just all about her.

Skype - When you failed to put forth the little effort it takes to make a Skype account for the Domme that wasn't asking you for money, you showed that Domme you felt communicating with her wasn't worth the effort. You failed and she seems pretty smart about filtering out cock-centric relationship partners. Good on her.

As far as all the other pay to play comments, you are in a sea of cock-centric submissive males. Once you stop acting like a walking penis, you may get some interest from real people instead of professionals who's career is to service walking penises.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 10/25/2014 5:59:34 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to JeffHerrsher)

Post #: 20

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